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Hi just me and Lizzielaw, i am glad you have found One Space 
It sounds like you guys have really been through it and have had some bad experiences of the legal system, thankfully this is not the case for everyone.
You sound like you have come out the otherside feeling somewhat stronger, it is great that you are now on here sharing your experiences with others and hopefully other users will benefit from your experiences, knowledge and positivity.
Lizzielaw you only have to share what information your are comfortable sharing.
How about you tell us some more about yourself and your children, have any hobbies?
how old is ur little girl, my ex obsessed with killin any man whocum nr me,even tho i wudnt dare go nr any man yet he waz avin another baby yep he takes biscuit imglad i found out in court or god nos i wud of prob ad breakdownxx
Hi sally ..i dont feel at all stronger n truth this was only friday and i have been a total mess ringing round everywhere begging someone to help me ... noone can and its gut wrenching i want to board up my house and keep us all safe ... or run away ... these are feelings i know i cant do them but the feeling inside is the most upsetting and horrendous i have ever felt being unable to protect your child from someone you know is a risk makes you feel helpless controlled guilt shame and like youd rather spend your life being physically beaten day in day out than actually take your daughter to the centre where you know after three months he will be able to have her on his own ...that is how i feel anyway DV is the most humiliating and disgusting thing to go through .... then theres not being able to protect your kids because of it .. and thats a whole next level ....
kiera my daughter is two and even when it was over he woud say he would kill me if i got a man he would kill us both ... he called me a slag for getting pregnant to him said i was gonna go out and get pregnant off someone else would strangle me be sat in my living room when i walked in from the kitchen would tell me im nothing would follow me everywhere i went ... and he had a new girlfriend and she was pregnant BUT i still had to face all that ... the only reason he took me to court was so that he could still have control and hurt me ...i didnt stop contact when it was at his mothers with her always present i would walk up to the house check she was there and id told his mother all and she swore to me she would be there .. so i could avoid court as hed told me noone would believe me and hed get her overnight or all day i stopped her going when he told me he wasnt doing what i wanted anymore xx
I can say this to you as i have to say it to myself!! You want your daughter to be a victim? Do you? Pull yourself up off that floor, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start believing in yourself!!! Mean, tough,insensitive more than your experiances? No because YOU ARE IN CONTROL of your own happiness and that of your daughters.
Allow yourself the dark days but the sun always comes out. You are not alone? You are alone and it feels awful? or does it? You are frightend of memories and that is what they are. You can protect your kids by setting an example and acknowledging your weakness, doing something like joining this site is a positive step. A good relationship with Dr other other proffessional is vital, things appear raw and belive they me they shall be, but understanding yourself will give you so much strength. No one has the right to abuse anyone and children have the right to be protected from it. That includes abusing ourselves by not accepting the situation, getting the balance right is so difficult and when legal jargon comes at you from all angels... Having to deal with and absorb information when you are traumatised .. just beggars belief really!!
Wish you a peacful sleep and tomorrow is a new day ok?
I am feeling dreadful, i have so many complaints and legal stuff to sort out, i am finding it physically impossiable to write them, all i can do is one step at a time..
i dont care what happens to me i wouldnt care its not being able to protect her thats whats eating me up having someone else tell me its ok to send her with a man who likes to have sex infront of her and i have to do it is nt protecting my kids im sorry your feeling terrible and i hope you manage to get a result xx
You have to care about you Just me. Do you have support? i am in a similar situation only i was not there... so believe me i do feel for you... you must not give up and not caring about yourrself?
Whatever the result, it is still terriable, but i must not allow my down days to take over. I am completly isolated and not sure how much i can discuss.
Deep breath stand tall and firm ok and believe in yourself x
hi im same, my ex use say he wud strangle any man who cums nr me, or he say he av sick dreams bout killin any man who wud cum nr me, even tho it was him who cheatin scum bag, i didnt want go court but i no hes only dragin me thru court cos hes not happy i avnt ad him bk, im dreadin it like u tht he wil get supervise dcontact and then i worry wot bout after wards ,i dont trust him, i think bout runnin away so he cant find us, do u think tht, i do no how u feel hun, imere for u, xx
lizzielaw i have a few friends and they are good and patient with me because of how hard im finding it .. but ive found that the closest friends i had before are all gone and my family arent interested or understanding either i know i have to be together in my mind for he kids but while this is going on i cant see thinking of myself i just see protecting my girl i think your strength is brilliant and something i envy xx
kiera if theres a pattern for DV etc isnt it crap that some people can still judge!! i have felt everything you are saying and searching for answers is whats eating me up as im thinking of ways all the time and then anything i try just gets the door closed and the dreading what happens after is whats killing me i dont get how anyone can say watching them act nice for three month is enough to then let them have them alone it baffles me!! i am here for you too and thankyou !! i do think if we got enough people who are going through this and have been through it together we could put something into place that could help the situation in some way collectives can change things and people shouldnt be made to go through this xx
hiya id feel exactly same, it wud kill me to take my little girl to a man who likes to av sex in front of a child like a peodo, av u said all this to cafcass ,soliciter anyone cos i swear id run away in contempt of court or not, if it cums to it and ex gets supervised visits im gona m,ove bcos im not letin him see er, i cant iav to protect erxx
and these men are great actors in front of people , they are, it wil b an act for 3 months in contact centre, then wot, i feel sick think in bout ur ex with ur child, i do, please spk out and spk ur mind, x
kiera thats exactly how i feel to a t!! i told the cafcass told my solicitor told nspcc told social services ... and now im not back to court for three months because my solicitor dropped me in it told judge i was happy thats why ive been ringing the court and yesterday was so hurt when the woman said that about it being my fault how can anyone think watching someone who tricked me for ten months of being the perfect man day in day out not trick someone for two hours a week for three months ... it is ridiculous its all about having money otherwise they dont give a toss i feel like theres not a single thing i cn do!!! xx
Please don't envy me. some days i feel like i am the only person in the world, like i should give up and save so much heartache that my children go through, why because a man managed to get semen on my sons chest, then he did everything he could to get the children taken off me because i was unstable a liar you name it..... all this he did took our car,, im incontinet of both after the birth. Services let us down until foresics came back... also found on his comfort blanket.... cps said not enough evidance to prosecute? He is takingme to court for access which all have said no, awaiting a fact finding hearing... i have seen some reports and i am horrified..... i had to ak a neighbour for help as i have no friends here and the support we should of had is only just here! the result f that , well nobod speaks to me and we are avoided, rumours are rife and i have been shouted at in the street by a grown man known to the police.. they did nothing, the list is endless!!
The fear is just ... social services made a right old mess I AM SURE THEY ARE NOT ALL AS SHOCKINGLY INCOMPITANT AS HOW THEY HAVE DEALT WITH US. i have to believe that. But how can i give up?
My health is suffering quite badly, my mental health? well i'm actually getting stronger! Emotionally for him i feel nothing not even hate, we had problems before and well nothing that indicated what would happen... I have been abused in previous relationships, this one well was subtle in ways... he is not worth the energy but he was 'devoted' constantly wanting to be with me etc...
Do i feel frightened? hell ye? Do i feel cursed? no! my children are such awesome wee things :)
Do i feel like i am 2 inches tall in a crowded room of giants that cannot /will not acknowledge me? Yes yes yes!!!
What option do i have, do you have? Can you change what has happened? Or Can you change the way you deal with it?
Fighting zaps your strength... Try saying you are from today, taking a deep breath and standing up for your self and the welfare of your daughter huh?
Tomorrow if you feel dreadful, acknowledge it, of course you will, do something that gives you hope make your heart sing, spend time that is not consumed with this fear and enjoy your daughter your future, even if the worst happens youguys still have that a future huh?
You need to cry? do it, but don't give in ok, just acknowledge your feelings be aware of them.
Here if you need me, no one sadly can take those feelings from you, you have to deal with them? Medication and counselling will help, but you have to choose too,
Deep breath, head up and believe in yourself
Dear all
it is fantastic that you have this place to post and support each other. You are at different places on your journey but the feelings are very much shared. Each day is a challenge and it is important to concentrate on the steps you are taking at the current time, they may feel very small but added together they make a substantial stride.
hi hun how are u, im ok,well one thing i am dreadin is in court cafcass man said they myt want my little girl to spend an hour with er dad to see how he interacts with er and my solicter said i av to do it , isaid why ,do i av to wot if i dont want to, isaid u no it wil b an act, in front of cafcass people all an act., sher said if i afonty i wil b in contempt of court aisaid it s not ryt and sytem stinks, avnt heard anytin since court 25th july but thts why i dread post inxcase it s cafcass, im gona b a wreck if they want to take my littel girl to tht monster, cos tht wot he is, i hate him, hjes a risk cafcass said so to me, yet he cud get to see er it doesnt make sense, and i av to do a parent information thing at contact centre regarding emotional abuse on children, court order so i aV TO GOXX
Thanks for words of encouragement. Seriously though, is there no support out there? DV say they canonly help with so much it seems each door i have knocked on says their hands are tied... yet i have had solictors say they could help... but it is not covered under legal aid.... What i stuggle with in everyday life and after being approached by a mum at playgroup as a neighbour known to police and a bully has contacted my ex and the rumours now, same neighbour who shouted at me... facebook posting too. My solicter? shrugged her shoulders.... can't no legal aid? Yet i have siince discovered that you can be referred my solicter mp or cab for extra funding.... I have contacted your legal advsor and look forward to a response.
WHEN DOES THE CONTACT THING START when do u av to take ur little girl, my little girl is 2 next weekxx
Who is your contact officer, do you know? if not call your local office and ask, then ask to talk to someone be honest. Thing is if what he did was to you and horrid i know... it was'nt to your daughter. What would you like? idealy a relationship with her father? of course you would.... You must try seperate your feelings and this will go in your favour you must acknowledge that ok? But you still have a fear and a valid concern so stand firm but recognise that, go and learn from it, fighting will get you no where... standing firm will ok but you must follow the rules.... it will hurt, be strong when you have to but acknowledge how awful it feels x
hi just me, my last 2 paragraphs was for u hun, i keep forgetin to put who i am postin to i will in futurexx
lizzielaw i totally understand the hell you must be going through what has happened is horrific and i meant i envy your strength and ability to think that way.... what he has done to me in my eyes is irrelevant thats why i only brouht up what he wanted and tried to do infront of my daughter sexually and the times he was violent with me while holding her .. my fear are what he could do when on his own and what it could lead to its all been taken out of my hands and its my daughters safety thats my only objective xx
kiera ... the sad thing is that thats their system and we are just clients to them nothing more nothing less i had one meeting with cafcass at my home and hed already been to see my ex then made his judgement of supervised with a view to changing it ... i was just open and honest and once that report is in it was my solicitor who said right thats it done and dusted ignored the fact i wanted the judge to hear my side .. or see the evidence i had .. noone has ever listened to it the system is shocking .. and the way i see it is we could moan about it all day everyday .. but i for one want to do something to make people aware of what goes on .. people judge and say oohh where was the mother why didnt she fight to stop a monster seeing her child blah blah NOBODY realises that its the court its the system i dont want to be a victim i dont want to be here at this place in my life but i am and having the door slammed in your face time and time again having your desperate for info emails ignored and phone calls to your solicitor constantly ringing people you hope can help is exhausting and theres noway that the kids involved in this are suffering with what their mothers are put through .. im fighting to get the contact centre changed but it would be for a whole two hours and starts asap ... my girl shes two and screams to high heaven when i just go upstairs let alone leaving her ... and its not as if id know as shes there xx
hi just me, m,y little girl same she screams when i go out room or i go out and my mum watches er, she as hardly seen er dad, in bits, hes only takin me court cos i ended it and he stil wants the control, he said im a druggy and leave kids on own well drug test negative and heard nothin from social services or cafcass, and ive nearly dun freedom programme and im doin one to one thru wave, plus av to do parentin thing, i really really feel for u hun, my ex always said ul av to spk to me in court luv, but i thought i wont, and i ddint he just wanted see me, he wud of bin p*d of i was in private room, these men play games end of, they trhive on it and our misery, i dont no wot to say hun, does ur ex ever contact u in any way shape of formxx
It is really distressing when our children cry so much, the only good thing I can say is that at least at a contact centre there are staff who can see what is happening. Your children are both at the age where they do experience separation anxiety but of course this will have been made more acute by the upheaval you have both been through and there is hope that this will settle down as your own situations become calmer.
Your comments about "the system" are so true. I find it incredible that the powers that be do not consider contact with a violent, abusive and criminal parent may not be in the child's best interests!
hi louise but just me is so scared of when the supervised stops wot wil appen then, cos he wil b very gud actor in contact centre while he is bein supervised like my ex wil be, but wot bout after un supervised, scary, and just me is dreadin it and so am i
Please don't tkae what i said out of context, for your own strength try focus on this but i understand your worry, i have found other ways of getting help too, have you actually written your concerns to social services? you can continue to and if no joy next level, if i can help i will, i cannot allow my self to think of contact too much. Have you contacted the legal advisor on here? i contacted the legal services commission and they have been quite helpful!!!
hi lizzielaw .. im sorry i didnt mean to come across like that .. i just feel it all for my girl and nothing for me i would live through anything but i just cant let anything bad happen to her and the feeling of hopelessness is acute .. i know it may seem to some like i have three months of her being supervised and thats good but three months is just the start and theres not been a day in the nine months where ivenot been worried stressed but i had a glimmer of ope now that hopes been taken away .. you have every right to be feeling the way you do as you have more definitive evidence and i cant see anyone letting him near mine there is less evidence and i think thats why i wasnt even istened to i admire your determination overall :) xx
hi kira my ex stalked me used to stand in my back garden for hours follow me to tesco uptown anywhere i went he was always there but i didnt report it as i was under the spell he made me ... he told me he would get her and noone would believe me i was a wreck he would walk in attack me etc but i just wanted to keep my kids safe and didnt want him to get chance to get her through court ... he now drives around as the police warned him but they wont do anything about him driving round .. parking up near my sons school (even though he knew i didnt pick him up) and being in places i am because they are public and he no longer appraches me ... one day after court my friend was waiting for me with my girl and he got out first and saw them tried to grab her pram and said hed have her soon enough .. then went on to trawl through and find her on fb send her messages sying if she supported me or had my girl again hed have her investigated tried lying about me to her etc .. hes an absolute pig and yet comes across as such a good bloke to anyone else xx
sorry kiera*
Hi everyone, just me, remember all that he is doing is tactics, threats to make others scared of him. I am not saying he would not do anything, but from my experience and talking to many many women in similar situations. Abusive men threaten a lot more than anything they take action on. However with regards to your case, I am wondering if you are able to appeal?
You have found the SpeakOutLoud website! I wrote to the author Clare Murphy and thanked her for her wisdom recently, I think she is amazing!
Lizzielaw, you have been through a truly shocking experience and my heart goes out to you. you have said that you feel very alone and that is not surprising, your pain is deep. However it sounds as though you have learned ways of managing the trauma you have experienced, although it doesn't feel as though you are coping every day, I think that your thought patterns are healthy. You have left some really positive, thought provoking posts. Thank you.
Hi kiera, we don't know what the future holds, we can only focus on the now, I know it is easier said than done, however if you spend this next month worrying you will be a mess by the time court comes, however if you spend this time enjoying your little girl and your boys, seeing the good in your lives, then you will feel stronger when the court date comes. Do you see what I am saying?
hi just me, well my ex as followed car i was in twice, lain in wait in myu garden for hours just like ur ex, he as parked down road few road waitin for me goin to school then runin over to me, he as followed me to supermarket shoutin slag alover car park and in front of our dawter, he as made serious threats, intimidated me, threatened to petrol bomb my mates house with er kids inside, hes a monster , but i av reported it to police few tyms,he as ad 2 harassment prders on himm not tht he tuk notice , tuk court for everythin to cum out bout him or i prob wudnt of knownxx
anna thankyou very much i will look into that website ... i know my solicitor wouldnt take it to appeal but i am now wondering if i alone can ... its taken me til this point to realise that although it is so daunting to do so i should have represented myself from the start .. of course its scary but even with my solicitor i have gained no knowledge as to my rights and no guidance as to what was to come .. my emails ignored and my pleas to show as much as possible and as far as threats go anna he has carried out everyone apart from killing me and everything he said would happen so far has xx
kiera ... its so frightening isnt it with people being like that they are so unpredictable !!! i wonder if he is like this with his secret family maybe looking into it .. safely .... could support your claims and help with your case ?? xx
ji anna god im dozey just realised that was the website i directed kiera it is very interesting and im going to look in full tonight when the kids are in bed xx
Right, for those still involved with Social services this folks can help.... Those not like myself where you wish you had this info a year ago........
Family Rights group 0808 801 0366 www.frg.org.uk
They sent me vital info , that has kept my sanity re, our rights.
Deep breath, head up and smile from the heart, we are parents we can get through this..... i hope 
no i believe it, it's going to hurt whatever and remember there is no winning just justice and the right to a family life...
hiya just me, how are u, well i no social are involved in his family as e was livin with hi skids, but i dont care ijust care bout me and my family, feel guilty i let violent man in our lives, wot are u upto hunxx
awwwwthanks lizzielaw its really nice of you to share and i will be looking directly ... i think your mantra is where you find your innerstrength and you should be very proud of that im having a togeter moment .. which are few and far between but it does help be proactive .. i am actually trying to get social services back involved i hope you are feeling ok .. massive hugs xxx
Hi kiera im a little stronger but im making the most of it as i can be back down tomorrow its like keeping my head just above water and paddling like mad i feel like that i do blame myself but then its just a wasted energy i cant help sometimes .. i feel like now my order is in place i have no chance but im still bloody looking still trying to fight .. because its all i can do :( how are you?xx
to the both of you .. i have just found there is to be a section on CHIDREN and DIVORCE on this morning tomorrow you can email your question to the legal expert writing your subect as CHILDREN DIVORCE to thismorning@itv.com you can also write your telephone number xx
i have rang family lives as well tonight who were lovely and told me to look on a website called families need fathers .. i know it sounds crazy considering we are trying to protect against them but it has some very interesting and court details on there xx
i had the best news today that i got my room for free now at my local communty hall fill out paperwork on thursday afternoon so now i can get my support group up and going for us mothers who got kids in care and it running in southmead at the momment but hopeful all ouer bristol by sep next year cannot wait if u want to no more info lat m eno one here ok
Hi tonianne congratulations thats great news the fact you are doing something so worthwhile is impressive .. i have custody of my child and live in the northwest but i will be looking to set some kind of support/action group up once i have fought my battle so if in future you wouldnt mind sharing your tips and experiences i would be grateful .. good luck with it all hun !!!! xx
it been hard still in court for mine at the momment just pass my bussness course and doing a child care level 2 and a socail heath course plus do volu work as well and i feel just happy and ouer the mooon pass this message on and i do it throught facebook as well...so yer i dont care what people say i doing this to help other mothers who going throught what i been throught
you go girl now thats impressive :) xx
pass the word all around to everone as i need more people to come forward as at the momment it in southmead bristol on friday i put the time on here on friday ok
I shall re read as i have had aglass or 2 of wine and currently have the hiccups ( due to eating a cold baked potato as elegantly as one could, with salad cream (heinz special offer,i'd rather go with out heinz is the tast of sunshine ;) look i reckon we all try to just pass on the good and bad experiances we have? lessons learnt and fears and support each other huh? Would love to hear from Dads . I cannot afford to drink wine, sometimes a little bit of what you fancy.... i have a long road and like it or not i have to do it alone. Anything i can do to help or just reassure please ask, does this sit have a video link? Can people not arrange to support in meetings, court etc? Legal minefield and i am aware there could well be fake 'parents' on here... there is a hole in the system. Believe there are no limits, and the lower you have experianced ther must be something higher? There is, even if its only peace in our hearts and more importantly our childrens, pain and fear is direted at us, same as if we were widowed i guess. you must accept it. peaceful dreams tomorrow is a new day
We do not have a video link as this is an online support group.
You can have this thread for sharing experiences and supporting each other though. Onwards and upwards Lizzielaw!
Justme I was not trying to say that everything was OK because the first three months of contact would be supervised, everything is NOT ok. I am just wondering how many parents without day to day care actually stick to having to go to the contact centre every week for that 12 weeks to see their child? in that people are watching them and they are expetced to interract with their child and be responsible for them. So you are looking into the possibility of an appeal? We have our own Legal Expert on the boards and you can email them, by clicking the blue link.
hi just me how are u today, my little girl ad me up half nyt but never mind lol, ope ur ok hunxxx
got my room for my support group it at the greenway center on friday 10.30 until 12pm for people who needs support when kids are in care
hi just me how are u, wot u bin ipto todayxx
i doing fine still in court for my kids if there mothers on here going throught the same as me then why dont u come along to my support group in 2weeks at the greenway center in bristol plz post this around
hi kiera sorry for late reply i have been having a day off from myself today lol well i needed to re coup and just let it go for one day but going to be back to finding out and doing all i can tomorrow how are you? tired then ibet? is she ok or coming down with something?? my lo is getting a cold and been nowty today so im thinking shes going to be groggy next few days ... have you done anything today what have you been up to? how are you feeling? xx
tonianne im glad youve managed to get everything sorted out .. im only really part of this forum and i dont know anyone in bristol but if i come across anybody or join another group i will be sure to tell .. good luck xx
I feel like the loneliest person. Counselling went well, no problems just time... How sad that it made me cry to have an understanding ear..... Solicter dropped papers.. What a mess.
There is no rationele for this. I'd take a thousand beatings, the fear in my heart is for my children.
The hurt? That for some reason and the only reason is i am a single mum, with no family.
Hello one and all
Crying is good! but I know what you mean, kindness can "throw" us a little bit. Please don't feel alone, lizzielaw, you do have us now.
lizzielaw .. you are echoing the feelings within my heart i would also take a thousand beatings just to help my children it is the most dreadful feeling im sorry i wasnt on here lastnight afterwards ... you are not alone im right here going through it with you anything at all i can do to be of support .. i didnt realise i thought from your posts you were dealing with it amazingly and i felt like you didnt need it back but clearly you do and i feel pain honey ..... you are fighting for your kids as am i i ring helplines solicitors all i can everyday and it is frustrating and exhausting and worrying when you feel no hope i am going to ring my mp today have you tried that route? ...if you want my number at any point so you can chat you just have to ask ...massive hugs lizzie law xxx
Good for everyone to share feelings one here and help each other through. We don't allow personal info like emails or telephone numbers though.
Good luck with contacting the MP, justme and let us know how you get on
thats how they get you kiera its so easy for other people judge and you really dont see things as they are while your in that situation hindsight is a wonderful thing!! the rtuth is i probably wouldnt have understood why people stay or cant escape it and to have a secret family to boot well what can i say this guy takes the biscuit xx