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personally I think it is nice getting older, an increase in confidence, a lessening of pressure. By the way, sparkling lime, I am 49 :D
Hi lightatendoftunnel
Great news about your work experience, it sounds as if it has given you a lift!
You say:
but I don't think it's fair of me to expect them to make a big fuss of me
I disagree, I actively encourage my daughter to make a fuss of me on my birthday, or mothers day etc, we have to teach them. We do it for them on their special days! Some people don't find it important, but I'm afraid the child in me, does! It is always clearly marked on the calendar! Children love their birthdays, so they want us to have a great one too! Unfortunately as we are raising them alone, they have to come up with the ideas on their own, but I think they can do a fab job,and if we tell them how great they are making us feel, it makes them feel good too.
You asked about the holidays, well my girl is 15 now, so over the years, I take work hols when I can, then completely rely on her friends parents, my friends and school camps to cover the rest of the time. It is always very stressful trying to plan it all carefully, so she is not home alone for more than 3 consecutive days, but we seem to have got through. What else can you do? :?
What is your work experience?? (apologies if you have already said, but am interested to know)!
personally I think it is nice getting older, an increase in confidence, a lessening of pressure. By the way, sparkling lime, I am 49 :D
:)
Hello lightatendoftunnel
Just wondered how you were getting on, thinking of you....
Thanks, Louise xx It's lovely to have your post.
I'm plodding on. Starting to get ready for Christmas. Tree is out, just need to buy decorations to put on it now. ;)
I have holidays over Christmas so I can't wait. I really need the break, so not long to go now.
I have parent's evening tonight, which I love. It's great hearing that my kids are great in school.
My 14 year old told me last night to expect a call from his French teacher. He has to do a mini film and my son refuses to be filmed. However his teacher is strict so she won't like it when he refuses. I'm proud that he can stand up for himself (he is well behaved in school) but at the same time he has to do what the teacher says, so I need to support the school too. I'll see what happens.
Roll on the christmas holidays...
Hi
Christmas will soon be here. My oldest boy is 18 tomorrow, so know Christmas is 3 weeks later, new year 4 weeks later and then my 13 year old son turns 14 on 8 January - 5 weeks later... Aghhhhh!
With regards to your son and the film, is it not possible for the teacher to agree to him having a 'behind the scenes' role? It's rather mean 'making' the children do something they really don't want to do. I know they have to in most cases, but surely with a film...
Enjoy the parents evening.
Hello lightatendoftunnel
Great to hear from you, glad that you have some time off to look forward to. Hope parents evening will go well. A teacher I knew always said "The parents you REALLY want to see never come to parents evening" :D That's a really good idea of sparkling lime's, to see if your son can be on the technical side, some people just don't like to be filmed, it is a bit like public speaking and can make people nervous. if there is absolutely no choice then have a go at practising at home, you could make it into a bit of fun with a pretend clapperboard etc and stick his name on the back of his chair, like directors do.
I found out that my son had been attacked months ago and he didn't even tell me about it. :(
There were 2 boys, one had a dog. They have been picking on my son and his friend for months.
feel guilty now, that he didn't feel able to tell me. I did notice him becoming a bit more violent, saying "I'm going to bang you" etc but I just thought it was his age. I have aslo been busy and worried about the rat, maybe he didn't want to burden me.
He felt really embarrassed when I was speaking to him. He told me a few details, but then refused to tell me more. When i asked why he didn't tell me he said, I don't know.
feel sad about it all. He had to deal with all that himself. And I didn't even notice
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
How horrible for your son and you. How did it come out? Was it something that happened at school? It is a credit to your son that he was able to deal with it himself and cope - he must be quite a strong character. Try not to feel guilty though. We cannot be in control of every situation and so we cannot be held responsible. It is good that he felt able to tell you about it now. Maybe he will feel more able to tell you more as time goes on.
I hope the parents evening is good and you get to hear positive things about them.
Hi Sparklinglime
Wow - you certainly have a full on celebratory period coming up with xmas and birthdays and more birthdays. It must be quite an expensive time for you as well? Do you put money aside throughout the year for this time?
Have you managed to sell the car?
Good luck with all the xmas decorations. I am planning to get our tree this weekend and to make a start on the presents as I have not done any xmas shopping yet! Oh dear!
Cheers C-L
Had managed to sell car in the auction, and now the "buyer" has decided to ask 20 questions and ask for a load of pics. I think not. He could have asked before hand, having out-bid people who were keen and who had asked their questions. I'm been a bit bolshi :roll: For a while I thought I could treat myself to an electric blanket, somehow, I don't think anything will happen. I reckon the sale won't go ahead, and the others will have found something else (that works!).
It's my "old" car Alison, that I couldn't afford to fix, and has left me well in debt.
Can't tell you how great it is to see you here.
Catch up tomorrow, hopefully, with you both. :D
Hi Sparklinglime - be bolshi and proud! You have every right to be so. With all those auction things online or not, you have to have done your research before putting in a bid and the winning bid is final. Don't back down and let them get away with it. Stick to your guns sparklinglime.
Backing you all the way C-L
Hi Sparklinglime - be bolshi and proud! You have every right to be so. With all those auction things online or not, you have to have done your research before putting in a bid and the winning bid is final. Don't back down and let them get away with it. Stick to your guns sparklinglime.
Backing you all the way C-L
Thank you. :)
No probs sparkling. Sometimes all we need is someone to back us up a bit to help us out with tricky situations. Especially if, like you we are too nice generally and like to remain civil and see the best in people and so we don't really want to get into conflict unnecessarily. I am the same to be honest so I can empathise with you and see where you are coming from and I quite often end up questionning myself in situations like that so I find it really reassuring to have someone come in and back me up and reassure me that I am in fact in the right!
I hope the sale does go through as planned as I am sure the money will come in very useful, especially at this time of year with xmas fast approaching plus all you children's birthdays as well!
C-L
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
I have read your posts and it sounds like you have been going through a tough time, I hope things are starting to improve.
I can relate to the lack of family support. I am a single parent with a seven year old daughter and my family live in the channel islands, I live in Bristol (daughter's father bi-polar, not living in UK). I have a brother who lives in London but I don't see him that often. My father died three years ago and my mother is not good at phoning me regularly, nor are my sisters. I have also been let down by good friends and have experienced alot of isolation.
Through conselling sessions I am learning to be more upfront and honest with family and friends. I have had to ask my mum to phone me at least once a week and have booked her to look after my daughter for a week next summer. I have also been honest with friends and have told them how they hurt me when they stopped spending time with me and my daughter.
The reason I mention counselling is that as a single parent I have no one to bounce ideas off, or share my anxiety and parenting concerns. I bring all these issues to my counselling sessions and I wonder if you have considered counselling to help discuss things like your son being bullied, and your lack of family support etc. I don't know what I would do without counselling now. I pay £15 for an hours session, but I know there are some women's charities that offer free counselling, Span should be able to give you a list of these.
Wishing a happy christmas to all xxx
Thank you greengoddess
I am glad you have found such strength from counselling, and thanks for this post. It's a hard thing to do, to turn the emphasis round from feeling neglected and isolated, to identifying your needs, making them clear and then being strong enough to move on if people are unsupportive....but it is a fantastic thing to do, and I wish you all the very best. :D
sparklinglime
Hope the auction dispute will be resolved. my son sold a game through ebay and he was silly enough to send it before he had received the money and then the person claimed never to have received the game, luckily he had sent it Recorded Delivery and he tracked it online and was able to sned ebay a copy of the signature of the person, who had indeed received it!
Hi lightatendoftunnel
How are you? Oh it must have been awful to hear your son tell you that he was attacked, with a dog involved too. Have you heard anymore about it? Have you spoken to the school about it? Does your son know who these boys are? You said they are still giving him grief, would he be prepared to make a statement?
I know Christmas is looming, but it might be worth doing all that you can now, so the holidays can be spent in peace with nothing overhanging in the new year.
Be proud of your son too, he was protecting you and sort of dealing with it. :)
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
How did the parents evening go? Did you get to hear lots of positive things?
Has your son opened up any more about his attack?
I noticed that the greengoddess mentioned about counselling, and I know that some GP practices offer 6 week sessions through the NHS which might be worth checking out. She pointed out a really useful tool in terms of how we look at our situation and turn it around to identify what we need.
Hope to speak again soon.
C-L
Thanks, everybody for all your replies. :)
parent's evening was great. A few teachers congratulated me on doing such a good job. Although they all said he is shy. My son is generally not a chatty person and is happy going to school, so who cares if he's shy?
My son hasn't said anything else to me about the attack, but i feel better about it. I think his pride was hurt more than anything as he does tell me quite a bit of stuff. Maybe he was being protective of me too, I don't know. The attack didn't stop him from going out, even though he would just go and knock for his friend and stay in his.
Greengoddess, I did try counselling, but the counsellor told me his problems!! People always tell me stuff. Generally, I'm easy going but the rats have been the only thing ever to really affect me. And I've had a lot of things to cope with! lol
My lack of family doesn't bother me, it's just on my birthday that it reminds me of how things could be differnt. But then, loads of people are stressed at Christmas. I'm not, I only buy for the kids which is easy and suit myself over the holidays.
Have to go now, but thanks again for all your kind replies
Gosh, lighatendof tunnel, sounds like you needed a different counsellor! It's worth having a go with someone else if you feel it would help.
That sounds fab re parents evening. It's true our children do sometimes try to protect us by keeping things quiet, but you clearly have a good relationship with your son and can build on that :D
Glad you're not too stressed about Christmas. What have you got planned? Are you cooking a roast for lunch? or something different?
Hi lightatedoftunnel
I agree with Louise, it is worth finding another counsellor, I went to 3 (over a number of years) before I found one that I could work with.
One just didn't get where I was coming from, another just wanted to talk about my dad because her husband had left when her children were late teens (like mine) and she kept bursting into tears! Not helpful when i actually wanted to talk about my feelings towards my ex and our relationship!!
Would you consider looking for another one?
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
I am really glad to hear that the parents evening was a succcess and I wouldn't worry about shyness, I think they all go through a shy period.
Good to hear you are feeling better about your son's attack and that it has not stopped him from going out.
Yes I agree, don't right counselling off after one bad experience, give it another go!
How are things going today? What plans have you got for the weekend and in the run up to xmas???
Cheers C-L
Thanks for your replies :D
I only tried counselling when I was going through the bereavment, so I don't feel I need it.
As for Christmas, i can't wait! I like it being just me and the boys. Even though I do most of the work!! But i love being off work the most. The past few months have been really stressful, and you have all helped me so much. But I feel the tiredness from it all has caught up with me, so I'll be relaxing over Christmas.
Superwoman will be taking a well deserved break lol! :lol:
I think you'll still be superwoman even having a break!
I hope you and your boys have a brilliant and happy Christmas.
This will be my fifth Christmas here and I'm on a mission to try and have the house looking reasonable in photographs!! :D
I hope you have lots of chances to relax, lightatendoftunnel! I recommend you get your boys on some of the chores, too. You will love the time off work.When do you finish?
Hi lightatendoftunnel
I am with you on the relaxing over xmas. My work has been sooo hectic that I hve just been ill as a direct result of doing too much and I am looking forward to doing nothing and hibernating over the next week or so, two weeks even!
Sparkling - try not to stress about the housework too much - just take close ups of people's faces rather than background shots then no-one will ever know what state the house is in!!!!!
Cheers C-L
Hello lightatendoftunnel
How was your Christmas? Good I hope. I sometimes feel like Mrs Bridges in Upstairs Downstairs; as soon as one meal is over I have to start on preparing the next one. Have you had a chance to put your feet up?
Thanks Louise for your message. :D
My Christmas was great. Even though it has just been me and the boys for days, I have loved it. I have managed to watch some films and one night I had wine and chocolates for my evening meal! The only time I really relax is the holidays.
I know what you mean about always cooking. I have boys so they never stop eating. Two hours after a meal they say they are hungry, what's to eat?
:roll:
I try and have and have a plan for the next few days of what we'll be eating and I find it helps. One night a week my boys have to make a meal, (OK so tonight it's a jar of 9p curry sauce and chicken I picked up half price as it's the last day!) so luckily I have a cheap, easy meal for them to make which we all like. He will still moan though, but I don' t mind when I'm relaxed. I can't stand the moaning when I have been at work all day!
For luch I have easy stuff, toast or sandwiches. Again, they moan at that!
I also have a slow cooker. I put the meal on in the morning and it will be ready when I come home from work. I'm still getting used to it, but I like it. Last night I made burgers in tomato sauce, which was easy and boys ate. I made double so that's our meal for another night with potato wedges.
That's great that you have had some time to relax. Thanks for the cooking tips, too, I do try to plan meals but now mine are older they are a bit of a law to themselves as to their plans. AS for that 9p curry sauce, did it come from M........ by any chance? I love that sauce and use it about twice a week ;)
9p Curry??!! Wow. I thought I did well getting a massive jar for £1 odd yesterday. Children enjoyed the curry, but eldest hasn't put what was left in the fridge, so it's no good now. Loads left too that would have been ok for today too.
I'm not impressed.
Well that is typical, you know. DURRR! However, mine will happily put empty milk cartons in the fridge and empty cereal packets in the cupboard :? I once asked them why this was and they said that they didn't want anyone to realise that they were the one who had finished it off.
Or leave half an inch of orange juice in the carton so they can say they didn't finish it! I bought a litre of orange juice yesterday - I was lucky that I got that last half-inch 8-)
Yes what on earth are you complaining about? :lol: I have to put labels on all the yoghurts in this house when I return from the supermarket. They can only eat it if their initial is on the top. And I have an indelible pen and sometimes write "MUM" on things I don't want to disappear, I usually end up sharing them but at least I get a piece of the action!
My eldest has taken to doing that!!!!!!!!!!! With my son with special needs though, he chooses to ignore this boxes and pots covered in huge black marker pen :lol:
One day they'll all leave home and there will be orange juice in the fridge when I want it - and I'll probably be sad - along with my magnetic fish for company...
Awwww.....
Sometimes when I think even the black marker pen won't deter them, I enclose the item in several carriers and stash it at the back of the salad drawer (it's pretty safe there :lol: )
I allow my kids to eat as much fruit as they want. For some reason, they never ever eat it! Fruit is the only thing I know that will still be there the same day I bought it form the shop lol
What is it with kids as they grow up? Mine used to eat fruit and veg but now it is so much harder!
You're right, they do go through that stage...but hopefully eventually they grow out of it. I do the same as you, lightatendoftunnel, provide lots of fruit and encourage that to be the only thing eaten after teatime. I always put fruit in my 15 year old's lunchbox. What was interesting was that when I was very busy recently I asked him to make his own lunchbox for a few days and he picked different things from what I would put in and the fruit was things I didn't realise he particuarly liked, such as apples and pears.
oh and by the way, I used to mash up carrots and "hide" them in bolognaise, and put cabbage in stir fry and tell them it was pak choi! :oops:
Have you any New year's Eve plans?
Happy New year Louise.
My New year was lovely. I just made a party for me and the boys and we played games all night. My youngest helped making the buffet and my eldest really appreciated the buffet. I struggled saying up until 12 though!
I have had a really relaxing break and it just makes me realise I'm not normally this relaxed. When I'm back at work and kids are back in school everything is just so hectic. They have hobbies which start again too. Loads of appointments too for clinics and orthodontists. It's exhausting just thinking about it!!
When I'm off work, it's easier to sort out meals. Next Tuesday, for example, I have an hour from when I return home from work to cook and eat tea before I leave. If it was just me, I wouldn't mind having a snack, but boys need proper meals. I will just need to be even more organised and have a slow cooker meal on that day.
It's been great having this time off.
Hello lightatendoftunnel
Happy new year to you too! Sounds like you had a fab time last night and that everyone joined in together. I know what you mean about it being difficult to stay awake till midnight ;)
You're right, being organised is the key to getting through the hectic days, and food is one of the things that can at least be organised (unlike people! :lol: ) I am a great fan of lists and planning. Glad you have had such a chance to recharge your batteries and enjoy the time with the children.
Glad you've had a good break and had a load of fun.
How long til half-term??!!
Happy New Year.
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
It is really good to hear you being so upbeat, relaxed and happy over the xmas holidays. It sounds like the break has really done you the world of good. It is just such a shame that the xmas holidays are so short and with all the celebrations etc, the seem to fly by even quicker. I really think we should have 3 weeks off at xmas don't you?
It sounds like you are gearing up for next term mentally which is good preparation and hopefully all this relaxing you have managed to do will stand you and your children in good stead for the term ahead.
Good luck
C-L
Hi lightatendoftunnel
Just thinking of another option for you regarding dinners etc. Could you not make double of stuff, and freeze them for the following week? That saves an awful lot of time.
Hope you and the boys are well. Am not looking forward to my son going back to school. Claire-Louise is right, the holidays should be longer.
Take care
Alison
x :)
The rats are back again. Next door counted 8 rats running around yesterday. :shock:
They are in the drains and quite freely run around in daylight without a care in the world. The council are backlogged with Christmas and the weather, so nothing will happen for a while. They need to identify where in the drain they are by using cameras, but the priority at the minute are the bins which haven't been moved for weeks. Then they issue the landlord with a notice to sort it out, (depending on where the problem is) which is 28 days again. So in the meantime I just have to accept I will see rats every day. I was only outside for 2 minutes before and saw one.
I know it will get sorted out, but every noise I hear I am paranoid that it is a rat. I'm terrified that they will get into the house again. I have put wool wire in the gaps they got in last time and the poison is still down.
How crap is that? I'm trying to see a positive in this, maybe I will get over my phobia of the horrible things.
Hi lightatendoftunnel
I really do symphathize with you over the rat issue. I too would be paranoid.
Perhaps like you say, you will lose your phobia!!
Good luck
Alison
x :)
Oh no lightatendoftunnel, just what you had been dreading. :(
Everything just seems to have come to a standstill in this awful weather. My bin was finally emptied yesterday after three weeks, which I suppose wasn't bad.
I am so sorry to hear about the rats though; let's hope they will be exterminated once and for all this time.
lightatendoftunnel, I really hope they don't come back.
Thinking of you.
Hi Lightatendoftunnel
I think one positive thing to keep hold of is that while the bins have not been empty then it means there is plaenty for the rats to feast on outside which means there will be less need for them to come scavaging inside. Not sure if that helps or not?
It sounds like you are on the case trying to prevent them from coming in again with the wire wool and the poison which is a good plan. is there any way of actually blocking up the place where they came in before?
Do you have a cat? I know a friend who did and so had a cat flap and the rats came in the cat flap! So that is something to consider and then keeping all food really well contained in plastic containers etc. We currently have rats in the PTA store room at my sons school and the rats had eaten through 3 sets of fairy lights - they eat anything and everything so it is worth keeping all plastic take away boxes and maybe investing in some tupperware and keeping all food really well boxed up.
On the other hand I once heard Sure Ryder give a speach (from the Sue Ryder 2nd hand shops) and she had an infestation of rats when she was setting up one of her orphanges and she resorted to getting a gun and shooting them - there is always that option!!!!
good luck with it
C-L
Hi Claire-Louise
Your post made me absolutely cringe! Is your son's school still open with rats???? Health and Safety surely. Reading these posts sends shivers down my spine, and if I had rats in my place, I would have to move out!! The mere thought horrifies me. You sound so relaxed when you talk about this :o
I have a gap in my kitchen which I'm now going to block up, and I don't even think we have those disgusting creatures in my area! You are right though about the rubbish outside, so now I'm thinking overtime here. That is soooooooo going to attract the things. Good grief alive, the hairs on my back are standing up!!!
Where do I buy a shotgun????
Take care, and tell your little boy not to venture near that room :roll:
Alison
x :)
All this talk of shotguns has quite unnerved me. I am not surrpised that lady got one, she must have felt desperate.
The weather has finally improved and so the bin men should be clearing the backlog now, and the pest control people should be back up to speed too. |Let's hope you get some help from them soon, lightatendoftunnel.
I also hope that you boy's school is on the case, ClaireLouise?
To be honest, I've tried that back in 2007, when all but the youngest went on camp. It just isn't the same on a different day... We did the cake and all that... But then, I am getting old now :roll: And really shouldn't be too concerned about birthdays :D 8-) (I'm 47, by the way, the oldest by far, I'm sure. And happy to be growing older as I leave all the rubbishy bits further behind :) )