I just wanted to know if anyone here can shed any light..
My X had a baby in July she was then placed in some centre somewhere in England with the child, some sort of assessment centre due I can only assume to her history of drugs and violence and the fact that she is not allowed access to her other two children that live with me. Now though she is somewhere back on Angelsey and is sometimes with the child, this is how it was worded to me, does anyone know what that could mean? I know it's not that she's sharing parenting of the child with the father as I have good reason to believe that he is in prison.
The above information is vague I know but that's because I get it all from numerous sources, quite often second hand, and one person in particular who always speaks to me in riddles as they are not allowed to tell me what they knows, I have to ask questions and they say stuff like I can neither deny nor confirm that, it's like sitting on some park bench in Russia next to a bloke in a big heavy ushanka hat, all gray and cold with Ladas and Skoda going past having some bizarre conversation of riddles.. ahhh Borris the daffodils bloom in the spring and the winds blow coldly across the plains this time of year.. yes Uri, how are our friends this year, hands Borris an news paper gets up and walks off.
Anyone know anything about these sort of places and how they work, if indeed anyone knows what I'm talking about, I sometimes don't myself.
Thanx
Simon
Do you want to know about the kind of centre she could be in?
Not so much that, though yeah, more what sort of set up's there are where the mother or parent only sees the child sometimes, sparklinglime post made a bit of sense to me as an old X of mine from years ago before I met her had to live with the foster parents of her daughter, I'd forgotten about that. I do seem to pick em I know, in fact my sister once said that the one thing all the girls I go out with have in common is that they are basically mad, or words to that effect at least.
Is there a thing where you get to keep your child for a week and then it goes to live with foster cares for a week? would seem bizarre.
It's just not knowing stuff and I wonder.
She has asked for contact again, that's why I am wondering what's going on. I'm going to say no and I've spoken with my CAFCASS person, though she isn't officially at the moment. She said yes to tell my solicitors no but then I'm never sure what to think about anything CAFCASS say, they have a tendency to just agree with everything you say to make you feel good.
And it was all going so nicely and without drama for very nearly a whole year : )
Thanx anyway: )
Hmmm very unsettling.....
As far as foster carers go, children who may be at risk or where their parents need extra support may be taken into care/foster care for most of the time but then there may a proviso for the parent to have contact several times a week, although this is often supervised in my experience. The other scenario I have come across is where the parent has the child most of the time but the child goes to carers alternate weekends (or similar) if the parent has a lot of isssues.
However, the context you are asking in is about your own children.If you feel that it would be unsettling for them to re-start contact with her then say so. It may be that she is claiming to be in a much more settled situation nowadays, but what matters is the children and their security/peace of mind
Thanx.
My CAFCASS contact said that it will all have to come out if it goes to court which it most probably will, so I'll find out anyway.
Later.
Hi bubblegum
It is so frustrating when people won't just tell you what they know. I'm afraid I have no idea what this person is saying, can you push for more information for your childrens saftey sake? As you don't want them to be bumping into her while in the local shops etc.
I agree it often feels as though the CAFCASS officers tend to to agree with you, but then at a later date, you find that they are doing the same with the other parent. If you feel 'no contact' is right you must say so, but remember that if she is seen to be sorting her life out, it may not go, as you see best, for your children. Unfortunately we are completely in the hands of the courts in these situations, as well you know. I hope that you find more info and things stay settled for your babies, they have been through a lot (as have you) and they don't need more disruption.
Keep us in the loop.
Oh heck. I'm sorry that this is facing you when the children are having such a settled life. I hope the Cafcass officer is right and 'no' with your reasons will be suffice.
Bit close for comfort, I'd have thought, too though, if she is on the island.
Hi Bubblegum
Recently seen your posts here. How are things at the moment? Have you heard anything at all?
You and the children are so settled and happy, I hope life isn't going to be disrupted in anyway for you all.
Take care
Alison
x :)
HI,
They can't tell me outright as they might loose her job, as they are not supposed to tell me anything, they would most probably get into trouble anyway : )
And.. I've not heard anything now, not wanting to tempt fate, no doubt I will get something through the post today, such is life... I got a letter from my solicitor, I responded to that, in it I was given 14 days to respond and that was around the 17th of last month. My solicitors sent me a copy of the letter they sent to her solicitors that basically suggested that they contact CAFCASS and get the truth of the matter before continuing. It was apparent from the initial letter that my wife had been 'economical' with the truth.
Still no news so far, which is kind of good except everyday I dread the post, every time I come down the stairs I'm anticipating a letter from my solicitors, I can recognise the envelopes, just I know it will ruin my whole day and I'll just want to go drink some wine and that'll be my dieting plans for the day out the window : )
I have to be vaguely cryptic about the whole thing as inevitably it will go to court again and the last time I got my wrists slapped for talking about it all on line after my wife found it and complained.
later and thanx lindsaygii
The person would do best not to tell you anything at all in that case!
I know the feeling of dreading that envelope arriving on the mat. Hope things can be resolved :)
Simon, I remembered something else last night after I went to bed.
HAY! glad to think it was ME!on your mind as you went to bed : )))))
BUt anyway as to what you say.... HI, thanx.. yeah I know : ) I wrote what I originally wrote in a moment of what ever, I'm not sure... but yeah! I know I can't do anything about it, it's just sitting about wondering isn't it!
It's like this, I read posts here from people and I see something that I then see in my self.... I'm OK and everything is going along smoothly or as smoothly as it does anyway when you are a parent, but what I'm saying is we have a routine and it all fits together, we get up we do stuff we go to bed.. and then every now and then 'she' for want of words... rears her ugly head, not that she is ugly, far from it, but you see what I mean? it throws uncertainty into my life, breaks the comfortable zone I've gotten into. This last year has been lovely as far as I'm concerned, I've just gotten on with stuff and it's been good.. and now again I feel like I'm back at the start.. and the depressing thing is that I know, when I stop and think, that this is going to go on forever basically.. she disappears, she comes back. I'm doing nothing wrong, she is doing everything wrong and WE, as in me and the kids have to suffer.. because no one will stand up and say enough is enough come back when you have sorted yourself out and we will asses the situation.
The past five years have been a cycle of.. she goes off the rails and contact falls apart, she gets on some course or other, gets help what ever, uses that to say she is getting back on track, contact is put back in place... it all falls apart again.... round and round. She moves from county to county too, we live on the cusp of three and that just complicates the issue as each time it's another set of people. AND! this time there is another child thrown into the mix and so she now is going through another set of 'help' and we, as in me and the kids must be dragged into it all again.
At least that's how I see it.
If none of the above makes any sense... please blame the wine : )
hello Bubblegum, it makes a great deal of sense , I was thinking even before I read your last post that the real problem with it all is the uncertainty and the lack of control, that you don't quite know when she is going to pop up next. Chinese water torture appears to work on the same principle 8-)
I guess that means that you hold an even more vital role, in that you are the one certainty in the childrens' lives, and the same goes for all single parents.
I understand totally what you mean about the vicious circle, I always used to feel that my boys' dad would forever be an albatross round my neck, but as they have grown up, they have made their own choices.
I agree with lindsaygii that as you have no influence in the process at this stage then to put it to the back of your mind would be the ideal scenario. You know from experience that any contact/turning over a new leaf is likely to be short=lived and then it will all settle down again.
What have you got planned for the weekend?
What have you got planned for the weekend?
WINE!
ha! actually I made the mistake of getting my son a copy of Guild Wars, it's an on-line multi player game and he keeps hassling me to help in in it, I used to play it all the time when I was first on my own and so he's always been fascinated with it as he spent a lot of his time on my knee watching me. Anyway, I have lots of high level characters and he wants me to help him in the game.... so that's what I keep having to do..
: )
lindsaygii wrote:
Simon, I remembered something else last night after I went to bed.
HAY! glad to think it was ME!on your mind as you went to bed : )))))
BUt anyway as to what you say.... HI, thanx.. yeah I know : ) I wrote what I originally wrote in a moment of what ever, I'm not sure... but yeah! I know I can't do anything about it, it's just sitting about wondering isn't it!
It's like this, I read posts here from people and I see something that I then see in my self.... I'm OK and everything is going along smoothly or as smoothly as it does anyway when you are a parent, but what I'm saying is we have a routine and it all fits together, we get up we do stuff we go to bed.. and then every now and then 'she' for want of words... rears her ugly head, not that she is ugly, far from it, but you see what I mean? it throws uncertainty into my life, breaks the comfortable zone I've gotten into. This last year has been lovely as far as I'm concerned, I've just gotten on with stuff and it's been good.. and now again I feel like I'm back at the start.. and the depressing thing is that I know, when I stop and think, that this is going to go on forever basically.. she disappears, she comes back. I'm doing nothing wrong, she is doing everything wrong and WE, as in me and the kids have to suffer.. because no one will stand up and say enough is enough come back when you have sorted yourself out and we will asses the situation.
The past five years have been a cycle of.. she goes off the rails and contact falls apart, she gets on some course or other, gets help what ever, uses that to say she is getting back on track, contact is put back in place... it all falls apart again.... round and round. She moves from county to county too, we live on the cusp of three and that just complicates the issue as each time it's another set of people. AND! this time there is another child thrown into the mix and so she now is going through another set of 'help' and we, as in me and the kids must be dragged into it all again.
At least that's how I see it.
If none of the above makes any sense... please blame the wine : )
This is such an excellent post.
I feel it will go on forever too...
I know it can feel like forever, but as I said they make their own choices in the end......
Bubblegum you have to stay wine-free long enough to win that game! or your son will be very triumphant.
Hi Bubblegum
Was just wondering how you and the children are? Did you all have a good Christmas and New Year? I hope you are ok, not seen any posts from you in a while.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Good question alisoncam...
BUBBLEGUM 'Where are you?' :shock:
That must have been a bit of a surprise for you...
I have no idea, to be honest. I know there was a children's home in Holyhead at one time, as my foster-sister went there.
Perhaps the baby is with a foster carer and they're establishing contact?
Sorry Simon.