when will i feel human again?

sparklinglime

oh zane, my heart goes out to you, it really does.

Sending you loads of hugs.

As things calm down - they will, and I know it doesn't feel that way - you will hurt less and start to be able to take a baby step towards getting some things sorted.

That's apalling taking your daughter's birthday money, so mean!

If you can somehow focus on the children they will get you through this.

Let the haze clear and then he will have to talk. He has to focus on the needs of the children, and he will have to pay maintenance for them, even if he chooses not to see them.

As he's taken this money, do you think he has debt issues that he's been hiding?

I'm quite convinced that my ex had a sort of breakdown as he hid tens of thousands of debts from me. In time you might find your friends will come back if they didn't like him (I was surprised how many of mine disliked my ex).

Be kind to you. You need to be strong for your children.

The support here is brilliant. We have strong shoulders and are so good at holding hands - even if it is virtual.

Best wishes

Posted on: July 26, 2009 - 7:31pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello zane, my heart goes out to you and your children, what a terrible shock. You are amongst friends here :)

First of all do not expect too much of yourself, especially in these early days. It's normal to be sad and angry and numb and desperate by turns. Try to keep some structure so the kids still feel safe, they will be secretly scared that you will leave, too. You can do this!!!! with our help and support of course.

Have a look at some of the posts under the "introduce yourself" section, there is a thread called "hello", for example, and you will see that some of our members have supported each other through similar situations, I am not saying that other peoples' problems will make you happy but I believe there is some comfort in knowing you're not alone.

Keep posting, you are NOT alone....

Posted on: July 26, 2009 - 8:41pm

Bubblegum

Hello from me too : )

Posted on: July 26, 2009 - 8:54pm

sadsy

Oh zane26,
I'm so sorry. You've having a terrible time.

If you are overwhelmed with sad emotion, you know, the doctor may be able to help.
Counselling can help, NHS ones have a long waiting list so get in quick. It's useful to have an outside view. Is there anyone who can have the children while you do this? usually 1 hour a week.

Also, I found medication (anti depressant) helped reduce the stress and allow more things to be coped with. There's no shame in it, you will heal more quickly too.

The vacuum of information is awful, you must have so many questions.

Aha, relatives! Time to get back in touch. Skype is free, and allows free audio/video link with someone else with Skype. Video is available if you have one of those webcam things, or it may be built into your computer. Favourite auntie or cousin? Time to get them talking. Pull in support from all areas.

http://www.skype.com

You don't sound weak to me. You've got through 5 weeks of hell on your own. You are a survivor. Some of the answers to your questions of why will come in time. Some may never be answered.

Friends that kept a distance, again, time to call them up and track them down. Pull in support from everywhere you can think of.

Little steps at a time. Be very gentle and kind to yourself. Are you sleeping ok?

Lets have more rants from you please! This is the place to do it ;)

biiiig huuug for you!

sy

Posted on: July 26, 2009 - 9:27pm

sadsy

also zane,
re the hello post.

It was my first post. I can't look at the first few pages, as i was so broken, but they may help you?

sy

Posted on: July 27, 2009 - 3:20am

Pansy

hello,
sorry to hear you are in so much pain! It's the not knowing what happened & not being able to understand that holds you back from moving forward. I felt like this too at first & still do a bit but with the help from everyone on here I think I have managed to let it go a a bit, as I have realised that I may not get answers! It seems so many dont. I have also worked things out, there are reasons for my husbands actions, alkahol & depression & I have had 17 yrs experience on how he can behave & react to things in life.

It sounds like you may in time come to see him in a different light although I know you feel along way off from that now.
be kind to yourself & please keep posting, about anything you want. Have a look at the hello thread like Louise mentioned.It must be the longest running thread on here & has many rants from Sy, also me. with Louise, Anna & sparklings wisdom thrown in :D
Paula

Posted on: July 27, 2009 - 6:17am

pinkgrapefruit

Hi Zane,

You are having such a tough time - big virtual hugs to you. My husband announced quite suddenly 2 years ago that he didn't love me or even like me anymore and he was going. I was utterly devastated but there was no convincing him that we could work things out so he left and every evening after my son was in bed I cried and cried and cried. You really aren't on your own, I wish I'd found this board when I was going through it, at least it makes you realise that other people are going through almost exactly the same thing and I think everyone would tell you that it does, very slowly, get better.

The comment you made about having lost touch with lots of your friends rang very true for me too. What happened really made me realise who my friends were tho. I had a big think about who I regretted not seeing much of and when I was feeling brave I picked up the phone and called one of them. The good ones rush over, the ones that you perhaps lost touch with for a reason will just be polite but you might not hear much more from them, I think its more that some people just don't know what to say rather than don't want to help. When I wasn't feeling strong enough to talk about things (and I found telling people the hardest thing) I wrote to people. I wrote to two friends that I hadn't seen for years. One wrote back to me immediately, the loveliest letter I've ever received, and the other telephoned me immediately she got my letter. Somehow in my letters I could tell people exactly how I was feeling and also how sorry I was that I'd lost touch with them. I now see these friends regularly again and I'm never going to lose touch again just for the sake of some bloke - lol.

Take care of yourself Zane, keep in touch and enjoy those children - my son was only 2 when his Dad left but somehow he was the one that got me through the darkest days

Bec xx

PS Just seen the title of your thread, I don't think there are any hard and fast rules on how long it takes to feel human but for me the first 6 months were definately the worst x

Posted on: July 27, 2009 - 8:55am

zane26

Thanks you for all the kind posts :D
I know that it will get better once u reach the bottom there only one way to go...up!!! But say it and doing it are two very different things. I have so much going on outside of my break up that my stress levels are through the roof. My son needs to move schools by next year(he in a special school) but they all down south and we were planning a move, now i cant see how we can do it alone.

As for the ex having debts i not sure i know he always has took a large amount of our money for his ex and their 15yr old son, a problem i learnt to ignore over the years so maybe this is where the bday money went???
Had a good day today went out with the kids, shopping for weekly food then family fun in the park, it free and they love it lol but now it the evening and they in bed, this is when it's hard. I was thinking lastnight while i lay awake maybe it's time i move his clothes, they are all still hung up he took nothing, but it's a constant reminder what do you think?

Posted on: July 27, 2009 - 7:10pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hi zane lots of support for you here :)

It is the evening that are the worst, once the kids are in bed, I would agree with that. How would you feel about packing up his things? Personally I think it could be quite therapeutic and also feel like you are taking control and reclaiming your own "space". Put them away where you can't see them!

What do you think will happen about the school situation? You have to think about it as if your partner is never coming back and how you want to move forward.

Posted on: July 28, 2009 - 10:37am

sadsy

hellooo zane26,
in keeping with my mischeivous nature, I have been taking great delight in stuffing ex's clothes into massive bin liners. There are sooo many clothes I bought her. Every fortnight, I drop them off when I pick Luke up. Soon, they will have to climb over them to get out of their "love nest" door. I'm onto bulky winter coats next! hehe. :lol:

I found it helped. Like saying to myself, she's gone, and I'm helping her stay gone. It's a way of rejecting her I guess. Maybe I am over her now. Been waiting ages for my heart to let go*.

Please post in the evening, don't sit and suffer, you need to be kind to yourself. Are you eating and sleeping OK? Talk to us about anything you like. I feel better today, so I'll be up to no good on One Space late this evening (Louise moderator groans! :( ) :shock:

Talk us through the school/relocation options you have, maybe we can think of something? We need more info first.

Big huuug for you

sy

*Don't listen to me, I am soooo not over her, family photos I still have to avoid at all costs!

Posted on: July 28, 2009 - 2:49pm

zane26

Not been on for a few days, not been good days!

Ex came back one morning to pack up his things he said no more that two words to me and totally ignored the kids. It was so hard to watch my littlw girls face(she such a daddys girl) while he simply ignored her questions and removed her as if she was infested when she cuddled him. He saying no more that 5mintue away at his mums and tuesday evening my son was rushed to hospital for fitting. When they had stablized him i went out to phone the ex and he said ' it's not my problem now'

Having such a hard time of it at the moment, i really can't understand any of this, espically the way he is with our children. Can't eat, can't sleep if it wasn't for this kids what would i have to live for?

Just want to go to sleep and not wake up till this is all over...

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 10:02am

sadsy

Oh my god zane26,
I thought you were OK. That's why it was quiet.

That was a really distressing experience for you all. So heartbreaking. I wonder if ex had some kind of mental breakdown? Maybe living with his false feelings for a while, then strain made him snap and reject all areas of pain including children?

I was almost at that point, it was so excruciatingly painful losing my children that I was going to reject them and walk away. It was only temporary though.

Or, your ex is a total xxxxxxxck the like of which I have never met.

You won't understand it, because you don't have enough real information to understand it now. Clues will come up over time and you will piece it together eventually.

Protect your children from whatever he is going through. You are a fantastic mum. Your children look to you now for love and security and I know you have enough love for them. Let them know how much you love them. I tell mine every night when I call them at new guys house.

Be very kind and gentle on yourself, for children to be well, you have to be well.

You are a very strong person. You will get setbacks. And you'll get up again. I know you will. You are lovely too.

You need to eat and sleep. Or become unravelled and overwhelmed quite quickly. Be strict with yourself over this.

You have beautiful personality, though you may not see it now and there will be someone for you in the future who will do anything for your happiness. That's for the future. Now you need to survive each day.

Look only at the day you are on. Not any further forward. You will survive this way. Get out of the house, do not stay in house all day. Go to park, somewhere free and fun. Run free in the park like you are a little girl again, arms out, feel the free air again.

Zane26 - You are fantastic and you must survive! You've done nothing wrong. You deserve to live and be happy.

love and bigg huug for you.

sy xxxx

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 10:41am

sparklinglime

Awww Zane how horrid for you and how horrid for the children. What a plonker.

I'm so sorry you son was so poorly. I hope he's recovering - and that you are. What a shock!

It's amazing what the children will get us through.

Loads of hugs.

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 11:21am

sadsy

zane26,
how is your relationship with his mum. Wonder if there is a source of information there, or someone else that has a link?

It's that big question early on "why has this happened". It weighs us down. Give it time. Not enough puzzle pieces yet to see picture.

I hope your son is OK now. Is it a regular thing, the fitting?

Sleeping is good for healing. Maybe go to bed when the children go to bed.

Please keep posting so I know you are OK.

love sy

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 11:45am

zane26

Unfortunatly his mum and I always had a strained relationship she never thought i was good enough for her little boy. Ans i do get what your saying about he pushing everyone away but he has another child from a previous relationship who he has still been seeing regular, so why not my kids???

First time my son had a fit, so i panicked alot lol typical mum. He has a lot of medical conditions anyway so they ran tests and let him go within 48hours, he seems okay now sad munching in my ear :) We made some cakes, not too nice like they have nothing in them haha but i guess you don't miss what you never tasted and he loves em.

His mates have been intouch with me and all say they don't understand him but to be honest how the hell does that help me, i know that's nasty but just how i feeling at the moment. I do go to bed with the kids, 7.30pm without fail, even been letting the dogs sleep with me to fill the bed but i just lie there and the thoughts go around and around. So i give up and get up do something, my house has never been clearner :lol: and my facebook account has seen more action that it ever has. Thanks for all the kind words :D

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 1:04pm

sadsy

zane26,
fresh warm cakes! Yum.

I'm glad you have some anger in your post. You might not realise it, but you are healing.

Hmm, yes thoughts in bed, not good. Radio on quietly, read, work out, I have easy sit ups if you want to hear?
Music on, play on computer game, I have WOW if you want to team up? er post on here and help someone?

I knooooow whaaat you can do. I've made this rant room. You could go there and pour out all the injustices of what you're landed with. Rules are no swearing. xxx's are allowed. I'm the only one (and Sparkling after I nudged her) who have done one. Helps to get angry and spell it all out.

Thinking of you

huuug

sy

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 1:28pm

zane26

Sorry sadsy but they not so yum, wheat free flour, power egg subsitute, coco power no real choc, no fat, no sugar lol You welcome to one though :)

Radio, i don't even know the name of one station how sad and my kinda music is too heavy even when on quiet to listen to once kids asleep, and scared i wouldn't hear them if used earplugs. I do use the laptop alot in bed but no one ever on msn :( so i get bored all too quick. I do read alot of things on here at night but wouldn't feel like i could post helpfull things at the moment. Sorry to sound stupid but what is WOW? I've seen this rant room, yours was very very good i wouldn't know where to start, i more the sit in the corner and take the abuse then apologise for others mistakes, will have another look though

xxx Gemma

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 1:42pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hi Gemma

I don't know what WOW is either! :oops: I am sure Sy will tell us later.

Try not to keep thinking WHY? You will just torture yourself. You just need to concentrate on getting through each day, one at a time now and every night as the kids go to bed, congratulate yourself that you have made it through. It's like walking through treacle, isn't it? If you feel like you're the one sitting in the corner, don't forget the kids will sit in the corner with you and that's fantastic that they have you to lean on. Keep going, you are amongst friends here.

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 2:52pm

sadsy

zane26,
saw your rant.
Thought it was fabulous, I'm so proud of you.

I wish I could have one of your cakes. You could watch me closely while I eat them. "eeerm, yes, chew, they're reaaly nice, gulp, chew, no fat or sugar?, chew chew, gulp, wow how, err, ingenious, chew, chew, gulp, mmmmmnn mmmmmiii, sorrry, my mouth, eeer, got stuck. They're delicious!"

Zane26 "would you like another one?"

"weeeelll, best not have too much of a good thing!" :lol:

love

sy

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 3:01pm

zane26

:lol: cheeky my son loves those cakes, even if they do taste of erm...powder :) They could be used as a form of torture though, talk or we'll feed you another cake :lol: My regular cakes are very yum though.

Thanks, i wasn't sure what to say in the rant room it's hard minding no naughty words get in there

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 4:25pm

sadsy

hehehehe,
zane26.
why are you making cakes with none of the nice things in? :lol:

Oh yes, your rant was great*. I forgot to mention, there a competition for the most amount of original content that gets deleted by our ever patient, supportive and lovely moderator Louise. What will Anna say when she gets back :o

I'm ahead at the moment, with one line getting deleted and a telling off, which is 20 bonus points on top of 100 for the deleted line.

love

sy

*and very moving. I thought you were a strong person. I know for sure now.

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 4:34pm

zane26

They got nothing in them cos Leoxander (my son) can't eat wheat, milk, dairy, eggs, sugar so they all have subsitutes. Hence tasting not too gud to us but he loves them, but he's never tasted any of the things he can't have so wont miss them.

Thanks but i don't feel strong :(

lol fancy having a comp to see who can get the most parts of their post deleted, i thought u was a little naughty and mischeivious now i sure u are ;)

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 5:11pm

sadsy

zane26,
re cakes: I understand now, sorry. I was teasing to cheer you up. :lol:
What a fantastic mum you are to make special cakes! I'm glad he liked them too, after all your efforts. You must be pleased?

You're right he won't miss the usual ingredients. He sounds very happy today to get a special treat.

Aha, strong people don't ever feel strong, they just are. Others have to point it out, That's where I come in. I do the pointing. Louise and the others will all say the same, how well you are doing. Look what you have coped with so far.
And you're still there, standing in the world. It is your world and you have a right to be happy in it.

I've been putting more clothes into bin bags for my ex to deliver when I collect children tomorrow. I bought her such lovely dresses and jackets and so on. It just made me feel sad. I so wanted her to be happy. I didn't know how.

Evening is coming, make sure you have your support routine in place: One Space, relatives, friends to recontact, msn (what is that?), TV, tidying, email distant relatives and friends, cup of tea, One Space again, bedtime. zzzzzz

Tomorrow will be better.

love

sy

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 5:29pm

zane26

How can you not know what msn is :o you need educating :lol: It's a great way to keep intouch with friends and family, check out the msn.com site and look for messenger set one up my always on :)

I know you was only teasing for such nice reasons and i thanks you, you made me smile today I don't cook him cakes cos he good or whatever we always cooking it a great way to entertain the kids esp in the hols.

Your ex was so lucky to have you, stupid woman for not knowing it. One day she will wake up and realise what a stupid mistake she made but it's always too late when the clarity comes. I wouldn't take her clothes back i'd sell then on ebay :twisted:

xxx Gemma

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 6:27pm

sadsy

hello zane26
Msn, I've downloaded it. Going to see what it does now.

Also, thank you for saying such nice things to me, they mean a great deal and keep me going through the evening. 8-)

Thanks so much

Sy

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 7:02pm

zane26

Your welcome sadsy :D It's easy to say things when they true. But seriously stick them clothes on ebay all proceeds going towards a delicious choc eclair for MEEEEEEEEE ;)

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 7:04pm

sadsy

zane26
heheheheh :lol:
I can't ebay them, I bought them with love for her.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

I know what I can do, I'll find a recipe for chocolate eclairs and give you the recipe!

I'll put note in my diary.

huug for you

sy

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 7:10pm

zane26

Yeah but you'll be ebaying them with love for YOU... :lol:

Oh goodie i will so be on tenderhooks waiting for that, all my recipes are for Leo :)

Posted on: July 31, 2009 - 7:15pm

Pansy

zane26 wrote:

Not been on for a few days, not been good days!

Ex came back one morning to pack up his things he said no more that two words to me and totally ignored the kids. It was so hard to watch my littlw girls face(she such a daddys girl) while he simply ignored her questions and removed her as if she was infested when she cuddled him. He saying no more that 5mintue away at his mums and tuesday evening my son was rushed to hospital for fitting. When they had stablized him i went out to phone the ex and he said ' it's not my problem now'

Having such a hard time of it at the moment, i really can't understand any of this, espically the way he is with our children. Can't eat, can't sleep if it wasn't for this kids what would i have to live for?

Just want to go to sleep and not wake up till this is all over...

I'm really sorry Zane26, I some how missed this post otherwise I would have offered support earlier! I sometimes get a bit lost on these boards. I'm so sorry to hear what happened to son & also the awful reaction your husband gave to your son & daughter. Maybe he isn't in his right mind at the moment & will come round to behaving better eventually. I hope so. Hope son is ok now.
Paula

Posted on: August 1, 2009 - 7:05pm

zane26

Thanks Paula

I understand, i too get lost. And i see you've had some problems of your own hope everything works out for you hun. My son is okay now, he has so many problems we...i mean I'm use to being back and forth to the hospital. As for the ex i wish he wasn't in his right mind that way i'd understand his behaviour more but he still seeing his son from a previous relationship. Who's knows what goes on in their heads... Today he send two, well i can only describe them as thugs, to my house with a list of items he wants and they said i had a matter of days to comply or else. Needless to say i went to the police. It's pathetice they list was all the plasma tv's the sofa, the bed lol rediciouls.

Hugs Gemma xx

Posted on: August 1, 2009 - 8:14pm

sadsy

Oh my god zane26,
this is really extreme.
Best to force him to use official channels like court if he wants shared possessions. He'll not be so comfortable having his personality on view in that environment.

Big huuug for you Gemma.

Brave you are.

sy

Posted on: August 1, 2009 - 10:53pm

Pansy

yes I agree!!!!!!!!!
Zane. Hope you get it sorted out without to much trouble what a B*****d sorry Louise! no other word.
Paula

Posted on: August 2, 2009 - 12:39am

Louise

Parenting specialist

Good grief, poor you. How DARE HE? Good for you, going to the police.

Posted on: August 2, 2009 - 9:21am

zane26

Hiya everyone

been off for a while moving. Love new house and new area, needed the fresh start. Been really stressfull but worth it. Hope everyone been good i will read all posts i missed try to catch up

Posted on: August 10, 2009 - 2:04pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hiya zane26 and

Welcome to your new home!!
May it bring you many years of joy and happiness!

Great to hear that you are loving your home and your new area. Time for new beginnings!

Look forward to hearing more from you.

Posted on: August 10, 2009 - 2:08pm

Pansy

Hi Zane26,
hope you will be very happy in your new home

How are you feeling now you have moved?
At least he has not got keys this time.

take care
pansy SHHH! ;)

Posted on: August 10, 2009 - 2:25pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hello zane26

That's wonderful that you have accomplished the move :) it's a great fresh start for you and the children and I hope you all settle in really quickly!

Posted on: August 10, 2009 - 4:22pm

sadsy

Zane26,
well done you! New start. Tell us all about it!

Kiss on the nose for you.

Love
sy

Posted on: August 11, 2009 - 12:07pm

zane26

Well we been in over a week now and things still upside down. Currently sat in my bedroom with kids cos plaster downstairs doing all 4 rooms, not ideal but needs doing. Leo been poorly last few days he got swine flu and with all his underlining medical conditions we all really worried about him :x

On a brighter note the house is great(or will be once decorated :lol: ) Hugh we have 3 front rooms so i have done the kids their own front room, sofa, chair, tv, etc very kiddie proof painted lovely colours :D Needless to say they love it, and it means i get my own space in my front room so no more cartoons :lol: Neighbours are lovely, a bonus only downside is the park is an hour walk away, but at least we'll be fit :lol:

Hope everyone well xxx

Posted on: August 14, 2009 - 9:32am

Pansy

Hi Zane!
It all sounds great, so nice that kids can have a room to themselves that is all theirs too. I always wanted that for mine when they were smaller. Really sorry to hear son not well with swine flu, I can understand what an awful worry that must be.

Have you had any more trouble with youe ex since he came in your house? hope not!

well have fun making your new home lovely.
nice to hear from you.
Pansy

Posted on: August 14, 2009 - 9:41am

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hi zane26,

Glad that you are settling in, the house sounds as if it will be fab when done. I know there is a lot of upheaval at the moment but you might as well get it all over and done with in one go. The kids will love having their own lounge! Have you got a garden? Sorry to hear that your boy has swine flu, and hope he will make a swift recovery, I guess you will be keeping a close eye on him.

Posted on: August 14, 2009 - 10:08am

purplepeg

Hi Zane, just been reading through your thread and you are amazing. Just want to say keep going and make sure you start thinking about yourself. Its weird after putting someone else first for soooo very long, but liberating. Hope you son is better v. soon.

Peg

Posted on: August 15, 2009 - 9:32pm

Anna

Parenting specialist

Hi zane26

I feel quite excited about your house, 3 front rooms!! Wow!

One hour walk to the park - double wow! Either you are going to be incredibly fit, as will your children, or their lounge could be made into one of those indoor kiddy monkey bar places!!

Enjoy this time, it will be nice when it is all completed, but this is the journey and you are probably clearing a lot of stuff in your head too.

Hope your son is feeling better. :)

Posted on: August 17, 2009 - 11:29am

sparklinglime

Hope Leo is feeling better.

Hoping the move is turning life into an exciting adventure at the start of this new chapter.

Posted on: August 17, 2009 - 10:52pm

sadsy

Oh zane I missed your post!

yes, I agree you are amazing.

very happy for you in your new home.
look forward to hearing from you soon.
sy

Posted on: August 19, 2009 - 6:56pm

sadsy

Where are you zane?
Hope you happy and busy.
sy

Posted on: August 20, 2009 - 12:23pm

purplepeg

Hi zane26, how you doing? hope you are happy and well
take care
peg

Posted on: August 26, 2009 - 9:50pm

zane26

Hi all no i haven't disapeared off the face of the earth just been busy.

House is finally decorated although we have no carpets yet(can't afford them :( ) Hubby has made contact, he's taking me to court for full custody of the kids, claiming i am a bad mother. We very shocked at this and has took me several days to get my head around. And i am scared s**tless he will win :( :( :(
Anyway hope you are all well, hoping to catch up with the posts but i see the hello post is over 120 now :lol: oh well happy reading to me

Posted on: August 28, 2009 - 5:31pm

sadsy

zane26!
you are one person decorating team! I have missed your strength.

Have you received court order for custody, or is it just a threat?

Do you qualify for legal aid?

Has he made any specific allegations. Is there any evidence to support his claims?
How can he be discredited as reliable parent?

Grrrr. I get cross. :(

Big huuug for you zane26.

Really nice to hear from you again.
sy

Posted on: August 28, 2009 - 5:49pm

Louise

Parenting specialist

Hi zane26

Glad you have made such wonderful progress on the house :D

It could be that the children's father is trying to frighten you. Don't let him succeed. How do you feel about writing a letter to him saying that you would like the two of you to work out a plan for the children including what time they will spend with each of you. You could ask if he would go to Family Mediation with you. Keep a copy of the letter and any reply. If there is a court case in the end, this will show that you are not trying to stop him having a relationship with the children and also that you are being reasonable and suggesting mediation....hardly the actions of a "bad mother"!

Posted on: August 28, 2009 - 6:33pm