Hang on in there snuggles!
If you are feeling very tearful about the situation it is important to get some support for you too, how about having a word with your Health Visitor? She may be to tell you whether there is a Sure Start and/or Home Start in your area. Either of these organisations could be a great support to you.
Let us know how you get on
Louise :)
I hope some support is now available to you. I went on a Webster Stratton course - a child behaviour course. Basically, it focuses on giving your child a lot of praise with the smallest thing they do well. And the hard bit... ignoring the bad behaviour. I know it made a huge difference to a couple of the parents on the same course (no comment about me here...).
Sometimes, when you feel you've had enough, try a walk or a picnic. Somewhere safe so your son can run around, and hopefully where you can have a bit of laughter together. Its just sometimes it can help.
Sending loads of hugs your way (like they help!).
Hi snuggles
All good suggestions from the others! Parenting programmes have proved to be very effective on changing some behaviours (ours as well as our little gems!) Have a look at some of the articles in the Info Library.http://www.onespace.org.uk/articles/behaviour
Never blame yourself for what your son is going through, it is only worth looking into the future and what changes can be made, not the mistakes from the past.
My daughter, when she was small, was very aggressive, I did a parenting programme and it changed my life. One of the best things I learnt from it was Quality Time, although I thought I spent ALL my time with her I realised i didn't. I spent all my time doing anything but her...ie cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, tidying up etc, all the while she was with me, but I never gave her her time. Looking back I was dealing with a lot of issues with her father and that is why I found it difficult to have fun times with her. I learnt to put 30 mins aside each day, specifically for her, whatever she wanted to do, whatever she wanted to talk about, whether we coloured in together or watched Tellytubbies (it was a while ago!) together on the sofa. It was her time....It was difficult at first, but even now when she is playing up 10 years later, I realise that I have not given her any me time.
Another thing I learnt to do was verbalising everything that she did....'you threw the ketchup on the floor because you are really angry' For me this helped because it meant I was still in control rather than stand back in horror!!
I did as you did and searched in as many places as possible for support! ....and I got it .....keep searching, life will change as you wish it to, in 10 years time you will look back and be able to support others going through the same thing. :)
Another suggestion I have is to go tohttp://interactive.onespace.org.uk/parent/ and email us a future suggestion and we can see how different parents would deal with the situation.
Best of Luck, let us know how you get on :)
Hello smban
Thanks for posting the info about that site, I had a quick peek, there is a cost involved at about £10 but I guess you felt that was good value, especially if you had tried so many other avenues
Louise :)
Hi snuggles You sound as if you are at the end of your tether, poor you, that must be so stressful Firstly I am going to suggest that you look very hard at your "you" time and things you enjoy and make it a priority to build those things in; I do believe that you can cope with anything better if you have that outlet.
Thinking about your son: you say this started a year ago. His behaviour sounds very "angry" to me. What could he be angry about? Also the peeing everywhere is a "regression", that is going back to behaviour seen in a younger child. I have seen this a lot in children whose parents separate. Did you separate from the other parent a year ago? Or have there been a lot of family arguments, or something else for him to be upset about?
Child Devlopment workers can look at a variety of techniques to help your son. In my experience they are very supportive and work with parents to improve things....so a referral can be a good thing!
May I recommend a couple of books: "ToddlerTaming" by Dr Christopher Green and Penelope Leach's "Your Baby and Child". The first of these is a parents' guide to the first four years....and if your son's behaviour has "regressed" he may need to revisit some of the developmental stages. The second is a thick book but is usually available from your local library. Obviously the younger bits of these books won't be helpful but I got the Leach book out of the library every 3 or 4 months to guide me on to the next stage with my elder son; I found it very practical and it looks at the ways that a parent's behaviour can influence their child's behaviour in a positive way. I am guessing that you would welcome something positive to hang on to!
Above all, snuggles, please know that there is lots of help out there and you need not feel alone
best wishes
Louise :)