Hello Kiera,
Just wanted to say hi and i sincerely hope you get the advice and support you require. I`m sorry you are having such an awful time & i hope you are able to resolve it and keep safe. Please look after yourself and keep us posted. xx
Hi Louise,
Hope my post about the Grand National didn`t lead you to think i`m a gambler, lol, its just that in my family the Grand National has always been a huge occasion since i was a child and all my female relatives would make it a party day with a buffet and the kids would play party games & they would place their only bet of the year and neighbours would be invited round too. It was like the `Royle Family`. I still get the same nostalgic feelings watching it now,i think its the family getting together that i really love and watching my older aunts & nana`s yelling at the tv - very comical 
Just as an update, had a chat with my eldest daughter today and no longer following her dad on twitter so that`s a relief and we had a frank discussion about `boundaries` and `compromise`. It felt like found some common ground so i`m really pleased with that !
Hope you all have a good week and speak soon,
A xxx
WELL DONE with your daughter! and a big relief to you. all these chats you have with her are really positive contributors to your relationship.
No, I didn't think you were a gambler 
my son said the same as you about it being an all-generation, that he saw all these old ladies discussing their bets in town, he was typical teen-scornful, saying "Huh one woman said that if she won she would put the money towards a day at the seaside, what a stupid idea" (I thought it was a good idea!)
Is your daughter back at school on Monday?
Hi Louise,
My eldest is back tomorrow but youngest back Tuesday as tomorrow is teacher training day so she`s staying at nana`s tonite. Thank you for asking.
What your son said made me laugh, the ladies he saw must have placed a much bigger bet than me. I only bet £2.50 so planned to treat myself to a `full` tank of petrol for my car. Alas i did not win so the cars surviving on fumes - again!
Had a lovely surprise today. My eldest has recently got in touch with a girl she used to go to nursery with many moons ago, thro mutual friends and she was invited to stay at her house this weekend. I went to pick her up and the other girls mum invited me in for coffee and we got chatting. We have now arranged to keep in touch and we are meeting up for a coffee next week. I`m thrilled to have made a new friend as i desperately need to widen my circle of friends and this has been an unexpected bonus - and u can never have too many friends 
.
This has helped to lift my mood considerably and reminds me that good things do happen and i should remember that!
A xxxxx
Hi manc-lass, thanks for those links, has your daughter experienced any bullying in the past that is making you fearful for her future online?
I didn't bet, but watched the race at a friends, before it started I went for No. 26, because its my birthday and he nearly won! It was so close! My daughter went for Boomshakkalakka, because she loved the name and he was near the front throughout the race. I have to say it was very exciting 
It is great that you have caught up with 'old mums', when my daughter left junior school, her friends all went to different seniors, us mums had got along well and felt a bit sad that it was 'an end of an era'.
Anyway we now meet once or twice a year for a curry and few bottles of wine! Its lovely! The girls all go and play (actually now they are 17, so they tend to 'chill'!) upstairs, we are downstairs, then we all share taxis home. I really value that time, because although I only see them rarely, they are really important to me and we share discussions on parenting, careers, partners, holidays and life in general and its fascinating how to watch how each others lives evolve! Mine probably the most being the only single parent!
Remember that you have to make the effort to meet with new friends too, don't wait for them to call :)
Hi Anna, thanks for your comments
Great advice re the friends issue. I felt really comfortable with my daughters friends mum and fully intend to keep in touch. I have a very small group of close friends but they are all married/couples so i don`t socialise with them much but keep in regular contact. I have one other friend who is a single parent and we try and meet up when we can. Other girls mum is married but her husband works nites so she doesn`t socialise much either and i think she was glad to make a new friend too. Will keep you posted .
Re my eldest, she was bullied at primary school. She is very thin and quite pretty and is a keen singer and member of a drama group. She was always picked for main parts in school productions and when all her friends started to get fone`s she would get some really horrible jealous comments and her friends would often side with the bully`s out of fear & not talk to her and she would be sent to Coventry on a regular basis. I had to take the issue to the school who did their best to help us. But this escalated to involve children from the adjoining secondary school too and they used to shout ` fat bitch` at her and push into her when she walked to school and some girls would dare boys to push her and swear at her. When she moved to a different secondary school it did stop but i`ve not forgotten it and it does worry me how easily these tings start and can escalate, so yes i may be too cautious but can`t help it 
. I think if she had had `facebook` too it would have been even worse. I have great sympathy with any child or family that is experiencing this as it is really awful and you feel desperately sad for your child that you can`t make everything alright. Touch wood she is not having problems at her new school and hopefully won`t have. She has good friends and the school really do have a `zero` tolerance to bullying so hope it won`t ever be an issue again.
A xxx
Hi Mancs lass
First of all great news about seeing an old friend again. I do think the friends thing takes time. Now you know her again, you might get to know others through her etc.
Glad your daughter has put the bullying behind her but it sounds a terrible experience, sounds as if it was born of jealousy? A lot of what happens is down to the school and it's great when there is zero tolerance. Our young people are so vulnerable (especially emotionally) and as parents one of the most valuable things we can do is build up their self esteem, with praise, active listening and attention but I am sure you know that already.
Hope your eldest had a good day at school yesterday and the youngest will enjoy her return today
Is she able to carry on with the drama there too?
Hi Louise & Sparklinglime,
Both girls have had a good return to school. Eldest was recognised yesterday for raising most money in year 7 in a recent charity fund raiser for leprosy in Africa and she was recognised in Assembly and was given a certificate & gift voucher, really proud of her . Great start to the new term. Youngest loved seeing her friends again and has `Djembe drumming` on a Tuesday, its her favourite activity and she absolutely loves it. Big smiles when i picked her up.
In answer to your question Sparklinglime, my eldest still attends the same youth dama group. Its not run by the school but by a group of adult volunteers. It`s fab and she has blossomed since joining. They do a panto and a summer show each year. Currently rehearsing for ` Alice through the Looking Glass`. Youngest has joined too, can`t wait for the show, the kids put their hearts & soul into it.
Looking forward to meeting my new friend, feel really lucky to have got back in touch so won`t allow it too fizzle out this time.
Have a great week,
A xxxx
Great to hear your news Mancs Lass, your girls are both doing really well. I love drumming! and have got an African drum. Your eldest was called out in Assembly, wow. And now they are both in the theatre group, you will be walking round with the big letters PROUD written over your head.
Hope your week goes well, and the meetup with your friend
Well done to your eldest!
I run the Scouts, and three of the girls are in a drama group. One is bullied terribly. We go and watch the shows to support them, and they are so chuffed when we go.
I'm sure your youngest will enjoy it too.
Hi manc-lass what your eldest experienced was truly horrible, I am so glad that you managed to move schools and things are back to normal. I completely understand where your worries regarding cyber bullying are coming from now.
It sounds as though both the girls are doing great.. Keep up the good work mum!
When are you next meeting up with your 'new' friend? As her husband works nights, this will be great too! Does your daughter enjoy seeing her daughter too? I always think it is good for our children to have friends outside of school, which I am presuming both yours have as they are in drama and drumming, so meeting new people. 
Hi Ladies,
Where has this week gone, its flown by and i don`t seem to have done anything other than work, work, work.
Well, met my new friend for a coffee yesterday and had a lovely chat and catch up, lots to fill in as last time we knew each other i was married so she`s quite shocked at the change. But she didn`t judge and said she thought i was doing really well and my new found ` singledom` obviously suited me. I like that . We hope to meet up again soon. Our girls get on really well and her daughter is lovely and a good friend to my daughter.
I feel really proud of my girls at the minute, yes they have their moments like all kids do but they are mature and funny and kind and i don`t care what happens as long as they are happy.
Not much else to report so i`ll wish you all the best and hope you have a great week ahead. We are all great mums/dads, carers and its nice to be reminded of that now and again 
.
A xxxx
Glad you enjoyed your meeting mancs-lass, even if it was at the end of a hard week's work. Nice for the whole family by the sounds of it.
You are so right, we all do our best and when we get proud moments (like you have had with your girls) then it does make it worthwhile.
Hope your Sunday is relaxing?
I'm glad you met up with your friend. So nice to have some adult conversation.
Hi,
Just wanted to off load really. I saw ex last nite as he had girls as usual and brought them back home. We had a general chat & it was ok he didn`t cause any probs but he has thrown a curve ball. He looked sad when he was going and youngest gave him a picture of the four of us that she drew. It didn`t include his girlfriend and her daughter. He thanked her and gave her a hug and as he turned to leave he said he still wished we were together and wishes he could turn back the clock and change everything.
I managed to stay cool but i was stunned to be honest. I can`t stop thinking about ` what if ` its been on my mind constantly since and i keep wondering could things be different and am i denying the girls a chance of a happy family ? could we fix things ? ... then my conscience kicks in and tells me off for even thinking it. Feel both frustrated and fed up as it feels like another 2 steps back - again! 
But what if...............................
A xxxx
Hmmm, what if ...Ahhh, what if... what if all the ex partners of everyone on these message boards said that they wanted to try again and we all agreed - how long would it be until we would all be back here again?? 
This is what you said about your marriage in your first post...
"I had a difficult marriage as my ex was verbally abusive, often abscent, agressive and a bully & over time our friends & family stopped visiting as he upset almost all of them at one time or another and put unbearable pressure on my family/friend relationships."
What has happened now manc-lass is that you are getting stronger and starting to enjoy life and this shows in your face and your attitude and your ex is seeing this and he is going to start to try and worm his way in again. Of ourse he wishes he could turn the clock back, it sounds like he could have had a good thing going with you and your girls.
Some relationships work a second time round, but manc-lass I get the impression that you are beginning to enjoy yourself and you definitely don't want to go backwards.
Ok have the dream for 10minutes, then recognise the reality. What do you say? And actually I now feel cross that he is doing this to his current girlfriend - saying these things to you and then going back to her bed. Very disrespectful methinks - poor girl.
Hi Anna,
Thank you for the reality check. I know inside my head that i was thinking the same thing but that ` what if ` moment can be really powerful and i think that its easy to think that yes i am stronger and lifes good ( compared to where it was ) but could this be the icing on the cake. No, i know its not but like you say its a ` dream` senario not reality and it still manages to get me off guard. I`m sure its a common thing for other women in my position.
My mum & my aunt are always saying `don`t look back only forward` so i know where you are coming from. I intend to get stronger so that one day that dream has gone and i`m living a new one.
And yes i feel bad for his girlfriend too, for lots of reasons. She has a 9 year old daughter and i worry that they will find themselves in the same boat i did. I hope not, i hope he has learned some lessons and doesn`t ruin the opportunity he`s been given but somehow i doubt it.
Thanks again Anna, i still feel a bit sad to be honest but i know it will pass
A xxxx
Hi Manc-lass, you are right many women experience this feeling, it is not uncommon, I have been there lots of times, and it is surprising how strong the urge to shout 'Yes, lets do it and this time shall be wonderful!!' is.
I split with my daughters father for over a year when he started talking like the 'old' boyfriend that I used to know and love. We got back together, he moved in with me and I was over the moon ecstatic, we were actually going to pull through, be a family, he wanted more kids, woo hoo...it lasted 2 weeks, before he turned back into the nasty ex that I had run away from.
So I do understand where you are coming from - just wanted a quick reality check with you, so you didn't go too far down that road of fantasising 
- It is hard so i'm glad to hear that you have your head screwed on, look after yourself.
He hasn't said anything about it to the girls has he?
Hi Anna,
Ex has said things in recent times ( only to youngest ) but nothing this last week or two. My youngest girl told me a month or so back that she asked daddy why he didn`t live with us and he told it`s because mummy won`t let him ( great eh? ). I think he was hoping it would get back to me so i`d know he was making indications that he wanted to come back. I told her that mummy and daddy were better of in our new situations but we were still her mummy and daddy and love her but she is still struggling with it.
She told me i could let daddy come back but he didn`t have to sleep in my bed he could have hers and she would sleep in eldest daughters room. She had it all worked out. My heart breaks knowing she is trying to `fix` things and she believes her idea makes common sense. She looks at me puzzled when i don`t say ` good idea` and clearly doesn`t understand why not. It`s funny she hated it when he was here and he was always in a bad mood and shouting or going out and not coming back for a day or so, but she wants him here now??? I don`t know how to make her see this is for the best and i feel so bad for her. My eldest doesn`t want dad back and often gets cross with youngest and tells her to shut up about it. I feel torn whilst at the same time fully aware of my conscience telling me `Nooooooo, dont go there` 
.
I don`t know what his game is, he`s probably edging his bets, as he has girlfriend but i think he still doesn`t know if its `solid` so he wants me in reserve just in case - i know how he thinks. That`s why i get so cross with myself for even having that `dream` moment. My struggle at the moment is having no doubts about what i did cause i still do, but i don`t know why because i know very clearly why i called it a day - confused.com 
Anyway, i`ll carry on taking each day as it comes & it will get easier in time. I am proud of myself for coming this far so i don`t want to throw it way, it was hard earned. I reckon it`s when i feel loneliest that i succumb to the `dream` but i know that the dream in my head is far better than the reality would ever be.
Sorry to drone on, typing this is like therapy - it helps to see it in black and white and make sense of stuff.
Gonna have a glass of wine now and chill for a bit. Thanks again
A xxxx
Hi Mancs lass
You're not droning on at all! What you are going through is a really important stage in the process of separation.
Thinking about your daughter, of course she wants to fix things, and even though she hated him being there, it still now feels insecure to her that he has gone. Your eldest is more realistic about that situation. Of course carry on with the reassurance about mum and dad still loving her but I wonder if it would be a good idea to introduce another idea into the mix, that of YOU being much happier now that you have separated, and of it being really great just being the three of you now, in other words whilst acknowledging her feelings, putting a positive spin on your new life together
Hi Louise,
Thanks for your kind response . You`re right, i need to let my girls know we are a tight little unit thats doing quite well with just the 3 of us. Just not today though. Feeling really low today, can`t put my finger on it but really fed up and uninspired. Just want to go to sleep, todays been hard. Hopefully tomorrow i`ll be back to normal and i can start to put your words into practice.
Early nite for me,
A xxxx
Hope today is better Mancs-lass, I think you totally hit the nail on the head, sometimes we know what is the right thing to do but need to postpone it till we have the energy.
Hope you have a good weekend!
Hi Manc-lass how are you feeling, how was the weekend?
Of course your youngest wants to fix everything, that what little girls do! (Do you recognise yourself there?!) She thinks that daddy is hurt and she wants to help him. Dont dwell on it she will get on with it herself. Tell her how happy daddy where he is living now.
I hope you are feeling a little better than the other night. I have to say these days drinking alcohol and/or being on the computer late into the evening are the 2 things that make me feel rubbish the next day
I am so not a wild rebellious teen any more!!
Hello again ,
i`m back after my little wobble. Haven`t felt that low in a long while. Literally did nothing but lounged about, over thinking things, crying and worried about the future and having nothing to look forward too other than raising the girls. Yeah i know that should be fullfilment enough and not proud of myself for feeling that way, but i really felt sad and wanted to hide from everyone. Did my best to hide it from the girls but snapped at them a couple of times and felt massively guilty afterwards. They seemed to understand though and youngest drew a picture of me with ` Best Mummy` on it - that made me cry too! Eldest did her best to keep youngest occupied so i had some space.
I`m feeling better but i must admit the ` sadness` really spooked me as not felt in such a dark place since me and ex first split, so it caught me off guard. Thankfully a good friend of mine took me and girls out for lunch on Saturday and we all decided to treat ourselves to a manicure. I`ve now got dayglow pink nails you can see in the dark with - really cool !! This went a long way to lifting my spirits and the girls loved it too and keep asking to do it again .
I think i have to accept that i will have highs and lows and understand the lows will pass. Thanks for your kind thoughts. I love that you can come on here and people are willing to give up their own time to offer help and advice - its a real lifeline at times like this and seriously i can`t thank everyone enough.
I hope you all have a great week, best wishes
A xxxx
Well done, Mancs-Lass for riding this one out. Yes you will have highs and lows but the secret is to KNOW that it will pass. However, it is hard to do this I think. How about starting an Eeyore box? You can contribute to it on good days. In it you could put anything that might cheer you up or would reassure you. My first suggestion would be two sets of cards in different colours. On one set you write things to do, such as the manicure. There may only be a few of these. On the second lot you write helpful quotes, such as "this too shall pass" or "just get through today, tomorrow is a fresh start", You could even treat yourself to an official set such as Angel cards, the choice is yours as only you know what helps YOU...that card your daughter made would be lovely to include. But how fab to have a special box for those times!
Hi everyone,
Thanks Louise for your suggestion, great idea
Current problem - To move or not to move - that is the question?
Me and girls currently still living in the marital home which is still in joint names. Ex has never pressurised me to sell up and having discussed this with kids we agreed that i would stay here at least until youngest fininshed primary school which is just round the corner from our home. ( This is noted in our Clean Break agreement ) Youngest is in year 3.
I can`t get a mortgage in my own name as don`t earn enough and anyway ex left me to pay off our joint debts so that has affected my credit rating. The problem is this. I could sell up and would have to rent privately which would be more expensive than my current mortgage ( plus there is a shortage of rental properties in our area ) but i would be free of our joint mortgage which i feel still ties me to my ex, or i can stay and we get to live in our lovely home, the girls are happy and i can afford the mortgage. What should i do as ths is really getting me down as i wonder if ex wants to keep the house on the off chance he might come back. My head hurts from constantly thinking about it. I desperately want to be free of my ex in all senses of the word but this feels like i`m still tied to him & he knows it, but I need to balance my needs with that of the children. All my family and friends tell me to stay and say its the least i deserve after all he put me through!. I do love my home but which would be the wiser decision ?
Just looking for some perspective 
Best wishes,
A xxxx
I can't help you on this one, I'm afraid, as the laughingly called family home had to go.
I was advised not to have a clean break though because of there being children involved.
I can understand you not wanting to be tied to him, but I'm guessing it has to be based on a budget rather than an emotional decision?
Sorry you're facing this though.
Hi Manc-Lass
Tough decision!
So....you had originally thought that you would move when your youngest leaves primary school. My question to you is when this happens, in three or four years time, are you going to be able to take on a mortgage in your own name then? You say that you have agreed this together, was this between the two of you or was it ratified in court? If you were married then an order is usually made about the house. My own feeling is it could be a good idea to sit tight for the time being.....
Interestingly when you say about moving out, you use lots of negative words.
Rental property - expensive, shortage of availability,
Current home - affordable, happy girls, comfortable, love your home
So the main issue is coming to terms that it is a joint mortgage and you are worried that your ex thinks he can come back.
I don't know an awful lot about mortgages, but could you get his name taken off? Have you spoken to our Housing Expert?
Have you had a look around at rental properties locally?
Hya Sparklinglime, Louise & Anna,
Thanks for your perspective on things, it wasn`t till i read Anna`s comment that i`d only used negative words that i saw that for myself. Think this pretty much sums up how i`ve been feeling of late. Hit a bit of a plateau where i`m struggling to see the positives. I do realise this is a phase and hopefully will pass.......... but still, it`s here now.
I think i`m better off staying put for now as no pressure to move and girls and me are settled here and you never know what the future may bring. Think my ex`s signals that he still would like to come home given the chance have put me on the back foot and i was kind of panicking about things as felt the mortgage tied us in more ways than one and by ridding myself of it i was ridding myself of him too but of course i won`t be, he`s always going to be a presence and thats what i have to come to terms with.
Ex is having tough time at work and company he works for is looking quite ` vulnerable` at the minute and i know he`s worried about his job and he keeps saying he doesn`t know what he`ll do or where he will live if can`t pay rent. He also reminded me of times when the girls were babies and things were better`ish for us back then ( in his view ). He recently found some lovely pictures we took of girls when they were babies/toddlers and brought them round to show me. Part of me feels really sorry for him and the rational part says it just words designed to make me feel sorry for him.
Why do we torture ourselves like this, we do the hard part in leaving and then spend time questioning ourselves over and over again. I feel like i`m living my very own ` groundhog` day at the minute and want to break that cycle so much. I want to be excited about the future not fearful. I want to be happy not sad/reflective. I want to be a role model to my girls and not an example of how not to do things. Am i expecting too much to soon? I guess we all want to skip this bit and jump straight ahead to this wonderful future we all imagine for ourselves but lifes a `journey` so need to develop some patience and look for the positives not negatives.
Haha, think i just worked things out for myself .
I`ve read a lot of other threads and i know i`m quite lucky in comparison and i don`t take that lightly. I wish everyone the best.
A xxxx
There's nothing wrong in a bit of reflection, MancsLass, or some tears...it's all part of the process of coming to terms with what has happened and grieving the loss of your expectations.
As for where your children's dad would live if he did not work, well I guess he would have to be like everyone else who is out of work at the moment, get Job Seekers Allowance and some help with the rent from Local Housing Allowance. He is an adult and can take care of himself. One thing though: if he did lose his job then he would only be contributing £5 a week to your household and how would that affect you?
Hi Louise,
It would affect me a lot as i`ve already budgeted within in an inch of its like for everything i pay for so i would have to make some difficult decisions. It would be really hard but i`m having to be realistic so know that i would have to cut food bill further still, reduce petrol costs even more ( if thats possible ) and try and see what other bills i could reduce. Fingers crossed it doesn`t come to it but i`ll keep you posted.
Anyway its weekend so time to de-stress. Got a quiz nite at work next week & i`m hosting, never done this before. So need to compose the quiz questions, going to spend time trawling the internet for quiz websites, should keep me busy for a bit. Workmates expecting a great nite so no pressure there then! Haha.
have a great weekend,
A xxxx
Hi Manc-lass, I am glad you recognise that the weekend is a time for de stressing! You will find a way to get by with less money. We always do!
How many questions do you need for the quiz? I hope that you have fun finding them! Maybe we could help?
Hi Anna,
Weekends are definately for de-stressing
Any help with questions would be fab. basically looking for your standard pub quiz type questions covering different themes, TV, Music, Sport, Politics, History, Who am I ? etc. Got my work cut out to make it challenging but entertaining. Will be spending most of today researching it. Going out for tea with my Auntie and my girls later for Aunties birthday so looking forward to that. Just realised it will be at the time Man City & Man Utd will be playing so going to be a lot of activity/celebrations in my area later so may go to town centre to soak it up. Not really a footie fan myself but love things that bring everyone together and its lovely and sunny too 
.
A xxxx
I hope you have had a lovely evening manc-lass, just heard the footie score - kiera will be pleased!
Which was longer the Titanic or the QE2??
.... The QE2 by 33 metres!
I look forward to hearing your questions, perhaps you could start a new thread and ask them and see how we all get on - without cheating with the internet!
What percentage of the British population is raising their children on their own?... 25%
What percentage of single parents work? ...75%
Hi lrh & Anna,
Many thanks for the website address and the questions, `fab`. Need all the help i can get i`m doing this quiz on my own to help raise funds for a local charity and all my colleagues are looking forward to a great nite so i`m beginning to feel the pressure. The quiz is this Friday nite so i`ll update you at weekend.
Brilliant idea about beginning another thread. If the quiz is a success then i`ll happily start a new ` quiz thread` and we`ll see if it takes off. Would be great to have something fun and light hearted for people to participate in .
Here`s your starter for 10:-
1) Which ` Queen` album originally featured ` Bohemian Rhapsody` ?
A xxxx
Oooh, I am so tempted to look it up on the internet, but that would be cheating? Don't we get a multiple choice answer??
Was it an album called Bohemian Rhapsody? 
PS: I think you should start the thread now as this is going to get exciting!
Haha,
Falling at the first hurdle, forgot the multiple choice answers, not the best start. Well the answer was ` A Night at the Opera`.
I shall start a new thread soon then and see what happens, fingers crossed.
A xxx
( just posted my new quiz thread on the ` Just for Fun` topic )
Thanks for the answer! Having multiple choice just makes it easier - but not always so fun!
My daughter and I and occasionally friends do the The Big Fat Quiz of the Year and our rules are, that you HAVE to put AN answer down. We usually end up getting more pleasure from laughing at our ridiculous suggestions that we have come up with, rather than getting the answers right!!
When is the quiz night? Which charity are you raising money for?
I am going to look at the other thread shortly!
I knew that - but probably my age and I did have the album
Hi all,
Just wanted to let you know my quiz nite was a success. We had lots of fun and we raised money for a local ` homestart` charity, which offers practical & emotional support to families with a young cvhild/ren under 5. My colleagues asked me to organise another so i was very chuffed.
On a sour note just had my ex drop girls off ( they stayed with him saturday nite). When the girls came in i noticed youngest looked red and blotchy so i asked her if she was ok and she said she said she was just tired. I noticed my eldest trembling and she started to sob. Ex was stood at the front door and when i asked youngest if she was ok he said they had both been told off.
I ushered the girls into the kitchen and went to the front door to talk to him. I asked what had happened and he said he was fed up with them disrespecting his home & belongings and that their bedroom was a mess, DVD`s were in the wrong cases and they couldn`t be bothered to put things ( biscuit wrappers) in the bin. He said he went to their room which was a mess and as he was turning the DVD player off he couldn`t get the DVD out and when he looked inside 2 DVD`s were stuck in there so he had to broke the DVD player getting them out????
He said he lost his temper about all this & was really upset that he didn`t get an apology of either of them. I told him they were messy here (at our home ) too and it wasn`t just with him but he was really angry. He insisted on speaking to them before he left and he said he was sorry for shouting but they didn`t understand how they had upset him. he was due to have them for tea on Tuesday but said he would leave it this week. As he was leaving i told him not to ring them and to leave them for a while. He then told me he had split with his girlfriend about 5 weeks ago but hadn`t told anyone whilst he came to terms with it. He told the girls yesterday but felt they didn`t show him any support. I was shocked that he expected them to support him, they are children!!!!
After he left i spoke to girls and eldest broke down saying she doesn`t want to see him or stay with him as he scares her and that he took the DVD player to them in the living room and went and got a hammer and smashed it up in front of them. Youngest said it was frightening and they didn`t make a big mess but he was scarily shouting at them for every little thing. I`m absolutely furious but at the same time know that i can`t reason with him he is always the victim of circumstance and never takes responsibility for his actions and blames every one else - What should i do??? I feel sick that my children were exposed to such a shocking loss of control.
A xxxx
That's awful for them to see that. The things The Git used to do would frighten the children too. I'd tell them he had different rules at his house to ours.
I'm not aware that he did anything like that though. I did reduce contact eventually, but when he met the third girlfriend and married her he never had them overnight again. The Git would expect support off the children too, while never supporting them. My lot would never 'chat' to their Dad as they feel unable to.
I don't blame them for not wanting to go. Are you able to let him know how much he frightened them?
Hi Manc Lass,
God your post really upset me, I don't think we've chatted before and I don't really know what to suggest but from the sounds of it your little girls were really scared. If it was me, I would back off completely, give it a few days and see what the girls say, let him calm down as he's obviously got the hump.
Big hugs
X x x
Well done on your quiz night!
How absolutely awful for your girls. He has no business taking out his annoyance at the situation on them. It's good that he is not seeing him this week as this will give things a while to settle down. I would suggest that next weekend he sees them for a shorter time, not staying, as I expect they will still be feeling reluctant about the whole thing. Give them lots of extra cuddles this week and maybe try and have a girly night in tonight?
Let us know how they are.
Hi,
Thanks for your comments ` Sparklinglime`. You clearly understand where i`m coming from & i appreciate you sharing your own story which is very similar to mine. Not sure yet how to handle this.If i tell him how girls feel he will accuse me of twisting things and trying to turn girls against him, thats his usual reaction but he does need to know how girls were affected so think i will leave things this week as Louise & Cha Cha suggested. Hope this will give me time to work something out.
Hello from me ChaCha & welcome to one space, lovely to meet you
A xxxx
Hi Manc-lass, glad your quiz night went well you had me thinking about that light switch question for hours.
Sorry to hear that your girls were subjected to your ex's brand of selfish behaviour, i have been here many times and have to say that not much has changed, i doggedly stood up for the kids, when their dad was being unreasonable (sometimes they were out of order just it did not warrant the response they got).
Now that they are older he has started to listen to them (before i was putting words in their mouths) and has on the rare occassion admitted he was in the wrong 
It is probably best that you do let the dust settle, before you tackle him about his behaviour.
Hope you have a good week!!
Hi All,
Just wanted to say thanks to Sally for that last comment, sorry i didn`t reply earlier but i`ve been so busy with work and i didn`t realise how much time had passed.
Things ok with ex at the minute as eldest`s behaviour has not been good these last couple of weeks and she is treating us both with disrespect so we have some common ground for a change. I know that she is at that age ( nearly 13 ) and hormones play a big part but she has become rude, argumentative and quite selfish but still expects to have everything done for her, visit friends ( often not telling me where she`s going & not answering her fone ) and wanting money on a regular basis ( like her friends have ), money i can`t afford and neither can her dad. Any attempt by me to reason with her ends in a row and if i threaten to ground her she just tuts and walks away. I would love to hear how others parents have dealt with this stage in their childs development. Ex is offering me full support in any way i wish to handle this ( that`s a shock in itself ) so hopefully we can both sort this out. I want my lovely little girl back.
A xxxx
Tag
this looks like what i need
Thanks for the websites Mancs Lass, will look at those later.
Didn't put a bet on today but then again am not a betting person.
keira I have posted on your thread a link to our legal expert,