Hi
Congratulations on the birth of your daughter. She's such a lovely age now - I felt that's when my lot became more interesting!! :lol:
I agree with Anna.
I'd like to add though that he will be responsible for financially supporting your daughter. If you put in a claim via the CSA it puts the onus onto him to prove he's not the father - he will then have to pay for the test. If he doesn't do that he will have to pay maintenance anyway.
I wouldn't bother with him. He's choosing to be horrid and you don't need that in your life.
Take care and enjoy your daughter.
Hi Ifyouseeher
I love killer heels :P ,but I am like you, I like to look at them rather than wear them these days!
Is it a good idea to take the baby with you when you collect stuff? Wouldn't she be better off staying with your mum? I know you want him to see her and fall in love with her, but as we said before you can't make him. Maybe he is expecting you to bring her and when she is not there curiosity might get the better of him. He knows how much you want him in her life, therefore he holds all the cards. If he sees that you aren't prepared to fight over it and that you accept all that he says, you will catch him off guard.
I'd like to add though that he will be responsible for financially supporting your daughter. If you put in a claim via the CSA it puts the onus onto him to prove he's not the father - he will then have to pay for the test. If he doesn't do that he will have to pay maintenance anyway.
Good point sparklinglime :D
Oh I have never heard of that one before!
Firstly well done for grasping the nettle and sorting out your stuff. You will feel more settled once you have done that. It's great that your Mum is so supportive but £40 a week does sound an awful lot for power. Have you lived there long? if not, check that you're not paying for someone else's debt. My friend moved into a flat and his electricity money went nowhere...he contacted the supplier and it turned out that the previous occupants owed money and so for every £5 he put on his electiricy credit, he only got £3.10 and the rest was taken by the supplier in terms of the former debt. In fact that is why the pre-pay thing had been fitted, after the previous occupants had had problems.
Get those heels on, girl!!!! :D
Sounds like things are going to sort themselves out for you Ifyouseeher, you have a supportive mother and sister and what more could a girl want!
When I was going through a very similar situation, my brother lent me his leather coat, it was down to my feet and VERY heavy, but we called it the 'the Coat of Power!' and funnily enough, I did feel more empowered.
Beware though, if your ex is a leg man, he might see yours, see the error of his ways and try to woo you back into his life, so have your lie detectors specs on too!
Rang Swalec this morning. Am indeed paying for someone else's debt. Not happy at all. They are sending me reimbursement which should arrive in the next week or so, which will be nice as I'll have a little bit of extra cash that I wasnt really expecting.
Have decided to go all out on the new image thing. Younger brother is coming from Cardiff to cut my hair for free (he works in Aveda, so it has to be good. =D the joys of having gay siblings.) A few friends have decided to take me out this evening to "celebrate." They arranged it all behind my back with my sister and then told me I'd be going out. Am so happy. Havent been out with friends in almost 2 years!
Will definitely not be accepting ex back into my bed, regardless of what he says. Have realised that I'm definitely worth more than that.
Really looking forward to getting on with life tbh!
EDIT: these are the shoes!
Wow it's good news all round for you, Ifyou see her. A refund on the leccy and a night out with friends, in "those" shoes (actually just looking at them makes me wince but then I am a wimp :? )
Mayjack is right, enjoy your daughter (and your new found freedom!)
Louise :D
Funny you should mention that. I remember when I split up from a former partner (not the father of my boys, the next significant man) I rebuilt my life quite quickly but would often, like you, sit waiting to go out, all ready and glam and would have a little weepy moment thinking about how I wish it had worked out....But there's lots to look forward to and life has a way of giving you compensations.....
Louise ;)
Hi Ifyouseeher
How was your night out? Your shoes are to die for!! :) I hope you had a really groovy time with your girls and didn't end up drunk texting your ex telling him how much you love him?? :?: :?
Oh god poor you, what a load of rubbish, why does she think she has the right to:
a) have your phone number
b) text you
c) call you a slut?? :o
Silly girl, she will soon learn about him, no worries about that IfyouseeHer.
Its ok to feel a bit blue about him, but don't let him take up your whole day, spend 20mins thinking about it, but then get those shoes back on, play some music and dance, or at least sway if you not feeling too hyper! (Just seen your next message! sorry to hear about hangover, I find alka seltzer xs, the absolute hangover cure, drink them then chill for 15 mins and you feel right as rain!)
You have your whole new future to yourself now, he has let you down and there is no going back. Turn your back and walk away. I know it is easy for me to say, but I want you to keep your head up and not give him anymore of your heart, tears, emotions. You did everything you could and he let you down badly. There are much better men out there, look after yourself today.
No slapping his new girlfriend, its not allowed, you don't want to end up in custody. :o Did you say your sister would come with you? It would be really good to have someone there, so that they keep you on an even keel and focussed on what you are there for and also its always good to have a third party to remind the others that they can't bully you.
Do you know what you need to get? Is it everything, or just bits and pieces?
Great idea about staying with grandparents, its always good to get away and it may mean that they can 'look after' you, we all need a bit of extra mothering now and again.
I understand your hurt, I remember it, but it does pass, especially when you start to realise what a bad choice for 'forever' he was. It is not him you are missing, but the dream that you had.
Take care of you and good luck tomorrow, we will all be thinking of you, let us know how it goes. And get an early night, you don't want to turn up tomorrow looking hanging, was just thinking of your power shoes, maybe if you can only wear them for a short time don't bother with them. Actually don't make any special effort at all, just be you.
Of course we wish you luck :) , do be sure to let us know how you have got on. Sorry you had your period....well, you might as well get it all over with in one go, eh? ;) And if you had PMT in the the last few days it will have exacerbated any emotional vulnerablity..and you STILL coped :o HOORAY for you!
IfyouseeHer, how did it go?? Did you get what you needed without a slanging match with new girlfriend?
I hope today you are chilling at home with your baby feeling a weight off your shoulders. :)
Hooray for grandparents!! :lol:
So glad you managed a bit of a break and revitalisation!
I am glad that you can see the funny side of seeing ex's girl in your designs, in your old flat, with your ex bloke. It makes me laugh!! Poor girl :lol:
And you are free :)
Great that he is paying money back and CSA, small as it may be, it is a positive step on his part.
You say that he looked a bit thrown that you didn't have baby with you, did he ask to see her?
That does sound all good. :)
Every time I scan down the list of active posts and I read the title to this thread, I'm afraid that the first thing that comes into my mind is 'hit him' (joke!!!)
Sorry : (
It just makes me giggle to myself.
Obviously I'm not suggesting you actually do that, you'd probably get into trouble and besides, as my mother always used to say, violence never solved anything.
Unless of course you happen to be a very large industrialized nation with lots of guns and planes and a big army.
:)
Very good Bubblegum :lol: :lol: :lol:
Ohmigosh, your children are gorgeous. =D
(in a very theatrical posh voice) yes I know, fortunately for them they got both my looks and my brains.
OK no actually they didn't, despite the fact that my wife is a psychopath, and OK that's just my opinion and I'm sure if you asked her she'd disagree and have a completely different story to tell, but besides all that, she is incredibly beautiful and what she ever saw in me I'll never know, well apart for convenient punch bag.. ok, ok, joke : )
But thanx for saying : ) I think they are beautiful too and I love them, millions.
I can see my wife in my daughter : )
Last night I'm embarrassed to say I got a tad tipsy at my sisters house (she's just back from a holiday in Grease) and me and the children came home at around nine(ish) I had to bring my bike back too so I was pushing it along with us. I decided to give it a bit of a ride which wasn't such a good idea in my state of sobriety and I basically fell off and lay on the floor giggling, my daughter stood over me and all grown up, one hand on her hip the other held down palm out, like you might do when explaining something in a condescending manner, said 'I don't think you should ride your bike daddy'
I laughed some more : )
:lol: Hmm yes as they get older then it gets more like that in my experience.......did you ever see the sensible daughter Saffy in that programme "Absolutely Fabulous"? My eldest told me he modelled himself on her :lol:
For years I felt that I was living a dual life with AbFab, my daughter IS Saffy!!
I have grown up a bit now and try and be a little more sensible (when she's around anyway!) :lol:
You can sure do without all that! :x
A friend of mine had an abusive ex and so what she did is have two phones (or you could have two SIM cards). She told him the "other" phone would only be switched on during the time he had the child and on Wednesday nights 8-9pm. She knew that there may be other messages left at other times but would just delete these without reading/listening. Then she gave everyone else her real phone number.
Good idea about the sim card Louise, although it could be a little fiddly (a bit like single parenthood all over actually!)Ifyouseeher, could you ask your ex to tell her to just stop contacting you?
One of the best things to do would be to just ignore the texts, don't respond, if you respond she has something to come back again for. I imagine that may be hard considering what the texts might say, but if she sees you are just not going to play that game, she might give up :?
Ack, received another message from the ex's current. Asked her why she's so insecure about herself that she has to not only break up a family but then try to make me feel miserable too. Told her I was just getting on with my life and that I'd appreciate it if she just stayed away from me.
Honestly. It's not enough that she can't find someone of her own, she has to behave like a child and send threatening messages.
Not at all happy that the ex gave her my phone number. Can't even change it as I have to make sure I can keep in contact with my ex, if only for the sake of the little one.
Grr.
My ex gave out my number to a "friend" who he was very emotionally 8-) involved with.
I have to say I did get a new phone - a cheapy one - and still have the old one just 'for him' :D
It gets better and he's not worth it, I know everyone says that and it's a cliché and yadda yadda, but then that's why they become clichés, because they are true : )
Back in the day, when I was young and suffering from unrequited love I used to cry into a notebook and write bad poetry : )
Or you could make a potato doll of him and stick forks into it, or watch this it's a bit funny.
: )
Hello If you see her
Sorry you had a rotten night. :( it is awful to torture yourself with these images but I think we have all done it at some time or other. Logically, you could actually feel sorry for her if she is about to be subjected to the same "con"?
How about replacing your images with other imaginings. My tip (from Paul McKenna, ;) ) is to imagine great pain and suffering for the ex. Really revel in how much he is hurt and getting his just desserts and realising how horrible he was to you and now he is mangled to a pulp. Then fade that pic to black and white then make it smaller and smaller in your mind so it is just a little thumb nail in the corner. You can always revive it and torture him again but try and keep it where it is.
Take care of you
if you see her, yes Saturday sounds like a horible thing to contemplate....and how frustrating for you to have resisted hair-tugging only for it to decide it is falling anyway......it is definitely stress, though. Keep resisting the urge!
You can get all sorts of teapots these days (many of which leak when you try to pour :shock:) Are you going for sensible or novelty?
That sounds gorgeous. You will be able to charge for people to look round once all done ;) or even serve refreshments in your new teapot
look what i made today. =D
Dear Ifyouseeher
Welcome to the One Space boards. If you have had a chance to look around I am sorry to say that you will find that this situation is not uncommon. So first I want you to have a cup of tea and take the weight off, you can't deal with everything in one go, its all going to take time, so give yourself a break and look around and see if there are any positives in this situation.
The first positive I spot is that this guy of yours is
a) not supportive and never has been
b) not been consistent in the past so may not be consistent in the future with seeing his child
c) never lived up to his responsibilities.
So you have to question whether this is the father figure you want for your child.
You meanwhile have a brand new baby girl Congratulations!. You are a faithful and compassionate person.
Its time to stop giving him all the breaks and give yourself one. You know it is his baby, let him pay for a paternity test if he doesn't believe it (although I bet he does know she is his, but is just playing games).
You can not make him be a part of your daughters life, that is his choice. You can't satisfy his demands at the moment, only time will tell what relationship he chooses to have with his child.
You and only you are in control of your life. It is difficult in the early days of motherhood to cater for all the demands of life, so please, I urge you, to enjoy these days and let him play his games on his own.
If you need legal advice go to http://www.communitylegaladvice.org.uk/.
I am sorry if I sound harsh Ifyouseeher, I just hate to hear that you are being battered down emotionally and mentally at a time when you should feel safe, secure and happy.
We are here to support you and you will find a good network of friends, have that cup of tea and treat yourself to something nice - you deserve it. :)