Hello again
I have just seen on the other thread that you live in Leicester so here is some local information. There is a Sure Start scheme for some areas and this is accessed through the Bridges project, as is a Young Parents Group, phone them on 0116 231 4418.
Also there is a Home Start project locally. This is a scheme which matches a family with a volunteer, who will support you through the early years. Some users have said to me that it is a bit like their baby having an extra granny or auntie. Here's the link http://www.bridgesdirectory.org.uk/bridges/includes/redirect.asp?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Ehome%2Dstart%2Dleicester%2Eorg%2Euk%2F%22%3E
You may also be interested in the young parents' survival guide. Here's a link to that http://www.youngparentsurvivalguide.com
HOWEVER we would also love you to stay with us and to get to know you better :D so please have a read of some of the threads and join in
best wishes
Hi JennaCharlie
I'm so sorry you're not having the support from your family. Hopefully some good will come from the links that Louise has given.
When my eldest was 12 months old - literally the day after his birthday, I started to have a terrible, terrible time at bedtimes with him. I did phone my health visitor and she was really good. I had to get a strict routine going with him, and it did help.
Basically, bath, bedroom with a low light and talking in low tones (however much he screamed!!!) and into his cot - and this at about 7pm. She reckoned he was getting over tired, and as I'd take him through to the living room (lived in a cottage back then, all on one floor) where he was just getting stimulated by tele, dogs and the fact the curtains were open.
I had to be strict with me too.
It did work after a while, and I did the same with my other three children.
There were still difficult times though, don't get me wrong. My eldest is now seventeen and a half and my youngest is 10 - I'm still not a fan of bedtimes!!!
I found it that things did get easier as they got older. I've only been on my own since my youngest was 5 though. Ex was out the house from 6am - 7pm as he commuted to work, chose not to do the family thing, so really it has usually been down to me anyway.
As they get older they interact with you more, you can sing, dance and play games together, and you can sit together having a sandwich and have these lovey chats with them. It does get better - but that is easy for me to say.
My social life is the computer!! And this board has brilliant people posting on it. Hopefully we can offer some support and some company to you.
Hi Jenna Charlie
First year with baby, yikes, I remember that, even though it was 14 years ago! I still remember the frustration when she wasn't happy. It still upsets me know. But it is different and it does get easier.
Louise has a point, has he been to the doctor?
Is he teething at the moment, that can be a particularly difficult time?
Are you still breast feeding? Could he be hungry?
Another thing is routine, I used to put my baby down before Eastenders so I could watch it! What this meant was after supper, play, bath then bedtime story, lights out and sit with her for a while, I would leave. (Cos i had to get to the telly!) It was good for me otherwise I could spend hours soothing her, trying to calm her down and maybe even lie down with her, which wasnt good for either of us!!
Also he might just be trying to get your attention, he knows that after supper time, it is bedtime and mummy goes away. When they cry our natural instinct is to pick them up and soothe them, is he aware of this? Could he be trying to gain MORE power of your time?? when we are stressed out and we are soothing them, they really do sense that and that unnerves them and the cycle continues.....
As a single parent we often feel that we give ALL our time to them, but actually I had to stop and check that although I was feeding, bathing, cuddling her etc, then cooking, cleaning, shopping etc, I spent very little time playing...giving my daughter quality time in a positive mood. (Warning: this can be tough to achieve when parenting alone!!)
It might feel like you can't cope, but you can and you will, when he has gone to sleep, give yourself a treat. This is where single parenthood comes into its best, we have noone else to consider now, the evenings are our own. It might feel hard at first, but you can soon get a taste for it!
When times are particularly tough, it is fine, as long as he is in a safe environment, to nip to another room and have 5 mins to yourself. You are already supermum, doing all this on your own, don't try and be super-human mum too.
We are always here to listen, so let us know what is going on Jenna Charlie
I am glad that has reassured you, Ifyouseeher. It is particularly helpful if they are crying a lot and it is driving you crazy. If it is not the middle of the night (ie the neighbours are not alseep) then put some loud music on and jump around a bit, sing, dance, get rid of your pent-up frustration. You will feel better and more cheerful to face the onslaught again.
Your daughter is mostly with you rather than her dad's family and so it will get better as she gets into a routine (honest!) but it is normal for babaies to cry...it's the only way they can communicate with us. And it is also normal for their crying to drive us bananas, it's nature's way of ensuring that we answer our babies' needs. Now THAT is no consolation at 3 in the morning as I well know :shock:
By the way, my sister, who is not a single parent, had a right handful with her elder child. She put her in a sling all day to stop her crying. My sister is very houseproud and even does stuff like scrub the kitchen floor with a real scrubbing brush. I remember her being totally bamboozled about how to be on her knees bent over with the scrubbing brush while this child was dangling in the sling. I did say to her either take the child out the sling or use a mop, but this was not well-received :shock:
Hi IfYouSeeHer
I am so glad that it was good for you to hear that! Enjoy those 2 minutes peace, or music and dancing however you choose to spend them!
Hello JennaCharlie
Welcome to the boards :-) I hoope you will find lots of friendship and support here. One thing I can recommend is that you have a look at the thread entitled "First year with a new baby", it is in this parenting support section, which is where I have moved your topic. There are a few handy hints there.
I was really concerned to hear that you are being left out of family things because of your baby. These are the very people who should be giving you support! We will see if we can find anything locally for you. What town do you live in? I don't know if you still see your Health Visitor regularly, but ask her what is available. There is an organsation called Sure Start that is really supportive to parents of under 5s but it does not run in all areas. Also around the country Children's Centres are being built and developed and they would a fab place for you to go along. Some areas have them up and running and some not yet, again your Health Visitor would know.
So tell us a bit more about you and your baby, JennaCharlie. Have you been on your own from Day One? If so, that's really hard work. They are a handful when they are a toddler but, to me, it was better once they could say a few words and get around a bit, even only crawling. Your boy might just be frustrated at not being able to get from A to B, I have seen that quite a lot. If he is unsettled then think about his surroundings, can you make them more peaceful at all? Do you get stressed out yourself? (they are very perceptive, babies!) Try and stay calm and soothing (not easy when they are yelling!!!!!) and remember there might be an understandable reason for all the noise. I had a really dreadful experience with my youngest who would yell the place down for hours, especially after a nap. As a toddler he was found to have a narrow canal in one of his ears and the doctor explained to me that when he was a baby he must have had bad earache, especailly after lying down. Now I am not saying your boy has earache, what I am saying is that further down the line you may understand so try not to get cross with him.
Hope you get some other replies soon. Keep posting, it's great to have you here!
Louise :D