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I have finally got round to starting a thread about this problem I have with my children.
I am at rock bottom, I think I am having a nervous breakdown. They have bickered and bickered and bickered until I can't take any more. Now they have stopped arguing with each other and have turned their anger on me. I am such a rubbish mother to have let things get this bad. I can't stop crying. I don't know what to do. I have lost control of them and myself. I hate myself because all I can think think of is how much I don't like them anymore.
I can't carry on like this any more.
Friends say to me,'Oh I was like that with my sister, its just a phase they'll grow out of it' I think I will have given up by then and run away. The day to day business of being with children who are at each other consatntly is so draining. I am losing myself under the strain. I had a breakdown a few years ago and I can feel myself heading in that direction again, just a black hole. I try really hard all the time to spend time with them, giving them my individual attention but that just sparks jealousy off in the other one.
Nothing I do seems to work, I am just not cut out for this.
I need help.
Oh PQ!!! You are not a bad mother!!! Please please please take that in! (To start if, if you were, you wouldn't be here beating yourself up!).
Also, your friends are right. It is a phase and it will pass.
In the meantime I so understand how you feel. My lot are just the same when they're all together. It is only recently they've started getting on a bit better (the younger ones are now 14, 16, and 18 -1 week), but they still wind each other up and that winds me up and I can feel the frustration over it rise up in me. The only way I can deal with it is to send them to their separate rooms when I can't cope anymore.
It is horrible when they bicker all the time, and of course mum's blame themselves because, in principle, we all bring our children up with a view to love each other and be kind to each other. Unfortunately it takes forever for them to learn that.
Sending you a very big hug and a pack of self worth! xxxx
Thank you hopeful,
They are asleep now so I have a moment to breath, I have also munched my way through half a bar of fruit and nut!
I still feel really shell shocked, I'm not sure I can pick myself up and dust myself of this time. It all feels different, I think I have gone over the edge. I am dreading waking up tomorrow and having to do it all over again.
Thank you sparkling,
I have told my eldest, after she said that she couldn't stand being with her sister anymore, that maybe she should keep away! Unfortunately it seems like its a sport, they follow each other around, winding each other up. I try to keep out, however if I don't stay near they end up beating each other up.
Its like they are ferril. I feel they have no respet for me or each other.
I really feel like I need to walk away. If I could I would have left earlier this evening. I hate myself for saying it but I think they would be better off without me.
They wouldn't in anyway be better off without you.
You must be shattered though, yet you have done so well keeping them sorted during the holidays.
I think it is hard when you're not in a position to walk away though. Perhaps you need a shed in the bottom of the garden where you can go and sit for some time out. If this lot start up I turn up the music to drown it out - which isn't always a good thing for my neighbours...
xx
Good morning pancake queen, how were things this morning?
Although sibling rivalry is very common, it is distressing for all involved. The girls wouldn't be better off without you, however I do understand that feeling and I only have one!
Here are some things to consider:
Are they doing it to get your attention?
Is one of the them favoured by dad, or more similar to dad?
Are their temperements completely different? Do you compliment them individually on their uniqueness?
Are you able to spend quality time with each of them?
You have had a 'grown up' family meeting before now and that went well. It sounds as though you are drained from it all at the moment, but lets think about what can be said at the next family meeting.
Hi Anna,
I am feeling quite drained today and really wanted to hide under my duvet, but I got up, got the girls up and came to work. The eldest had a snow day but I packed her off to the childminder as I really couldn't face being at home with her today (I feel awful saying that 
)
In answer to your questions, I think they do a lot of it for attention, one of the things they yelled at me last night was that they hated it when I ignored them, but I only ignore their behaviour when they are bickering with each other. I devoted my whole day to them on saturday, playing in the snow, as soon as we got home they started on each other.
Your question about the dad is interesting, as I think he does favour the younger one over the older one as she is more of a tom boy. I think the elder one is more like her dad and often comes out with phrases that he would say.
I would have said their temperments are different. The elder being quite intense and needy and the younger one being more laid back and reasonable, however that has changed recently, the younger one is now quite confrontational and uncomprimising. This means that when the elder one starts instead of ignoring her like she used to she gets angry and agressive.
I find it hard to spend a lot of quality time with them as individuals, I probably get more opportunity with the younger one as the older one goes out more with her friends. I've just started to stagger bedtime so I get to spend half an hour with the eldest in the evening. They get quite jealous of one another and will often compare what I do with them and then use that to wind each other up.
I know everyone says I should ignore them but that seems to make them worse but if try and get involved they end up ganging up on me! I can't always walk away and leave them as they end up fighting and hurting each other so I feel I need to be within earshot so I can be there if it deteriorates.
The family meeting is a great way of getting them to talk to me but to be honest they totally ignore the house rules we set when they are going for one another and I don't know how to deal with that. The concequenses I set don't seem to have an impact on them, it makes me feel powerless and a failure.
Sorry this is a bit rambling.
Loads of hugs pq.
Hi PQ, I can totally empathise with you, my Son K and middle daughter P are the ones that argue the most, they are both very competitive and it can drive you nuts.
It can be part of normal behaviour for them to argue and fight with each other, they are learning or experimenting with each other on how to have relationships and where the boundaries are, but this can have a big impact on their relationships with each other when they are older if not dealt with properly as sparkling said in her post.
There can be many reasons behind this type of behaviour it can be because they are very similair or for the exact opposite and because they are nothing a like, they can have what they call evolving needs, so changing needs, anxieties and identities that can affect how they relate to each other, in their teens they are developing their independence and identities and can resent having to spend time with other siblings.
Something else to consider is what type of rolemodel we have been, how do we settle arguements, do we shout and slam doors etc? what are our relationships like or how do we treat others? i realised that i tended to shout when they had done something, and they would shout at each other about everything.
Jealousy is a major one, mine will often say that i am spending more time with one of the others or that they never get anything, i have always tried to divide time up equally but sometimes there are circumstances that might mean that i have to spend more time with one of them, i.e being unwell, time discussing options or if they are having problems with something.
Usually i point out that i can understand that they maybe feeling left out and that it is not intentional or that the other is getting any preferential treatment and that there are times when i have had to focus more of my attention on them so it all works out eventually.
You said that they said they did not like being ignored and i would expect most people don't like being ignored either, also some children find being ignored more difficult than other children and it can make their behaviour worse. Also from what you have said about how you have to stand around whilst they argue so that it does not get physical is also sort of sending them messages that it is o.k to go at with each.
Have you heard of Time In? It is something that you can do anywhere, it just means that children have to be close to you or they could be helping you with some sort of task more commonly known as distraction, anyway you can then ask them the "I wonder words" so something like "I wonder why you are arguing" "I wonder how A is feeling about this situation" "I wonder how you are feeling" it gets them to stop and think about how their behaviour affects each other. It has calmed down the arguing in our house, they now say "i know, i know how do you think so and so feels when you did that etc" This way you can be neutral and not look like you are taking sides.
Hi Sally,
Thank you for your comments. I'm finding it all a bit over whelming at the moment.
I have been given such a lot of advice I don't know where to start.
The girls have been much better today. In fairness I think they are quite scared as I had a complete meltdown infront of them yesterday.
I like your suggestion about the 'I wonder' questions, I think that is something I can use.
Its hard to think about myself and the way I deal with things as I feel like a complete failure. Thinking about that too much just makes me cry.
Hello PQ
You feel overwhelmed and no wonder! You are dealing with this on your own, the girls'dad does not work co-operatively with you....but truly,you are not on your own,we are here with you.
Lots of us have given suggestions,including my two-penn'orth in Chat. I guess that might make your head spin but if you think about it,we are "brainstorming" the problem,which is a good technique...and you are free to ignore any or all of it! It also shows you there is no one easy answer. Sally has written you a great post and she has also reinforced the truth that almost ALL siblings go through this. I agree with her that if you are standing there,then they can see that quarreling DOES get your attention.It is hard not to get upset at these times but the more you can detach yourself, the better.
You are a good mum and this WILL settle down, we are here by yourside as always
xxx
I don't actually think it does our children any harm for them to see us breakdown. I think it helps open their eyes to what their behaviour is doing to us - and that we do matter... Even if it is perhaps short lived.
I really hope today is a better day.
Thank you every one,
I am feeling a bit more positive today.
I really appreciate everybodies input, I hope I didn't come across as being ungrateful.
I don't think you did at all!!!!!
It just goes to show that there is no single "right answer"
I think you have proved time and time again pq that you are a fab mum, so however rubbish you might be feeling, that is one thought that is not warranted, so no more of that behaviour please 
You didn't.
Its horrid when things are hard going and there's only you to deal with things.
Loads of hugs...
Well, I'm feeling a bit more like myself and I've been doing a bit of reflection.
I think I'm trying to be too controling and when I can't control things I get anxious and a bit shouty.
I forget that they are growing up and need me to give them a bit of freedom and stop nagging so much.
How do you work out where the balance is between mothering and smothering?
...wow that is a difficult question! Just by trial and error I guess.
One day my youngest said to me "Mum I am a teenager, it is my job to be rebellious" and I said "Yes I am your Mum and it is MY job to gradually let you go and try out new things and have little bits of freedom one step at a time, while always keeping you safe" I guess that sums up what we are saying here 
It's great that you have been reflecting. Sometimes it is not about US or THEM but the way we are together.
I attended a parenting teenagers talk at work yesterday. I found it really helpful. So with my renewed confidence from all you lovely people and the talk I have put a few things in place and made a few changes.
The lady in the talk focused quite a bit on responsibilty and how children and teens especially need to have responsibilty in the home. She said that often they think that if they left the home no one would notice and nothing would change, or perhaps things would be better, so by giving them responsibilty they can have a sense of purpose and that they are valued in the home (even if they moan like hell about doing it!!). She also talked about improving relationships with our children, so that when we do have things we want them to do (or not do!) they are more likely to listen.
So...... last night we had a family meeting. We agreed that we would have a meeting once a week on a friday for 10 minutes before we start our 'girls night' where we could talk about anything we want. I have also changed the way pocket money is given. They used to get £1.50 which I would take away if they broke house rules, now they will get £1 which is theirs regardless of what happens, I have promised that I will not take it away as a punishment. They can earn extra money by doing jobs for me, starting with tidying their rooms, which will get them an extra £1. Initially they were not impressed as they thought they were going to be worse off, but when they realised they could end up with more money they were very happy. We are going to draw up a list of jobs and what their value is so they know how much extra they could get. I am also going to spend some time teaching them how to load and unload the dishwasher and how to use the washing machine, A also wants to learn how to cook so she can do the dinner sometimes. All in all a very positve outcome.
I'm not sure how this will help with the bickering, I suppose I'm hoping that if they are happier withen themselves they will be kinder to each other...watch this space.
Wow PQ sounds like the parent talk at work was really helpful, it is good for children to have chores not just to give them a sense of purpose but to give them life skills too, we don't want to send them off into the world not being able to look after themselves.
As for it helping with the bickering it could help, something that i do is to give them chores that they have to do together, so that they have to jointly share the responsibility of getting the job done, something to note though, to avoid bickering is to list what they have to do and they or you pick which bits they are each responsible for, or else leaving them to decide between themselves can cause arguments.
Yes I agree, and I am a great believer in chores. Even though my son is 18 now, the rule is that he gets £30 knocked off his board for doing his chores...ifr they are not done by 5pm Wednesday I say never mind, I will do it, and his board charge goes up (heh heh)
I really hope things improve pq. xxx
Have had another awful sunday and monday morning. Thankfully I managed to keep my sanity this time, although I feel like I've been kicked in the stomach.
The eldest was winding her sister up and being really challenging towards me, all the time she had her phone in her pocket on speaker so her friend could listen in!!! Not sure what to do about that one.
The youngest wouldn't get dressed so she's gone to school in black joggers and a red sweatshirt (the school can deal with that!) and the eldest was doing everything in her 'own time' so I left without her (she can walk to the bus stop).
Bad luck pancake queen, I imagine it becomes so tiring (I only have one, so it is only me she can bicker with!)
Have you started the pocket money tally? Is this placed somewhere prominently?
It sounds like it was a morning thing at the weekend. Who gets up first? Does one wake the other up? I am incredibly grumpy in the mornings whereas my daughter can be quite cheery, this does not bode well for me if I am not in the mood! Are your daughters temperments very different? If you can recognise that they are, perhaps you can share that with them, so that they understand why they wind each other up.
I do not think it is acceptable for your daughter to have her friend listening in, your family is not a Jeremy Kyle show. You can tell your daughter that what goes on in the house is personal and if her friend wants to hear the reality then she can come over and visit. It is up to you when you raise this, either at your Friday meet or this evening, but do it when you are feeling strong. I also think you are well within your rights to tell her if it happens again you will remove her phone whilst she is in the house, or for the day/weekend - I am presuming you pay for it, therefore logically - it is your phone!
Have you drawn up the chores list yet? If not perhaps tonight is the night that you have a pre-meet to prepare for Friday?
Throughout all of this, keep reminding yourself that you are a good mum and you are always striving for the best for your girls, because as soon as you start blaming yourself, then your confidence lowers and it is harder to parent effectively.
I'm really shocked that she had the mobile on speaker phone, which is possibly why she was enjoying the drama?
This is where I do have a temper and possibly would have either stamped on the phone or taken the battery out - even if it was done later.
I really am an awful person...
Well done for keeping calm through it pq. I really do admire you, but am so sorry it spoilt the weekend.
Thank you sparkling and Anna.
I was a bit shocked too about the phone, at the time I told her I would cancel her contract, but I think I will confiscate her sim card if she does it again. It will be difficult for me to take her phone as it was a gift from her dad, but as you rightly said Anna, I pay for the contract so the sim card is mine!!!!
Not sure I can face tackling any of it tonight as I've been awake since 3.45am, woke up then couldn't get back to sleep as everything was running through my head, ended up reading a parenting book to try and help calm my nerves!!!!
How awful PQ well done you for not losing it, i hope they are calmer this evening!!!
What parenting book are you reading? Here's a link to a book called Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, I rememebr reading it years ago and found it quite helpful.
Hi Sally, the book is one louise suggested, it was also recommended on the parenting teenager session I did. Its called get out of my life....but first can you take me into town (or something like that!).
The evening started ok but my eldest is being very challenging, I try so hard not to rise to the bait but its very hard.
Thanks for the link to the book, I might see if my library has it.
PQ I hope today is a better one. They are so challenging, aren't they, it would be easier if that is all we had to deal with and didn't have to go to work as well...mind you I sometimes think that we watch them like time bombs, we feel grateful if they don't explode and feel we have to go into full 999 mode when they do. The key, however, is LOW -KEY. I think that is the most massive challenge facing a parent, trying to stay low kew when our every instinct tells us to go into full emergency battle mode.
A really good tip is never to react in anger, have a think about things before imposing a sanction. At the moment you feel "one step behind" what is happening whereas eventually you will be able to feel "one step ahead" sometimes (not all the time)
Deep breaths and believe in yourself (WE DO!!!) Getting the foundations established now will pay off so very much in the years to come
You are so right louise.
I am trying to be very calm and not on their case all the time. This morning was going smoothly until A informed me (just as I was leaving) that the strap on her school bag was broken, so she decided she wanted the one H uses (which had been A's initially until she decided she didn't like it) and started to tip all H's school things on the floor. Amazingly I managed to stay calm, said if she had told me last night I could have done something about it, said I would sort her a new bag tonight and left, shouting cheerily 'have a good day honey'.
HAHAHA well done you
Good luck this evening, I hope that the bag situation can be sorted.
I think you can ask A if she thinks it is ok to tip someone's stuff on the floor. How does she think H feels about that and then how would she feel about it the other way around...I guess it is about building empathy.
I hope A stuffed it all back in the bag again and H wasn't too upset.
Unfortunately the bag situation didn't improve.
I've tried talking to A about how H feels when she does these things but she always brings it back to be about her, and how hard done by she is and how I never see things from her point of view. I find it so frustrating. I'm hoping that by having regular family meetings we can talk about these things altogether.
They have both been much better tonight as they can see how unwell I am, so I know they are caring individuals and can co-operate with each other. I made sure I gave them loads of praise and told them how proud I was of them.
I think for me I look at A sometimes and I feel that I'm losing my little girl and have gained an angry individual in her place, I feel quite cheated.
Yes I remember that feeling....you were such a dear little boy and now you are a sulky alien, is what I thought! Teens do find it really hard to have empathy with anyone except their friends. The family meeting is a great vehicle for sorting these things out. Have you got a kitchen timer or something? each person could be given say two mins to talk uninterrupted. This will allow everyone to have your say.
When dealing with A and she tries to turn everything round to her, well they do this and we have to be "wick" enough to spot the millisecond they start doing this....example:
PQ: Now A, I would like to talk with you about when you tipped H's stuff out of her bag. How do you think she felt when you did this?
A: Oh here we go again, how did H feel? you only care about how she feels, not how I feel (ATTEMPT TO DRAW PQ INTO A DISCUSSION ABOUT WHETHER ONE CHILD IS FAVOURED)
PQ: (still speaking quietly and calmly)Tell me why you thought it was OK to nick H's bag and tip her stuff out
A: What's the point, you're on my case, you don't trust me, you never bother with me....(ANOTHER ATTEMPT...EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL?)
PQ I have asked you to explain things from your point of view
A I don't see why she should have a nice bag and I havent got one, you get more things for her, you two gang up on me,no-one understands (bursts into tears) PLAYS THE SYMPATHY CARD, HOPING PQ WILL EITHER FEEL SORRY FOR HER OR BE TOTALLY EXASPERATED.
PQ I have asked you to explain things from your point of view and you have said that you are disappointed that you haven't got a good bag of your own, is that right?
A Oh shut up, I'm sick of you, you treat me like rubbish WANTS TO ESCALATE AN ARUGMENT
PQ When you can speak to me in a decent way, I am happy to discuss buying you a new bag (PQ REPEATS THIS OVER AND OVER, WHATEVER SHE NOW SAYS, PQ STILL CALM AND EVENTUALLY WALKS AWAY IF A DOES NOT COMPLY)
Ok so that's a bit contrived but you get the picture 
Loved it louise thankyou, you must have been a fly on the wall in my house as you've got A perfect!
I guess that confirms her behaviour is normal teenager stuff.
Hi PQ
Ive just read the whole thread in my lunch I know how you feel I have my younest son and daughter number 3 (she is coming up 20 still lives at home with a 9mth old son) She screams at him like a banshee and he just shuts himself away in his room but thats his get out clause to help out.
I dread going home some night because as soon as i get though the door I know what im going to get 'muuuuuuuuummmmm' hes not done this or that or something else and 'will you tell him' but they speak to me like its my fault.
Ive been to soft in the past but ive learned over the years to get tougher. Its taking time and at 15 and 19 they are so set in their ways I feel like giving up sometimes.
One night a week I now go to see my brother and sister in law for a brew and a catch up and let them fend for themselves but within minutes my phone is ringing asking where i am! This week they know what night Im going and not to call my unless the house falls down. its all about ME TIME I dont think use mums get enough of it.
Bug Hug PG
HM x x
Louise I love it when you do those situations, you are very good at it!
Yes pq, it is all normal teenage behaviour!
happy mamma, it is good that you recognised that you needed an 'escape'. Can you ask your daughter 'Why does that bother you so much?' It does sound like a stressful situation and I can imagine you don't like your grandchild hearing it either.
...I was just thinking, happy mamma, your daughter is a mum herself and whilst I am sure you help her, she must surely have noticed that feeling of oh gosh it is MY responsibility 24/7, I never get a proper break. Maybe you could talk to her about this and draw a parallel with how YOU feel with your responsibilities?
PQ hope you are feeling better with your cold this morning
Hi Happy mamma,
I can really relate to that feeling of dreading going home. At the begining of this week I could quite easily stayed at work! Glad you've found a way to get some time for you. Mine are still too young to leave in the house by themselves, but I do get a day to myself once a fortnight when they're with their dad, I really look forward to it.
The last few days have been much better at home, I'm still unwell and the girls have been troopers, really pulling together, they've made me feel really proud of them.
Hi PQ
Glad your feeling better and the girls have pulled together. Sometimes a melt down is needed.
Im going to find time this weekend to 'have a word' This morning I got the post it notes out as im sick of stuff being left around and constantly asking for stuff to be moved. Im worn out.
She is looking for her own place (have to say would rather her stay) but the thought of the peace and quiet - I look forward to it.
Hope you have a good weekend
HM
pancakequeen, you should be proud of your girls, they are showing their true colours when needed. So as frustrating as all the bickering is, remember that this is just a phase and they are completely capable of being 'normal, caring' human beings!
happy mamma, will you have a family discussion or will you talk with your children 1-2-1? How is your daughters house hunt going? You mention that you would rather her stay, is that so that you get to see your grandchild or is there another reason?
Hi Anna
I will speak to the children on a 1-2-1 as if we sit together im sure it will end in a row. I have spoke to my elder daughter who said she will have a word with them without letting on I have said something - She often calls me to speak to my grandson when he plays up as he knows nannie is a soft touch but when he upsets his mummy he upsets his nannie.
As for my daughter moving out its a bit of both I will miss our little man sooo much and i joke every day to my grandson when i get in from work i pick him up give big cuddles and say in front of his mummy - what are we going to do when mummy moves out and he chuckles (yes hes 9 months olds but I still chat to him) My daughter knows I would love her to have her own place her partner - babies daddy works so lucky wont have to claim benefits and my one rule was she was not to move out until they could afford to rent - I see too many of her friends having babies not working and having the rent paid for them. Ive done the same with my other 2 daughters - Im also going to end up with empty nest syndrome as I will have gone from 4 children and a busy house hold over the years to just me and my son.
My son is happy as he wants the bigger room which i cant blame him and the box room will be come a spare room as I know there will be a fight with the grandbabies to stay at a weekend.
It will be nice not to have all the baby stuff all over as my daughter not the tidiest person she does help with house work but normally last minute as im walking through the door.
HM
Glad your feeling better PQ, hope you have a good weeken, good luck with the family meeting xx
Sounds like your doing a great job happy mamma, do you see much of your other 2 daughters?
Well, another disastrous sunday. What is it about that day?
Everything had been going well. A had her friend round friday night. H had her friend round saturday night. A was unwell, which probably didn't help.
I could see as the afternoon went on that A's behaviour was changing, she started tormenting H, teasing her until H could stand it no more and all hell broke loose. Past experience told me that once A is in that frame of mind there is no changing it so I tried to keep H busy and out of A's way, but eventually she had her fill. Unfortunately H uses her fists and tried to beat A up!! But I could see why she lost it, even though hitting isn't the answer I could understand. However H had the red mist and there was no talking to her so I felt I had to remove her, which caused her to go into a major tantrum, it took her 1 1/2 hours to calm down, even then it was only because she exhausted herself and fell asleep.
When it was all over I felt drained. It was A's bedtime so she went up but I was too tired and angry to talk to her. I just stared at the tv and drank a glass of wine and then went to bed.
Today things are calmer. I have spoken to H, she cried a lot, said that A makes her so mad. I said I understood why she was angry but that hitting wasn't the answer. We talked again about different ways of dealing with anger and she said she'd try them.
Now I have to speak to A, which I'm dreading, in the past she has always turned the conversation round, saying that I never see it from her point of view etc etc. I've got a scenario that louise did for me in my head and I'm hoping I can use that to keep the conversation focused on what I want, but I'm not convinced I can do it. There's part of me that wants to leave it as its calm now, if I try to talk to her it will set it all off again and we have had a calm and pleasant evening. However I know that isn't the right thing to do, as I know she will do it again.
Wish me luck
Hi PQ, how awful that this keeps happening, do you think that there could be something that is bothering A that could be causing her to get upset on Sundays?
I only ask as my son would do something very similair, when he was about to go back to school it turn't out that he was having problems with some of the school/home work, and that by the end of the weekend he would be stressing about it and as an outlet would take his frustrations out on his sisters.
Your right though ignoring A's behaviour won't do either of you any favours. I hope all went well, how did Louise's suggestions go?
Oh PQ, my heart goes out to you, it is sooooo hard when they are in this "stage" and you need the energy reserves of a nuclear power plant to cope. At least you know we are all with you, even if only in spirit.
The scenario that I wrote, it is hard to start behaving like that but once you get the hang of it, IT WORKS. Often you will have to walk away (which doesn't feel like a victory but is...and it all about you showing her that you are strong and whatever she does will not "break" you) What I suggest you do is ask one of your friends to role play it with you.
The things that our teens say to divert us are EMOTIONALLY ENGAGING. For example if you were talking to A about her behaviour and she said "did you know Mrs Jones across the road has got a new cat?", it would be easy for you to say "Never mind about that, I want to tell you that your behaviour on Sunday was not acceptable"....but when she says "you don't love me" or "you don't trust me", that FEELS as if it needs an acknowledgement as it is so emotive. What I am suggesting you do it to treat those remarks as if she had actually talked about Mrs Jones' cat!
The good news (yes, there is some!) is that the legwork you are putting in now will pay massive dividends in the years ahead and it is easier to do it now, while you have more natural authority and control available to you, than to wait until they are 15 and the pattern is ingrained.
Loads of hugs pq
Hi Everyone
Yes I see quite a lot of the others not so much of grandson no2 as my middle daughter vented her spleen at me in a vile message on my FB in box about being a bad mother and how ive done nothing for her - if you ask anyone I have worked my backside off for my children. However I wanted to vent back at her i have ignored her so since boxing day saw my grandson for 4 hours on saturday (his mother makes herself 'the black sheep' of the family
How you doing PQ? Are the children any better?
Love to all
HM
You are NOT a rubbish mother.
I really don't know what to suggest pq. I know my brother and sister never got on when they were little (two year age gap, with my brother being the older one). One day my sister was going to belt him over the head with a cricket bat but my Mum grabbed it in time.
She told them if they were not able to be civil with each other then they were to avoid each other.
They avoided each other.
They're now in their 60s (they're 13 and 11 years older than me), and still have very little to do with each other.
They still did meals and holidays with the family, and there are some lovely photos to show that they did share laughter.
Drastic, but my Mum was at the end of her tether. This is the tale I've been told, but my Mum was rather sad telling me as it was far from funny...
I'm sure there must be solutions out there somewhere.
Load of hugs, and sorry I've no suggestions.
xxxx