New single mother, Bristol
Hi
Sorry, I've posted a reply in another bit asking you question you've answered here.
Loads of hugs.
Hi lindsaygii
You are in a tough place and I think Louise has given a good forward plan, about making small goals and taking steps forward. Often when we become single parents all our well laid plans have to go out of the window.
I know SPAN Study Centre and there are a really groovy bunch of single parents there, who have a great time and some good friendships made. It is worth popping down for a visit when you are free!
I think everyone probably finds evenings the hardest, but hopefully you will find One Space useful for that, there is an Evening Chat room and of course you can always post on any of the other messages.
I recognise that feeling of being dumped into single motherhood, it can feel like a pretty lonely place and undeserved, when everything was supposed to be so right. Give yourself a break. Try and look at the positive things around you, you are now in complete control of whatever steps you take from now on and this IS a good thing! You are free!
Did the Uni give you any options with childcare?
Hi lindsaygii
Did you get anywhere with your childcare issues??
Hi lindsaygii
If he is only going to be 13 months when he leaves then you probably need to think of which would be best for you, sounds like the nearer one. If he was there till he was three then it would be worth the extra for the extras if you see what I mean. It's hard, isn't it, with decisions to be made as a new parent, even if you are used to (and good at!) making them professionally? :)
Hi lindsaygii
Thats great, you now have more choices!! (I'm being sarcastic!) This is what single parenthood is all about, choices, decisions, options etc, but you soon get used to it and Louise is absolutely right and it is always the best thing to think of when making these decsions, WHAT WILL SUIT YOU THE MOST?
You have to put yourself first here, are you able to visit the nurseries and check out the carers? That might help your decision?
By sending him to the smaller place you save £35, plus more that would be spent on petrol/bus fare. Ultimately thought its all about peace of mind for you.
Good Luck with this and let us know what you decide. We always talk about a pros and cons list, it might be worth doing on of those for this decision?
Hi
Could I just say that in my view, he won't appreciate the 'better' place - sounds marvelous though!
I agree that checking out the carer's to see how kind they are is the bit that matters, maybe.
Hi lindsaygii
You sound totally fed up and no wonder, when what you had envisaged with your training has been thwarted like this, on top of your separation. You're right, it is very hard to make new friends and you can find yourself surrounded by a load of people you wouldn't normally give the time of day to....and you feel you have to make friends with them for your child's sake! The (very tough) bottom line is that you are in the situation you're in, and the only way to feel better is to take some action and get at least some elements in your life that are enjoyable and positive. So: time to think of what you DO want to aim for, a couple of goals is even better, to keep your options open, and every week, take at least one step towards that goal. It won't be easy, and one of the worst things of all is the loss of how you expected your life to be, and having made the transition to motherhood, this is not what you signed up for, to be left on your own with a baby!
I am presuming that you have no local family support in Bristol that would ease your way. One good thing is that there is lots of local support available in Bristol when you are parenting alone. Have you looked at the main SPAN site? http://www.spanuk.org.uk/index.php?page=study-centre ...Loads of activities and a creche etc.
Another thing you may like to consider is to talk to someone about how you are feeling, you sound really angry about your situation, and that is understandable....maybe seeing a counsellor would help you come to terms with that? Being in a job you hate at least gives you the option to leave, whereas there isn't that choice with parenthood and it is about learning to cope and making your day to day life-and your child's- as pleasant as possible.
There's lots of support here too, and some members find it extra useful in the evenings
best wishes