living with boyfriend
Hi Dee
Ditto everything Louise has said! Your daughter is 18 (legally an adult) free to make whichever choices she wishes.
All you can do is support her in all that she does. It sounds as though she is a sensible, confident and house proud! And you should be proud of that, try and focus on the positives and ignore the negatives.
Can you talk to her about when you and her Dad got together? Or be completely open about your previous ex boyfriends that you had, why they didn't work, so that you can give her the knowledge of your wisdom, without telling her what to do?
If she decides to move out of town she will take with her all that you have taught her, show/tell her that you trust her to make her own decisions and that she should always trust her own instincts and that you will always be on the end of the phone. She is probably going to make plenty of mistakes, don't we all, that is what living is all about. Just make sure she KNOWS that you will always be there however badly she cocks up! If we are too harsh on our older teenagers they will turn to everyone else but us.
Best of Luck - it looked like you wrote your last post late last night, I hope you had a good nights sleep and the beautiful weather today has made the future seem brighter?! :)
Oh blimey!!
"Have wonderful confident quiet together child at home".
I think you comment here says a lot about your daughter. It seems you've raised her beautifully to be confident.
I know I used to think I knew it all at 18. I got married at 22 thinking I was so mature.
I have all sorts of scenarios in my head and how I'd react - and this is one of them.
More than anything I hope she is regularly in touch with you and that you will still have a strong relationship. I hope she will go to Uni too.
Maybe trust in all you've done as a parent and know that she's sensible.
I do think our children will do what they want as they think they know better. I also know that whatever we'll be there for them at any point.
Sending my very best wishes your way. I know I would be feeling very shocked.
:D hello anna, sparklinglime and luise.(sorry its wrong spelling). Thankyou thankyou thankyou for your insights. I see that tight reigns make a blinkered mother handy if u feel your always u cant look after yourself very well specially where blokes are concerened but i laid that down for a minute, I took on board what u said and i talked to my daughter - told her that i trust her instincts, i love her and will always be there. that letting go feeling and fully recognising that she's in her shoes and not me made me feel more alive as a parent - i got quite teary as soon as i finshed the sentence, then she suddely looked more rooted, it was so instant, then she hugged me.
we feel much better, i just have to passport this knowledge more into every second . your words have made me feel like i've just finished a yoga exercise :P :P :P dee
Oh Dee. Your post has made me cry. It's so lovely.
You were so strong.
Loads of hugs, and much love and strength to you.
Good luck to your daughter too.
Wow, Dee whank you for sharing this with us. I am so glad that you feel better and more on top of things. You know, when you are parenting alone it is so hard not to have anyone to talk things over with and I guess that can be one of our functions as an online group
Take care
Louise :D
Hi Dee
Great to read your post, thanks for letting us know how it went! Its great to hear that you felt more alive as a parent :)
Parenting is such a roller coaster, what with having all the control when they are tiny, but yet the physical work keeping up with them.
Then giving up some of the control, giving them space when they need it, to make mistakes and being there to pick up the pieces it continues to be physically exhausting as you run from pillar to post. But then they grow up and we then have to learn to deal with the emotional stretch that probably continues for the rest of their lives!! :o
Hi Dee
Oh isn't it difficult when we think our child might be about to make a mistake? When they were two, their biggest problem was that they wanted to be lifted up to see what was happening, or they grazed their knee and you were there with a hug and a plaster. It's quite another matter now.
Can you remember being 18? I can remember that I developed a chronic (undiagnosed) health condition at that time, was treated quite unsympathetically by my family and then when I got a diagnosis my mum wrote to the GP wanting all the info about it. I was furious :x and wrote her an awful letter telling her that I was grownup and to stop interfering. What I am saying is that parental advice at that stage made me even more cross.
It sounds if your wish for "stronger parenting" means you think it is your fault/responsibility that she wants to move in with this chap. It isn't. Maybe all you can do is to reassure your daughter how much you love her, tell her you will always be there for her and try to keep the relationship between you as loving and open as possible. How agonising, though!
Best wishes
Louise :)