I wonder if any of you have had any experience of this? It can feel like "Hey, it was bad enough when we were together but surely I don't have to put up with this now we are separated?"We as parents can know how important it is for our kids to have a relationship with their extended family, indeed there may be cultural input that you cannot offer your child but which are part of his/her identity.........and yet.....HOW INFURIATING!
Your views and experiences?
Louise
Yes, I know this can be a real problem for grandparents and the extended family, that they sometimes lose contact with children when there is a relationship breakdown, it's good to hear your parents are still able to see your kids, Gamma :)
That sounds great for both Grandma and girls, Fi, but sad for you that you never got to know her well. Whilst it is not too late, I guess that as you have moved on from your relationship it may feel uncomfortable to start seeing her?
Hello Becky and Pinky
Thanks for your comments.
Becky I can understand how infuriated you felt over this issue. If only people would talk to each other then lot of these things could be avoided. So it seems you have not "escaped" despite the separation. That must have been difficult, telling your boy's Dad that your boy wasn't coming. I would have been tempted to blame the school and say he wouldn't be allowed the time off.
Pinky it sounds as if not only did your fomer MIL not understand the court provision but also I suspect your daughter's Dad may have told her a different story, which was why she was so indignant. And re th holiday, you, too, were made out to be the "bad guy".
Both these situations are about control, aren't they? with both of you feeling that someone else was trying to control what happened to your child.....almost as if you had no input. I remember when my eldest was born, his paternal grandad being puzzled at the colour of his eyes which weren't like any in his fmaily......I pointed out that he had MY eyes (cos after all he was 50% genetically me!)
Louise :)
I'm very lucky with my in-laws, but only, I'm sure as she is his step-mother. My in-laws married in 1988, they were both widowed.
At first, my father-in-law was clearly upset, but assured me I was welcome there, and he wanted me to carry on taking the children there every week for tea. I offered to drop them off and collect them, but no, he wanted me to keep calling too.
A lot of what had gone on for the previous three years had been kept away from my father-in-law, as his health is not so good. He knows the extent of things now, however, which makes me sad really.
My in-laws have been so supportive. They are gutted at how the children's father is with them. They paid for one of my children to go on summer camp with Scouts (£460 for two of them), knowing that ex will not help financially. I'd paid, but my father-in-law insisted. He gets worked up about how ex is and has spoken to him about things - but it doesn't change things. I'm trying to get him to accept how things are now, as the childre are happy, and no longer get angry or upset by things. He's trying!
Had I not taken the children to see their grandparents, then they would have seen very little of them - in-laws would go to ex's house when the children were there.
I'm so lucky. I have the most brilliant in-laws.
Hi Sparkling lime, that's great that you have some support and I'm sure the kids benefit from their relationship with their grandparents, one of the saddest things about divorce and separation is the way the kids can lose out on their extended family.....and sometimes that family is from a different culture than the parent with care so the child can lose part of its identity. Sounds like your in laws have found it difficult to deal with what their son (stepson) has done but at least they can help out a bit to make things easier for you and the kids.
Louise :)
Ive been glad to get away from my inlaws but when I have the kids on a weekend i take them to my parents so they can see their grandkids