Abit of advice please folks

shortie2

Right mark wants to get louise on a saturday aswell now and am assuming keep her over night and drop her off on the sunday without a time limit eg pick her when and drop her off to suit him. I said you barely even looked after her when we were dating. I was having to do everything, sterlise bottles, fed her, bath her etc etc. He said i have to accept amy (the g/f he was seeing when he was cheating on me with) and step(his dads g/f's daughter) and family will be seeing louise. Which i dont have problems with. He didnt help much when louise was born which is doubting me from wanting him to take her a full weekend plus overnight.

I wanted mark to spend his time on a sunday just with louise but i ken ami has been there with him. I told him i didnt want that and wanted him to introduce ami to louise when they had been dating 7months plus. As I dont think its right before then as when louise gets older and things dont last with ami then a new lassie appears. Which i think is fair isnt it?

If am honest am not keen on mark getting louise overnight as i dont think he'd give louise his full attention. He would only give her his full attention when she needs changed or feed etc then go back on to the computer or watch tv. Am i beening unreasonable or what? He says he's bought louise clothes for her christmas (she has more then enough clothes and i would of prefered clothes for her but for a year old and over) but hes gonna keep them at his house as "i wouldnt put them on her". Which it false because i would put them on her as clothes are clothes at the end of the day. hes gonna get a lawyer. But i told him ave heard that before. He works over time on a saturday but i said to him is that bulls**** as usual?

I text him yesterday to say if the blizzards keep up again tomorrow i dont want her leaving the house. Just if he has a car crash due to the weather etc which i think is only right. I told him today i want her back at 3pm today rather then 5pm due to the weather yesterday and because its getting darker. He said she is safe with him which i dont believe as i know what his driving is like at the best of times. I told him am only looking out for the safety of my own daughter.

Am i being unreasonable or being fair? Please be honest.

Posted on: December 20, 2009 - 1:48pm

hazeleyes

Hi shortie2
Well, i'm not quite sure really as I'm not, and have never been in your situation.
I would however say, that there has to be a time limit on Louise's visits. You set the times, and he will have to stick to them.
You say he barely looked after her when you were together? (Giving him the benefit of the doubt here), could he have perhaps seen the light so to speak? Maybe he has changed, and wants to now get more involved! Only you can answer this. Are you comfortable for him to have her? It doesn't really sound like you are.
The girlfriend thing! I wouldn't want my son getting to know anyone, so early in a relationship. That would also go for me too though. I wouldn't introduce my son until I was absolutely sure.
I'm sorry I'm not much help here. As always others will be along later, so you'll hear lots of views etc.
Take care. Hope you're keeping in the warm, away from the snow. I've been out to the local shop today, and couldn't wait to get back in!
Alison
x :)

Posted on: December 20, 2009 - 7:00pm

sparklinglime

Personally, I feel she's a bit young to be away from you too long. It needs to be done in a way that you feel comfortable, so if you're not happy, then say no.

How would you like to see contact?

Posted on: December 20, 2009 - 7:51pm

Claire-Louise

Hi Shortie2
You are Louise's main carer and therefore you know her best and what her needs are and you probably know what your ex is like too so it is you that has to be sure that you are happy with the situation. As the others have said - times do need to be det and he needs to stick with that to give both you and Louise a structure and routine to work by and conistency here is really important.
You will need to remind me how old Louise is again I am afraid? is she ready for overnight stays do you think? it might be worth extending the time Mark has with her gradually during day time visits before going headlong into an overnight stay.
You are absolutely right to insist on her not meeting lots of other people until they are a more permanent fixture in your ex's life as that will only confuse Louise. If Mark is prepared to have her for longer on his own then that is all fine and good (although it is actually quite difficult to monitor this without stalking him!). I would suggest building up the time the two of them hav together during day time visits first so they can get used to each other more fully before any overnight stays but that is only my opinion.
How many times has he had looked after her since you split?
Cheers C-L

Posted on: December 20, 2009 - 8:55pm

shortie2

Louise will be 21weeks on wednesday the 23rd december so i say she's abit young yet. Mark only is thinking about his time with louise. Tonight he wanted to bring her back to me at 6pm i refused because its far to cold to be taking her to the airport to get marks dad (which i dont believe marks dad was away to dublin in the slightest) so he brought her home. He got her a christmas outfit today and put her in it. He told me that ami would be there as they were going to stirling to finish of there christmas shopping. So when louise came back to me she was wearing socks, leggings and a thin velour top. No hat, coat or slippers on her. I said to mark why isnt she wearing a hat or coat? the reply was the cars roasting. I said that goes for nothing. I think mark is desparet to play happy families. I dont think am being unreasonable in the slightest but at the end of the day he's forgetting that she is his main priority.

I would never introduce louise to a new partner of mine as she comes first and not until are sure. I would make the guy aware of the situation. My main concern of louise staying overnight as marks dad and girlfriend go out to the pub every weekend and spend all day in it but dont leave until drunk - 99% of the time. Also i know for a fact mark wouldnt stick to a routine with her. he can hardly get up to go to work at 7.45am for his work and take his tablets for his epilipsy.

Posted on: December 20, 2009 - 10:17pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hi shortie2

I am putting in my two penn'orth here. I agree you need set times and also while Louise is so small she needs her time away from you gradually increased, not just to go from hardly seeing him to being there for two days' solid. Re the snow, even if he is the best driver in the world, I can understand that you don't want her out in these freezing conditions and certainly she should be warmly dressed. A grown up may well be "roasting" but he needs to feel the back of her neck to see whether she is warm enough.

As for the girlfriend, whilst I agree that it is best not to introduce a new partner so soon, I think there is little you can do to monitor that and you will just have to tolerate it, infuriating as it may be. It has the bonus that more people are around to care for your daughter.

One recommendation: get an exercise book and write down dates and any incidents of concern e.g. yesterday's date, the temperature outside and what she was dressed in. If he ends up going to court you will have a dossier of information to show.

Could you sit down together and agree a compromise, with or without a third party present? You can go to mediation (see http://www.nfm.org.uk/index.php?page=Local Offices) but this will cost you a fee. In any case, better to do it on your own :D

Posted on: December 21, 2009 - 8:55am

shortie2

well i have been keeping a note of when he has been giving me money for louise, when he's came to pick her up and if no what the excuse was why he cant come to get her. Ave been keeping text msg's from him aswell.

Yesterday he was going on about him wanting to see her 2 days a week to pick her up and drop her off when it suits him. I said i think we need to sit down to discuss this like adults and he said theres nothing to discuss. So he wont sit down face to face as am thinking he wants to play the hard man infront of the girlfriend and her pal steph.

I agreed for him to get louise on boxing day, as he asked if he could. So he aint coming out on christmas day and said he has bought clothes for her but will keep them at his house as i probably wont put them on her. In honesty she'll grown out of those clothes and it will be a complete waste of money which i aint bothered as its his money he's wasting and not mine. So hes getting louise at 10am until 5pm.

I aint comfortable with mark having louise during the day let alone at night. I cannot trust him in the slightest. If it was to come to court etc i just hope there on myside!!!

Posted on: December 21, 2009 - 1:15pm

Claire-Louise

Hi Shortie2
It is good that you are alreayd keeping information about Mark and so ti would be very easy to add to those notes about incidents that you are not happy with like Louise suggested, e.g. the temperature and her clothes not being suitably warm. It all helps if it does go to court that the more written proof you have to back you up the more confident you can feel about your information and not have to rely on your memory which might not stand up to the test when under pressure, if that makes sense.
I am gald you have got boxing day times sorted out. if Mark does not want to sort things out face to face then you could write down an agreement of access for you all and ask him to look at it and sign that he agrees to it. The more amicable you can be and sort things out between you, the easier and cheaper it is in the long run for all concerned.
So are you completely relaxed about xmas then with al your jobs done?!
I still have a couple of things to get and to wrap some other bits and bobs. Plus I wanted to do some cooking with the children as we got a book from the library about xmas things to make.
Cheers C-L

Posted on: December 21, 2009 - 5:40pm

shortie2

Everything that happened with mark yesterday is making me worry. I dont know why as ave been patient enough with mark over the past few weeks say more from september. Its p*ssed me right off and i know in the long run its for the best if he walks away from louise. As louise would benefit from it. I ken that how i bring louise up terms of discipline, telling her no and telling her thats bad etc mark will let her away with and that all my work will be wrong etc. Thats a few months away yet but i aint looking forward to it. Am not looking forward to christmas as am worrying about this am the kinda person who worries over nothing, which i cant help.

That should be fun, cooking with the kiddies. You need to tell us how that goes. I cant wait to do that with louise.

Posted on: December 21, 2009 - 10:18pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

I know what you mean about worrying over nothing, shortie2 I think that is common to many parents, myself included.

As for Mark, can I suggest something? It sounds to me, as an outisder, that he is using the question of contact with Louise as a way of getting at you. If you show him it winds you up then he will get more and more difficult. That is not to say that you can just ignore it, but what I am saying is try to stay calm (at least in front of him). Time will tell whether it is going to be an issue as the months go on; I know of many parents with care where the other parent goes to the nth degree to get defined parenting time......and once they get the court ruling, they hardly see the child. Just enjoy your time with Louise and rise above it all.

Posted on: December 22, 2009 - 9:37am

Claire-Louise

Hi Shortie2
How are you feeling today? I know what you are going through is difficult and can seem quite frustrating when you are trying so hard to be a certain way (the best you can) with your daughter and then someone comes along and interferes with that way and does it differently - that happens whether you ar single or in a couple - two different takes on how to parent and with other things it maybe doesn't matter so much if you do it differently, suddenly once you are caring for a little one, then it can become quite paramount. Although consistency is really key - as long as you keep really consistent with her, and you are her main carer, then that will provide her with the stability she really needs so that she will actually be able to cope with other people coming into her life and doing things a different way round and she will learn to accept that. i can see that with my children, they know there are different rules when they go to their friends houses, their grandparents etc etc and because they have stability and consistency here at home with me then they are fine with it. So my advise is to keep concentrating on what you are doing and enjoy your time with her as much as you can and try not to worry about all the other, outside stuff as we don't have total control over what goes on outside our houses and we have to learn to accept that a bit.
The cooking with the kids went really well this morning, we made quite simple gingerbread biscuits - all different shapes and sizes and they turned out really well - from a children's cooking book I got from the library from the Usbourne series which is lovely. Got really into the library recently and the children love it. it is just round the corner from my son's school so we can pop round after school for a browse.
Been into town this afternoon and got the last (very very last that is)! of my xmas shopping and got a parking fine too :evil: I thought it was the weekend and so the parking restriction would not be in action - silly me. Its is because I am not on holiday so I thought it was a holiday. Oh well. It does mkae me cross though we pay al these fines and council taxes and then when it snows here after having snowed everywhere else first, are they ready for it??? Do they grit the roads???? Do they salt/grit the pavements???? No they don'e so what does all this council money go towards I ask???? I feel very bad for the older people as it is really icey here and quite dangerous on the pavements. In fact it is safer to walk on the road - how crazy is that :P
Anyway - will stop ranting there otherwise I might just go on and on and on!
Cheers all C-L

Posted on: December 22, 2009 - 8:48pm

shortie2

lol, we all can do that from time to time as a rant. I agree with you i do feel sorry for the older generation as they arent as strong (ie there more weaker and fragile) and this weather dont help them maybe even scare them to venture out. We may find it hard or think we're gonna fall flat on our faces on the ice. The roads werent as bad our way yesterday as i had to get an emergancy appoinment for louise but shes ok.

Posted on: December 23, 2009 - 2:29pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Claire Louise what a horrid Christmas present to get a parking fine. It has been icy here for a week now and although all the main roads are clear and the paths in the town centre, people can't actually get out of their homes.

Hello shortie2 glad Louise is Ok, it is such a worry when they are little, isn't it?

Posted on: December 23, 2009 - 4:00pm

Claire-Louise

Hi Shortie2
Glad to hear Louise is OK. A bit of a worry for you at the time I guess. I hope you are able to snuggle up and keep warm over the next two days? Enjoy xmas
Love C-L

Posted on: December 23, 2009 - 4:41pm

sparklinglime

I'm glad Louise is ok too.

How awful a blooming fine for parking! The council here actually allow free parking for the week leading up to Christmas.

Someone has been gritting the estate today - but not as far down as my house :roll: A good excuse to carry on being anti-social!!

My brother, his wife and daughter have just left in the hope of driving back to Liverpool while there's a bit of daylight left - I think he might have failed there. Lovely to see them. He took a load of photos from our garden as the snow on the mountains is so lovely. I know my son was out there with him using his camera, so shall see if I can get some up on Flickr later.

I need to write a shopping list out for tomorrow. Milk mainly...

I'm sorry your friend's down - it's so good that her children feel able to talk to you. I have a friend who's having a relationship with a widower, and he had wanted her to cook Christmas dinner for her (shall we say he likes her to cook and clean for him - male chauvinist *** - you can see what I think of him 8-) ) His mother and son don't approve of my friend (my friend and the widower are both in their 60's), and now want to have dinner with the chap. So seems my friend is going to be pushed aside again (a common occurence). So, I've told her she's welcome here - she's came last year too.

We shall see. I'll just do a few extra spuds...

Posted on: December 23, 2009 - 5:48pm

hazeleyes

Hi
Glad baby Louise is ok. Used to hate my son getting ill at such a small age, not to able to say where they hurt is heartbreaking.

What a bummer Claire-Louise getting a fine. Traffic warden obviously didn't have the Christmas spirit in him/her.

Am really pleased your visit with your brother went well Sparkling. Shame about your friend and her 'partner'. Families huh!!!!! Lovely of you to invite her again, I'm sure she really appreciates it, and loves seeing your children on the day.

Posted on: December 23, 2009 - 6:42pm

shortie2

Yeah it was nothing to worry about really with louise would of rather of been safe. Fri and sat night last week as soon as i put her in her cot she'd wake and cry then Monday she was rubbing her right ear so got an emergancy appoitment but the doctor checked her over - ear temp, looked in her ears, felt her tummy, got that stephascop (that big long thing he puts in his ears and puts a bit on your chest that thing) but said she was ok probably could of been a number of things but she was alright. I explained the stituation about her dad having epilipsy and how he got it etc and asked if there was a possiblity louise would have it. He said that because it was secondary/accidental then the chances are louise wouldnt have it. Thank god for that. The look mark has on his face just as he's about to take a fit ave seen louise with that look on her face which scares the sheer hell out of me.

Posted on: December 25, 2009 - 4:27pm

shortie2

The csa phoned me on wednesday night and said am entiled to £30 a week and that mark hasnt responded to any letter they have sent out to him. Yeehaa says me :D :D :D they've got in contact with his work - am sure the lassie said they had or they were still to do that but if she told me am entitled to £30 a week then they have got in contacted with his work. Anyway they're sending him out a warning letter. Told me theyre sending out letters so am assuming must be sending me out a letter then. So that kinda cheered me up abit. I didnt get money from him this week but when he comes to get her tomorrow am just gonna say to him if you a pass a shop thats open get her milk and nappies as she aint got any (although thats a lie but he aint meant to ken that.)

Posted on: December 25, 2009 - 4:31pm

hazeleyes

Hi Shortie2
Merry Christmas
Glad to hear you've had good news :) :)
Hope you and baby Louise have had a lovely day. Been very hectic and tiring here. Just my 7 year old and myself. He got me up at 5.10, saw his sack, and that was it, no getting him back to sleep. We've had a great time, playing games, pigging out etc.
Hope all goes ok tomorrow between Mark and Louise. Have a fun day too.
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: December 25, 2009 - 9:21pm

pinkgrapefruit

Ditto Alisoncam with my day with son - although ours didn't start til 5.20 am - had 10 mins more sleep than you - :lol: great to see them so excited tho :D

Posted on: December 25, 2009 - 10:35pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello shortie2

Hope your day went well, and all your sausage rolls were appreciated. That's good news about the CSA, they will deduct it from his wages if he won't pay voluntarily. The thing you say about the expression on Louise's face that reminds you of her dad, I know it must be scary if you associate it with fits, but in any case you will see her look like him sometimes. I find that one of the hardest bits, actually, to see one of my boys with an expression or habit they have got from their dad.

Posted on: December 26, 2009 - 8:41am

shortie2

my sausage rolls and mincemeat tarts went down a treat. Yesterday was great fun. Its scary to see the look on her face but i did ask the doctor about it and he said that she wont of inherited it as it was secondary.

Hope you all had a great day aswell as the kids getting what they asked santa for.

wendy and louise xx

Posted on: December 26, 2009 - 8:34pm

hazeleyes

Hi Bec
Yes, it is great to see them excited, butttttttt..... THAT EARLY???? :D
I hope you got a bit of a lie-in this morning, and enjoyed your Boxing Day. I was up at 8.30, but son slept in until 10. (phone woke him). Once again, I'm shattered, but he is now painting.
Oh, for my bed, :roll:
Have yourselves a lovely evening.
Take care
Alison
x

Posted on: December 26, 2009 - 8:51pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Glad everyone seems to have had a decent Christmas, although one or two of you have been exhausted, I am not surprised after all that preparation and then the early mornings :shock:

Posted on: December 27, 2009 - 9:40am

Claire-Louise

Hi All
Shortie2 - congrats on the CSA notice - that should help a bit getting that money each week.
Alison and Bec - Oliver was up at 3.10am and then again at 3.40am came in saying 'Happy Christmas'!!!! I sent him back to bed the first time pretty quick only for him to come back through saying'Is is Christmas yet?!" Only to be sent back again and then Natahsa was up at 6.10am but just came into bed with me until Oliver woke up so it was OK really but I got a bit worried at 3am that he just wouldn't be able to get back to sleep.
Managed to sleep in till 11 today though which was amazing.
Cheers C-L

Posted on: December 27, 2009 - 6:42pm

sparklinglime

I remember my oldest getting up at 3am - and ex and I were still wrapping! I told eldest that daddy was watching a grown up film in the living room, and it was only 11pm.... They got up after 9am that Christmas day. The Git and I were sitting, waiting for what seemed like forever.

I think eldest was about 7.

Posted on: December 27, 2009 - 7:10pm

shortie2

well a friend of mine went on to my ex's bebo page after he put up pics of louise with his g/f and her pal, which am really annoyed about but i aint gonna start another arguement. My pal also then told me that he's now in engaged to amy. they've only been dating since september. Really how immature. Ok me and mark where engaged but we had been dating over a year before we got engaged last december. He didnt give me money this week. Like his sister and brother in law said mark gets bored easily and may walk away from louise. Which am hoping for. Mark had louise yesterday since it was boxing day but didnt take her today which was my idea. Last sunday when mark brought louise home she never had a hat, a jacket or her shoes on. Only a pair of leggings and a thin velvet top on. Needless to say i had a go about that. Yesterday i wanted her back at 5pm but was told 5.30 as she only had one feed since getting her at 10. i said he should of had both feeds (shes feed around every 3 hours at the mo and was due a bottle at 11am). He said hes fed up me telling him what and what not to do as its his daughter. Really how irrisponsible. Ave been to a soclisoter to get my parents as legal gaurdians to my daughter is something should have to me before shes 18.

Posted on: December 27, 2009 - 8:38pm

hazeleyes

Hi Shortie
Mark certainly sounds like he has no responsibility when it comes to caring for a child. As he is not around her 24 hours a day, he needs to listen to the times that she needs feeding. You mentioned before about baby Louise not wearing a hat, coat etc, he doesn't sound as if he knows anything to be honest!
Some men aren't very comfortable around babies, what I mean is, they have to be taught, as it doesn't come natural to some. Would Mark be prepared to have a day with you, so you could teach him a few basic things. More to the point, would you be prepared to do that? Maybe with one of your parents present if possible?
Hope you have a good day. Can't believe I'm up so early again. Come next week, back to school, and I'll be moaning!!!!!
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: December 28, 2009 - 8:31am

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi shortie2, I have been reading your posts and can relate to the difficulties you are facing. Although I am now 12 years away from it now.

I think the point has been made by Louise that there is little you can do about what your ex decides to do with your daughter when he has her, who she associates with and what time she eats and what she wears etc etc. I know this is a tough cookie to swallow, but that is the way it is. If she is to have contact with her father, we have to accept all that comes along with it.

If he is inconsistent then maybe he will disappear for a while, but he will probably turn up again at points throughout her life and he wil always believe that it was your fault why he hasn't seen her.

It sounds as though he is trying to maintain some control over his relationship with his daughter. If you feel that ultimately you trust that she will be safe with him, then I think you have to just let it be, whatever happens she will be ok. As it was mentioned earlier, you are her main caregiver and consistent, therefore you will have the ultimate influence in her life.

If however you feel that she would not be physically or emotionally safe in his care then you must fight it in the courts. It seems a lot of parents spend a lot of fighting over access times, my self included, but looking back this is more about power and control over each other rather than the consistency of access. A small child has no idea about time and they really don't worry too much as long as there is food for them, warmth and someone to pay them attention when they need it.

I know this reads a little harsh and actually it would be really nice to read something that says, if you are not happy with him, then stop contact and he will go away, or wave a magic wand and he will be the father you want him to be, but sadly neither of these are realistic.

Stay strong, believe in yourself and know that this will unfold and the situation will change and as long as you keep your wits about you, your little one will grow up to be a well rounded little girl. :D

Posted on: December 28, 2009 - 1:35pm

shortie2

Am thankfull for all the advice and dont worry if you think your sounding harsh etc as i wanted you all to be honest.

I dont really trust him in the slightest but he has a right to see her but he is far from responsible. You hear in the news etc about peadophiles etc and because of the fact i dont ken the girlfriends family you never know that one of them could do something like that to my daughter but i have to think that mark wouldnt let louise out of his sight etc.

Mark certainly couldnt look after louise for 24hours by himself. I suggest to mark a week past sunday that we sit down and talk like adults about our situation with louise and all i got was am being very mature about this and i am being adult about it. I had said to him in the text before this that he was being very immature and not being adult like.

Only if i could turn back time...............

Posted on: December 28, 2009 - 9:20pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

I know, we have all had that thought sometimes, shortie2. It's very hard :(

Anna's post is spot-on about the reality of the situation. You mentioned about guardianship of Louise. You can indeed appoint legal guardians but they will not overrule biological parents who have parential responsibiityPlease do see our information about this http://www.onespace.org.uk/articles/legal-rights/guardianship

One of the positive things to be said is that I totally agree with Anna that even if Mark goes out of Louise's life for a while, he will re-emerge at some stage, and it is to be hoped that when he does, she is old enough to be able to talk with you about it and express an opinion. At the moment, one of the things that it so hard is that she is so little and you naturally feel extra=protective

Posted on: December 29, 2009 - 9:04am

shortie2

Thanks agian for all the advice. am most grateful. I had a voicemail from marks dad. he said that he dont talk to mark anymore and as far as he's concerened he doesnt have a son anymore. (he being marks dad). He (marks dad) has presants for louise for christmas so we'll wait and see what happens there as this is the first i've heard from his dad since the start of november when i phoned him to tell him what happened with mark. He also said that if i ever need anything i've just to phone him. But we'll see whats gonna happen. :roll: :roll:

Posted on: December 29, 2009 - 9:23pm

sparklinglime

shortie2 wrote:

Thanks agian for all the advice. am most grateful. I had a voicemail from marks dad. he said that he dont talk to mark anymore and as far as he's concerened he doesnt have a son anymore. (he being marks dad). He (marks dad) has presants for louise for christmas so we'll wait and see what happens there as this is the first i've heard from his dad since the start of november when i phoned him to tell him what happened with mark. He also said that if i ever need anything i've just to phone him. But we'll see whats gonna happen. :roll: :roll:

That could be good.

I have tremendous support from my ex-in-laws.

Posted on: December 30, 2009 - 1:58am

Louise

Parenting specialist

It could be really great if Louise has a relationship with her grandad, not just for both of them but also he could act as a buffer where Mark is concerned and be a good support to you, shortie2 :D

Posted on: December 30, 2009 - 8:33am

shortie2

He is an alright guy but lie mark tells lies etc but i have more trust in marks dad than mark himself. he said (marks dad) that he was gonna get clothes for louise out of next etc. this was when she was just about 2weeks old. call me selfish if you's want but am still waiting to see them. but we'll see what happens. Like i said to my mum and friends its bad enough with louise having only one gran* (my mum) but to end up with one grandad aswell. this was before marks dad phoned me yesterday. He never seemed bothered about louise but i'll give him his due that he did phone and let me know that he has stuff for louise.

*marks mum died 2 year ago passed july, abit of a coinsidence that i go into hospital and end up in labour on the 2nd anniversary of her death. so louise got called after her. I ken its not irrelivent to this but thought i'd mention it.

Posted on: December 30, 2009 - 10:02pm

hazeleyes

Hi shortie2
That is lovely that you named the baby after Mark's Mum.
If I were you, I would see how it goes with Mark's Dad. He has made the first move, (which is a good sign). If he is constant in Louise's life, then that would be great for both you and her.
Just take it slow and see how things develop.
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: December 30, 2009 - 10:08pm

shortie2

He has made the first move. the night i found out mark had been cheating on me i left 2 voicemails on his fone. as monday morning went on i never heard fae his dad so i foned him at 1.40pm. He said right ok and he had just recieved my voicemails. Since then (8th november) until tuesday 29th he never made contact. But at least he's now made the move. Suppose now he's realise that with his dad now longer with us that the only family (apart from his partners daughters) he has it mark and louise. Sandy said in the voicemail on tuesday that he is no longer talking to mark and as far as he (marks dad) is concerned he no longer has a son!!

Posted on: December 31, 2009 - 11:45am

Louise

Parenting specialist

Of course you know that one day they may be reconciled buit also Sandy might want you to feel reassured that he does not endorse what his son has done.

Goood luck with it all, shortie2!

Posted on: December 31, 2009 - 12:16pm

shortie2

Like i keep saying thanks for the advice. Its most appricated. I have now got the cold as i found out when i decieded to go to the bingo last night with my auntie.

Happy new year and lets hope this year brings us all the luck we need. take care

wendy xx

Posted on: January 1, 2010 - 12:43pm

Claire-Louise

Happy New Year to you Shortie2!
Sorry it is a bit late but better late than never! I been in bed with a horrible chest infection and not it sounds like you are suffering with a cold too? i hope you are able to rest up and get better.
Have you heard back from Sandy? I agree with Louise on this one that a long term relationship with her grandpa would be really good for Louise. I know a lot of people whose children still have ongoing contact with the ex's inlawsand it works very well so hang in there and just see what develops.
Cheers C-L

Posted on: January 2, 2010 - 4:54pm

shortie2

Aint heard back from sandy but we'll see. Time will tell soon enough i suppose.

Yeah i have a blocked nose. Louise has a wee cold. Its a wee shame like. She was a little unsettled tonight. Put her to bed the back of six but by seven she was awake again so i gave her calpoul then a bottle at 8.45pm and now shes fast asleep. :D hope she sleeps right throu tonight unlike last night. Never mind though. Shes still the same wee lassie though despite having the cold.

Posted on: January 2, 2010 - 10:40pm

Claire-Louise

Hi Shortie2
Sorry to hear you are both suffering from the dreaded cold. it is bad enough being ill yourself but having to care for another ill body as well is tough. Do you get some help and support from your family?
Kids are so resilient though and they tend to listen to their bodies more than we adults do and so sleep through illnesses much more which is great. I hope you manage to get a decent nights sleep too shortie2.
Cheers C-L

Posted on: January 3, 2010 - 4:16pm

shortie2

yeah i do get support. but everyone has been so busy etc with it just been christmas. We've got alot of snow and ice up here in scotland so ave no been heading out the house as temperatures have been around -1 to -4 etc. My friends havent really went through this (my pals b/f has been in a similar situation but i dont like to ask) so i feel they dont really understand. I could just sit and cry at times but i'm a kinda person that keeps everything bottled up. But never mind....

Had a good sleep last night but louise was abit unsettled but she feel asleep again around 9.30 and that was her.

Posted on: January 3, 2010 - 7:45pm

hazeleyes

Hi shortie
I think we can all relate to 'sitting and crying'. It's especially hard when a child is ill, and you don't get much sleep. Would your Mum or Auntie perhaps lend a hand? I know you've seen them over Christmas, but I'm sure they wouldn't mind, just to give you a bit of a break? Do you have close friends, who maybe could sleep over and help out should Louise wake? I hope you can think of someone, though I do know how hard it is!
Hope you get a good night, Louise too. Claire-Louise is right that babies and children do the right thing when ill, and tend to sleep it off, so fingers crossed, Louise will be better soon
Take care
Alison
x :)

Posted on: January 3, 2010 - 8:13pm

pinkgrapefruit

Hi Shortie,

Hope you are both feeling much better soon. Sometimes I find I just have to sit and cry and cry. It feels like the end of the world at the time but somehow afterwards everything seems that much better, its like a line gets drawn under something and I find the energy to carry on. Everything seems worse when you are tired and poorly. Hope you manage to get an early night and lots of sleep. Its so tough on your own , you are doing a fantastic job

Posted on: January 3, 2010 - 8:20pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi shortie2

I wonder how your little one slept last night? As alisoncam said we have all done the 'sitting and crying' thing and I loved Bec's take on it that afterwards you feel a little better, ready to deal with whatever is about to throw itself at you!

You are doing a great job, keep reminding yourself of that and remember to treat yourself every now and then. You might not be able to have the night off, but you sure can light some candles and curl up with a good book and box of chocs, or what ever gives you a little bit of TLC (tender loving care). :)

In response to your message in the 'Introduce Yourself', I think the Top Gear guys are hilarious, they have such a riot! I bet the book is laugh out loud material!

I have just looked up Bryce Courtney, he has a very interesting history and his books look stunning, thanks for that shortie2, always on the lookout for a good writer/book! Which 2 and a half have you read?? And is the half because......... you stopped because you were bored or because you are in the middle of reading it now?! :)

Posted on: January 4, 2010 - 10:02am

sparklinglime

shortie2 - I really do hope that today is a better day, and you've had some sleep.

It was -5 here this morning - was wondering what the temperature was there...

If you need to let of steam, do you feel that you could put it all down in writing on here? I find it helps me (there's a few essays on here I've written) get things out of my head - and some brilliant replies that are such a help and such a comfort.

Posted on: January 4, 2010 - 3:12pm

shortie2

thanks folks.

I dont tell them (family esp) how i really feel. I wouldnt ask anyone to take louise over night or that because i hate leaving her behind. If i do get my mum to watch her its only for a maximum of upto 3hours while i maybe went to the bingo (sad i ken but i love my game of bingo) or when me and mark was together was to let me and him go the cinema or go for dinner. I just dont like leaving her as i feel i let her down if i do that. The saying i stick by just now is where i go louise goes. On friday while at my aunts house with my family my cousin and aunts said to me if someone wants to hold louise give them a shot as they wont offer agian, just i hate giving her to anyone for a hold as i think theyre gonna think am dumping her on to folk.

Anna- I read the power of one, the four fires. They were good books and the power of one is a film which i saw in my english class when i was at high school so i then read the book. The four fires is good. Ive started reading it again but since i aint much of a reader ave stoped a quarter of the way through it. The other book i read well half read was solomons song. I couldnt get into that book at all so needless to say i gave up half way through it. I've never bought another of his book since. which is a shame though.

sparlkinglime - I wasnt out today but my dad said according to the tempertaure gauge in his 4x4 it was saying it was -7 then going between -4 and -3. So cold like.

With all this snow and cold weather anyone up for a trip to barbados????? Who's paying?? :lol: :lol: :lol:

Posted on: January 4, 2010 - 7:16pm

sparklinglime

Maybe if we all congregate at an designated airport at a designated time they'd feel sorry for us and allow us to go to Barbados for free.

Maybe I should get a passport! :lol:

Posted on: January 4, 2010 - 11:39pm

shortie2

sounds like a plan......i'll head to glasgow airport with louise the now then. Can everyone get to london heathrow ok?? :lol: :lol: damn i need to get louise a passport first.... :lol: :lol: Yeah i can just see the headlines in the news....single parent families are on a plane to barbados as theyve had enough :lol:

Posted on: January 5, 2010 - 10:52am

hazeleyes

Whoaaaaaaaaa, wait for me. Have I got time for a waxing?? :lol: :lol:

Posted on: January 5, 2010 - 1:44pm