Hi Digby
I understand things to be the same as Fi is saying and I too think you need legal advice.
In our case the family home had to be sold to pay of his debts.
He does seem very keen and, um, encouraging. Don't be tempted to do this to keep him amicable. I don't mean this to sound awful (I'm 46) but the length of your marriage, your job and your age (sorry) are all factors here.
Best wishes
You're certainly not moaning. I'd say this was a pretty major thing.
I would see it as suspicious too and listen to your gut instinct. Its almost as if he's doing this to rush the sale of the house.
This is me being cynical. You say you want him off your back... I'm 5 years down the road, and The Git is still there, making little waves. Saw him last night being all nicey-nicey by Asda, yet so clearly false. You think that selling the house will move things forward, but somehow there always seems to be something else following - I'm sorry that's being negative.
If your solicitor feels the house has to be sold - which somehow I still don't agree with, try and find as much documentation as you can about the amount of money you've put into the house.
Don't rush into anything and don't agree to anything - not just yet.
Best wishes
Hi Digby
What a worry for you :( I do feel for you, I had exactly the same thing happen to me 12 years ago. I felt shocked :o that no-one had explained to me about the ins and outs of the fate of the house until really quite far down the line so I am going to be up front with you in the hope that it is helpful.
You will have to be guided by your solicitor of course but it is not imperative the house is sold. It depends on the terms of the financial settlement attached to the divorce. The court's main concern is the well-being of any children involved. I guess at that stage a judge may well make provision for your son by specifying a percentage interest his dad has in the house equity, to be paid when your son is 17 or 18. But if this happens then the house would have to go into your name in the meantime and you would have to take over the mortgage as it stands now. It might be worth getting an appointment with your current mortgage provider (or your own bank) to see exactly how much you could borrow and what bits of your income are taken into consideration, and how your self-employment affects things. If you did manage to take ove the mortgage then you also have to think that in 10 years you need to pay the other parent's percentage to them. What happened to me was that because houses had gone up in price so much between the court's ruling and the eventual payout to him, what I had to pay him had doubled and in the meantime, Muggins here had been paying the mortgage and "maintaining" his investment!!!
If there is no way your income would support anything like the amount of the current mortgage then you are going to have to bite the bullet and consider the alternatives, which may include buying a small flat, moving to a cheaper area or private renting. As you say, the house would take ages to sell anyway but if the mortgage is in joint names then you are as liable as he is for the payments so.....if you may have to sell in the end it is worth being pleasant to your boy's dad so that he keeps on paying it in the meantime. You could say to him that the court will sort out all your finances as part of the divorce and this will buy you some time. I also agree with sparkling lime that it would be a good idea to gather together any documentation relating to the money you brought to the property purchase.
Take care
Louise :)
I am glad you have some breathing space, Digby :D
I think it is so important for separating parents to realise the possible full implications on their housing situation as I so wish this had been explained to me when I had my divorce. Knowledge is power, so they say, and it's good to know the ins and outs
Take care
Louise ;)
That is good news!
Hi digby
I am not sure where in the country you are, but here is a useful link to information about "If we separate what happens to the house?"
http://www.barcanwoodward.co.uk/content/family-law.htm
Please let me know if this is useful to you!
Great news that you are having a break from the worrying :)
Do YOU really want out of the house? That's the first and most important issue to consider. It is my understanding from what has happened to friends (not my own circs, as I chose to leave the marital home with the children and let him buy me out) that if you want to stay in it he cannot force a sale until your youngest child is 18 and at that time the house would be sold and an agreed percentage paid to him. I'm admittedly no lawyer so please get some proper legal advice on this but my gut instinct is that you are entitled to stay put for the moment - especially as it is such early days. Good luck, Fi x