Thanks for your kind words of encouragement... Not sure what I am doing tonight but I did not have to see the ex as he finished work early enough to pick up monkey from nursery - which I have actually found harder to handle as I have not had time to say good night to him or get my head round the fact I was not seeing him tonight.. That is the one thing that kept me sane today - knowing I was picking up monkey after work and hey guess that is not happening. Also found out that I am 12th on the list for a flat near my parents and in the last 12 months they have only had 7 flats available. 
Still whilst i am here the ex is having to live with his mum and put up with hassel from her. 
I have also asked the ex's mum to delete my number from her phone and said i will always let her know where monkey and I are living but can not handle contact from anybody in his family at the moment. Not sure how she has taken it but I now have to do what is best for me.
It is such a roller coaster. Its a place you never thought you'd be...
Just been told by the ex that i have upset his mum but guess i cant worry about that. i have to start putting me first as nobody else will.. I know she is only in touch so she does not lose monkey but that is not for me to sort out it is for her son to do..
Well off to bed now with a glass of wine.
Speak to you all tomorrow. xx
Hi shazd26, is your mother in law not nice to you, I only ask because my ex mother in law became my greatest ally through my very nasty divorce it took 4 years to eventually get divorced but she was there all the way through and yes I felt as you do that no one cared and wanted to cut everyone off but I am so glad I didnt do it. I have 5 children altogether but only one was her grandchild however she treated them all the same over the years, sadly she died when my youngest son was only a few weeks old.
I know right now you are questioning her motives but if you got along with her in the past please think long and hard about this, children need grandparents, mine only ever had my ex mother in law and they were so lucky to have had her
I know you say its for your ex to sort but what if he lets say moved away for some reason then your little boy could lose out on his grandma.
Sorry just giving you my experience of how it was for me, you must do what you think is best xxxx
Hello shazd and hope you are Ok this morning. Your little boy's grandma is a really important figure in his life so I hope you don't lose contact with her. I so know where you are coming from with the no contact at the moment-I just stopped answering the phone during my separation- but maybe you could make this a short term thing until things settle down? Just think, your son may have his own family one day and then YOU will be the grandma? lol I bet you cannot imagine that right now!! However, what I would say is that if you do maintain any sort of contact with her in the longer term, it needs to be understood that she must treat you with respect.....as tired mum says, it depends on what your relationship has been like thus far.
Hi shazd26
How did the weekend go? How do you feel today? Did the monkey have a good visit? Did you have a good evening? What did you do?
I have another link for you - How to mend a broken heart
Hello shazd26
Hope your ok and believe me it does get better, its time time a slow process and different for every person.
We all know that we as people can not just turn are love emotions off it will fade in time, you now have a new future new chapter in your life and you do what you want to do with it its lots of you time new friends new activites.
There is a way off the rollacoster of life you just have to work your way through it and you will with lots of support.
Hugs Stuart
Yes, Wayne you are such an encouragement for other people just starting on the journey. You are right, it is two steps foward, one step back, a leap forward, a slump back....but on the whole, it is all about moving forward. Baby steps, as sparkling lime would say.
You are bound to get rotten days, shazd, I would be thinking that you were in denial if you weren't
and of course the days your son goes to his dad will be the most difficult. We are all here for you and I want you to treat yourself tonight