Bessie,
I attended parents evening last night with my ex (first one he's ever been to, think he's trying to impress his new woman). The teacher said that he had been doing really well since the beginning of term, but that he has lost focus this last couple of weeks (his dad told him about his new relationship 2 weeks ago, coincidence?) of course, his dad didn't twig that it might have anything to do with the situation. I imagine that her home life might well have an effect on your daughters education. The only thing I could suggest would be to speak to the parent support advisor in school if you have one, or the headteacher. Perhaps they can give her extra support in school, or get a professional in to talk to her about how she is feeling about the situation.
Thank you all for your kind welcomes. Louise - his new girlfriend seems really quite nice actually, I suppose the best I could hope for as this person is going to be in my kids life for the forseeable future.
I will certainly look at The Freedom Programme, haven't heard of it before, hopefully it might help. I am finding it hard to let go, and while I recognise that it is still early days, it doesn't make it any easier to deal with!
Hi, Im Carrie, my partner is currently absent and is taking a couple of weeks to work out if he thinks our 9 year relationship is worth working on. I have a 2 year old boy and am 5 months pregnant with another boy!
Im trying to be understanding as he feels he is going through a tough time and feels trapped as neither of our children were planned but i am struggling to see how now is the best time to work out his feelings. I feel alone as i dont want to talk to friends or family just in case he does decide to try and fix our relationship as i doubt they would be able to forgive and forget the fact that he has walked out on me now.
I hate that i sound so whiney and wish i could just get on with my life until he decides what he wants to do.
I hope i can make some friends on here and get my own life started again.
Hi Louise
Thank you for the suggestions and ideas they are very helpful. You are right in thinking I have no family close by, we are at opposite ends of the country and see little of one another. My daughter is currently in year 6 and is able to go straight into seniors at the same school, so the transition will be easy for her as she will have all her friends around her still. Since my husband left me I have gone back to university and have just qualified as a teacher and also set up my own business, I have deliberately filled every minute of every day but lately I have realised just how very lonely I am. Most of my friends are married and don't always understand what it's like and are busy with their own families at weekends so that can be a difficult time too. I am not one for complaining and do just get on with things, if I am not working I am running or cycling, but this lonely feeling is really getting to me - there must be others out there who feel the same?! I live in North Herts and wonder if there are others close by who can meet during the day for a cup of tea or even a run.
Look forward to reading your comments.
Marisa
Hello carrie_53
Welcome to you! It's horrid to be in limbo. Do try and take this time out to think about things from your point of view too. It is not a case of you waiting around for him to make a decision-there may be things you want too, such as him to go to Relate with you, or for things to be different if and when he comes back. You might also like to set him a deadline as it is hard for you if it drags on and on.
How are you feeling with the pregnancy? do try and get enough rest (hard with a two year old, I know!)
I understand that you don't want to share this with those close to you in case they think differently about him, for this short time. We are here for you to talk to and don't forget the Samaritans, who are fantastic and have helped me on several occasions. Click here for contact details.
Does your little boy go to nursery? Hope you have something nice planned for the weekend for yourself, even if it is just a lovely bubble bath or a good book after your son is in bed.
Hi Alisoncam
Thanks for your welcome really looking forward to 'meeting' some new people and chatting.
x
Just to say I'm really sorry for such short hellos here.
I seem to be rushing in and out, but hopefully will be in more than out over the weekend.
Hi nutcutlet
I find myself relating to a lot of the points you make. My husband walked out on us nearly 6 years ago calmly announcing he had never wanted children! Within a week he had introduced our daughter to his girlfriend, totally ignoring my protests that she was not ready for this. Like you confidence and self-esteem were rock bottom and still are on occasion even now and letting go has taken a long time (4 years to be precise and I was married for 12 years) You have been married for 20 years so be gentle on yourself and never ever give up hope.
x
Hi.
Am a lone Mum to my son,who is 9.
I'm very proud indeed of the job i have done bringing up my son - had more than a few "wobbly" moments over the years as i've battled to do my best for him and am now at the point where i kinda appriciate the goddamn awful lows,frustrations,hard graft,self doubt,rivers of tears and the like as it's made me the woman i am today - and as people go,i'm not a bad old stick really!.
However,i am YET AGAIN faced with the same old question -
"Just how many more times do i accept the oh-so-sorry-it-won't-happen-again lame excuses and lies from my sons father who fails to provide even the most basic financial,mental and physical support and continuety to our son" on the basis that my Son idolises him.
Just when is it really ok to say "enough is enough???".
Hello, welcome and all that : )
I think the best option is to let him find out for himself in his own time and not worry about it.
So long as he has one stable parent giving him unconditional love and support, you! he will be OK and his dad will slowly fit into place for him in his mind as he grows up, when he's an adult he'll see his dad as he is in his own way.
That's how I treat my kids with their mum anyway, they wont be able to see her as an adult like I do until they are adults them selves and then they can formulate their own opinions of her, maybe she will have changed by then, I can only hope, but either way they wont understand her as I do until they get a bit more life experience in them and then it's going to be their understanding and view or what ever.
We can only try our best at the end of the day, let them find out for them selves and make their own minds up.
Went off a bit there...
As for you, don't let it get to you, I'm sure lots of non resident parents get some sort of satisfaction out of still having some control over the resident parent through the children, don't give them that satisfaction.
: )
Hello to all the newbies 
That was a good post Bubblegum.
x
Hi gotta getta bit. I have an 8 year old son, and have been on my own since pregnancy. The father didn't want to know, and has seen my son only a few times. This was only because my son asked me questions at the age of 4, so I tracked him down! He doesn't pay a penny, and certainly has never taken an interest. My situation is different from yours because my son doesn't have any emotional ties with the 'sperm doner'. He has made his own mind up about his 'father'. Sometime earlier this year C did ask if perhaps he could put a note through the paternal grandmother's door, asking for 'sperm doner' to ring him. The Grandmother lives 2 mins from me, and has never seen my son. Anyhow, we did put a note through, and my son didn't receive a call or anything. He didn't even receive a card for his birthday in September. I'm not surprised on that one actually, as since the age of 5 I've had to tell him when my son's birthday is, to remind him to send a card, so C has only ever received 3 anyway. 2 of which have been 2 weeks late! Nothing ever for xmas.
I don't know how my son will feel about him as he gets older, whether he'll want to get in touch again, it could be next week, next month or whenever, but he knows I would never stop him.
Your son will also see for himself as he gets older.
Have you managed to have a look around the One Space site? There's lots of different topics, and you can start one of your own too. Hope you have a good day.
Yours is good too : )
If ever I feel a moment of doubt all I have to do is come here and post something and someone gives me words of encouragement.
It's like free life coaching, positive affirmation or what ever : )
Ta!
Well that's what it's all about! YEY!!
Hi gotta getta bit, welcome to One Space. Hope your weekend is going well. Wise words from Bubblegum and alisoncam. For me, there is something about "rising above it" if that makes sense. That does not mean accepting whatever shoddy treatment is doled out to your son by his father but it means IGNORING it, for the greater part. Your son will ask when he wants to know.....and then it is for you not to stick the knife in but to give him honest answers and let him make up his own mind. If he has bad feelings such as anger or hurt or sadness, acknowledge these, say you understand and tell him how very much you love him.
Have you got local family to give you a bit of a hand? What does your son enjoy doing in his spare time....and how about you?
Thank you all so much for your kind welcome and comments!.
I didn't want to go into too much detail in my first post,and fully buy into the "rise above it" attitude - so simple to do if the "sperm doner" would just leave us alone to get on with it instead of playing the "good daddy" for a couple of weeks (even managing to spare a couple of tenners out of his cider and smoke money for me too!) then does something so unbelievably bad or stupid,he leaves me with no option but to stop all contact.
Have to go and get ready for work now,but will elaborate on the above when i get home later.
Your comments have given me a real sense that i'm not alone in all this - can't believe i have never thought of doing this before.....
have a good day all - think of me slaving away please! ;-)
Hi gotta getta bit. What work do you do? Do join in with us on the day or evening chat rooms, and the other threads of course.
hey there, im Pagan81 (stacey) im an almost 30yr old single mum of 2 girls aged 10 & 3, left my abusive ex almost 3yrs ago. been a single parent ever since, struggling to cope, now with a very limited circle of friends in the area where im living, so would love to meet new people and make some new friends, hopefully in the area!
Hi Stacey. A very warm welcome to One Space. Firstly well done for getting out of an abusive relationship. Are you struggling to cope because of limited friends for support? If so, then you've come to the right place. We will all give you lots of support, friendship etc. I know it isn't exactly the same as having 'real' friends, but we are all here for you.
Do you have family that can help out from time to time? How about your 10year old school friend's Mums? Do you mix with any of them? Does your 3 year old go to a nursery? How about Netmums for your area, have you tried them?
I found once my son started school, (he's 8), I made some friends. I have 3 close ones (I guess), and others that I just say the odd word to in the playground.
Please keep posting, and feel free to join in with any of the other threads. Theres lots to choose from.
x
Hi
My username is Homeedmum. I have three sons 16, 14 & 6. I have been a single parent for 18months now since we escaped an abusive marriage.
Hi Homeedmum. Welcome along to One Space. Well done too for escaping the abusive marriage. Do the boys have contact with their Dad? How are they all taking the break-up, and you of course.
Please join in with us on other threads. I did see you on the Christmas one, but forgot to welcome you, (sorry).
Hope you're having a good day. Is it half-term where you are?
x
Hi my name is Emma, I have a gorgeous 3 year old son and been single on an of for around 3 months. Terrible time going to lose my house and go bankrupt but do you know what my son keeps me sane! Hi to everyone :)
Hello Emma, welcome along I am so sorry to hear that you're going through this. Do you have anyone to turn too for support? You're right though, it's amazing how the kids can keep us sane. I do believe they are the ones that pull us through everything, they're our reason for getting out of bed.
Please join in with any of the other threads. There are lots of topics, or feel free to start your own topic off.
Take care
x
Hello Pagan81, it was a brave step to leave the relationship especially with a tiny baby. Well done you. There is lots of support and frienship here and you can also introduce yourself on the Local Section (click here) to see if there are people ij your area. Another possibility is net mums (click here) to meet other parents. What does your elder daughter like doing out of school? you could get involved in some of that.
Hi Homeedmum, you are welcome here. I am guessing from your user name that you have chosen to educate your children yourself, could you tell us more about that? How are the boys?
Hello Emmaban, good to see you. Your situation sounds very stressful. Have you had legal advice? re your home, do look at the Shelter website for advice and information.
Hope all three of you will stay with us and join our fab support network!
It's so lovely to be able to say hello to so many.
I'm just sorry that you've been through such difficult times.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Hi i have one little boy who's 3 an half. I've only been a single mum for a few weeks, still trying to adjust to the change as is my little boy who's really struggling. Has any one got any ideas of things i can do or say to help him through all this
Hi Zippy. Welcome along. Your little boy is so young, so it must be difficult for him to understand all the changes. Does he still see his Dad? If he does I was thinking maybe you could say how lucky he is that he has two homes now, and that you and his Daddy love him very much. Give him lots of cuddles and kisses for reassurance too.
x
Yeah to begin with he saw his dad every day but his dad has now left the town we live in so only sees him once a week and has no idea really where his dad is so although i tell him daddy's at his new house he doesn't understand it
hello zippy
You are very welcome here. The eraly days are often the hardest for the children as they adjust to the new routine. The thing I would say is that as your son is so young, he will adjust more quickly.Keep his routine steady at home with you and that will rebuild his sense of security.
There are a couple of books that could help him, I am including links to them here and here. Click on the blue links and you will see details of the books and how to buy them online
Does your son go to nursery?
Hi Louise thanks for the book recomendations I'll have a look at them. Yeah my little boy goes to nursery 2 and half days a week while i'm working
Oh I hope he enjoys that! Do come and join in the chat, zippy, click here to see the chat section
Hi, I'm Jon. 47yr old single parent. Three boys, one as a foster carer, aged 17, 18, & 19 so they're beginning to start lives of their own now.
Hello to you _JonBaxter_
You are very welcome here. You almost have a five a side football team in your house! 
There are lots of sections of the website, including one for dads but we all join in together in supporting each other as you will see if you read some of the threads. There is also a general chit-chat section here
Are your boys at college now?
Hi John, I found myself here too : ) there aren't many single parent sites for dads specifically and the ones I did find in my searching were full of blokes calling each other mate, talking about football and bemoaning women.
Don't get much of that here.
Mine are only six and seven, and they are amazing, I absolutely LOVE! being a single parent, a whole world of amazing(ness) totally out shadowing any of the minor niggles : )
We've been on our own for nearly six years.
But hello anyway.
:)
Hello John
Hi Jon, welcome along to One Space. Look forward to 'chatting', and getting to know you.
hi,
My ex is now gone fr good, does not wish to me home and try to salvage our relationship. I am struggling to cope emotionally and would really like to get some help for myself and possibly with him if i can talk him into it. Where do i go? I would also lik eto try and get a social life! being pregnant and having a 2 year old i dont mean bar hopping but would just like some days out with other parents?!
any advice welcome!
Hi,
It gets better, trust me I'm a (professional) single parent : )
There are lost of women here that I'm sure will be along shortly and say nice stuff, they are very good at it, I often come here when I'm feeling a bit down and get cheered up, though I'm not going to admit to that as I'm a bloke and we don't do that sort of thing.
Not often anyway : )
Hello carrie_53
Welcome to One Space. Sorry to hear about your separation.
You asked about salvaging the relationship, and also about a social life. You could try going for counselling to Relate. You can go alone or with your partner. Click here to find your nearest one. There is also an online service that could help, called The Couple Connection, click here to see it.
With regard to a social life, there will be local meetings of parents through Net Mums, click here. We can also offer online friendship and support and if you have a look around the site you will see all the different things available, or come and join us here in Chit-Chat
Look forward to getting to know you
Hi carrie_53 Welcome along to One Space. Sorry to hear about your recent separation. Like Louise suggests, you could try Relate, and hopefully your ex will go with you, but of course that has to be his decision. Is he still having contact with your 2 year old? How far gone are you in your pregnancy?
Keep posting on here, and we will all give you our support. Look forward to getting to know you.
x
Hi carrie_53.
I'm so sorry you're facing all of this.
Bubblegum is so right, as it does get better. Coming to terms with things can take some time.
Don't try to do too much too quickly though. Be kind to you.
I read this thing the other day, it was about tips to make you happy if you were feeling down and one of them was to shadow box like Mohamed Ali, the idea being that you would laugh at yourself : )
Thank you, its only been a week or so but i am slowly getting through, its bizare that every time i have to tell someone else it pulls me back down again.
My ex is in touch with me almost every day but has only been to see our son twice in just over 2 weeks and is not good at planning when to visit. i find myself telling him when he has to come which annoys both of us as i am being backed into a bossy corner but i feel for my sons sake i have to push him! i wish he could just realise that at 2 years old if he doesnt keep regular and frequent contact his son is going to loose conection with him really quickly.
i am 27 weeks pregnmant now and finding it tough, all i really want to do is goout and get drunk to blow off some steam and maybe get back some self asteem by turning a few heads, i suffer with low self esteem at the best of times and to be left by someone who says he still loves me and cant give me any good reasons as to why he has left i keep telling myself its because i am fat and ugly and he just cant stand to look at me anymore. i know this is over the top but i cant help myself.
i have arranged quite a few meetups with local mums through netmums so hopefully i will be able to make some new friends.
Hi Carrie
I am relatively new on here but its a great place to gets lots of support/advice.
It really does get better as time goes on.
hope you have some fun meeting up with other mums
Hello carrie_53
Well done on arranging the meet-ups I know what you mean about when you tell people, somehow it makes it more real, doesn't it?
Re the bossy corner, maybe if you could think of it as "setting boundaries for our son", that would be a different way of looking at it. In the longer term I am guessing that for your own sake as well as your son's you need a structured pattern of contact. Do try to look after yourself as well: it's tough having a little one to see to as well as being pregnant.
Tired mum is right: it does get easier as time goes on, and we are all here to support you
I am hoping to find some objectivity through this site. I have a 6 year old son and am 7 months pregnant. Working full-time and doing everything alone is very hard and I don't know anyone else in my position. I am new to the forum and seeking support about my abusive ex who continues to undermine me and damage my parenting
franny70
Hello franny70
Welcome to One Space! You sound as if you have your hands full with a young son and a full time job as well as the pregnancy. When do you go on maternity leave?
You say that you are having some trouble with the children's father being abusive. I wonder if you could be a bit more specific. Do you mean he parents your son differently and is critical of you? It is very hard for a child stuck in the middle, and very unfair of a parent to put a child in that situation. There are some helpful articles on our website, click here to see some.
If you could give some more details of his abusive behaviour then I hope to be able to give you more information and suggestions
Hi franny70
You can find a lot of support on this forum. The people here are brilliant.
Hope you're managing to put your feet up when you're not working.
Hi franny70. Welcome along to One Space. I do hope you're managing to get some rest, though I can imagine how tricky this can be, with work and a young son.
Hi nutcutlet
I found when my ex husband introduced our two children to his new girlfriend and her family very hard too. They seemed to be all getting along really well except for his gf's son and my son - a bit of rivalry was apparent. I felt really left out and hurt. You keep strong for your kids as they need this through this time of change. Your ex probably needs the emotional support that a new relationship provides. However, for my ex, his relationship lasted only 8 months, and he is on his own again now. The kids have had to experience another 'loss' as they don't speak to each other at all now. I think its easy to rush into a new relationship thinking that you can just replace the old one!! This approach hasn't worked for my ex, and I doubt is successful for others too. You keep strong for your two, and in time things will work out for you.