Hi nicola
I am sorry you are so worried and have had so much to deal with just lately, with losing your dear mum and all the money worries you have now.
You need to have really long think about whether you want to stay in this relationship. It sounds as if there are two main areas of concern: practical worries and the emotional effect on the kids. Re practical things, you could try some research. Make an honest list of all your debts and commitments and go and see your local Citizen's Advice Bureau who will help you sort out a practical plan. Next, think about housing. If you separated, where would you live? Would you have to leave your present home? Is it rented? Whose name is it in? You can also get money information and support from our own money section and individual advisors. See http://recession.onespace.org.uk/
Emotionally yes it can be a rough ride but research shows that what hurts children the most is conflict, so less need to feeel guilty if you DO separate.
If you are looking at ways of making it work, do you think your husband would would go to Relate with you? Even if he won't then you can go on your own and talk things through. Even if the two of you could find a way of resolving disputes rather than rowing, it would help. You can find Relate at http://www.relate.org.uk/Find-Your-Nearest-Service/index.html
Keep posting and we can keep supporting you :D
Hi nicola
I am so sorry to hear about your problems with your partner, and on top of that, to hear that your mum died.
You say that the problems really started when he was out of work. There is no excuse for his behaviour, but like Sparkling has said, maybe he is suffering with some sort of depression. Money problems and debt are a major concern for everyone, and especially if he had no job.
If you did leave, children do adapt to situations, as long as you keep reassuring them that the split is nothing to do with them, and both and your partner love them very much.
It would be a huge step to take, but if the relationship is beyond repair, and it is really what you want, then you must do what is best for you. There is an awful lot to think about.
You will get lots of support and advice here, so keep in touch ok
Take care
Alison
x :)
We're always here, nicola :)
Do you not think he would go to counselling with you, then?
None of us can tell you whether you still love him or not, I agree it is very confusing and sounds to me as if he is hiding from problems....
Hi nicola
This must be very waring for you, not knowing what sort of mood he is going to be in. Is it possible for your Dad to look after the children for a few hours, so you and your partner can sit down and chat about things properly?
It is unfair of him to treat you like this, and it needs to get sorted.
You're the only one who knows if this relationship has come to end. Its a horrible situation for you to be in, and I really feel for you.
Keep chatting on here, and everyone will offer you support.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi nicola, I agree with Louise, it would be interesting to find out about the Freedom Programme as his behaviour does seem very odd.
he has always been short tempered,i could always deal with it as it never really got out of hand
It sounds as if you have been dealing with it, rather than him and with him losing his job, he feels like he is losing control.
Great idea to try and have some quality loving time together, how has he been recently??
Hi Nicola
I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time.
I'm so sorry you've lost your mum - what a huge loss for you all.
Could it be that your partner is suffering from depression? I know this doesn't help things as they are at the moment.
When I left my ex the children were 12, 10, 8 and 5. I was honest with them and answered their questions as truthfully as I could - while keeping the replies short, didn't run their father down and always told them he loved them.
It's not easy. I was lucky in that I had very few tears. Ex had little to do with the children which made things easier.
I'm five years down the road and we're doing ok. The children seem happy and we have as much laughter as we can each day.
What ever you decide, I hope we can offer you some support and advice.
Best wishes