This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
I am a widow with no family support with 2 great kids.
My kids are getting older, 12 and 14, so I'm starting to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that I can finally start to get some kind of life. However, they are still a bit too young to be left alone for long periods of time.
They make their friends independtly now, so I have never even seen their friends Mums! The ones I have met have looked down their noses at me. Obviously, money has been a bit tight, but we haven't gone without. So my home just has what it needs. No luxuries or car. The Mums I have met have said " have you always lived minimalistic?" and another said "you haven't got much have you?"
These are Mums with husbands, both working and family support but have been really judgemental. I haven't met them all yet anyway as my kids friend's just knock for them.
I work, but alone. I'm studying towards a new job though, so hopefully that will change in the next few years.
Also, there is NO chilcare for children here once they are 12. So I'm reluctabt to work full time until my kids are older.
Hi lightattheendofthetunnel and alison
Welcome to onespace and I hope you find other like minded people on this site to discuss and get support from.
I am curious to know what you are studying too? Have you thought about doing any voluntary work as you might find that works better around schooling and will help with meeting other people as well as gaining some new skills?
Are there any single parent organisations in your local community? I was surprised to hear about the childcare as I would have thought there would be afterschool and holiday clubs for children up to the age of 16 - have you checked with the family information service?
However if you feel you need to wait till they are a bit older before starting full time employment then that is what is best for you and your family. I have found it easier to go back to work on a part time basis and slowly build up my hours as the children get older.
Good luck with your studies and hope you find this site useful - how did you hear of onespace?
Claire-Louise
I'd like to say welcome too.
I'm so sorry you've lost your husband. That must be so hard without family support, with young children and having the need to grieve too.
What hurtful comments those women made!
As you say, your children are almost of an age where you can start to go out. My older two are almost 18 and 15, and so I can now pop out to the shops on my own. I never go far, and I'm never away for long! My other two children are 13 (he has special needs) and 10.
Alison's suggestion of volunteering can be a good way of meeting people, if you're able to fit it in. I've ended up helping with Scouts, and I have met new people which has been good for me.
Best wishes, and I look forward to getting to know you.
Hello lightattheendofthetunnel
I like your name! :D
welcome, do join us and make some new online friends!
My experience of childcare is that it stops at 12 :(
The voluntary work sounds a good idea and also doing a course. New friends can come from a wide age group and lots of different sources. I am horrified by the silly comments those women made, you wouldnt want anyone so shallow as a friend anyway.
Have a think sbout your interests and how you could get out and about
Thank you everybody for taking the time from your busy lives to reply to me.
Louise, the childcare situation is a disgrace isn't it? The council have a few activities, eg football for 4 hours a week, tennis for 2 hours, but my 12 year old isn't very sporty! He is too independent a person and not into team sports at all. Even then, the kids would need to make their own way to the activities for a few hours. So there have been times when I have had to leave them alone while I work, which they are fine with, but I'm not happy about it long term.
I have contacted my MP, lone parent organisations and the council, family information service about it as it's a disgrace. Not all 12 year olds are mature enough to be left alone.
I am thinking about volunteering. I'm off this week, and my job for the week is to contact local firms. I need experience as I want a new job, so volunteering will let me gain experience and meet new people. My printer doesn't work, so I just need to go to the library.
I enrolled on a short course, which was on my free day off, but it cancelled due to short number! I've put my name down on the waiting list though as hopefully it will start sgain in January.
I was thinking about exercise classes while i was waiting for my short course. £5 per lesson is steep, but I need to see it as a social club!
There must be other Mums in the same position as me!
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
Good to see you back again and great to hear about trying to sort out volunteering and training courses. And fitness classes are another way to meet people. Do you have a local community centre? That is often a good place to find out what groups take place locally and if there is something there you might be interested in. You mentioned the library too which is another good place to look for local groups.
There is another website too called netmums which is separated into local areas so you could try having a look on there at your area and see what is on, quite a lot of it tends to be activities that you can do with children but there will be some adult based events too.
Let us know how you get on. There is light at the end of the tunnel!
Cheers C-L
Thanks for your message.
There was me thinking I would be able to join a fitness class, but for now, it's on hold.
My son has found a club he has always wanted to go, but it isn't that close to home. It's a 40 minute walk.
I'll be getting the train there with him, walking home. Then walking back to pick him up, then the train again.
Otherwise, it's too expensive. The club fare plus train or bus fare all adds up. As the club is twice a week, it'll be too expensive!
Or I may drop him off, and see if there's a pub nearby and bring a text book so I can study. ( I will look so sad as his club is Friday night!)
The club is the sea cadets, which he'd love to do. And my son knows his own mind, so he is really passionate about the idea.
Also, the opportunities he would get would be amazing. The least I can do, is take him there a few times and see if he likes it.
If only it was closer to home though. It's only 10 minutes in a car!!
I have also sent off my cv to 5 local businesses (no walking there!) to see if I can volunteer on my day off.
Sometimes I still feel so overwhelmed by it all. It's just incredibly relentless and exhausting. I look forward to the day when I'm a person again, and do things I'd like and not be a Mum with an endless list of things to do. I find the continuos responsibility really hard too. I have too much to do all the time, and the buck stops with me.
In between the tiredness I have kids, who at 12 and 14, like to answer back with an attitude :)
They're great kids really. Even better if they would help a bit more around the house!
Hmm, helping round the house, now THERE is a job you could tackle :D Especially as you are doing so much to help them! My son has just turned 15. These are his responsibilities: Every day he washes up after the main meal. Every week he tidies and hoovers his bedroom and hoovers the rest of the house and washes the bathroom floor. Am I a cruel mum? No. I pay him £3 to do the rest of the house. I regard his bedroom and the washing up as his responsibility. He is perfectly Ok with this; he knows all the stuff that I do. I tell myself I am doing him a favour, letting him learn about selfcare so he can cope once he is out in the big wide world. When this first started and sometimes he would say "But Mum I am tired" I would say (calmly)" yes I am tired too, I know what you mean. Tell you what, you can be let off your jobs and I'll be let off mine, I won't bother to go and get anything for tea tonight, we just won't have any tea" That soon worked :lol: :lol:
Let's look at some positives: your son hopefully will really enjoy sea cadets and you may find another family with a child there who would help with transport and be glad of a couple of quid towards their petrol. If you go to the pub with a book, who knows what new Friday night friends you might meet? I agree that activities can be very expensive and that's why the volunteering idea was so great: good luck with that.
it can indeed be overwhelming to be parenting alone and trying to reclaim your own identity at the same time...and totally exhausting. But you are not alone.
Keep posting as you keep trying out new things, you have a new crew of online friends here to support you!!!! :D
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
It is really great that you have found something that your son is in to. I think that in itself can be hard once they reach teenage years and it is a cheap way for you to get a bit of exercise taking him there and back!
I posted somewhere else about looking on youtube for new things to try at home like yoga, salsa, whatever you might be interested in, give it a search on youtube and more often than not, you are likely to find some intriductory class to follow online which is cheap and easy. Do you have anything new you would like to try?
I echo what Louise says abou the chores at home. My kids are young, 6 and 4 but I have already introduced household tasks as a way of helping me and a way to teach them about responsibility and looking after themselves. They now ask to do things like clean the cooker which is great! I am not sure they will still be doing that when they are teenagers but I hope that by then some of these chores will just be second nature to them - fingers crossed!
And yes, reading at the local pub could take you on a whole new journey! Good luck with the volunteering. Another avenue you could try is CSV (Community Service Volunteers) http://www.csv.org.uk or volunteering england http://www.volunteering.org.uk as they deal specifically with recruiting volunteers for other organsiations.
Hope that helps
Claire-Louise
I took my son to his club, and it was in an awful area.
On the way, over the road, we saw a woman slapping and pushing a man. she was also screaming abuse and foul language in his face.
We saw, loads of kids, no more than 5 years old, just running across the road doding cars just for fun.
On the way back, a man was standing with a bottle in his hand shouting to someone over the road "I'm going to kill him when I see him" but with lots of swear words in the middle. He at least apologised to me when he saw me though.
I am not going into the local pub now, as all this happened outside it at 7pm on a Tuesday night. I dread to think what it's like on Friday at 9.30 when I need to pick my son up!!
I need a car. i aslo need the money to pay for it :lol:
but it doesnt start for a few weeks, so hopefully I'll have a brainwave before then. My son will love it though, he was really excited tonight so hopefully I'll think of something twice a week!
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
Teenagers with attitude? My son is just 7, and he has attitude :o !!!!!
He also does a few little things for me. He has always loved dusting, and for the past few months he has been hoovering. He knows about dark and white washing too. (No, he doesn't do the washing) Maybe next year :lol: :lol: Have to say, he's not hot on tidying toys away though!!!
Just like Claire-Louise said, you'll certainly be getting exercise on a Friday. I'm sure your son will love sea-cadets, if he doesn't, at least he was the given the chance.
Louise, I agree with you about chores for the children. It doesn't hurt them in the least, and stands them in good stead for later on. Also teaches them they don't get pocket money for nothing. My son gets £1 a week.
Claire-louise :o The oven!!!! Send them round to me, that is the worst job, and mine needs doing!
Hope all ok, and enjoying the week. Why is it, I always wake early in the holiday, and then find getting up on school day absolute hell? For the rest of the week, I'm determined to stay in bed until 9!!! At least I'm getting a bit of peace, my son is still fast asleep. Hopefully til 10, but think thats pushing my luck :lol: :lol:
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi lightatendoftunnel
It is very frightening isn't it going out in the evening, and it wasn't even late! Unless absolutely necessary, I don't like going to our local shop in the early evening. We have a few wine bars and pubs, and lots of trouble kicks off. We also have young children just hanging around the chip shop and chicken places. The language is unbelieveable!
Is there not another club in a different area maybe? I guess you've looked around so maybe that was a dumb question really!!!!
Like Louise said in an earlier post, maybe your son will link up with a local boy whose parents have a car, and you can perhaps offer the £3 toward petrol.
Hope you have a good day
Alison
x :)
Oh lightatendof tunnel
Poor you! :( that must have been an awful shock. Could you contact the leader of the group and find if there is anyone near to you attending the group? that will save you having to ask around and make friends with them and wait for the offer etc.
Do not despair, there are list of different things you and your family can do and you WILL find the right thing....
Take care :)
Hi Lightatendoftunnel.
Poor you having such a nasty experience getting there after having sourced all the information etc. I hope have some success with finding out if anyone else form your area goes and will lift share. Alternatively do you know anyone in your neck of the woods with children who might enjoy going so you could all go there together - security in numbers and all. it is a good idea to approach the person running the course too to find out if they know where people are coming from and seeing if they can ask around on your behalf.
It is great that your son was excited and looking forward to it and seems really enthusiastic about going - well done for sparking his enthusiasm and making the effort to get him there.
It does sound as if the pub is not such a great idea - is there any other place nearby that you could hang out in safely? or meet up with someone?
Good luck with it all!
Alison - yes cleaning the oven - they ask to do it?! I am not going to turn them down now am I, with ajob I am really not keen on either so I am glad they want to do it - even if they don't do a great job it is better than not getting clean at all isn't it?! Oliver asked to clean the car on the way back today - odd but great?!
Cheers C-L
Thanks for your replies, I have barely even thought about it though as I've had so much going on.
I have a nest of rats in my house, the kitchen floor flooded, all the electrics went for 24 hours, (I lost everything in the freezer), toilet has been blocked but when the electricity was off I flushed the chain so the bathroom floor flooded, now I have blocked drains. Oh and the washing machine broke too. I thought things were meant to happen in three's, that's five! Does that mean I have more crap to deal with?
I have a real fear of rats, so have been having nightmares! I just don't feel relaxed and am on edge. I was going to concentrate on looking for voluntary work, but I've had to put that on hold as I feel as mess. I have sent letters off, but had no reply so just want to call them too. Then I need to look for other companies to try so need to go to the library to sort that out.
Also, as the rat was in the kitchen I have been eating out. Kids are happy with all the chips, but I usually eat healthily most of the time, so I also feel crap due to that.
I haven't even got the energy to cry or laugh. I just wish I could have a hug and someone go in the kitchen for me and make a tea. Actually, the drains are blocked so maybe that's not a good idea. toilet is about to overflow
And all this is meant to make me stronger? i know I can cope well, I don't need this crap to prove it
Hi lightatendoftunnel
You poor thing. All of this to cope with on top of everything else. I know another lady on here, Pansy, is also having trouble with rats. I too have an awful fear of them, so can't imagine how you are managing to hold it together.
Sending hugs to you, though of course they are not the same as the real thing!
Take care in all of this
Alison
x :)
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
My word you have had your work cut out for you recently! I heard today that rats really don't like wire wool so if there are any holes in your kitchen I would suggest plugging them with wire wool. I know what you mean about rats as I lived in India for a year and had rats quite a bit and they are not nice. Have you been in touch with any extermination companies?
And then blocked drains too - it never rains but it pours heh?! Is it the toilet and the kitchen that are affected by the blocked drains?
Yes these things are meant to test us and help us grow even stronger so you may well become a heavy weight champion soon through surviving all this!
Good luck
C-L
It's such a lovely feeling to have you both Alison and Claire Louise to have a reply. That somebody even notices that I'm having a crap time.
I have the pest control out who are sorting it.
It's my fear I have really struggled with though. My kids just point to a sock on the floor and I scream!! Luckily my kids aren't bothered and they can still go in the kitchen. I feel a bit guilty though as my fear has stopped me from being a Mum, but then it's the only time they have ever seen me struggle. I have always wondered what would push me over the edge, and now I know, it's rats. I feel ill just typing the word! But now I know a tiny bit more about them, so if it happened again I would be terrified but not freak out as much as this time. Is that getting stronger?
I tried turning the computer on before and it took ages, 20 minutes, and it still didn't turn on. And I started to think, "and now this"
I'm usually a very calm person, and people usually confide in me, but the past few weeks I have had twinges in my chest. If i feel like this and i'm normally calm, then this would have pushed other people over the edge. But then maybe they have family to support them.
That has been the hardest thing, not having anybody to call and say what do I do? I even phoned the samaritans this morning who suggested it was a blocked drain. How sad is that, phoning the samaritans? They are on my mobile phone. It should be speed dial :lol:
Oh my shower is broken too. The sellotape i have been using won't work any more!
Showers were my way of coping with stress. I can't hear the kids when I'm in the shower so it's my only " breather" :lol: that has been taken away now
I'm at a loss at what to suggest.
I'm glad you feel able to phone the Samaritans. I never had the courage at my lowest points...
I hope I don't upset you with anything I say - I honestly don't mean to hurt...
Have you seen your GP about how you're feeling? Especially as you have had these twinges.
I'm guessing that the house is yours. Blocked drains are such a nightmare. With the laughingly called 'family home' I had a septic tank which was forever causing problems - absolute nightmare. I was able to replace it, but moved soon after.
I'm sure life is challenging enough without all the extra rubbish going on.
No sparklinglime, you haven't offended me. I have been depressed before, and I used to think about ending it all, so I know i'm not depressed now.
I know I am stressed though, as I just wish I could run away. It's dealing with everything alone, all the time and never having anybody to ask for advice/second opinion. Although I cope most of the time really well, just occassionally I'd like someone to take over. By occassionally it's once every few years.
I think having the rats here means I can't relax at all, and yesterday I had to go to the library for the toilet in the rain! As I'm on edge with the rats, it does make the other crap harder to cope with. Normally i'm quite calm, but I'm jumpy at the minute.
As the shower is in the bathroom, there has been a rat lurking there, so I don't even feel brave enough to stay there long to try and fix the shower. The pest control are coming out in aweek so I'll start getting back to normal soon. When I feel normal I cope with things so much better.
I am so proud of myself :D
I sent my CV to 5 companies seeing if I can be a volunteer. I didn't hear anything so I have just phoned them up and have an appointment next week to discuss it further!
I dislike using the phone, but still done it anyway! Although I work, I want a new job so this is a really postive step for me. And a brave one, meeting new people too, being the new girl in a small office. I haven't been the new girl in a while, so this is a great step. It's also a stepping stone for when I will change jobs.
I am proud of myself :D
Now I need some clothes to wear for the interview. I don't really need to be smart where I work now.
Hi lightatendoftunnel
Well done you for ringing the company. Good luck in advance for next week. :)
I have heard that if you are claiming benefits, the job centre gives a clothing allowance for interviews. Check that one out!!!
Am really pleased that the rat problem should be sorted next week.
I'm not going to nag, but maybe a visit to the G.P about the chest pains. As well as everything else, you don't want to end up ill.
Hope you have a good weekend.
Take care
Alison
x :)
That's brilliant! Well done, and I send loads of luck and best wishes your way.
I'm so glad the pest control are coming. Its awful its not a free service, I think.
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
Well done you - congratulations! I know what you mean about s=using the phone as I am not keen on it either - not being able to see the person on the other end to judge their expressions etc is odd I think so double well done. Good advice about the clothing alllowance for interviews - I hope that pans out. Good luck for next week.
I am gald to hear the rat problem is being sorted and that your computer is working. As for the blocked drains, you can buy stuff in the supermarket that you pour down the drains that foams up and can unblock them depending on how bad it is so might be worth trying that first.
As for the stress, it probably is worth getting it checked out but you could always try doing breathing exercises and relaxation techniques. You could try this link:
http://www.contemplatethis.org/category/yoganidra/yoga-nidra-podcasts/
It makes you have some 'me' time and you can do it before going to sleep.
Good luck and have a good weekend.
Cheers C-L
hello lightatendoftunnel
I have just seen your messages and cannot believe what i was reading. What an absolute nightmare! How you have found the energy and courage to go for those volunteering opportunities whilst all that is going on I do not know! WELL DONE YOU!!! :)
A little suggestion: pretend you are having your dream kitchen installed (if only!!) and bring stuff into the lounge to make tea, just one trip to the kitchen in the morning and you can be set up for the day. When are the pest people coming? Soon I hope. Try not to worry about eating rubbishy food for a few days, buy some fruit to counteract it. Your phobia is a completely natural one, get the kids to do the daily trip to the kitchen. As for all your things breaking down, I am presuming you are on Working Tax Credit? It is worth getting in touch with your local CAB to see if there are any local funds to whom you could apply for a grant to help with the cost.
Take good care...there's one consolation, the only way is up.
Louise :D
Thanks everybody for taking the time to reply.
I slept for 8 hours on Friday, and fairly well last night. So I'm starting to feel normal again.
Also, I haven't heard the rats making noises since yesterday morning, so all the poison is hopefully working. It was horrible hearing all the tails banging through the central heating pipes. At times they were biting the pipes too, I feel ill just typing it.
But I will feel so much better when the pest control check for me. Luckily it's free here as it's an environmental health issue.
I have started using the kitchen again, wearing boots and sitting on a stool as I do the dishes/load washing machine etc!! But I did used to ask the kids to come in with me. Hopefully though it'll all be over soon, I'll know for definite at the end of the week.
Luckliy my son fixed the shower, what a star! It's leaking but there is a certain type of tape I can try.
it's been great the way me and my kids work together. I'm having their friends around later as they deserve something nice.
my fingers are crossed...
Boots - excellent idea!!
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
Oh that is all sounding so much better for you. A good nights sleep can make such a difference in the way we can see things and cope with things again so that is a real benefit. And good to hear you are able to get back in the kitchen again - boots and stool and all ! There is nothing like a reall issue like that to bring people together and I am glad you and the children have bonded over the experience - there is pretty much always a positive that comes out of each trial we are sent if we look hard enough!
Hope thay collect all the dead rats soon and you are lucky to have got that all for free as they do charge in a lot of area now.
And your son fixed the shower - what a star! So you have slept well, can clean yourself and can go in the kitchen again - almost back to normal!
Have a good, restful evening.
C-L
That's brilliant news :D and so great that the kids have all rallied round, you should be really proud of yourself for coping with this.
Hi lightatendoftunnel
Am so glad that things are finally starting to get sorted for you. When you said about the wellies, I couldn't get the vision out of my head, with you in the kitchen dressed in a big rain mac, hat, wellies, and a flippin fishing rod!!! (don't ask me why). :lol:
Great that the kids are being so supportive too. Hope the rest of the week is good for you all.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
How are things with you this week? Have they managed to fill and catch all the rats? How is the shower holding up?
Have a good weekend
C-L
Hi Claire Louise, thanks for thinking about me. :) It's lovely that someone has, as there is nobody in the real world.
The rats have been solved, but the pest control said to keep all the poison down just in case. He said it was pointless trying to protect the home as they will still get in. I asked about wire wool and he said, they can still get through that if they want, but they don't like it.
He said "have you seen the alleyway?" which is at the back of the house. He said there will be loads of rats there and that other neighbours will have problems with rats too. I don't even see my neighbours so I don't know.
So it wasn't very reassuring really. My options though are really rubbish. I want to move, (as the landlord isn't doing anything about the damp either) but I don't know how. I'm on the council list, like thousands of other people and moving into another private landlord accommodation is risky and be loads more expensive. I'm in a nice area, the rent here is quite cheap so to move to a more expensive property. As I only have £50 until the end of the month and I need to get Christmas presents next month, I don't even have the cash to move to another private landlord. All the credit checks and guarantees you need too, I don't even have anyone to guarantee me.
I work, but the mortage wouldn't even buy a shed.
The pest control said that he'd just been to a house, the woman had spent a fortune trying to get rid of rats but her next door neighbour was putting food out for them. :shock: Even though I don't know this woman, I have a lot of sympathy for her. And there are always people worse off than you.
So feel a bit down today when I think about it. I'll put the wire wool down and contact the council see if they can sort out the alleyway. I don't even want to look at it.
Did the man say anything about those ultrasound machines like this one?: http://www.primrose-london.co.uk/mouse-repeller-whole-house-p-36.html?source=googleads&gclid=CIavmMrnip4CFUYA4wodJjsMog I can't recommend it as I have never used one myself.
The wire wool sounds like a good idea, also what about a piece of fairly fine chicken wire?
I think it is worth approaching to Council to see if you can be moved up the list. Think about what evidence you can gather: a doctor's letter about the damp? evidence about the rats? Also worth looking at http://england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice?gclid=CLGW27_pip4CFZ1h4wodjVpXqA and asking them if there are any housing support organisations is your area that could endorse your application?
Lots of possibilities but the main thing is that you have got rid of the rats :D
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
Thanks for your post. Good that things are getting sorted in your house regarding the rats and I think putting anything down that might deter them is of use - surely. Its a good idea to get in touch with the council about the alleyway. This could also be a good opportunity to get in touch with your neighbours and see if they are suffering with the same issues - what are they like? You said that you live in a nice area, so does that mean that you have decent neighbours? the two don't wlways go hand in hand.
As for moving - do you have any housing associations near you? You can put your name down on their lists as well as the council to open the net as wide as possible.
How are you feeling now? It is quite natural to have up days and down days so try not to fret about it. Are you able to get out for a walk? I have just been out to the top of a hill in very windy conditions which has really blown away the cobwebs and been quite inspiring!
Speak soon C-L
Louise and Claire Louise, thanks for your wonderful posts. It's lovely to feel that someone has cared about me. :D
I'm rushing as I type this as I don't want my kids to see, but I have decided after looking at the Shelter website to contact environmental health. If they say the damp is bad, (penetrating damp, six patches possibly about 50cm by 50cm but it feels freezing as I walk in ) then I will take it further. I know the landlord will be a pain in the backside and just put my rent up, but if i get evicted here then maybe that will be a good thing.
If the report is OK, I'll just buy a ladder and fix it myself. Well try anyway. The shelter website says that any accidents are my responsibility, but I'll just deny doing it lol But I do have a glass of wine in my hand so I feel brave saying it now lol Why can't I always have this invicible feeling?
I looked at rat repellant too. The reviews are mixed
Hello lightatendoftunnel
Can't recommend you clambering up ladders, but enviromental health sounds an interesting idea and not one I would have thought of :)
I'm glad the rats are sorted.
So many good points raised by Louise and Claire-Louise.
Sending loads of hugs your way.
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
I mentioned housing associations before and I would like to flag them up again now that you have mentioned the damp as they come round to assess your need and the damp would help in terms of 'scoring points' in terms of your need for an alternative property. You are able to select which areas you would consider living in and as long as you are as open minded as you can be on this point then you may have a chance. Look out what housing associations are in your area and get in touch and see what they say.
Good luck with environmental health.
C-L
Thanks or your replies. I need to chase the housing again as they haven't called me back.
I'm nit in the mood at the minute as I feel a bit sad. I'll be OK soon though. It's just that it''s my birthday and for one day in the year I'd just like a rest or to feel special. To be made a fuss of would be great. I just feel a bit sorry for myself today but I'll be OK soon.
It just reminds me that I'm from an awful family. If any of my children were single parents and had a birthday, I'd do something for them. My family don't even acknowledge my birthday. My Mum sent a card, but just signs it as "from" and never "love from". Even when I lived at home as a child, my presents were just left on the floor and never even handed to me.
I'll be OK tomorrow, I just have an unrealistic idea that birthdays are a time to show someone that you love them and think they're special.
i usually take myself out but I've run out of cash. I've had a really expensive month, so can't. I'll even have to go out later to buy food, not a chore I ever like, but certainly not today.
Last year on my birthday, I'd hoped things would be different this year. I don't mean my family, just a hope that I'd meet a wonderful man.
I'll be OK tomorrow, this is the only day of the year that I feel sorry for myself. I don't even mind Christmas being alone at Christmas as I enjoy it.
i've survived loads of other birthdays alone so this won't be any different.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR DEAR LIGHTATENDOFTUNNEL!
Sorry to hear you're feeling down, I do think that birthdays, like Christmas, can bring things into focus as we think back to a year ago. No wonder you feel sad when you think about your family, and how wonderful that you are bringing up your own children in such a loving way :D When you go out and do the dreaded food shopping, I want you to buy a small gift, whether a bar of chocolate or a lipstick or a little bunch of flowers, whatever floats your boat...and that is the gift that we at One Space want to give you today, with our love.
I am sure the others wll be along soon to add their good wishes :P
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR LIGHTATENDOFTUNNEL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU[i]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J55nUIg2JN4
I hope you do have a lovely day. You so deserve it. Louise is right, pick yourself something up from the shop. Treat yourself to something, even if it is only something small.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
I hate to think of anyone sad on their birthday. I know it's not the same as family, but I want to bring a smile to your face. :)
You are special, so don't ever think you're not.
http://www.123greetings.com/aff-bin/card/119/102313
Take care
Alison
x :)
Happy Birthday from me too
While I can't change what's up on your mantle-piece, you are valued, and you are quite brilliant in dealing with all you do.
Dear lightatendoftunnel
I have been off work a few weeks and am slowly catching up with the messages in our online groups, you have been having a tough time :shock:
Happy Birthday for yesterday!! What did you buy yourself from us? Lipstick? Flowers? Please tell me you got something. Your children are old enough to make your birthday a celebration, did they do anything special for you?? I hope so, but if not then I think you need to have words so they are all clued up for next year, as I bet you make their birthdays really special. It doesn't have to be shop bought stuff either. Hand made cards, cooked dinner, (beans on toast!) a cup of tea, just being extra specially good! Thats what makes my birthday.
Earlier on everyone was talking about how their children do things around the house, it sounds great! Good for them, I STILL find it tough with my daughter, but persistence is the key!!
Nobody mentioned a parenting programme, what about joining one? They are a great place to meet new people, great friendships are often made, discuss parenting issues, share solutions, pick up new hints, tips and skills. I say time and time again, I think only the best parents join programmes as they are open and willing to learn new techniques, there is no right and wrong way to parent and nobody has all the answers. Ask at the childrens school if they know of any in your area.
I agree 100% about that there should be childcare until 16, hey why not 18!!
My daughter was in after school club til she was 11, then she goes to senior school ......and nothing :? We looked into extra curricular activites, me naively thinking that that would be the alternative and they all finished at 4.05pm or started at 6pm until 7.30 :shock: :?:
So my girl is now a latchkey kid, thank you very much. She's good and goes straight home and sits on the internet or the TV till I come home, but I often feel it is a very lonely experience, although she insists that she loves it!
Apparently in Sweden as it is expected for both parents to work, there is year round all age childcare provision, sort of youth club and it is expected that children will go there when they are not in school. Also single parents get lump sums of money for electrical appliances - yearly! I think we should all emigrate!! :D
I'm glad my birthday is over now, I'm back to normal now! It's only once a year I feel sorry for myself! Plus i have pmt which doesn't help.
My eldest son did make a card and my youngest made the evening meal and a cup of tea later on. My 14 year old gave me a big hug too.So they remembered, but I don't think it's fair of me to expect them to make a big fuss of me.
I have just had a really expensive month, so couldn't do a special thing for me which i how I normally cope. But I will go out for a meal in January to make up for it.
I know that if my kids were single parents, I would be there for them. Definitely on their birthday. Money doesn't matter but I'd babysit, cook etc So my birthday just brings it home that my family are really awful.
I'm back to normal now, and I'm determined that my kids have the love and security that i never had. And they do, they are such great kids. :D
Anna, what are you going to do in the holidays? Mine are latchkey kids, for one hour, which works well. But it's the holidays I'm not too happy with. They love it though as they are just glued to the PS3 all day and I can't nag. I feel better they are both together, but not everyone has siblings who get on well together.
I also started my work experience this morning. I feel really proud of myself for organising it and it will look great on my CV when I move jobs.
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
I am gald you are feeling better today and a belated happy birthday for yesterday! I am glad your children remembered - they are your family now and it is good that they look after you and give you hugs etc.
Well done for the work experience and all these things definitely add to the CV and it all counts so well done and I hope you enjoy it.
C-L
hello light at end of tunnel
Glad to hear that you got some nice hugs and a bit of spoiling on your birthday :D
Well done on your work experience!
I agree it is so strange about childcare suddenly stopping at age 11. I was on a local panel a few years ago looking at childcare and one of our recommendations was for provision for teens. They then went away and consulted teens who were so "whatever" about it and " hey we just want to chill" that the Authority decided it wasn't financially viable. I think it is a cultural thing: if kids grow up knowing that they will go to places (like he Swedish system Anna mentioned) then they will just get on with it.
I think it is wonderful that you are being such a fab mum to your children and that they know you will be there for them whatever happens, well done you!
I think they should make a fuss of you on your birthday... I'm glad they did.
Mine did for me this year, which was really nice - and home made cards, which are so precious. :)
Usually they're at Scout camp - and they'll all be away next year.
sparkling next time you will have to have an "un-birthday" on a different day: if the Queen can have two birthdays then so can you! :D
Hi lightatendoftunnel
Welcome to One Space.
I am so sorry that you are now on your own with young children.
The Mums you have met and who have said these ghastly things to you basically just aren't worth knowing. I always say it doesn't matter how little or how much you have, if there's no love, then you have nothing.Disregard these comments from those Mums.
You are a Mum who has found herself on her own, doing her very best for her children, and at the end of the day, that is what counts.
My son and I don't have any luxuries either, but we have a roof over our heads, food on the table, and thankfully legs to walk with!!!!!
I realise it is more difficult meeting children's friends when they reach a certain age, but could you not suggest that your children invite them in for a few minutes?
(My son is only 7, so I'm not at this stage yet). I'm only saying this, as my Mum and Dad always invited my friends in first!
What sort of job do you do? Have you joined any support groups since you were widowed. Meeting people in the same position, getting together, that sort of thing?
As you quite rightly say, there is light at the end of the tunnel.
I look forward to getting to know you on here.
Take care, and have a nice Sunday
Alison
x :)