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Im going through a very rough time of it right now where i threw my 2 girls dad out 11 weeks ago then social services stepped in and told him he wasn't to see the kids. I have recieved nothing but abuse of him ever since hes been with 2 young girls hes sent me pictures of him and one of them on my youngest daughters 1st birthday the mind games are unbearable. I have womans aid involved also but i am at my end on my tether at times so i am glad i have found this site for advice and for me to get things off my chest!!!
any advice on what to do here will help me i also need to get him out my head as everything is suffering i have been sick everyday since he sent me that picture as hes disgusting and the person is a girl 15 years younger than him..
Hi bluedaisy how very painful and sickening that this is happening. There is the Freedom Programme on here if you look at the top of this page, and click on learning. which will help you understand so much more of the mechanics he is using to keep you down and to keep hurting you. And keep you under control.
Be aware that he is not capable of loving any one, not you and not those young girls, or anyone else for that matter. He will do nothing but damage anyone around him. And that these young girls will receive just a very similar life as you have had with him. He is playing terrible terrible mind games now with you and also with them and it is so hard to not let it go in circles and circles in your brain, as if you cannot stop it, but as this keeps happening, he still has all this power over you. Take a few deep breaths, and try to do something nice for yourself. Try to talk about it with friends, talk on here, you can talk with the Samaritans day and night, 0845 790 90 90.
Have a soaking bath, coffee with friends, a walk in the park, anything nice for yourself.
((((Big hug))))
That sounds like a great idea.... theres more hes called social serices and told them to take girls off me as im a raving alcoholic untrue of course but hes trying eveerything to get to me...
thanks skyflower ive registered for the program... and i find it really informative... and i its working to get him out my head..
Well done bluedaisy. If he is making allegations about you, even things that are not true then it's worth you staying squeaky clean for the time being (eg many people have a night out or have a bottle of wine in the fridge, I would make sure you don't even do that until this passes)
Louise is so very right, because it might be that they surprise test you. Even if they know you are a fine mum, if there are accusations they might have to follow up on it as a rule. I am so glad you are feeling a bit better. He will still try to hurt you, but stay strong, we will all be there to help
Yes i know i have been watching what im doing as i know what social work are capable off...
i can't beleive he said to social worker take the kids off her if i can't see them she should not see them either... the guys a creep!!
That will only show them more so what he is like, fantastic news !!
yip thats what she said and said i am better off away from him ive just completed the freedom program on here and my eyes were opened a bit by it...
Good morning bluedaisy! Well done for completing the Freedom Programme, its interesting isn't it. You might like to consider doing a face to face group once things have quietened down on the home front.
How are your girls?
That is so great bluedaisy !! you can also read the book of Lundy Bancroft "when dad hurts mum" which is so very helpful. That book helped me a lot. The freedom programme face to face that Anna is talking about was given in this town at the council office, the domestic outreach workers at the council offered me it,
how is your day today ?
my womans aid worker is putting me forward for a face to face one starting soon... the girls are not really fased by all this my eldest starts school on wednesday and my youngest is too little to know any better... by the way i am getting peace off him thats a full week ive no heard from him its heaven xxxx
Ive applied for university and i start in october watch this space ladies xx
will look on the internet for that book skyflower im ok i had a visit from a family support worker today...they are going to work on getting my self esteem up :)
so i don't go back to him... but i don't think i could x
I am so glad you are getting the support you need....and glad he is leaving you alone at the moment. Just be prepared when you least expect it, that he can turn up or do something to hurt you xx
I know as ive been here before and he showed up out the blue but i hope hes getting on with it with his new bird as he alls her lol rofl..... shes welcome to him read a bit of that book nline im going to ask local libary to get me it n if i can't get it im going to buy a copy will go in my favour if i am doing things to overcome him... myself without being promted by social work and i will hopefully get my daughter off her superision order at next review xx
Good suggestion from Skyflower to 'be prepared' for next showing of the ex. It sounds as though your family support worker is being great. How are you going to be working on your self esteem, will you be going to classes or just discussing with her?
Is your daughter looking forward to school? Does she need a uniform?
she is going to bring a pack to work on and a dvd its the steps to exellence course run by the pacific institute... shes basing some of the things on... yes she can't wait i got all the uniform myself with no help from him ;) xx another thing i have acheived xx
Yes it will go in your favour !! and good for you that you have achieved the uniform all by yourself :) xx
and my ex's niece wanted to come down tonight for an hour.... eh whos in control as it was more like a demand!! I said i was out x
Wow, what a strong move !!! Fantastic, be so proud of yourself, what an achievement and also that you are so close finsihing your study !! xx
im not feeling that strong tonight i have got a feeling in the pit of my stomach can't explain it dunno if its cause its my daughters first day at school i am trying hard not to text him no heard anything for a week off him.... n i find it strange
Hi Bluedaisy, we are here as well for you, but is there anyone you know, a friend you trust, that you can talk with or go to ? Or the Samaritans ?
You will go up and down for a while, it takes time, there are days you know absolutely certain you have moved on and feel relief, and other days you will miss the good part of the relationship....that was why you were with him in the first place
You have achieved so much these last weeks and the fact that you could keep control over the situation when his niece came down, you have done fantastically well, but there are some days you will feel you can't cope, but don't look back, there is this thread of Trudyrl and Stressball explained it so well, I will have alook if I can find it back for you to read on here xx
It was under forum : "Relationships and you", the 6th post from Trudyrl called "Domestic Violence" maybe it helps ?
Hi bluedaisy, how are you doing today? I hope you are feeling better! How's your daughter doing at school?
The discussion Skyflower was talking about is here
Thank you Sergiosed, this thread is so helpful under these circumstances. Stressball expressed it so well....
How are you doing today bluedaisy ? I know it can sometimes even be more painful to hear nothing and be completely ignored, then the hurt he can give you when contacting you, because as long as he is contacting you, the relationship is still important to him. He might even do this on purpose to hurt you.
(((big hug))) as you need this so badly.
Hi bluedaisy, how are you doing? It sounds as though you hit a bit of a low the other evening. Did you manage to look after yourself, or did you find yourself texting him?
How did your little one's first day at school go? Did she enjoy it?
hey everyone ive no texted him for over a week and i had 2 missed calls off him today.... i also got my freedom program certificate today.... and my girl is settling in brilliant at school... n yes i do get a bit low when his family text me asking how kids are and asking to come down as i really don't want to see them...
Ive also been asked out on a date but im not going lol xxx
Great your daughter is doing well in school
I can imagine that you dont want to see them right now and so good you managed not to txt him or react to his phone calls
a date ? wow lol xx
Nice to 'see' you bluedaisy. Well done for not texting him. It is hard, but so worth it in the long run, we are right here for you, so message us not him!!
I think you are completely right to give yourself a bit of grace from his family right now, you have been through an awful lot and need some space and time to look after yourself. Don't let anyone bully you into doing what they want not what you want.
How very flattering to be asked out on a date!!! I hope it gave you a feel good moment 
you are all so kind... yes the flattery was good but im not interested in dating lol xx
i am just going to concentrate on my girls and my uni course and hopefully get peace to do both xx
Well done, bluedaisy, I know exactly what you mean about that feeling in the pit of your stomach, it is like your insides are doing somersaults and then when it stops you get that sick feeling. It will go in the end but in the meantime let it give you inspiration, you are living your life a new way, you are breaking free!!!
What are you doing over the weekend?
took my daughter to a dance class and i had a drivng lesson and driving instuctor says i am doing good at it i just need to be consistant so need to get loads of rubbish out ma head and get my test past hopefully u will all help me lol xxx
Bluedaisy you are doing amazingly well,, taking care of your daughter, studying and doing driving lessons !!! I so hope you will pass all your exams very soon and will keep my fingers crossed for you, and everyone on here is always so supportive of course we will all help you 
Yes it's hard to keep your concentration going when there's all that in your head but it's great that you are taking driving lessons. Passing you test would give you even more independence. Maybe before each lesson you could go through a bit of a "ritual" where you take a few deep breaths and say to yourself "Right, all the stuff is going in a cupboard in my head for an hour, cos now I am doing THIS!" Imagine a big cupboard or pirate chest in your head where you can put stuff for a short time, this also helps you to feel in charge of it all. Of course it will keep popping out the cupboard and you do need to deal with it and not bury it forever but this technique will maybe just give you a short break from it all while you have things to concentrate on, such as your driving lesson.
thanks skyflower and louise your right i have been trying.... i woke up to 29 abusive texts this morning from my ex they are in a spam folder as his numbers blocked hes calling the girl in the picture his flatmate... has threatened me with her and his sister and social work.... change the record lol
i texted his sister and told him i have got enough evidence to lock him and his wee girlfriend up for ages... and im taking it to a lawyer or at least im getting legal advice on it how dare he....
i hate him the liar... the headworker and the bad father all coming out tin these texts i'm so glad i done the freedom program and it showing me insight into abusive men as now i know they are all tactics to keep me under his spell... i know what he wants me to do!!! and its not happening :)
29 abusive texts ? I am so glad you did that course and you are so strong !! Don't text his sister and give them any evidence that can work against you Bluedaisy, it is so important to be squeeky clean yourself, so glad you got this evidence for your social worker and for your solicitor !!! well done !!!!
Yes they started off mild and went to totally out of order 1st he said he got rid of the 20 year old but that wan't his exact words... then he said shes a pal and then he said she was his flatmate and then he says shes a really nice lassie and she was going to knock my block off.... charming lol that was a mild one...
His sister told him to stop and its stopped. She doesn't agree with him and neither does his older brother hes fell out with him... both of them says hes lost the plot for the things hes done to me but you know what family are like they can stick together like glue.... but least the messages have stopped... His sister says he did this to his ex before me too... so shes all for me walking away she says i dunno how you have lasted this long says ive got plenty of paitence i dunno what it is i thought i was doing right...
Yes they started off mild and went to totally out of order 1st he said he got rid of the 20 year old but that wan't his exact words... then he said shes a pal and then he said she was his flatmate and then he says shes a really nice lassie and she was going to knock my block off.... charming lol that was a mild one...
His sister told him to stop and its stopped. She doesn't agree with him and neither does his older brother hes fell out with him... both of them says hes lost the plot for the things hes done to me but you know what family are like they can stick together like glue.... but least the messages have stopped... His sister says he did this to his ex before me too... so shes all for me walking away she says i dunno how you have lasted this long says ive got plenty of paitence i dunno what it is i thought i was doing right...
So glad you got away from him, and also that the texts have stopped for now....I think for a long time you just loved him and did not recognise what he was doing, yes after all it is his family so you just don't know how it goes,
hope you can get some sleep bluedaisy as it can keep turning in your head, the mindgames are very hard to deal with, keep my fingers crossed that soon it will be all over and behind you x
You are doing the right thing to get some legal advice about these, bluedaisy
he texted this morning making out he wants to be a family i dunno what his game is hes got this girl in toe and hes trying to get back with me as well :( its not good thought about changing my number but why should i again...
Keep all evidence bluedaisy, I know it is hard when he talks like that, he wants the control back and also he will think SW and Court will not take you seriously if you take him back. Stay strong bluedaisy, you have come such a long way, if you feel it is difficult, read some threads on here like "its on edge" of Kiera and others,
is there anyone you can speak with ? There is always Women's Aid and the Samaritans if you need to talk x
Maybe it is easier to keep a cheap phone just for his messages and put the sim in there? would that help ? And keep the phone you love with another number ? It is a hassle again but maybe a very good thing to keep it seperate ? Anybody else an idea ?
Hi bluedaisy, as you said, he sounds like somebody mixed up the freedom programme's characters into this guy...I like Skyflower's advice of using an old phone just his messages, you will have to change your number and let everybody know about it. work! If you want them as evidence, you might also want to print the texts, there's an app called Email my texts that sends texts to your email so you can print them.
Did you speak to a lawyer about this? Womens Aid have excellent support and can advise you on local solicitors. I am sure you have already used their website but here it is in case. There might be a local centre near you and some operate a drop in so you can just go and talk to them.
But whatever you do keep every scrap of evidence, with a date next to it so you can prove what's going on.
Fantastic that app Sergiozed, didn't know about that and made photos of my messages and had it put on a cd and printed out by a photographer !!! So helpful,
how are you today bluedaisy ? Are you managing ? How is your daughter ?
sorry not been on much... been so tired yesterday i struggled... i got text off him saying he loved me and wants us back... so he is a mixed up individual im going to tell my social worker tomorrow... i dunno what to think of that...
my wee girls are fine... they are not fased at all by all this eldest one might miss him but my youngest is too young xxx
So glad the children are fine, but yes it is such a struggle when you get texts like this, it does not help you , it is holding you back.
He wants you under his control, it is like stressball said, in the thread Sergiozed left for you, here above.... these are mindgames, and in Court you will look really bad....
so sorry you have to go through this, he can't send 29 abusive text and still tell you he loves you, you don't treat a person you love with total disrespect, and waving in your face 2 new very young girls,
you can even get into trouble with SW it was SW that told him he wasnt to see the kids, and you can lose your children to care if you don't show you are keeping them safe and that you are at all times looking to be there for the best interest of your children, be strong, you can do this, it is not real what he is saying, it is to win....xxx
i was thinking that skyflower but i was thinking along the lines of if i pretend im getting back with her she will let me see the girls...he saying in the text hes going to ask SW if we can get back and he will take all the help he can... something no true at all its like its no him thats texting if you know what i mean.... i think the drink hes drinking has took over his brain... xx i am sceptical and i am wary thats how i am asking you all xx
Sorry bluedaisy, I do not completely understand your last message....if you pretend to get back with him will she let you see the girls ?
If SW told him he can't see the girls, he will pretend to want you back just to see the girls, or even to just make you lose the girls,
and if you do get back with him, you can lose them to care as SW does not want him to see the girls and is now protecting your girls. If then you show YOU are not protecting them, you will be in deep trouble. Do not ever believe him anymore xx
Hi there and welcome to One Space, we are here for you and can be here every day to support you through this time.
I am glad to see that you have the support of Womens Aid as well, in times like this we need to reach out to everyone we can.
I am not suprised that you are finding day to day life difficult to cope with, you have been through a horrendous time. Are you keeping a record of all the contact he is making with you? If the girls were underage, have you reported the photos to the police?
I think what would help me get through something like this is to take a bit of a break when your girls have gone to bed and write down all the good things that you can see around you ie: roof over your head, food in your fridge, two gorgeous girls and then recognise the huge steps that you have made ie: finding the courage to get him out of your home, the inner strength that you have to ensure that your daughters are not around him.
This isn't going to get him out of your head, but it will move the focus away from him and onto you three.
What do you think?