After living through an abusive relationship or suffering incredible heartache or another life changing experience, we may have ended up feeling and therefore behaving like a ‘victim’.
To be able to move forward in our lives, we need to change our thought processes. This may seem daunting, but it is possible.
Have a look at the table below. Which category do your beliefs tend to fall into? Do you see how you could change your outlook on life? If you are living with the Victim mentality, try and reach for the Survivor. If you have reached the Survivor mentality, see that you can go even further by Thriving!
| Victim | Survivor | Thriver |
| I don’t deserve nice things or a “good life.” | I am struggling but I have the chance to heal | I have gratitude for everything in life. |
| I have low self esteem and shame | I am wounded, but healing | I am an overflowing miracle |
| I’m hyper vigilant for danger | I use tools to learn to relax | I have gratitude for my life |
| I am alone | I am seeking help | I feel at one with my community |
| I feel selfish | I deserve to be helped | I am proud of my healthy self |
| I am damaged | I can name what happened to me | I was wounded but now am healing |
| I am confused and numb | I am learning to grieve properly | I only grieve for other things now |
| I am overwhelmed by the past | I can name and grieving for what happened | I live in the present time |
| I feel hopeless | I feel hopeful | I have faith in life and my self |
| I use the outside world to hide from myself | I can endure the emotional pain | I understand my emotional pain. It will pass and bring new insights |
| I hides my story | I’m not afraid to tell my story to safe people. | I don’t need to tell my story, but I understand what I have been through |
| Everyone else is better, stronger, less damaged than me | I have compassion for others, and I will have compassion for myself. | I care for myself and for others |
| I am often hurt by other people | I have learnt to protect myself with “share, check, share” | I can keep safe from being hurt by others |
| I place my own needs last | I have learnt which of my needs are healthy | I look after myself properly; helping others then comes naturally to me. |
| I seem to create one drama after another | I see the patterns in the dramas that occur | I create peace |
| Suffering is the human condition | I feel some relief. I need to continue in recovery | I find joy in peace |
| I am serious all the time | I am beginning to laugh | I see the humour in life |
| I use inappropriate humour, including teasing | I feel upset when I see inappropriate humour | I use healthy humour |
| I am uncomfortable, numb or angry around “toxic” people | II am increasingly aware of pain and dynamics | I have healthy boundaries around toxic people, including relatives |
| I live in the past | I am aware of patterns | I live now |
| I am angry at religion | I understand the difference between religion and personal spirituality | I have a personal relationship with who I see as God |
| I am suspicious of therapists | I see therapists as guides | People I trust see me as having a healthy outlook |
| I need other people to tell me I’m doing the right thing and well | I can sometimes accept myself and have fun alone | I feel authentic, connected and whole |
| “Depression” | Movement of feelings | Aliveness |