Hi katiebird
There really are no right or wrong answers to these situations, as sparklinglime says the arrangement you have now seems to be the kind that Courts often order.
I was speaking to a 12 year old the other day who goes and visits her dad on a Wednesday and stays fortnightly weekends. She says he brings her home at 10pm on a Weds night. I asked why she doesn't stay and she said because it gets too complicated with school and what she needs and it messes up her morning routine. She says her other two older siblings don't stay with him at all anymore as its just not convenient for them (- I didn't enquire as to why not).
We are often told that children are very adaptable and I agree, but after talking to the 12 year old, it made me think that actually they like certain things consistent. ie morning routines, whats in her packed lunch box - even the direction she walks to school.
There are many ways you could try to reasssure your youngest. You could have a big calendar on the wall and every night talk about what day it is, what they did, what they are doing tomorrow etc, so that they see/learn the routine that is taking place.
Having him babysit in your home is another choice that only you can take, from one point it is really convenient for you, the girls aren't unsettled and you get a night out without worrying about them! Another point though is that he is still in your space and that can be seen as controlling, it doesn't give you a certain freedom, because you know that he is there.
When you say that you find the handovers difficult, can you explain why....is it painful because you still want to be together? Is it nervewracking because you don't know what mood he is going to be in? Is it upsetting for the girls? Or is it annoying because he just really bugs you!
Please let us know some more info, so hopefully we can support you more as I feel I could type a whole load of stuff that just wouldn't be relevant.
Look forward to hearing from you :)
Hello katiebird
I am glad things have settled down for you and the Life Coaching sounds really exciting, well done you! :D
yes do come back more often, it would be great to have you here
Hey katiebird, you came home!!! :lol:
Great to read that although the handovers are still awkward (which is to be expected) you have found some solutions to some of the difficulties!
handing over on a Saturday morning when my girls are excited about the weekend rather than on a Friday when they are exhausted from the week
That is a brilliant idea and thoughful and I guess it works well for all involved, well done for cracking that one.
Please do keep online, is your ex still babysitting at yours on a Thurs? How is that going?
Hi
I seem to think that the time they're with their father is reasonable. Perhaps the babysitting on a Thursday is the one that I, personally, wouldn't be happy about - mainly as I won't tolerate ex in 'my space'.
The contact that seems to be 'acceptable' is every other weekend with one evening a week. Whether you consider suggesting that their dad brings them home on a Tuesday would be up to you.
In my case, the family home was sold, and so the children had to get used to two new homes. Whether it was easier or not, I'm not sure. I'm sure that as you haven't moved, that maybe your ex feels pretty relaxed there. I would always take the children to his place and he would bring them home.
After a few incidents, my ex is no longer welcome in my home. I'm always positive about him with the children though. Their father chooses not to have them stay over nowadays too.