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Phoned this morning and spoke to MiL.
For those who don't know, I have been really lucky in having a good relationship with my ex-in-laws. They still refer to me as DiL, and it is easier to carry on calling them in-laws rather than my children's granparents 
FiL was a widow when I started to go out with The Git. FiL met MiL four years after The Git and I married. Because she is a step-mother, I'm certain that is the only reason a relationship has been maintained. I never met The Git's mother, but have been told that he was a mummy's boy...
FiL is now very poorly. He's 82. MiL was saying how she's had an awful morning with FiL convinced he was dying. She phoned The Git and I'm so glad he's come up straight away - and on his own (FiL is not too keen on DiL).
I feel better now he is with his Dad. As much as I prefer not thinking about him, I was getting concerned that he wouldn't get back in time. He and his wife were going to come on Monday anyway, but now he can have some quiet time with his Dad.
I'm sort of tempted to offer to pick her up from the station, or wherever. Even go and get her, but I can't get over the texts that she sent with The Git's 50th. I'm not sure I could sit in the car with her - although before that I always felt we got on ok. I've never made waves for them, I don't think.
Thought I'd better start a seperate thread to let off steam in, as I know I won't be dealing with this too well. I love my in-laws so much, they've been my rock.
I think you are dealing with it very well sparklingklime - sending you a hug.
It is really hard for you and all your friends here are behind you and thinking of you - let off steam as much as you want
I'm so glad for FiL that The Git's got there alone. Surprising how I feel, actually.
Hi sparklinglime, I am so sorry to hear that your Fi: has taken a turn for the worse. It sounds as though you are relieved to know that your ex is with him.
In regards to picking his wife up from the station, only you can decide if that is what you want to do. You are a kind hearted soul, however please do not feel that you have to do anything. I am presuming you would be doing it for your In Laws sake, so that everything can go as smoothly as possible?
It would only be for MiL and FiL.
And it would be incredibly difficult... It might be expected that eldest helps out, as he will be home from south Wales later today. It's just I know he won't really want to. It would only be case of 20 minutes in the car. I could do that with the radio blaring.
While I don't want to see either The Git or Gittess, hearing my MiL's voice on the phone. How can I not do what I can for her? FiL cannot remember being upset this morning. He was convinced he was dying. MiL phone The Git and FiL told him that he would see him in the next life and that he loved him. What ever I think, I can only imagine how hard that was for all involved.
My Dad, Mum and best friend 'dropped dead'. I haven't had to deal with a loss this way and my heart goes out to them, all of them.
(sorry to drone)
Daughter's home from school and is so glad her Dad is with Grandad. Little smile on her face when I said he was alone.
Hmm, our kids know don't they. They might not always voice it, but she knows how important it is.
So has your MiL asked you to collect the wife or were you just considering it to help out? If you didn't pick her up, would she get a cab?
I've not heard. I hope she doesn't arrive until Monday to give them quiet time at the in-laws place.
I'll offer when MiL phones next. She won't phone if The Git is in the room 
I think you're amazing Sparkling. After all that has happened, and you'd still pick up the Gittess. You do have a heart of gold, but, can she not get a friend to pick her up, or a cab from the station maybe? I would hate to see you putting yourself through an ordeal like that.
Hope your FIL is better in himself tonight. I'm glad the Git is down on his own too, they need some time together without her.
Thinking of you and the family. xx
She's fallen out with everyone - including her parents who live on the island
Would only be done to try and reduce stress for MiL.
But yes, I'm glad they'll have some time together.
Hello sparkling lime
I take my hat off to you that you have the generosity of spirit to think as you are doing, However, my instinct would be to say that as far as arrival at the station goes, she can get a cab, It is great that FiL is having some time with his son. YOUR role will no doubt be more prominent if and when MiL is left on her own. How are you feeling with it all?
It is at times like this I do feel very much on the outside, knowing I'm not part of the family.
Whatever MiL asks though, I'll do. She's going through hell. Her first husband died of a heart attack, but had been poorly too. I just can't imagine how she's feeling.
She fell again on Thursday, so I'm a bit worried about her as well.
I'm going back to shutting the door on the world and need to be careful about how I am too.
The friend I work for (came to work yesterday evening to sort the old and new website out) was asking how things were and told me that I should go with the four children to the funeral as I'm the one involved in their lives...
I also know at both my Dad and Mum's funerals that I couldn't tell you who was or wasn't there.
It will be easier when his ashes are buried at the village chapel.
As you know, conflict and I don't go together :-)
I know,sparkling, and that is why I was wondering how you were coping.
As for the funeral, think about YOURSELF. Would it be more upsetting to not go, or to go and see your ex there with the new partner in the "family" pew? I would go with your own gut feelings on the matter.
And I know you will be there for Mil later on, whatever you decide.
Look after yourself, this whole process might be quite drawn out....we are here for you to talk to 
Seeing him with The Gittess isn't a problem.
I would just get anxious about the standing in the foyer waiting for him to arrive. Anxious about what people would think if I didn't stand up for hymns... Easier not going, to be honest.
I'm so grateful you are all here.
Just want to pull you on something you said Sparkling. YOU are very much part of MIL and FIL's family. You might be divorced from his son, but they love you to pieces. Like Louise has said, your MIL will always know that you are there for her, whatever happens, and she'll also know the reasons behind you not going, if and when.
My sister, her husband, and one of her sons didn't go to my Mum's funeral. She refused because of the s*** lot, and thought there would be trouble. Once I'd returned home with C after the service, they then went to the crem to pay their respects, and look at the wonderful display of flowers. That is also something maybe you could do? Just a thought. xx
Thank you.
Yes, its something like that I have in mind. I know MiL would come with me too
Hey Sparkling,
to add my tuppence worth: I think you are fantastic! Totally and utterly selfless in all of this. And I am sure your FiL and MiL and most importantly your children KNOW.
Big hug from me xxx
Where's my thumbs up gone??
FiL just phoned to see how J got on yesterday, and how did he get down there. Told him I'd booked the Travelodge and that he'd done ok with the interview. I thanked him too as he sent £40 in the post to help with petrol. MiL didn't think he'd remember he had (as I thanked her yesterday) but he did...
His voice has changed. He told me he couldn't speak long and looked forward to seeing me very soon.
Said goodbye, and I broke down. He's been a part of my life for over 28 years.
Sorting out this essay rubbish. And not doing too well!
Sparklinglime,
...hang in there ok ? I can't imagine how hard this must be...as a precious child said to me once,"...take it one at a time..." Take care now
Take care, sparkling. That does sound like a good idea, going afterwards, and MiL will like you taking her too.
I would just like to mention about different experiences of death. One on hand we can lose people suddenly, as you said before, and there can be terrible shock in these cases, plus maybe regrets about things unsaid. Then there are deaths from illnesses, horrible to see a loved one suffer, and sometimes a relief when the death occurs, but the plus side is that we get to say things to people, so do bear that in mind in your reflections, sparkling.
Thinking of you loads.
Thank you.
Glad you spoke to him Sparkling. Do you know how long the Git is down for? Perhaps once he's gone, you can go over for a visit? I do hope so. xxxx
The Git was planning on staying next week, with two nights at the in-laws.
I don't know the plans now. Perhaps he'll stay... MiL, I'm sure will phone at some point. I've texted her, but knows she's not a fan of mobiles.
I've had a lovely chat with MiL. The Git went back on Friday as he was working this weekend. He's coming back tomorrow with The Gittess as planned. He did loads while he was there though, which has helped a lot. He will also be there when the occupational therapist calls on Tuesday.
FiL isn't good at all, but nothing compared to Friday morning. While he does remember some of it, he thought it was a dream.
Glad we've chatted though.
Hi sparklinglime, I am glad that you have been able to catch up with your MiL. I bet she your conversations are as dear to her as they are to you.
It sounds as though your ex is pulling his weight in regards to his responsibilities to his father and your MiL, that is really good to know.
As your ex is coming back tomorrow, does this mean you don't need to pick up his wife? I hope so.
I hope your MiL manages to keep you updated. Are you looking after yourself??
Yes, I won't need to pick anyone up...
I'm ok, thank you. Was at work today, but have booked a day off tomorrow as so much going on. Essay to post tomorrow, but then daughter has interview for college and there's going to be a tenant's inspection (the tenants are on a committee which visits those who've had work done, not HA checking up on me. I've been asked to be one, so will see how it works tomorrow).
MiL has phoned this morning. We've been talking for over half an hour, weeping, sobbing, laughing...
FiL is hallucinating and they're (ex is there too) going through hell with him. He's angry and frustrated. He's throwing himself about too, and they're having to get a neighbour in to help lift him back onto the bed. He only weighs seven stone now, but is incredibly difficult to move. I've offered to go over there, but she's said no.
The doctor was there yesterday and has told MiL that this is the end. FiL has said he doesn't want to be rescusitated. As MiL said, she wouldn't let them anyway.
She had wanted him to stay at home, but thinks he will have to go to hospital as they cannot cope.
She asked if all the grandchildren can go to the funeral. I told her that I didn't feel the younger two would cope without me. She was so shocked that I thought I should stay away. In the newspaper notice I will be called his daughter-in- law, and she doesn't care if this doesn't go down well with some, as that is what I am to them. I'm very much loved, and she hopes I know that...
I do know that.
I just wish they weren't going through this nightmare.
Dear sparkling, it is so very hard for all of you. MiL is so lucky to have you to share her thoughts and emotions, big HUG to you
Thank you.
I feel so sick...
My heart is breaking for them - and yes, I include The Git in this...
sorry things are so hard at the moment sparklinglime - sending you a hug
Thank you.
Awww Sparkling, I'm feeling the pain you're all in right now. An awful thing to go through. Is it possible for someone to come in and help care for your FIL, so he wouldn't have to go to hospital?
I don't actually know what to say, even though I've been through it myself, but you know I'm thinking of you all. xxxxxx
MiL would get care in if she could, but she would have to pay and she can't afford it. She was ringing the doctor this morning after speaking to me, so I don't know what the next step is.
I'm praying for the phone to ring to say he's at peace. I've not sobbed like that since Jill died.
Aww dear sparklinglime, such a difficult time, have you had any news? Have you said your goodbyes to your FiL?
He phoned me on Saturday Anna, and we did have such a lovely chat. I did say I'd call today, but MiL preferred that I didn't. FiL's behaviour is so eratic and very, very out of character. At the time I felt it was goodbye.
I wish she'd update me, but probably not possible as to who is with her.
When we were there a week ago Friday, I could see how tired he was. I pulled up a chair and we had a lovely chat. Usually I chat with MiL in the kitchen... He told me he was feeling rotten now.
Every day must raise the question "will it happen today?" We are all thinking of you so much, sparkling. Glad you had a lovely chat with him.
Hey Sparkling. Sending you all lots of hugs. I'm delighted that on the Saturday you got to have a one on one chat with your FIL, and also the phone call. Perhaps it's best to remember him as you last saw him, rather than what he might be like now. The waiting is awful, so stay strong (I know you are). xxxxx
I've still not heard.
The Git has been to pick up the children. Eldest said he sounded very cheerful on the phone (well, he did think his father looked very well before Christmas and he looked awful then...)
It is awful.
I just don't want to disturb them. Hoping MiL will phone soon as he's out. But then I need to do a Scouty thing for 7pm.
Have the children gone to see their Grandad? I also hope your MIL rings before he either gets back, or before you do the Scouty thing. It really is a waiting game isn't it, and I'm sure each time your phone rings you're on tenderhooks. Take care. xx
Thinking of you sparkling, big hugs
No, the children have been taken to the cinema. Can only guess that FiL is stable...
The Git has NEVER taken the children to see his Dad, even when we were married.
Eldest had to take his car, so £20 given by me for petrol. Honestly, The Git just isn't capable of taking them all on the bus - which in my books he should do!
No phone call. I don't like to phone as she may be snoozing. She's exhausted.
Thinking of you loads
FiL died very, very peacefully during the night. My words were thank God, and MiL agreed.
Her daughter's coming up tomorrow - the one who is very practical and lovely (her three daughters are lovely. her son tragically killed himself six years ago, and she so wants him with her...)
I will see her over the weekend.
Sixteen year old broke down. I'm not sure how he'll cope. He's gone to school now (he likes to go early), which is probably better. I gave him the choice to stay, but he has work to do towards his GCSEs. I will phone the school at 8.30am and speak to them. He needs to be kept an eye on.
I stayed up until after 2am in case she phoned.
I feel sick, and so relieved.
I'll miss him. Daughter asked if I was going to call there, but I've said no. Asked if it was because of The Git and Gittess being there, and I said that they need to come to terms with things. The Gittess won't mind, she said (not calling her The Gittess, by the way, the children have no idea I call them these names), sadly she will said I.
Anyhow. FiL is now at peace.
Oh sparkling, i am not very good with words in these situations, i have been thinking of you the past few days even though i have not got round to posting.
Though it is very sad to lose someone close to us, as you have said there is that relief aswell when they have been suffering for awhile, my thoughts are with you and the family.
Big HUG xxx
Thank you Sally
Deepest sympathy to you and the children, sparkling. And of course to your MiL, for whom this must have been a tremendous strain. It is good to feel relieved and to know that he is at peace, though.
I know you will miss him and so will the children. And MiL will be so glad that you are all there, long after the children's dad has gone back to his life elsewhere.
Sending you a MAASIVE hug.
Dear Sparkling
sending you sympathy and thoughts xx
Thinking of you and the family sparklinglime - we are here if you need us
Thank you.
Eldest and I have had a good chat now. While he says he's atheist, he feels Grandad is now in a better place. Perhaps he's heard me saying it.
I have this picture in my minds eye - more a video really - FiL chatting away with my Mum and Dad. Funny thing is I have never imagined my Mum and Dad having anything to do with each other before.
Sixteen year old doing not too bad.
second time lucky with the capta thing...