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Hope you are Ok starmix, I came on here to delete some posts as you asked but you have maaged it, We are still here for you.
Hi starmix. As your posts have been deleted, and I'm only just catching up with threads, I've missed a lot, but I just wanted to say, I hope you're okay. Do you have anything nice planned for the weekend?
Hi starmix101, I have been off the boards for a few days, so don't know what is going on. I hope you are well. Just remember in life we take 2 steps forward then 1 step back. You are on your journey and you will find peace.
However I do feel that you definitely need some face to face professional support, you can't keep doing this to yourself, beating yourself up.
We are here to support you whatever decisions you make. Thinking of you 
are you ok?