Hi Martin, in the past I have found that when things are getting too much, I write it down. I have a sort of diary that over the years has become quite full. I still use it now, when frustrations are high and I have no way of venting them.
It is hard for a new partner to feel secure, especailly as you sound really understanding, when it comes to your ex. I think it is a very positive trait in a man, that he makes the effort and that should show her that she has a goodun' in you!
Louise's suggestion of asking her what would help is a good one. I wonder if you have told her how hard you find it?
Hi Martin, finding the balance can be exhausting, I hope that you are being looked after in all of this too, either by you r new partner, but most importantly yourself.
Do you know when the counselling will start?
I'm sure you'll have a brilliant time with your sons.
hello again Martin
Claire Louise made a really good point about putting the practical strategies in place but it takes a while for the emotional side to "catch up". It WILL happen. I know it feels like you are a juggler trying keep everything in the air at the moment but it will get easier, the counselling will help a lot.
Have a brilliant time with your sons and concentrate on the positives of being together= I know you feel sad when they have gone but you are building happy memories together all the time :D
Be kind to you too...
You matter so much.
Hi Martin
A weekend with just you and the boys, I bet they had great fun!
That is hard as well as it can get lonely when you are aound on your own
Absolutely Martin! This is what your ex is living with and most single parents! But this is not reason enough to have a partner.
It sounds good that you are having some time apart from your partner, it will do her some good and hopefully make things clearer for her. I understand where her dad is coming from, he would like to see his daughter meet someone who doesn't have children, so she will be the centre of his world, not the children. this is not your fault, it is just the way it is, your children will always be first and foremost for you and anyone else who comes into your life, HAS to accept taking 2nd place.
Good Luck with the counselling, please let us know how it goes, often the first session seems to be setting the scene, but don't be surprised if you come out and feel cold and little disorientated, I know I did. They say that this is normal as you are expressing thoughts and feelings and being open, so take a warm jumper with you and give yourself a relaxing afternoon if possible. :?:
HI Martin
Do you go to the house when you see your kids? It will be better when she can come with you for the pick-ups as you have said before.
It's a really knotty problem. Your new partner may have had a past experience of someone who had kids and in fact was visitng the ex/ still had feelings and she needs to know that she is the only lady for you, you can only do this by showering her with love and compliments and special time all the time you don't have the boys. Exhausting for you keeping everyone happy!
Could you talk to your partner and say "I realise that it is difficult for you when I see the boys as it means some contact with their Mum, it is all over between her and me, but I understand that it doesn't feel comfortable for you. Is there anything I can do to make you feel better about it all?"! and put the ball in her court. I understand how you just want everyone to be happy but she in turn wants to feel secure. it sounds as if she is really good with your boys, which is great, and maybe in return she expects an outward demonstration of your loyalty....but ask her what she needs and this will make her feel you are considering her in the picture too :)