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So as some of you may have read I'm newly single, still under same roof as ex until we can sell house. 2kids together 4 & 1 and he has 2 girls. Eldest 20 moved out last year and 14 yr oLd lives with us. It's bloody hard.
Life is pretty crap, I am trying to think of the positives, but I feel so sad for my kids. They are so young, I can't believe we are putting them through this. I am fine one minute thinking about what items in this house I'd like to take then I think about a little thing like we'll never go to a festival as a family again, and I'm devastated. The tears fall and I'm full of sadness. I suffered from depression before about 3 years ago and I'm wondering whether to get some more anti depressants now or whether these are perfectly normal feelings? I am crying everyday, it just hurts so much. I think anti depressants might help me cope better and stay strong for my kids. My thoughts are disorganised and I'm finding it difficult to concentrate on even simple things like what shopping we need.
I would love to hear anything positive you can share. Any advice about how to stay on top. Thank you x
Hi Rosie78
Glad you have started this thread and we can give you some support 
I would say that the way you are feeling is normal....you are not able to start moving forward with the proper grieving process that needs to occur because you are still in the same house. I did this for a very brief period of a few weeks and it was so hard to cope with, the world around me did not seem real. However, you can't wave a magic wand and make the house sale go through etc, so it is about finding strategies to cope in the meantime.
Anti depressants could help you cope in the short term so do go and see your GP and he/she will assess you (there is a standard questionnaire these days) You also need some things in place which you can do yourself. Every day you need to take things one task at a time. Say to yourself "next I will..." and just concentrate on that. Use lists, but only to help you not to reproach you. Really long lists just take on a life of their own. But the shopping.....have a paper attached to the fridge door and when you run out anything write it on there, a ready-made shopping list. Ditch the ironing, as far as you can. Make sure you eat decently every day (even if you can't each much) and get some fresh air. Sounds simple? well it isn't, but it is a plan to get you through. This will pass.
As for positive stories, there are many on here. Click here and here to see some recent ones. Twelve months from now you will look back with amazement at what you have achieved and learned.
Hi Rosie,
I lived under the same roof as my ex for 10 months and it was awful, but I got through it and you will too. Louise's suggestions are great, focus on one thing at a time, you will get a better sense of achievement that way. I still use the shopping list on the fridge 
. My friends were great, they let me stay over at weekends with the children so I could get away. My ex was a drinker so it wasn't always a good idea to leave them with him. I don't know what your relationship with your ex is like, but I tried really hard to be 'the grown up' and not get pulled into slanging matches with him, although it was sometimes really difficult to bite my tongue (and believe me I didn't always manage it 
) when I did I got such a sense of pride that I hadn't stooped to his level, it kept me going.
Keep on keeping on Rosie, you will get there. Let off steam on here as there is always someone to listen x
You are allowed a phase of sadness! When first husband left (after abuse), I slept for three months solid - you know, get up, get the kids ready and off to school, go home and set alarm for pick-up-from-school, get them back, sleep for an hour, make tea, get them to bed, go to bed. After three months I woke up, got a job and haven't looked back really :-)
So give it some time girl! Don't be hard on yourself. xxx
Thanks ladies, so far I've got through day by day. We only speak when we have to but try to make an effort for the kids. He can be really nasty and seems to keep bringing up the past. Have asked him a few times just to move on. There is no point in going over and over who's fault it is. He said he would try and be nicer. So today tried to talk to him a bit about dividing the money left over once mortgage is paid. If we're lucky we should get £60k so said I'd really need 40k and he would get 20k. He thinks that's unfair even though he earns 4x more than me and money isn't that important to him as he has gambling debt and this week has spent loads on wine and take aways. We weren't married so I can't do much about it. X
Hi Rosie78, sorry if you have already mentioned this but have you had some legal advice?
No I think I'm gonna need some. I think you mentioned it with the link Louise. I will look into it. Tonight he turned round all the pictures with me in. So shocked he is being so childish!! The good news is I'm starting counselling with the people you sent me the link for. Just need to book my first appointment. Thank you so much for that.
this morning the window was open in my room. He'd been in and opened it. Wouldn't normally bother me but with the photo thing in starting to wonder what else he'd do. Why did he need to come in my room?!
Ooh it is so hard to cohabit in these circumstances, Rosie78. Things WILL take their course and it's important to look after yourself through all this. Do ring the counselling place and start your journey
When I was cohabiting my ex would go in my room and go through my things, he hacked into my laptop and if I left my phone any where in the house he would go through it! I ended up putting a lock on the door to keep him out. I know how horrible it is Rosie78 but hang in there because it will come to an end and your new life will begin x
It is hard. It was a challenge with everything when I got divorced. Ex (who I call The Git) first didn't agree to a divorce, and then he didn't agree to sorting out the joint bank account, and he refused to leave. My sister is a mortgage advisor and had sorted out a mortgage that made it possible for me to stay in our house (married for 20 years).
And then his debts came to light... And the house had to be sold. We were lucky really as it did sell within 5 months. I found a lovely house by the seaside for me and the children and moved out. The relief was amazing!
We had a welsh cottage though, and even though it had 4-bedrooms and a big garden, not many people want cottages, so we were lucky we did find a buyer. The people there now have been trying to sell it for the last four years...
I really do hope that you're not waiting too long.
I was buying bits and pieces for when I did move out. I even bought a new electric toothbrush! I was filling boxes and keeping them at my friend's house. I bought towels, cutlery set - stuff that was usually on sale, and it helped to keep me focused on a future.