Hi Scotishmum
I'm sorry you've lost your dad. You must miss him so much.
Was your son this angry when your dad was alive? He must miss him too.
Louise has given such brilliant advice that's hard to think of anything to add. You could perhaps tell him that Easter is a turning point so that he is aware that things need to change.
Perhaps things can be put in place such as "you can watch that programme after you've brushed your teeth..."
He needs to speak to you nicely or he will be ignored.
The trick is sticking to these things - and perhaps apologising to the neighbours in advance for any shouting and stomping (which I do with my neighbours).
Do keep posting. While the shoulders are virtual, we can be here for you.
Ooh another thought, scotishmum:
if you need to talk things over, then try Parentline on 0808 800 2222
Sparkling lime is right: there are strategies to be put in place so do not despair, just do your detective work to see who there is who can help you as you do this
Hi scotishmum and welcome to One Space, thanks for being brave enough to post a message on here and share the difficulties you are having.
It sounds as if it is driving you to your wits end. Give Parentline Plus a call they are excellent, they can give you a weekly phone call for 6 weeks to support you with parenting techniques.
It sounds as though a lot of his behaviour is a reaction to what has gone on in his life, he sounds as though he is feeling insecure.
How does he behave in school? How confident do you feel as a parent?
http://www.youngminds.org.uk/ is another place you might want to contact to get some further information and support, they also have a number to call: 0808 802 5544
If I were you I would reach out to as many places as you can, as you say he is nearly a teenager and it is never to late to make changes or as sparklinglime says....start anew.
Also remember: Mean what you say and Say what you mean....and stick to it!
Hello scotishmum
Firstly welcome to One Space!
Indeed there is no way you can tolerate being bullied by your own son and it is a great idea to tackle this now, as the teen years are looming. It is not a case of whose fault it is, let's look at how you might go from here. It sounds to me as if you need some back-up, so we could think about how you can access the support that is available.
Firstly, have you had a chat with your GP? They are often the way to get referred to statutory services in your area.Your son is clearly really unhappy/angry about things and getting to the bottom of this might iron out his behaviour. Apart from anything else, he may feel all at sea without the support of your dad there.
Another thing to consider is to contact Social Services yourself (the Children and Families section) and ask them to help you with a social worker and parenting support. Thirdly, what about the school? Do they have a mentoring programme? Have they got links with youth organsations that could work with your son? It is a bit like being a detective, all this finding-out!
Now let's move on to what would help YOU. Do you feel in a position to seek some counselling to work on your on feelings and develop assertiveness skills and boundary setting, which would both help enormously in your parenting of your son? It is so difficult to be stuck in this situation and to feel alone with it/ Let us know how you get on with some of the finding out, and keep positng so we can keep supporting you.