Hi
My friend has been separated from her ex for a couple of years now. Since then, he has rarely bothered with their daughter, who turned 4 in Feb. The last time she saw him was on her birthday.
He doesn't pay maintenace, doesn't work so that's not going to happen any time soon.
He doesn't phone or get in touch. The last time he actually made an effort for visits, he would not turn up or would be hours late. then no contact for months.
She is taking him to court for for residency awardment at the mo, next hearing is in a couple of months but in the mean time she's expected to do supervised visits. She isn't impressed at giving him another chance as he's proven to let his child down time and time again to the point in her telling people she never sees him so he must not love her anymore. But she's willing to give it one last chance, if he is late or a no-show, then that's his final chance.
The complicated part is that whenever he sees her, he tried to convince her to get back with him, so time is spent chasing a relationship that is not going to happen rather than spending time with his daughter. Her presence on past visits has made him think she must want to be with him because she's there with him for the day and sets this ideal of a family life in his head, which will not ever happen again. So it is better of she is not around so that the visits are about the child, not his false hopes. The issue she has is that there is nobody else who can supervise the visits, the only person would be her mum but she works long hours so that's not going to be do-able. She asked social services for help, but they say that they don't have the resources for that sort of thing. Is there any other help out there who can supervise the visits on her behalf? Any charity or government body who may be able to help her?
Thanks for your help.
Posted on: May 1, 2010 - 12:28am
Hello cremegg
I am glad your friend is willing to give it another go. Apart from anything else, it will bode well for her at the residency hearing if she has done her best to maintain the relationship between her daughter and the father.
She can get in touch with her local Child Contact Centre. I am very surprised Social Services did not give her this information! Centres seem to vary and I understand that some will only help you for three months but that sounds enough for your friend anyway. See www.naccc.org.uk/ I have tried to have a look at their website this morning and it is "unavailable", just keep trying as i am sure this is only temporary
best wishes to your friend