Hi i'm a dad and need advice please!

Martin

Hi,

Thanks to you all for the reply's!

Get to hear from you all, yes dropped the boys back of this afternoon, was great to have the boys.

Sad as the next time i get them will be after christmas now i think!

I am finding the days easier, but still have some hard times, my partners parents are really putting pressure on her now and i'm not to sure where this will take us, it seems some times that you come through one thing and something else happens. Taking my time and staying positive!

Watching my oldest son in his play was great, he was really pleased and i got there extra early so had a front seat which was a great bonus!

It does feel like a long road but i am looking forward and keeping my feelings open and honest.

Martin.

Posted on: December 13, 2009 - 10:29pm

shortie2

Am glad you enjoyed your son's play and was in the front row. that would of meant alot to him.

Not meaning to sound nasty but if your partner is happy with being in a relationship surely her parents can be happy for her if she's happy at the end of the day?

Its a shame you couldnt see your boys on christmas day but them seeing you on another day to exchange presants will make it even more special for them.

Keep your chin up martin

wendy

Posted on: December 13, 2009 - 10:40pm

sparklinglime

Hard to know what to say really. I wish the road was smoother for you though...

You're sounding positive though, and I hope that continues.

Best wishes

Posted on: December 14, 2009 - 9:48pm

Martin

Hi,

Well things have taken a turn for the worse, my partner has now left me and i find myself back alone!

I gave everything to being with my new partner and i know the guilt i felt for leaving my children did have a massive affect on my new relationship, i did think we were working through this and recenly made real progress.

My new partner found it hard that i had contact with my ex and that she always came down the pecking order when the kids came into play. I had to be honest and say i didn't think that would change. I have to be there for my kids no matter what and i think the pressure this added to my new relationship and the fact that her parents were against it all rolled into a big impact for us.

I never really fell out with my ex and i know my partner found this hard, i did try and find the balance but always seemed to struggle to please everyone.

I am now living in an area i don't really know and very alone apart from when i have my boys!

Feel very low now but i have to move on and focus on what now, things seem a big mess with the way things have worked out and i tried so hard to get this right.

Martin.

Posted on: December 16, 2009 - 12:52am

sparklinglime

Oh Martin, I'm so sorry. I know you have done all you can to try and make things work.

I realise it's far too soon to consider changing things again, but is moving back to family and friends and option?

I am so sorry...

Posted on: December 16, 2009 - 1:06am

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi Martin

Thanks for sharing what is going on for you. It sounds as though you have learnt to be honest with your feelings and with everyone else, to no avail. But for the future this can only be a positive thing.

Your boys do and always will come first and it is good that you have a good relationship with their mum. Who knows what the future holds, but because of the work you have done on yourself, maybe the next person that you meet will get a less confused, hurt, baffled partner. They will meet you as the loving, in control, caring man that you are.

It is always hard when you are in an area without friends and family, would you consider moving closer to home? Or are there any clubs/activities that you could join in locally, so that you feel a bit more part of the community?

Posted on: December 16, 2009 - 11:08am

shortie2

Am sorry to hear that martin

I hope everything works out for you in the new year.

Posted on: December 17, 2009 - 1:16pm

Claire-Louise

Hi Martin
Sorry to hear the news about your partner leaving after all the struggles you have recently gone through trying to make sure everyone around you was happy. However I have to agree with Anna on this one as your children will always come first and any new partner needs to be fully aware of that and understand and agree to it. I think is sounds as though her parents have been putting a lot of pressure on her and so it may well have come from them.
You have been working a lot out about yourself and seemed to be making real progress and so it is important that you do not loose sight of that and continue on that journey.
I understand it is difficult, especially at this time of year. Do you have any friends or family that you could visit on xmas day so you do not feel alone then? Alternatively have you thought about any voluntary work? They are always looking for volunteers and that is a good way to meet others. You could check out the volunteer bureau or Community Service Volunteers in your area?
Keep coming back here whenever you want/need to as we are always here for you.
Cheers C-L

Posted on: December 19, 2009 - 6:29pm

lindsaygii

Hi Martin.

This all sounds very tough, especially being in an area where you don't know people . (That's my situation too, and it is *so* hard making new friends quickly - can't be done really. Everyone you meet already has their own, full, life, it takes time to fit a new person in..)

So, I'm sorry for that. But it does start to come together if you keep forcing yourself out to things. Invite people, that's the secret - apparently. I'm rubbish at it, but I can see how inviting people to yours is quicker than waiting to be invited to theirs! Or do what the others said, and move again...

On the lady front - I have to say that however much you liked her, a woman who can't understand - or cope with the fact - that you have to put the kids first is not really what you need for a relationship. I look at that sentence, and I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth, sadly. I've had bfs in the past who had kids, and I'm not saying it isn't annoying or frustrating sometimes, but it is what it is, and you just have to put up with it (on the annoying days) and make the most of it (on the good days). I'm *very* sure you'll meet a nice woman who can see that, and who will help you make life nice for your boys. :)

Anyway, by this time next week all this Christmas nonsense will be over and we can all get back to life with just the normal amount of stresses and strains and emotional baggage. What a relief! :P

Posted on: December 19, 2009 - 8:26pm

hazeleyes

Hi Martin
I am so sorry to hear that your partner has left you. It must really be a terrible blow for you, especially as you tried so hard to everyone happy! I guess there was just too much pressure for her. Keep focusing on your children, you sound like a great Dad.
Sending you hugs and lots of strength through this difficult time
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: December 20, 2009 - 7:12pm

Claire-Louise

Hi Martin
How are things going today? Have you had a busy weekend? Try to fiocus on the boys and their christmas time with you and make that as special as you can.
Cheers C-L

Posted on: December 20, 2009 - 8:57pm

sparklinglime

Hi Martin

Hope you're doing ok and that Christmas was a peaceful one.

I hope 2010 will be full of positive things for you.

Best wishes

Posted on: January 3, 2010 - 6:27pm