Mending a broken heart has five stages:

1. Take time out for you, while you slowly detach yourself from your lover. Often the hurt is prolonged because you still keep yourself in their orbit. Do NOT continue to be ‘friends’ until the hurt stops and you feel better. Make a complete detachment otherwise you will be constantly reminded of the situation, especially at the early vulnerable stage when the pain is worst.

2. Accept responsibility for your part in the break-up. Nothing is ever one-sided and when we are hurting and blaming the other person it merely prolongs the pain. By acknowledging and addressing your part in the process, the grievance will be lessened even quicker because you won’t just be simply judging your mate. You will wish to show understanding and compassion too which speeds up the healing process.

3. Reinforce your self-love because you will feel unwanted and undesirable. It is easy after a heartbreak to believe that no one will want you anymore, that you are no longer attractive and you will not find another relationship like that. But to love and be loved, you have to love yourself first. You cannot give away love if you have none for yourself. So nurturing your self-love is crucial to mending a broken heart quickly because it takes the focus off partners and puts it squarely on yourself. That tends to speed up the healing process and re-affirms your esteem and worthiness.

4. Accept the situation as a natural part of the pleasure and pain cycle of life, important for teaching us lessons we need later on to live our life satisfactorily and to build our resilience. You can then begin the forgiveness process. If you seek to be vengeful or to vilify lovers in any way, you drag the hurt and pain around for years while you are stuck back then in the past. Nothing comes from being bitter after a relationship. It is best to learn the lessons they give and move on briskly, knowing that there is likely to be someone even better and more deserving of you in the near future.

5. Remind yourself daily of your appeal and value. Just because someone is not keen on you does not mean your value is any less in everyone else’s eyes. In fact, that is the time to bid that person a firm goodbye and loudly say “NEXT!”. Our life is a journey, made up of numerous experiences, not based on one event. There is ALWAYS a good reason behind why someone isn’t right for us. It’s just that we cannot see it at the time. Use rejection as a lesson in finding the right people for you and move on to a more fulfilling experience. If you really love yourself, you won’t give a damn about another person’s actions. You will chalk it up to experience, look ahead and move on without living in regrets or in the past – and much better for it too.

You might also be interested in reading Will I Ever Trust Anyone Again?

©Elaine Sihera (Ms Cyprah)