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Hi can someone please give me an idea on what the "contract" meeting before the contact meeting with my little girl will be about?
Thank you
Thanks
i am really worried about my daughter goin to a contact centre to see her father also, but think this is wht the courts will order , she is only 12 weeks old and neva been away from me and the thought of her being away from me even for an hour really upsets me, to be in a room with strangers and not know any one , how can they force me to do this x
That is scandaless, tell them you have to be with her but dont go against a court order even i know not to do that.
speak to the legal person on here or get a good solicitor who does family law day in day out and nothing else but family law.
Good luck
The laws in this country are a joke and sometimes too one sided
Caza if you don't mind me asking, how long is your bubas contact for at the centre? I feel this is a bit harsh for them to expect you to leave such a young baby, I guess it will give you a little break and get you both use to being apart but a new born baby needs his/her mother
Hi caza
From your post i take it that nothing has been confirmed about contact with your baby and her father, have you just started the contact process?, this can sometimes take a while to organise and your babies age etc will be taken into consideration, most contact centres have policies that say they will terminate contact if it is distressing for the child.
You can contact our legal expert here for some legal advice on this. You also say that your being forced into this, who is forcing you?
I can understand how upsetting this situation is for you, and hope that you contact our legal expert to get some advice, do you have family or friends that are supporting you?
hi sally i am waiting for the court date to come through and when it gets adjourned which im sure it will because of dv and reports that need to made his solicitor will ask for interim contact and im assuming that will be in a contact centre and the courts will force me to take her to the contact centre , it does really feel like shes to young to be away ffrom me and be in a room full of strangers , he is asking for contact to take place in his mothers whithout my presence and im also not happy about that i have offerd in the past to take the baby to his mothers home for a visit and they have refused saying they don want anything to do with me an they just want the baby there , the courts will awad him some kind of contact wont they?, i was thinking about suggesting inderect contact in court for the interim period but that obviously wont tke place over the phone because the baby is so young but i could send pictures and keep them updatted of immunisations and progress mayby instead x
the baby is 12 weeks old and hasnt been away from me for 5 minutes , i feel lie shes being torn away from me and i feel like he,s only doin this to hurt me, he says it will go contact centre and then progress and eventually he will get to have har at his home without my presence 
, am i being over protective? i neva had anyone trying to demande my baby spend time away from me with my older girls , i just feel awfull
Yes the father will be awarded some sort of contact no matter the age and I imagin this will happen in a contact centre as its classed as matural ground, but most centres I know about have private rooms (I may be wrong) however as your baby is still so young I can't see them saying that you can't be there. I know it's hard but you have to think what's best for buba. My daughters father demanded over night visits but solicitors and One Spaces advisor told me over night visits are not normally granted until over the age of 4. Do not get in a panic until its sorted out by the courts, if possible :/
Do you have a residental order for your baby or anything official saying you are the main guardian?
am i being over protective?
No it is perfectly normal for you feel this way it shows you are a very very good mummy to your children.
Daft question but what on earth does he think he will gain at a CC with a little baby that hopefully will be asleep.
Good luk Caza
Please talk to the legal person on here a get a good brief like i said earlier and not any tom dick or harry.
Is his name on the birth certificate i understand this does make some difference over parental rights as the law change in 2003 and the NAMED farther on the BC gets PR automaticaly.
no i didnt put his name on the birth certificate but he is going to get himself put on and i havnt got a residential order because i dont have a solicitor and im representing myself , do you think i could ask for a residential order to be granted to me when i go for the first hearing, i hope LO is asleep when i take her at least that way she wont know whts going on, i thought i had to tak her and leave and then pick her back up again , i would feel at bitbetter if i was with her, do u think if i say in court that i feelmy baby is to young to be away from me it could go agaainst me? x
Please get a solicitor who deals just in family law and nothing else.
each practice will have a criminal lawyer, finacial and a family lawyer. Do NOT go to a pratice that has a solicitor that does every thing they in my opion are rubbish and i can prove this cos she has one ( JACK OF ALL TRADES)
give me your area within 15 miles say and i will find some for you to look at!
Good luck Caza
Hi caza please try not to worry to much over his getting contact right know if there has been DV then this will need to be investigated and taken into consideration, he will be entitled to some contact which will probably be at a contact centre, as there are other issues i.e the DV then this process could take a while, as others on here will tell you, who have some experience in this area.
Do contact our legal expert to see if they have any suggestions or advice on how to proceed. It is natural to feel as you do, you have not long had your baby, and should be enjoying this time with your little one and your other children.
Have you been getting any support around the DV? have you got family and friends that you can talk to or that are supportive? If you continue to feel down do go and speak with your doctor.
Big hug coming your way.
I think you should ask the court for some kind of thing saying you are the main guardian (this should be granted) however did you know that the mother automatically gets guardianship but it's always better to have it in writing..to be honestsad baby is only 12 weeks weather she's awake or asleep she won't have a clue what's going on anyway, .if he is a decent father and making the effort then it will be good for baby to get to know him & spend time with him, regardless of your feelings towards each other- it won't be easy to be apart but the sooner this happens for your baby the easier it will be as she grows older. Have the court agreed to put name on birth ceft? the court will look to see what's best for the baby only, not you and your ex! And even courts realise that a new born needs to be with its mother so maybe they will suggest that you are either in the room or you wait in another room, maybe they will suggest you are there for the first few visits to show the fathergrow to do things with the baby?!?!
Sorry I wrote "she" by mistake , I'm not sure if your baby is a boy or girl- very sorry
but wont they give him interim contat while its adjourned and while they wait for the reports, i cant get a solicitor because i dont qualify for legal aid and cant afford one im some thing stupid like 90 pounds over , im handing my notice into work next week so i can qualify and be entitled to other things that im not entitled to now x
i am in the area of liverpool
Post code FIRST PART only eg L20
I know the feeling of legal aid i get something stupid over the limit yet in court today i am in a suit and the rest are in jeans and whatever else and claim dole thinking it is fun to be in court all laughing and all have legal aid with amblunce chasing lawyers yet i cannt get a lawyer without parting with money very annoing
Awww caza, anyone reading this and your other thread, can see how really worried you are about the contact etc. Please take Sally W's advice though, and try not to worry about anything until you know for sure, from the legal expert etc, and have had proper advice regarding all of your questions. Louise and Anna will no doubt be here tomorrow also.
It's so easy for me to say not to worry I know, as I'd be doing exactly the same thing. Worrying about something can consume you also, and in the process make you ill.
Have you heard anything back from the legal experts yet?
""It's so easy for me to say not to worry I know, as I'd be doing exactly the same thing. Worrying about something can consume you also, and in the process make you ill.""
Please take note of this Caza it is so so true go for walks to clear your head and keep yourself busy.
#I speak from the painful experence of getting ill, if you need to go to your doctor as there is NOTHING to be ashamed off.
My court hearing got ajurned last week because i broke down crying in the dock due to all the stress i even started telling every one all about what was going on in my life Jack all to do with the case but i needed to talk.
I don't know if this will help ease your concerns but the contact centre staff will be fully trained and experienced, they should make the transition as easy as possible for you. My only negative experience is that the centres can become so busy and full especially over the summer holidays when other Kids may want to play outside and often all rooms have access to communal areas.
If your ex is supervised within contact he will be monitored closely and any concerns will be raised.
This is based on the brief I have and the one she has, her's is a one man show with his fingers in loads of pies, mine has lots of briefs and lots of accreditations all dedicated to ONE area of law each
MODERATOR, I know you were being kind and helpful Pash02 but our rules do not permit any links to individual businesses which are run for profit, unless vetted by One Space.
If anyone is looking for a local solicitor, their best bet is to look here and tick the Family Law Box.
thanks everyone , i know deep down it is best for baby ( and yes she is a girl) to know her father and build some kind of relationship with him but, he has said horrible things like he,s going to turn her agianst me tell her i kept her away from him and that his family are more of a family for her than i am, i dont have any family only my two older daughters , iv neva had a problem with my older girls seeing there father but they was older when we splitt and i trusted him, my ex to the baby is really twisted and i kno he will do anything he can to upset me and hurt me if not physically then emotionally, the worry is draining me and i have neva took antidepressents and wouldnt like to in the future , if i go to my doctor and say its getting me down it will be something he culd use agaisnt me, i still havnt heard anything from the legal expert an im worrying that mayby my questions didnt go through because i didnt have an email confirmation, my ex has got a solicitor and i havnt , can i not ask for inderect contact while its been adjourned to bide some time , i hope i can stay with her if she does have to go , he doesnt know her and doesnt know what she likes and doesnt like, just the thought of standing in court having to challenge him upsets me so god knows how i will be on the day , im not very confident he took all of that away and i can just see him standing there smurking when i go to peices , i beleive the courts dont like it if you get upset but what if i do , i wont be able to help it , i have got a solicitor on standby when i am entitled but she cant do any thing for me untill im entitled i dont kno if thev got a good rep or not
He can't use doctors against you Hun, things like that do not count in court! Do you have everdiance of what he has said to you? Txts anyway of recording calls? I secretly record visits, keep record of all bad txts incase I ever have to face my daughters father in court. If u have proof of this or can get proof then court will say he needs supervised visits! If he saying stuff like that as your daughter gets older she will start to see straight though him and Probely want to stop seeing him, children ain't silly....
ye true , i have texts off his mum and have evidence of dv but cant record calls on my mobile and voicemails have all gone to cos thye only save for 7 days, i also have a written agreement with children services and a risk assesment they made me sign an aggrement stating i had no intention of resuming my relationship with him and would not allow any unsupervised acces and then closed the case after i signed , they havnt been much support when iv rang for advice thev just saud case closed, cos im adhering to the aggrement but i think caffcass will ask them for a report x
they are basically happy with me for aggreing and signing the aggreemnet and have no concerns about me , but they just left me to fight the battle on my own they diidnt even give him copy of the aggreement
If you have evidence then please please use it in court, take pics of the txts and print them off , this will all go against him, if the court have proof of him or his family saying they will basically turn your child against you this is classed as abuse on you and your child...please hold your head high in court and try your very best to be strong, if he sees your weak he will try to push your buttons to make you crumble.....ease keep us updated and we are all here anytime you want to blow off steam, but I agree with the others and think you should message this sites legal advisor as they can give you more of an insite - best of luck x
The Police can sieze his and your phones and have them analised this will give you the evidence you need.
Any meeting with the SS please record and keep records as they do twist and lie to keep their box ticking excise neat and will denie saying something at a later date.
I have just bought this for my meeting with the SS this week
There is nothing wrong with Crying in court i did it last week and i am a man it does get to us all and there is nothing wrong with it.
Good luck to a loverly scouse from a manc 
lol good on you pasho2 and thanks tinkerbell2, if the police seized my phone would they be able to retrieve all the old voicemails? i had very thretning viocemails off him and he got the sack from work for ringing my phone 400 times in the sppace of 3 days and work recorded the amount of times and sacked him for gross misconduct x
the aggrement i signed with ss was very vague and was unfair to leave me to fight him off without support , but at least i can show in court that i have kept to the terms of the agreement, although he did make a threat of if he cant have her than neither will i and he will tell the courts he hid in my edroom while my midwive was at my home , but this is a llie and i think my midwive would back me up as she witnessse how upset i was as he has threatnent me with court since she ws 4 dys old x
I don't believe police or phone companies can retrieve deleted voice messages- once they are gone, their gone
aw thats a disapiontment , i had some really incriminating stuff but it automatically deletes it self after 7 days
can u make freinds on here or like have groups of freinds or is it just discussions
pasho2 are you a single father or fighting the mother for contact
Hello caza
We have the discussions boards at the moment and we hope to have a private messaging facility in due course. The site is free and does not accept advertisments (unlike somewhere like Facebook) so we have to operate within our budget. Also, unlike many sites, there are three of us (Anna, Sally and myself) who are on here regularly, helping out and giving support and information and ensuring that no-one is bullied and everyone is respected...we think that is very important.
Ok so you are talking about a great deal of evidence, including the haarrassment the fact he was sacked, the Social Services Agreement, the theats from his mum, You need to write all this down in a factual and non emotional way, ready for the court.
If there is any suggestion of interim contact when the hearing is adjourned then you need to oppose this strongly...after all LOGICALLY if a court has to be adjourned to investigate possible DV then it does not make sense to expose your daughter to that situation until a risk assessment has been done. It would also be quite normal for you to be breasteeding your daughter at this stage so you can also put that forward as a reason.
The Legal Expert will normally reply in five working days (missing out the weekends) so if you have not heard by this Friday then give us a shout.
Please try not to worry so much as worry gets you nowhere, use your energy to start preparing the statment.
Note to everyone: take care when recording things as strictly speaking this is against the law without the person's perminsson.
Caza i am both and also fighting the SS.
The police can retrive ALL the Text messages sent to and from the phones and have you toldthe police about the phone call's from work.
Also the phone Bills will show the amount of phone calls received and sent.
Sorry to the mods too.
Re the recording so long as you tell the person/s before you STart it is legal, it is the same with taking photographs, if you are stood on public property/ place you CAN photograph any thing you like if some one doesnt want it photographing it is up to them to cover it up.
Did you know that the SS and the police record their phone calls without telling you
I was told recording wasn't illigal if it's done in your own property? however if it is or isn't I would rather get a tap on the hand (never been in trouble with law before) and have proof he is neglecting her on visits etc........this is just me though so please no one do it if it is illegal
Time for me to do some research failing that the SS will have to come to me for any thing in future.
I will email my brief and ask him now
Thanks
The reality of a contact centre can be grim and stressful, your ex probably won't feel like smirking after a few visits here. Some parents tend to get bored of these visits and these soon fade out.
just been told i am not allowed to record meetings without permission
ba humbug!!
pash02 surely if you ask beforehand they cant really say no ,can they? , louise i cant say i was breastfeeding because iv got implants and he knows i neva breastfed becaused of this, i neva told the police about the phone calls that he got sacked for but can hopefully get eveience of this from work because they printed off the phone call log as proof when he was investigated in work and my manager offerd to be a witness for me if need be, i only have a pay as you go mobile so dont have itemised billing, i also have messages from his mum saying they recorded my convosations with my ex and that will be going agaisnt them now i suppose as this was illegal and i have textss to prove this,, i wish i had some kind of help to write my statement because i just dont know where to start and wether i should put things that wernt recorded with police etc,
Yes they can say no and have done but never mind i will get round that.
You need to go to the police and tell them everything and if need be get the duty brief to help you.
Here in Manc land the police take DV mega seriously rightly so.
Are the police listening to you or is it the case of just another woman symdrome with them>?
If need be make the complant again in Manc land and you will see how fast he is in a cell!!
Good luck
my relationship ended with him in december pash02 so he hasnt been violent towards me since then he was sacked in january after everyhting came to light, so i think its gone past time for me going to the police about the phone calls but he was arrested in december and not charged as he denied evrything and i didnt put in a formal statement because i was such an emotionall wreck at the time ( something i deeply regret) so now its my word agaianst his , but i did attent ane and my injuries wer recorded and he has a history of violence towards my that he got an 18 month susupended sentance for
i think its really awfull that ss have refused to let you record the meeting, i would of thought this would of been your right , they cant stop you from taking notes though
Meeting went well and i was nice to them!!!!
I think you have to go back to the police again i also have some phone numbers that someone at GMP has just gave me when i asked if she knew merseysides force's policy on DV.
I dont know if i can post the numbers so i will have to wait for a MOD sorry
Hi caza - you said earlier that deep down you think it is best for the baby to know her father and I want to tell you that in some circumstances that I absolutely disagree with that statement. I have said before that I said 'No contact', it was the hardest thing I have had to do (other than leave him!), however in the years since (my daughter is now 17) I have met other parents who have allowed contact and it has been shabby, inconsistent and their daughters have grown up confused, lack self esteem and actually found it easier to listen to their father and turn on mum (because emotionally it is safer for them to do that). So please think very carefully what you will accept and won't accept.
If you agree to contact you are telling the court that you think it will be ok. Which I dont believe you really think. You are only saying what you think they want to hear. It is time to do some real soul searching and ask what Caza really wants for herself and her baby.
I would be surprised if the courts agreed to interim contact. Now is the time to write things down, don't think about what the courts will decide as you have no way of knowing it.
When I had to write my statement, I had to start at the very beginning - where, when we met and then everything that happened after that.
So you could start by doing this. It will take time and it will be emotional, but it will be good to get the whole lot on paper rather than it churning round in your head. Write everything down in the first draft. What you said, what he said, what happened, who witnessed it. Why you called the police, why you didn't prosecute etc etc. Just get it all down.
Hi caza,
I have had experience in a contact centre (in manchester tho) and I have to say my experience (minus the ex) was good.The staff were very friendly they knew all about the DV and I was allowed to go beforehand to have a look around (I was massively paranoid at the time and needed to see if there were any escape routes where ex could run off with angel). They made arrangements for me to arrive before ex and they made him wait behind for 15 minutes after I left (so he couldnt follow/harrass me). I NEVER left the centre during any of the contacts for the 6 months we were there. I stayed in a seperate room upstairs with a tv, coffee/tea facilities etc and the staff would come up regularly to let me know how angel was. All the mums that had little babies stayed too and if the baby cried or wanted feeding etc staff brought baby up to mum for comfort. I dont think a contact centre is as frightening as you think, you have a lot of control in them so if for example your ex turns up with his mum staff will come and ask you if its ok for her to come in and if you say no they wont let her in to have contact (unless she is named in a court order). The staff are very experienced as most of the people at the centre I was at were there due to DV and they were very good at making sure I was ok AND making sure angel was ok and my ex wasnt doing/saying anything innappropriate.
Im not sure that you ex will get interim care at this stage because he first needs to get PR. In my case the interim care was by phone only but my little one is old enough to talk so maybe yours will just be photos etc.
littleangel, that's a positive post for caza 
caza, it's the unknown that we're all frightened of isn't it? I hope littleangel's post has reassured you.
How are you doing today?
This is what gets me everyone on here is a DV VICTIM and my ex claim DAbuse yet she went out on a wim and bought a New car if she stopped smoking and then the next minute she claimed i would never give her money and was worried for her and the childrens safety and then the next day she would ask me round to spend the night or she would come to mine and we would go for walks with the dogs.
If things didnt go her way or i said NO she would cry wolf and i end up in a cell there has been tons of times we would have a kiss and cuddle then her friend would come over the hill and she would make out i am giving her grieve or something and she gets away with it hence why the children are not with me and in care.
When i tell people it was her who used me as a punch bag no one listened and i am not evil enough or what ever to get her in to trouble i have always got her out of trouble.
she has told that many lies and turn the boys against me it is turning in to a night mare for the children now in care.
Since all this has happened you would be amassed at how many DV's they are so close to home.
Like a neighbour said she doesnt know what DV is. she needs to read some of the post's on here.
Now i try and stay away and not phone her, today is the 6th day in a row i have not contacted her, but why on earth do i still want her back?
sorry to go off on one
can i post the numbers the DV officer at GMP has passed on to me to give Caza?
pretty please i have been good today and not call anyone a SB well nearly
found this on the internet for you - it might be something like this
HOW THE CENTRE WORKS.
Before contact begins parents will each attend a information meeting with a member of staff. This meeting will provide an opportunity for staff and parents to :
Both parents/guardians will be required to sign a parental agreement. In addition the centre can be used as a handover point.