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Yes, hear hear to that. Lots of love and lots of laughter....they are quite good insulation against all the horrid bits 
kiera, my daughter is a bit of a home girl too, I wonder if you could say to your eldest that you would really like to spend some time with him and would he come up with some suggestions?
pq, so glad to hear that laughter has been resonating around your house, I hope they had a good time at their dads and they return in good form 
Unfortunately bickering has replaced laughter. It started yesterday afternoon (the dreaded sunday syndrome!!). A had been out at school play rehersals, so it had just been me and H. As soon as A got back she started winding her sister up until it came to blows again. Its almost like she has to re-assert herself in the pecking order as she's been away for a while. It carried on this morning to the point that H was in tears and hid in her bedroom because she was so angry she felt like hitting A again! I've told them both that this behaviour is unacceptable and that there will be a concequence which I will discuss with them tonight. I haven't decided what that will be yet....any suggestions??
Hi pq, sorry to hear that they are at it again, interesting point about reasserting their pecking order.
What do they both like doing, that you could perhaps withold for a while? A certain TV programme perhaps? I was thinking if it was something that they both felt, then they would be in the consequence together, what do you think?
Or lines?! I have a friend who used to make her son and step daughter write an essay on how they were feeling, why the fighting started, how it could be resolved better in the future! I was always surprised that she actually got them to do it, but she did and it did give them a chance to reflect on their behaviour and also gave her answers too.
I am wondering how you think they get on when they are with your folks or their dad, are they tight, or do you think they continue to bicker?
Hi pq, sorry it started up again yesterday. I don't have any answers I'm sorry. Had a 'run-in' with C last night. I'm sure it's the Sunday blues here! There's me telling him off, and he laughs in my face. Normally I would rant and rave, but I simply ignored, and couldn't bring myself to say anything to him about it until this morning. I'm not bothered that he's feeling un-well. I did get an apology, but those are wearing a bit thin now!!
Good luck for when the girls come home later. x
Hi pq, I am wondering if your eldest is reaching puberty and needs to now be seen as a little older than her sister?
If this is the case, you could use it to your advantage, tell her that you expect her to be a good role model and that she needs to be looking out for her sister rather than picking on her. Then perhaps you and she can spend some more adult time, ie with face masks and more 'grown up' conversations.
When they bicker, they may be seeking attention from you. Perhaps when they come home from visiting dad or your parents, they need to have a little one on one time, so they can tell you all about their time away.
If it is attention they crave, then when they argue, ignore them. Then as soon as there is a moment of quiet, point out how lovely it is.
Only you know your girls, you might consider reading through this thread again before this evening as there are lots of interesting tips and articles that you could read before dishing out a consequence that may be unsuitable.
Bickering siblings is very normal growing up behaviour, so don't give yourself a hard time, just know what your expectations are and what boundaries you will not accept being crossed.
Have you considered going to a parenting programme, where you can get tips and ideas from other parents and also a structured routine to follow?
Hi hazeleyes, sorry to hear that you had another run in with C yesterday. Well done for not going into a rage, but calmly ignoring him. This obviously did the trick as he has come and apologised.
You say that his apologies are wearing a bit thin. I think it is good that he is apologising, however it sounds as though he is repeating the same behaviour, so the apology is an excuse to get away with something. So how about even if he apologises, he still gets a consequence?
They don't bicker much with my parents, not sure about their dad but I think they do a bit. I think they are the worse with me (aren't I the lucky one!)
Some ideas I came up with were with holding the internet, as this is something they both use, freezing A's mobile account, grounding them...not much really.
Not sure I could get them to do lines, its hard enough getting them to do homework!
Hi All
Finally over the 'man flu' 3 whole weeks of feeling awful.
Madness in my house been catching up on here and now have my son calling my daughter alsorts of names.
Im dealing with this vary calmly and saying no to anything he asks for. Ive been working hours of over time to get him an ipad for his birthday (2nd hand of course) but im really to the point where i think i should spend the money on me.
My lottery win went on repairing his Ipod - broken screen and fuel driving to drop off and pick up.
Now got mad few weeks grandson 1 in few weeks ive just got him his 1st pair of shoes as hes been walking a few weeks. Son 16 April got to entertain family on both occasions - any cheap food ideas?
HM
Hi PQ, sorry to hear you have had another Sunday afternoon of it. Anna has given some good tips, putting the elder ones in a role of responsibility is something that i have done as they know better than to say unpleasant things to one another.
I have instilled a fine (loss of some pocket money) for the one that starts the name calling/picking on. The only issue i had with banning use of the internet is that they generally have homework that has to be done on the school website so i had to re think that one.
Hi happy mamma, glad your over your flu it does seem to be taking people along time to recovery from it this year.
Does your son get any pocket money? as he could save up annd possible pay half or at least a portion towards the Ipad, then you could have that treat for yourself as well?
Wow your grandson is 1 already. Cheap food ideas, are you thinking finger foods or a cooked meal happy mamma?
You could start a new thread or take a look at this link to another thread about food ideas.
Hi Pq, had a giggle about the lines, and how it's bad enough getting to do their homework. Sounds like we live in the same house, hehe
Hi Anna, C's consequence yesterday was having his pocket money taken away. He hadn't done what I'd asked, which was simply to tidy his bedroom. This was the agreement with having pocket money, so....... I did feel guilty, but I've not given in (a first really for me, as I normally melt with him)
He knows how he can earn it back, so the rest is up to him.
Well done, Hazeleyes, it is really important that if a consequence is imposed it is followed through otherwise they dont take us seriously.
Happy mamma life sounds very busy in your house. I think it is about your son appreciatig the value of things and money (children are all the same in this respect)
PQ I think you are really onto something here. You say that A has to reassert herself when she comes back home (jealous that you and H have been cosied up together?) and when they both come back from somewhere, this bickering seems to be their way of coping with what is called "transition", that is adjusting from one environment to another. Suggestion: when they are being calm, maybe at a family meeting, you could say "I have noticed that when you get back from time away at your dad's or grandma's that you both always seem to bicker. Why do you think this is? " they probably won't be able to give you much of an answer but at least you have given them the chance to express their views. Then say "I want to set you a challenge NOT to do this next time" Think of a silly code word for this challenge(eg tantrum). Then the next time they are going to their dads say "now remember we are having the tantrum challenge" and as they come home you remind them again. Maybe there could be a reward for winning the challenge
Thats a great idea louise, thanks.
I had a heart to heart with A last night. She said she is finding everything hard at the moment. Changing school has been difficult, she said it feels really big. She also said she feels she doesn't get any time with me on her own. So I've made her a promise to do something about that.
I also talked to them both about how I want to help them be the best they can be....the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend etc. And that I understand how it is hard to know how to deal with things, but that I could help them with this.
They both apologised to each other and had a big hug, and things have been better.....breathes a sigh of relief and smiles
Well done PQ, we parents deserve a medal!
Well, I haven't needed to write on here for a while as things had settled down, but unfortunately the bickering has started again.
A is in such a bad mood all the time. It started when she went back to school after the half term holiday. Also her dad has been changing his contact arrangements regularly which is frustrating for all of us.
Last night they came back from seeing their dad and A spent the half hour they had before bed pulling H to pieces. Everything H did A criticised. We all ended up going to bed unhappy.
My Fil is waiting for an operation on his heart which is upsetting them. I found out last night that my ex was saying things about his dad to the girls, that he doesn't like him because he's selfish and ignorant! Why would he do that? They are only young and don't need to hear that!
Any way as you can see there are lots of things which are obviously having an impact on the girls....oh and H's night terrors have returned 
Yes, it sounds as if it is an unsettling time for the girls all round. Your previous technique was to have some quality time with A, how about trying that again?
As for night terrors, it's important to distingush between terrors and nightmares. Terrors are where the person looks awake but isn't. They occur around the same time every night, that is to say after the person has been asleep for the same amount of time. One way to help this is....say the child has them 4 hours after going to sleep, the child goes to sleep at 9, so the terror would occur about 1. The poor parent sets their alarm for half an hour before that, goes into the child's room, half wakes them up and resettles them. They do this every night for a week and this usually does the trick, although of course the parent is very tired. For nightmares, the person wakes up and it is helpful to have a reassuring "ritual" to go through, that is discussed with the child during the day, for example a special cuddly toy and maybe some music for a few minutes, the child can also be taught to "ground themselves" by saying My name is X, I am X years old, I live in X and I am safe here with my mum.
Hi Louise,
Its definitely terrors. H appears awake as her eyes are open but she isn't and has no recolection the following day. They tend to occur anytime up to the 4 hour mark, last night it was only a couple of hours since she'd been asleep. In the past I have found spending extra time with H at bedtime helped, talking about how much we loved each other and how that made us feel, so I will start that again tonight.
I already put asside time for A, but recently she has wanted to do her own thing rather than spend time with me ie play on her laptop or watch tv. What can you do if they don't want to be with you but you know that is what they need?
Teens can be so contradictory can't they, it' because they don't know what they need to help them feel better and think that doing their own thing will help them, i feel for you PQ i know there are day's when i feel like tearing my hair out with frustration at my oldest 3.
As for the special time that was something that i enforced about a year ago by making it one of our family rules, that they each need to spend an hour with me during the week.
How did you get on with H last night any night terrors?
Hi Sally,
No terrors last night, thankfully!
I know what you mean about being contradictory. A was having a yelling session at me a while ago and in the same rant she accused me of treating her like a baby and not letting her be a child because I expected her to be too grown up....go figure?
Hi pq, ahhh aren't teenagers fab. If this is what comes out of their mouths imagine the confusion that is going on in their heads, I wouldn't like to go back there!
I am glad to hear that H didn't have the night terrors last night.
I know that some days A won't want to spend 'quality' time with you, but I do believe it is a good idea to expect it and keep asking for it on the days/times that you agreed. This shows her that you are still interested in hanging out with her and you are available as and when she needs you!
What do you think?
Hi Pancake Queen
I just wanted to let you know that I suffer from night terrors too and it happens during stressful times in my life on days when I feel "unfinished" so it sounds like you are on the right track spending time with your daughter before she goes to sleep talking things through.
I haven't read all your thread but it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. I thought little boys is hard! Teenage girls is a whole different world!
Hang in there!
Gem
x
Thanks Gem, yes I thought I had a while to go before we reached this stage but it started when my eldest moved to senior school. Things are so much better than they were a few months ago....keep moving forward.
Anna, I will keep trying, like you said that way she knows I'm there if she wants me.
Its a good job we do.....