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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm a basket case right now. The big meet is just about to happen
Don't feel guilty - you ARE doing really well, this IS a hard situation and you are entitled to have the odd wobble.
1 year is nothing - you are still very early days. And he doesn't really have another chance at happiness because he has not changed at all so this relationship is likely doomed anyway. You will be better off in the long run as you have the capacity to grow and learn from your relationship. He has leapt straight into another one straight away.
That said I definitely think you should get out and have fun! The week beginning the bank holiday I don't have my kids either and I am planning on well and truly painting the town red!
Those who know me will not be surprised I'm about to suggest a book for you :-) I found "Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends" by Bruce Fisher really helpful. Especially the section about dating and relationships.
Love Gem
x
Thanks. So it seemed to go alright. They liked her and she text me afterwards to say they are lovely children. Their dad says they were polite and well mannered throughout.
Now I'm annoyed because they all went back to his mothers afterwards together. Is that not weird? They only just met her and now they get to watch them all play happy families!! I specifically asked that this didn't happen, so I am madddddddddd
Hi seriouslyannoyed, I can really hear your frustration here and it is understandable.
It sounds like you feel as though you have to play the perfect mum & perfect ex, keep your cool at all times, parent effectively and never complain.
I wonder if a lot of your relationship was like this too? I think you need to go and let off some steam, do you play squash? Run? Anything physical that you can do for you and get completely exhausted (not including housework!)?
It is hard watching the 'new fairy tale' play out in front of your eyes, we have seen it time and time again here on the boards. It does seem such a short time since you split with your ex, so you are having to process an awful lot of stuff.
Just keep being kind to yourself. Allow those feelings of anger, frustration, despair and perhaps jealousy. See them for what they are, natural feelings coming from a difficult situation that you are currently handling. This time will pass.
Yeah, I feel a bit better today, I have been so calm but this past few days I have gone into meltdown but I think I needed it. It's so frustrating because with the kids about you have to wear a mask constanty , and not let them know you are hurting.
Yeah basically the last few years of our relationship was effectively me cleaning up his messes.
I think that mask is one of the hardest things of parenting alone, I am so glad that you have been able to share what has been going on for here you though, as it is important to reveal the true you to others and not quash those feelings.
As it has been mentioned before in this thread, you have not been split that long, so you are emotionally working through the end of the relationship, which is hard enough without the additional elements you are having to deal with, so meltdown is understandable.
I am glad that were feeling a bit better yesterday and I hope today is the same, you are free to live Your Life as you wish it, without having to clear up ex's messes.
What are your plans for today?
Hi. Was working today so at least I have that to focus on. I definitely feel a bit better, the crying and ranting was just what the doctor ordered to be honest.
You're right about not having to do his dirty work anymore, and it's time I relinquished control (to an extent) and let him deal with this in his way. I will always be there to support them even if he doesn't handle it the way I would like him to.
It's hard to let go that control, well I found it hard. The main thing that helped was to focus on "are the boys basucally ok?" and as long as they were, then that was fine.
Glad you got things off your chest, are you working the rest of the week?
Hi Louise, was at work today but I'm off to a wedding tonmorrow, maybe let my hair down a little. Kids are going to stay with their dad.
I don't believe that he would ever let them come to any harm and they adore him, but I don't think he talks to them enough. He's fun daddy!
You might be interested to read this article about children loving the other parent 
Intersting stuff.
I have no problem with them worshipping daddy. (It bothers my family no end though) For the most part we agree with parenting choices, but that man cannot talk about his feelings. I know they'll get to an age where they appreciate who has done what for them. My 8 year old has already stated making comments such as: 'You know what he's like' They just accept him for what he is. Nothing wrong with that
Off to my friends wedding today, and another on Sat, leaving the kids for a few days quality time with dad!! I was worried but, I'm embracing it. It's natural to be slightly anxious when I have never left them this long before.
He'll make sure they are ok and I can get out, have a nice time. Go me!!!
Oh seriouslyannoyed I hope you have a well deserved break, the sun will be shining and people will be happy and you know that the boys will be having a good time too.
Great bank holiday for all :)
I had a wonderful few days, my friends had brill wedding days and the kids had a nice time with their dad (although he did leave them with his mum for a night which I'm not overally amused about but not in the least surprised)
I'm definitley going to do it more often!!
That sounds great all round! I hope that they settle back at home quickly without any disruption.
I bet you feel like a new woman! 
I sort of do actually!!!! I'm far too young to have written myself off completely. I can still have fun
Glad to hear it! A new lease of life. As my daughter is always saying to me
"Here's to the first day of the rest of your life!"
If we can put the past behind us and look to the future, who knows what is around the corner!
I'm not fooling myself, I know there'll be bumps along the way but I'm more confident now that I can do it!
Hi guys, so I thought I would give an update. The kids have met daddys girlfriend a few times now and they seem to like her. In fact, they are dealing with the whole thing really really well and I am so proud of them. I have been in constant contact with the GF and she is also happy with how things are going. She vows she will always be good to them.
HE still isn't opening up and finds it hard to talk about things but all in all , it is going better than any of us thought.
I can only hope this is a sign of things to come.
That's great news! Well done
x
That's great that the children have taken things in their stride. Don't be in too much contact with her though, as it will take over your life, and you need to look at things for you as well. It's really good to have established that rapport with her, and now I want you to look after you too
By constant contact , i meant when she has contact with the kids we have a chat to see how things are going. I expect this to wane when they have established a relationship with her. I have been getting out a bit more and as soon as I get them through the next few difficult months, I will be making sure I get myself a life
That sounds great, I was a bit concerned that she was your new best friend and that keeps you too enmeshed with him, that's all. Well done you, for spreading your wings and looking to a new future
Hi Seriousyannoyed,
Interesting thread. Im glad things are working out. My situation was the complete opposite so its good to see your story.
I bet he is secretly squerming you are getting on with the new GF. Alsway good to keep her onside but like Louise said not your new best friend.
When is the baby due. My 1st partner he had already got someone else pregnant before we split and we were in the same house when it arrived - he was always staying out and the one morning he came in and smelt of hodpital I knew the baby had arrived.
I can not tell you the mixed feelings I had so be prepared. I sent a card from my girls but it broke my heart. The baby a boy (he always wanted a son) is 14 months younger than my youngest daughter at the time) They are all now in thier 20s would not say they are like brother and sister but they get one when at family parties ect.
Sorry im waffling better get back to my desk. x
HM
Hi happy mamma, I agree its always interesting to hear a different slant on it, make you realise you're not alone and others have all these problems / difficulties ! My ex is a very lucky man , I'm being reasonable and so is his girlfriend, I'm not sure he deserves either of us lol.
The baby is due in January, less than a year after he moved out of our house. I'm not saying it's easy, and there are things that tear at my heart but for the sake of my kids, the best thing is for us all to get along.
She is a nice girl and I believe she will be good to my kids, although I'm not sure she realises how hard its going to be. I have told them both in no uncertain terms , its all or nothing now. My kids have to be involved, they have to be part of this new family. I won't let them be cast aside and they're certainly not playing second best to anybody.
I don't want to be her best friend but if she's in the kids lives, I want to get to know her. They are going to be excited when the baby arrives and while I know it'll hurt like hell, I want them to be close to their brother or sister. She said that is important to her too and I can only take her at face value.
That is a great attitude to have seriouslyannoyed, though it will be difficult it will be good for your children to see you dealing with this situation the way you are.
Thanks Sally, I'm not fooling myself, I appreciate that it won't be easy and I've made them very aware of it. Lets face it it's a difficult time for them too. They barely know eachother!!
All I can do now is try my best to make the transition as easy and painless as possible for my kids. They're handling things so well so far . Long may it continue.
Will do !!!!!!!! Fingers crossed