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Looking for some help wording an email please

potters

Hi, I've just been told about this forum so have come over for some advice if anyone's around?
I have one child - a boy aged 7. His dad made it quite clear when I was pregnant that he didn't want to be involved and was moving overseas (I think he was planning this before he knew I was pregnant - I don't think I drove him out of the country!! :D )

Since my son was about 4 he's asked questions about his dad, which I answer as truthfully as I can. We have no contact but I can see that my son is quite desperate to to know his dad and I'd like to try and find him to see if there is the slightest chance that he might have some kind of contact with his dad.

I've just done a search on the internet and think I might have found him and have the option to send a message but I have no idea what to say! It might not even be him or the account might not be active anymore - as far as I know he's been out of the country since 2002 but possibly returned temporarily in 2006. I can't tell from the profile I found when it was last updated.

Any help would be gladly accepted!

Posted on: January 4, 2010 - 10:42pm
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sparklinglime
Online
DoppleMe

I'm sorry, but I can't help you here - I'm not very good when it comes to things like this.

Could I just throw something in here though as an alternative view point? I hope you don't mind, and I certainly don't mean to upset things.

Are you happy with things are now with your son?
Would it be easier being truthful, while being kind, to your son and telling him that his dad didn't feel able to deal with the responsibility of being a father?

I just feel that finding him and restoring contact could actually throw up some tidal waves. Of course, it could work out brilliantly.

Welcome to the board. :)

Posted on: January 4, 2010 - 11:52pm
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potters

Thanks for the reply and for the welcome!

Things are ticking along nicely but recently I've realised that he is thinking about things more than he is letting on. I always thought that the times when he asked questions about his Dad were the only times he thought about him but actually there's a lot more going on in there!!

I don't have much information to help find him but I feel I should at least try.

Posted on: January 5, 2010 - 12:10am
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi potters
Welcome to One Space. I have been in your position, including the bit about the 'father' moving abroad. My son, 7, also started more questions when he was 4. I tracked him down, and sent texts. I simply told him that my child was asking about him. (at that point, the sperm doner didn't know if he had a son or daughter, and I wasn't about to tell him, until he asked). The texts went on for a while, and then he asked if he could ring my son. I prepared my little boy, and after a few months, they met. That all took place nearly 2 years ago, and it hasn't gone swimmingly I have to say. From the beginning, I told this man that if he let my son down in any way, I would stop contact. Well, he did let him down or more than a few occassions. The long and the short is, my son knows that I will ring 'the sperm doner' if he wants me too, but he isn't interested. He has seen for his self what this man is like.
Sometimes I'm glad I tracked him down, (for my son's sake), and other times, (like when he let him down) I wish I hadn't bothered. I guess my son had to make his own mind up, yes, he is young, but he is very wise.
I suppose, with regard to your e.mail, you first of all need to find out if it is indeed the same man. You could just send an e.mail asking, if it is confirmed to be him, then you could send another saying that your son is interested in finding out something about his father. If this man responds positively, then take it from there, at your own pace.
I hope this helps a little. Let us know how you get on.
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 5, 2010 - 1:08pm
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Claire-Louise

Hi Potters
Welcome to Onespace! I hope you are able to find the help and support that you are looking for here. I think this site is made up of a great bunch of people who are all very suportive of each other and who have quite a lot of shared experiences. I see that you have had some replies on this topic already and they have come with some food for thought.
It is a really tough situation you are facing. I wondered if you have any photos of your ex? My thoughts is that just because your son is asking more questions about his dad, that does not automatically compute that he wants contact, you could just talk to him, show him photos or the map of where he is etc, tell him stories/reasons etc of why things are the way they are. Are the parents/family of your ex involved in any way?
If you do decide to try to track him down then as has been suggested, the initial contact should be simply to check out if that is the right person and then to go into further details after that has been established. You will need to prepare both yourself and your son for unfavourable outcomes as well as positive ones.
good luck and please feel free to come back with any other queries or to let us know how it is going!
Cheers C-L

Posted on: January 5, 2010 - 3:32pm
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potters

Thanks both!!

Alisoncam - sorry things didn't work out very well but it sounds like your son is coping with it. I think maybe mine just needs to be able to put a face to the name. TBH if he is still overseas it's not like there's going to be regular face-to-face contact, if anything at all - if indeed I have actually messaged the right person! If, if, if.............

claire-louise - yes, my son has seen photos. I haven't given him one to keep or anything but maybe I should offer him one next time he mentions him. I think he would really love to see him in the flesh - he came home from school at the end of term with all his Christmas stuff and in amongst it all was a cut-out bauble with his Christmas wish on it which said 'I wish my Dad would come back from Australia'. All his family are in SA and, as far as I know, are completely unaware that my son exists.

Since he was born I have day-dreamed about his dad coming along and everything turning out brilliantly but I haven't really thought about it actually happening for real. I'm trying not to get carried away as I don't even know if I've messaged the right person (although, I think it is him) and if it is him I have almost convinced myself that it's an old profile or that he'll run a mile when he sees a message from me :( . Still, it isn't stopping me from checking my hotmail account 20 times an hour.

Thanks for the support.

Posted on: January 5, 2010 - 8:36pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi potters
I think that is what it was all about for my son, putting a name to a face sort of thing, and just seeing him in the flesh. Just knowing that the person was actually real.
I hope you get a response soon, and hope that it is the one and the same guy. Just a thought, but if you know all other relatives names, maybe you can check them out on facebook or something. Never know, you might be lucky.
Take care, and keep in touch.
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 6, 2010 - 7:54am
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sparklinglime
Online
DoppleMe

Hi potters

I'm not sure how you feel about virtual hugs, but after reading your last reply, I'm sending you a load of hugs...

Posted on: January 6, 2010 - 8:00am
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Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Hi potters

Welcome to the boards from me!!

Its very interesting to read what you say:

Quote:
Since he was born I have day-dreamed about his dad coming along and everything turning out brilliantly but I haven't really thought about it actually happening for real.

I think we pass things subconsciously onto our children, when my daughter was small she used to say things about her dad that I was thinking - very odd!

Thanks for sharing your experience alisoncam, you were the first person to come to mind when I read potters message!

One thing to remember though potters is that this man let your child down, from the absolute beginning. He didn't support you and didn't want to know the baby. Although we have no idea how this man will respond, I would suggest keeping it very quiet from your son about any contact you make with him, until you are absolutely sure he is going to do more than turn up and disappear again - the hero in your son's eyes.

I wonder if it is possible to have a talk with your son saying that his dad had a choice to be in his life but he turned it down and what a pity he doesn't know what a smashing chap he is :)

I think alisoncam's experience was probably good for her son as he seems to have taken everything on board and made up his own mind that his dad is not really that interesting! However it could have turned out very differently.

Oooh so much to say! Let us know any developments, but do remember it is our job to protect our children frist and foremost.

Posted on: January 6, 2010 - 11:04am
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Anna
I agree that there is sooooooo much to say on this issue! :) I guess all we can do is hope and pray that whatever decision we think is right at the time, is still the right one years down the line. (hope that makes sense). I asked my son the other day if he missed having a father around, to do fatherly things, like football etc. He just said, no not at all. Makes me wonder sometimes if he will think the same when he is older. It's extremely difficult, and only time will tell. As he gets older, I can explain in more depth.
Yep, so much to say.
Take care, keep warm and safe in the snow. (if you have any that is)
Alison
x

Posted on: January 6, 2010 - 1:16pm
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potters

omg, I want to cry!! I just typed a really long reply and lost my internet connection which wiped the reply!!!! Have not got the will to re-type now but thanks for the messages and I'll re-type it tomorrow!

No response yet from the dad btw!

Posted on: January 7, 2010 - 12:00am
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi potters
That is so maddening when that happens :evil: Hope you ok. Early days yet for a response, (if it was him at all). If it was, he's probably still picking himself up off the floor!!!!!
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 7, 2010 - 10:45am
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lindsaygii

Hey potters -- I'm glad you found us. I just replied to you in the other place... but realised it was too late to help with putting any words down. Sorry -- I've had my mum here for the last few days and she gets tetchy if I'm on the computer!!

All I wanted to say, really, was that I think you are doing the brave thing by trying to contact the father, the best thing for your son (to at least try). It's so hard having to lead these stupid men by the hand to do the right thing by their children, isn't it? If he won't get in touch, or won't have any contact with his boy, even after all these years, then that will be hard. But if he has become able to step up since you were last in contact, then hopefully your little boy can get some good from knowing him, even if it's just in letters, or on skype, or whatever.

It's impossible to judge what's best, you can just feel your way along. The main thing I try to remember is that it's a long game - our children are, well, children, so we have their whole lives to get it right in. I'm not sure if that's reassuring or not!

Anyway, welcome. :)

(ps: I did think of a way of finding him for sure, but it would cost. Probably not much, but some.)

Posted on: January 7, 2010 - 10:19pm
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potters

Thanks for the messages and continuing support!!

sparklinglime - yes, virtual hugs are always welcomed!!

alisoncam - I think my son might be the same and just want to see that he is real. His relatives are in SA and Oz so no idea where to begin to try and find any of them and don't really have much to go on. Also, I think FB have changed their search thing as it doesn't seem to show up other friends anymore.

Anna - I agree about passing things on subconsciously. Although, I tend to only day-dream now when my son has mentioned him then my mind goes into over-drive again.
When I realised he wasn't going to come back I did get quite angry about the whole thing but I couldn't force him to stay and be a part of it so dealt with it and moved on (in my warped way!). In the beginning I felt really sad for myself, selfishly. I knew, as a baby, my son had all his needs met by me and that he couldn't really care less who was loving him but now he's older I feel so sad for him that he really wants to know his dad and I can't instantly make that happen. I don't think I let my feelings show but then maybe I should so he can see that I am trying so hard to make him happy.

Quote:
I wonder if it is possible to have a talk with your son saying that his dad had a choice to be in his life but he turned it down and what a pity he doesn't know what a smashing chap he is

I don't know how I'd do this without my son feeling abandoned or unwanted.

I also agree, there is so much to say and I'm sorry if I ramble on. I don't really feel comfortable talking about it in RL. I tried to tell my sister about the Christmas wish and she told me not to tell her because it would make her upset that he might possible be upset - which just about sums up how we funtion as a family - stiff-upper-lip all the way!! I have a friend in a similar situation (though she has even less chance of finding her son's dad) and she thinks I'm crazy for even considering trying to find him and that I shouldn't be telling my son anything about his dad. This is so far from what I think is the right way to handle it and it's reassuring to have the opinions here - you all sound very normal and sensible!!!

lindsaygii - thanks for directing me this way!! I am intrigued about your tracking methods!!

Posted on: January 7, 2010 - 11:00pm
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lindsaygii

Okay, well, it might sound a bit mad, but bear with me... Is he British or Australian? What about a private investigator? People are actually very, very easy to track down if you are able to do clever (in this country actually illegal) stuff like checking credit information. I'm not suggesting for a moment that you would do this -- I'm thinking that a PI might find him very easily, and perhaps fairly cheaply?

for myself, I'd never actually admit to having done such a thing -- if you found him you could claim it was a series of lucky guesses online or something. it's just a thought.. :)

As for what you said about just telling him --- yes, I agree with you, it's heartbreaking. I'm full of admiration for Alison in being able to brave this out with her son (and mine is much, much younger, so I don't have to deal with it for years). But like you, I am really saddened by the idea I'll have to tell my lovely boy he was rejected by his own daddy. However much I loathe his father for being a selfish, rotten shit, I still hope I'll be able to make it so there's some contact later on.

Having said that - I don't expect much. My cousin was in a similar situation re her dad. They did eventually get some kind of relationship, but it was never proper father/daughter. You just can't replace the bond that is made in babyhood, I don't think. But I'm sure she was better for knowing him a bit. Then again, if the absent parent is such a rotten person (as some of the exes on this site are) then the child is surely better off without them.

So I hope. But if my boy's father won't step up so I can trust him to act decently, then even after all that, I won't let there be contact. I want it to make my son's life better, not to prove a point. It's just so bloody hard, isn't it?

What do you do, by the way? Can you afford to go to Oz or SA? I don't mean you should, I just wondered if it was possible or not?

Posted on: January 7, 2010 - 11:11pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi potters
.

Quote:
you all sound very normal and sensible!!!

:lol: :lol: :lol: What us?????

My Aunt thinks exactly the same as your friend. In fact we had 'words' back in June, and we've not spoken since. She thinks I was very wrong for introducing my son to the 'sperm doner'.
I completely understand what you say about not wanting your son to feel abandoned etc. It is so difficult, but as long as you keep reassuring him that he was very much wanted and loved by you, then I'm sure things will turn out fine.
Even now, after many times of asking, my son still asks if I loved his father. (I wasn't with him long by the way). I tell my son that I love T.... for giving me a wonderful boy, but no, I didn't really love him.
I've also written a kind of diary for my son. Starting from when I was pregnant, how I felt etc, and how much the 'sperm doner' was missing out on through his own choice. I wrote it all down, because I always thought if something happened to me, my son would always know how much he was wanted, and the truth about everything. He has seen the book, and we've read some of it together.
If you are open with your son, then nothing can come back and bite you on the bum, so to speak!!!!
Take care
Alison
x :)
Tracking ex down, what about the electoral? Aren't we able to access all of that now? Lindsay or someone will probably know more. x

Posted on: January 8, 2010 - 9:40am
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sparklinglime
Online
DoppleMe

I just want to wish you a lot of luck with your search. I wouldn't know where to start out of this country.

Internet is such a handy tool for things like this though.

Best wishes

Posted on: January 8, 2010 - 10:40am
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sparklinglime
Online
DoppleMe

potters wrote:
omg, I want to cry!! I just typed a really long reply and lost my internet connection which wiped the reply!!!! Have not got the will to re-type now but thanks for the messages and I'll re-type it tomorrow!

No response yet from the dad btw!

Something that was suggested here - although I don't always practice this :roll: I really should... :lol: If you type it out into Word and save it, and then copy and paste into an email?

Just a thought... I could chuck my computer out the back door when that happens, but I know I could never replace it so I don't. Hmmmm - I wonder if I was really, really rich if I would actually do that? I could have a special skip (pink of course) placed especially for those computer frustration moments.

Posted on: January 8, 2010 - 10:44am
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Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

:lol: :lol: SPARKLING YOU CRACK ME UP :lol: :lol:...oops caps were on!!

Hi potters

Quote:
This is so far from what I think is the right way to handle it

and that is absolutely the best way. I know you don't want your son to feel abandoned of course that would be horrible, but if we can get our head around thinking of it in a different way, we can express it differently to our child and with conviction. :shock:

At the moment (and in the past) you felt abandoned by your ex. If you can turn that feeling around, that actually you guys are ok, you are happy, you have a good life and feel positive about the position you are in now, you can convey that to your son.

I covered for my daughters dad for a few years when she was younger as I didn't want her to know what a selfish, hateful person he was, but then I saw that she was adoring a man who didn't deserve it, but only because I had created this image for her, so had to truth up to her about it. Gently of course and over the years she has wisely seen that I was right. :)

Please don;t think I am saying you should or shouldn't contact the father. Every child has the right to know their father. I just want you to be comfortable and feel in control of the situation and also feel happy whether the dad appears or not. :)

Posted on: January 8, 2010 - 10:57am
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lindsaygii

I think the diary idea is a good one. I haven't done it, because as some of you know from my first posts here, I really wasn't in a state to write anything down for son to write in future....

But now things have picked up I think I will start to write something. I have also filed away the notes I've had back from the grandparents (two now). They aren't much - very brief - but at least he can see that she wrote, and that she was happy to have his photographs. It's a breadcrumb, but hopefully there'll be more.

Posted on: January 8, 2010 - 9:56pm
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potters

OMG, I've just found a photo of him on someone else's FB profile and I feel sick and can't stop shaking. It would be so inappropriate to contact this person about him and I can't think straight at the moment as to how I proceed. I never thought I'd find him and this has shocked the hell out of me.

Posted on: January 9, 2010 - 12:20am
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Potters
I don't think you have to contact the other person to get in touch with him. I think if you click on his photo, then it should say to contact him or whatever words they use!
Wow, that was really wierd for you. Do you know the other person then?
Try the clicking on his photo, and let us know. I'm sure I've done it that way before.
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 9, 2010 - 11:42am
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potters

It was his daughter's photo. She wouldn't even know that my son existed so I couldn't send a message through her - just wrong imo. He's not her 'friend' on FB so I couldn't find a profile for him. However, after another hour of searching through friends of friends on there I have found him. It is definitely him and now I have no idea what to do. I feel like this is my one chance and don't want to mess it up for my son.

Posted on: January 9, 2010 - 12:21pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi potters
You don't want to rush into e.mailing or anything. Just take today or as long as it takes to think carefully. You're right too not to involve the daughter.
Got a few problems here to sort, but will check posts later.
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 9, 2010 - 3:01pm
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pinkgrapefruit

yep, I agree, don't rush, draft something maybe and then have another look at it in a couple of days and check you are still happy with it before sending it. Good luck. Try to plan lots of other things to do after you've sent it, there is nothing worse than waiting for a reply... try to make yourself so busy that you almost forget about it sometimes??

Bec xx

Posted on: January 9, 2010 - 3:10pm
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Claire-Louise

Hi Potters
Well now comes the real crunch moment as you have got so far and now you do have to decdie what to do and what to say if you do decide to get in touch! We all feel for you as I know some others on this site have gone through similar situations and it is not easy either way. The internet is great in some ways, but in other ways it does make things more difficult as this type of thing just wouldn't have been possible 10 years ago!
As the others have suggested, take your time, think about it and even come back to it in a day or two before you take the plunge. You are more than welcome to type a draft here and get some feedback from other members if you wish. I suggest keeping it short and simple and to the point. Maybe even check out that it is him first and he is happy to reply before launching into anything too deep. What are you gut instincts here? Always good to listen to gut intstinct I think.
Good luck C-L

Posted on: January 9, 2010 - 3:54pm
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sparklinglime
Online
DoppleMe

I agree... Loads of hugs.

Posted on: January 9, 2010 - 5:49pm
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Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

hello Potters

Why don't you draft something out and you can run it past us?

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 8:07am
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potters

Bugger, I lost my connection again!!! I should do that 'Word' thing that someone suggested!!

Anyway, I'll try and remember what I was waffling on about!!

Thanks for the replies! A poster from another forum suggested the following:

"hi,
i know this is out of the blue but figured facebook was as neutral a place to do this as any.
I wanted to contact you to let you know that you have a son, his name is xx and he is now xxyo.

Please don't feel i am asking anything from you, at the most obvious you are thousands of miles away so it would hardly be practical.

I just wanted you to know and to offer you the chance of speaking to me about xx.
He doesn't know i am contacting you though he does/nt know who you are.

You are under no pressure to have a relationship with him if that is not your wish, but i would very much like it if we could discuss it at some point. "

I sent it yesterday because I was in fear of chickening out if I left it any longer. I know it's only been a day but I feel 'lighter' for sending it. I have been holding onto feelings for him for so long and now feel that I'm letting them go. That's from my own selfish point of view, of course.

My son on the other hand is a totally different matter. He is completely unaware of my stalker-like antics over the weekend and will remain unaware unless some something dramatically changes then I'll deal with that as it comes. I have made notes of the names I've found on FB and the dates. I think I'll print off the message I sent via FB aswell. I also have found out the town he is in (the internet is a very scary place) so will make a note of that for my son if he needs it in the future.

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 1:42pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi potters
So, it is sent, and now all you can do is wait. I do hope for your son's sake that you get a positive response.
Thats a very good idea to print it all off. Then when the time is right, you have the proof for your son.
You've certainly done your homework on the net! Did you find out the town via FB?
Keep us posted on what happens.
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 2:53pm
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potters

Thanks alisoncam!

Quote:
You've certainly done your homework on the net! Did you find out the town via FB?

Yes, from other people's photos :oops: . I feel quite sneaky doing it but it is available for me to see just like anyone else so I probably shouldn't feel so bad.

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 3:17pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

If it's available, then you have nothing to feel bad about.
Now, I'm going to feel bad in a moment as I'm going to pour myself some wine ;)
Had very stressful day, actually week. Having a PJ day, (louise encourages me, :lol: :lol: )
Trying to clean, and my son has turned a deaf ear on to me :evil: Actually, I would sometimes turn a deaf ear to me too!!!!!!!!!!!
Think school tomorrow, and I really don't want to go out in this. So icy and dangerous in my road. I kept my son off school last Wednesday, (school was open) Thursday it was shut, Friday was open, but again I chose to keep him off. This morning I was told by my sister that the school can penalise me for that. Her grand-daughter was also kept off, though she is older at 10, and lives in a different area. I have written a note for his teacher, saying I kept him home for health and safety reason, (which is why they closed the school on Thursday). I can't wait to hear what she has to say to me about that!!!!! I'm sure his teacher will have plenty to come out of her mouth though.
Oh well, rambling again, I do this when I'm angry over something, or feeling a bit low, sorry
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 3:27pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Blinking snowing again, OH GREAT. :evil:

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 3:28pm
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potters

alisoncam - I meant to reply to your post yesterday but was too caught up in my own messy head to think properly :oops: . I hope everything is ok and that you are relaxing now. I don't think there is an unacceptable time to drink wine on a Sunday - any time is fine! I only wish I could drink the stuff and I'd join you!!!

I hope the teacher is ok with. Our school was closed Weds, Thurs and Fri and wasn't looking like it'd be open tomorrow. I told my lad that I would be up at the school all weekend clearing snow and ice if it meant they'd open again!!! :D It's been nice having a few extra days at home with him but enough now!! I haven't seen the bottom of my washing basket for nearly a month. I have heard now that it will be open but only to people arriving on foot. I bet there will be idiots parking on the pavements at the bottom of the hill as a result though. It annoys me at the best of times but when the pavements are icy it's just plain dangerous driving up on them when there are pedestrians about.

Anyway, I hope you're not feeling so low and have managed to get your cleaning done.

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 6:20pm
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potters

BTW, which part of London are you in? I lived there for 12 years and hardly ever saw any snow!! I grew up by the sea so saw it even less there! I think I've had my fix of it now though. Hope it's stopped with you.

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 6:21pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi potters
I'm in the Harrow area, not too far from Watford. Where did you live?
I know what you mean about the kids being off. I have enjoyed it, (well most of it), but today, I have had more than enough I think. Actually, I swap and change my mind, one minute I would prefer him off, the next, I want him back in school :lol:
I do feel drained today, and in need of fresh air, but it's too cold for one thing, and I've just had a lovely bath, so really ready for bed now :)
Wrap up warm if school is definately on tomorrow, and go careful in the snow, sludge, ice or whatever it is turning too!!!
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 7:11pm
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potters

I moved between Chiswick, Ladbroke Grove, Acton and Chiswick again!!! I miss being in London so much but the boy is very settled where we are so I'll stay put for the time being.

He definitely needs to go back now - I think even he has had enough of Tracey Beaker and playing on the Wii!!!

We will all be well wrapped up tomorrow! The temp has gone up to 0degrees now. It's been -3 and -4 degrees all week even in the middle of the day so it feels quite mild in comparison.

Posted on: January 10, 2010 - 9:22pm
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sparklinglime
Online
DoppleMe

alisoncam wrote:
Blinking snowing again, OH GREAT. :evil:

Oh no... I hope it doesn't stick.

We've had some sort of thaw, although eldest and I were watching two blokes trying to push a car up the hill and off the estate - the succeeded, but boy, if they'd have slipped...

Snow forecasted for tomorrow.

Tell his teacher that it's treacherous where you are. It is, so they can really dispute it.

xxx

Posted on: January 11, 2010 - 12:11am
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Blimey, what time do the council open the websites for school???? I guess I will have to wait until the school itself has done it about 8.30!!!
I took a sleeping tablet last night, dropped off (sleep that is, not the bed) :lol: :lol: about 10ish, and woke at 5.30. Could have easily gone back to the land of nod, but thought I'd check the website, and nothing. I wish he wasn't going, shall I take the decision again? Ohhhhhhh I'm so naughty, but my bones can't handle this weather. I need a water bottle strapped to me permanently
A cold Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 11, 2010 - 7:35am
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Anna
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

alisoncam

Do you have the flu? You sound very worn down, with little energy for much at the moement?

You were up extrememly early today :? What are you up to today? I hope that you are lougning in front of the telly with duvet, hot choc and the fire on??

Take care of you :)

Posted on: January 11, 2010 - 10:55am
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Anna
No, I don't have flu or anything :) Had a very rough couple of weeks with one thing or another, last week was the worst! I have felt kind of worn down, due to this I think.
Took my son to school this morning, and asked if I could pick him up earlier. Teacher says she would if she had a child, so I shall collect him at 2.15.
How are you doing in this cold weather?
I'm behind with a lot of the cleaning, (with son off school last week), but today, I'm just going to enjoy the peace, and put the tv on. Bliss :)
Take care, and keep warm
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 11, 2010 - 12:12pm
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Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

hi alisoncam

Hope you had a bit of peace and warmth yesterday? The snow must still be bad down there if they are sending children home early from school. We have the thaw setting in up here, although 10 miles away the roads were completely blocked by new snow!

Posted on: January 12, 2010 - 7:41am
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Claire-Louise

Hi Alison
Glad you got a bit of peace and time to yourself with your son back at school. I really hope you are not coming down with anything. I have had a persisten chest infection on and off for 4 weeks now which is really getting me down. I am now on my second course of anitbiotics and it is still there! Not being able to get out ad about can really affect us as well. I know what you mean about wanting a hot water bottle permanently strapped to you! I have been wearing thermal vest and long johns, woolen top, fleecey hoody and a sheep skin coat to take my kids to school and nursery and I still feel cold!
Hope you start to feel brighter and stronger again this week.
C-L

Posted on: January 12, 2010 - 9:45pm
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hazeleyes
DoppleMe

Hi Claire-Louise
Hope the antibiotics are working this time. That saying, 'the cold kills the germs', is so so wrong. Don't blame you for the thermals, I really should get some.
I won't put the heating on during the day, apart from when my son is home. I'm terrified of getting a high bill. It is set for half an hour before he gets in, and then goes off just before his bedtime. On again 6.15 in morn.
Keep warm
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 13, 2010 - 3:02pm
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Claire-Louise

Thanks Alison I am feeling a bit better but still not 100% as the cough just keeps on lingering. Good idea about the heating by the way but I hope you are managing to stay warm during the day when your son is at school. I keep sneaking my heating on during the day which is not great although being in bed the last few days has helped as I have wrapped up warm in my duvet and hotwater bottle rather than putting on the heating!
Cheers C-L

Posted on: January 13, 2010 - 7:07pm
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lindsaygii

C-L, sorry to hear you are feeling so rough. Listen, put the heating on. Your health is more important than a few quid here or there. It really is. You must look after yourself with as much juice, or vitamins, or nice pots of soup as you can. We need you fighting fit to look after us!

Seriously, though. Keep really warm, and please look after yourself. :)

Posted on: January 13, 2010 - 8:58pm
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Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

For anyone on Income Support with a child under 5, use this like to find out about extra cold weather payments in your area. NB I wonder why a 5 year old is "suddenly" assumed not to get cold?

http://pensions.direct.gov.uk/en/cold-weather-payment/home.asp

For the rest of us, it is worth thinking sbout simple changes to stay warmer, don't forget a hat will help, as will a few jumping jacks. Make sure you eat well too. ("Yes, Auntie Louise") This next link is from an NHS site, much of the content is obvious but there are other links to keep warm keep well on the page http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/winterhealth/pages/verycoldweather.aspx

Claire Louise I am sorry that you can't shake off this chest infection. Take good care.

Posted on: January 14, 2010 - 8:35am
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lindsaygii

Here's my contribution...

http://www.epicurious.com/articlesguides/healthy/nutritiousdishes/flufightingfood?mbid=RF

A page on recipes that help fight flu by boosting your immune system. Hope some of them are some use..

Posted on: January 14, 2010 - 7:48pm
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Claire-Louise

Thanks for those lnks and for your well wishes. I have had a quick look at the links and saved them in my favourites for future reference. I particularly liked the recipe one so thanks Lindsay. I think I am on the mend but then I thought I was on thursday and then felt awful again Friday! I am going back to see the dr on Monday which I have a list of questions for about things I think she should also be checking for!
Hope you have a good weekend - what are people's plans?
Cheers C-L

Posted on: January 16, 2010 - 6:04pm
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sparklinglime
Online
DoppleMe

Sorry you're not feeling so good Claire-Louise.

Posted on: January 16, 2010 - 6:28pm
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Louise
Parenting specialist DoppleMe

Get well soon Claire-Louise.

Yes, what is everyone up to this weekend?

Posted on: January 16, 2010 - 6:29pm
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