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hi im doin this how are u today, wots bin appening, are kids ok xx
Kiera I was really stupid last night,
I'm not going to hog this space so will keep it short, I went out with my dad had a meal and wine and basically got very drunk ended up being a prat getting a bit hurt ;( I'm not proud of myself I was not clever at all don't know what I was thinking or not thinking.
Please don't beat yourself up, IDT. I don't know any one who doesn't have a 'wobble' or make a mistake from time to time.
Hope you're feeling better about whatever happened last night very soon.
I hope you're ok idt. Loads of virtual strength coming your way...
Thanks Sparkling ;) Greatfully received :)
I feel ok emotionally a bit bashed a few bruises bit I'm over it big mistake but I'm not in the 'oh I wonder if I should go back stages' then it's not so bad.
Thanks mary I was feeling like I could fight him ( shakes head) so very silly I was.
Oh god IDT, bad luck, we all need a blow out every now and again, however we often need to stay indoors and unplug all our devices for communicating....!!
The positive thing here is that you are not in the 'wondering if you should go back' place. So this is a good thing?!
You were angry by sounds of things, and you have every right to be angry, your trust, loyalty and very nature has been battered and bruised time and time again.
So I hope you don't beat yourself up over this, acknowledge it and move on.
No I'm not now ;) I know why I left and he keeps reminding me and I'm daft enough to go back for more
So I'm not getting out my car in future
X
Hi IDT, i think it is quite normal for us to keep going back, i know that i did time and again for quite awhile, at first i think i kept thinking he would change after that i just wanted him to acknowledge what he had done to me and to hurt him like he had hurt me, not physically hurt him as that is not me.
I don't think any of it worked anyway and eventually i moved on and none of it mattered that much. Good idea to stay in your car next time.
How is the bruising today?
hi im doin this i lost count how many times i went bk to ex,then he let me down yet again, was vicious circle,i didnt understand why he kept letin me down, then he wud beg me to av him bk, then he turn nasty,make threats, not normal behaviour is itx
Hi kiera,
I just carnt make that break it's imposable sometimes
I made so many mistakes on sataday.
My solicitor called me yesterday so I'm going in to see in a cupola of weeks to sort out the house, iv got an extension on legal aid certificate but she says he hasn't got legal aid.
I just carnt wait till my bails over.
Yes, the bail thing is very annoying for you. Hope you are Ok this morning. The thing about doing things we regret is that the regret can be helpful to us....it is the thing that helps us not to do it again, if you know what I mean.
Yep I won't be so daft next time x
Hi IDT, how is your week going? Have you been to do any more courses recently?
Hi iv not found any more I did the webster stratern freedom program and stronger families I started a women's empowerment course but didn't like that one ;) i think I'm going to spend a year until my younger sons three and then look something again maybe at college.
I have a little plan somewhere in all this ha ha!
Weeks gone good thankyou x
Ooh yes college sounds an excellent idea. In time you may go on to mentor other women moving away from abuse, you give such good input when people come on the boards talking about their situation.
Do you realise that you already have good management skills? I am thinking about how you get all the children fed and in bed and wearing clean clothes when needed. Sometimes I think as parents we have to be nurses, teachers, counsellors, entertainers, chauffeurs and accountants all rolled into one 
Ha ha! And all the rest a cook etc
Thankyou
I'm still coming up with ideas in my head I have my nursery nurse nneb but after having 7 of my own I doubt I'll go into a nursery setting although to build my confidence I may put my name down on their bank staff if an odd day comes up.
Wouldn't of been doing anyoff this if Im with him in my pretty prison ;) x
Ooh yes I forgot cook! Do you like cooking, by the way?
Yes you have escaped from prison, no wonder it is taking a while to get used it all 
Na I hate cooking :) but maybe it's to do with the fact I have a toddler stuck to each of my legs while I'm doing it x
Oh the joys ... They will be in nursery together in a year though x
hi im doin this how are u, well my little girl in nursery is a godsend lol, she in ursery now, bit peace til 4, i wud rather b workin, cant get job til court over with, dont want lose my legal aid, i need a soliciter, i love cookin, lol my little girl same, i cook while she clingin to me x
Ooh why didn't you like the womens empowerment course? I am interested because I think they are fab! Was it the other people, or the facilitators, or was it the course content?
I was thinking it would be good to do one day courses, just to get you out of the house! Rather than anything too in depth! I didn't realise that you had a nursery nurse nneb, you will continue to be a great support on here then!
So what would you like to do until your younger sons three? I think that this is definitely a good time to take it easy, relax and rebuild your self, life and family. You haven't been in your home that long, will you be spending much time decorating?
Hi kiera
My three year old is in nursery for half a day, but then I got the nearly two year old ;)
Will soon be over I hope for you, I really carnt wait you know, then things will fall into place for you, not long now honey x
Ha ha iv just rang a pizza :-p no cooking for me tonight , it's a treat xx
It wasn't structured, the teacher was tailoring it to us she knew what my situation was from the ofset as she's the same teacher than ran the stronger families and I'd took my som the week before he'd come out with a big star for telling them everything
And she said on the first week shed add bits in for us she looked at me and said yeah there's things for u I can add, and she got us shouting out our problems it was to personal for me it was a big group crammed into a poxy room.
There was a good mixture of people and that was good I liked that
I had chrech costs for two so was £10 a week with car park too.
Things are coming together a bit more
When I moved in here I was very lucky and it's all done I only rent it but there's nothi ng to do decorating wise it's all cream walls and cream carpets :-o to my horror 7 kids and cream carpets ha ha I love it
7 kids and cream carpets....shudder....
I think it is great that you are looking to the future IDT but also I agree with Anna, time to recharge your batteries and build up your strength. Was the pizza nice? what flavour?
Yeah I need to just slow down a bit enjoy my kids and settle in properly
I'm still struggling with life at a slower pace
X
Spicy pizza for me margareta for the children was very nice ;)
Yum i like spicy pizza too, having little ones to look after can make it more difficult to slow down abit, you'll get there IDT it will just take a bit of patience and time.
Do you have any plans for the weekend?
hi im doin this u ok, i love spicy chicken pizza,nice,wot u upto this weekendx
Hi kiera I love spice beef ;)
Dropping them off to him later, then meeting up with a friend for a drink at here's nothing much else as it's my daughters 12 th b day Monday so I'm skint
I was thinking about this today, what does everyone that's not working give their children for their b day's I always make myself skint ??? I think I need to cut it down a bit.
What about you kiera? What are you doing?
well last year for my little girls 2nd birthday, i took er wacky with my other 3 kids, and summat to eat, and i took a birthday cake, she enjoyed itx
wish sumtimes my little girls dad wernt such a violent thug so he cud av er for weekend,giv me propa break, sumat ive not ad since she was bornx
Yes i got friends in the same situation to it's a shame, I feel lucky I get the break.
My friend has a daughter four years old and then twins ten months after no family and he's not allowed near her and I had them overnight it's the first time since they been born she's had a break!
Shame we don't live near each other we could of met up x
Do you have a limit for pressants ? X
aw i no, im from north west, i dont av a limit, i dont get kids loads, but i get wot i can x
Hi IDT, thanks for the feedback on the empowerment course. So it sounds as though it could have been good, a good crowd of people, but the facilitator was too personal with you?
Your spicy pizza sounds good, you have given me a great idea for supper tonight!
I think when our children are small we can get them a few gifts and they are happy, my limit used to be £20 for the present and then I would do buffet party and cake, however I have found the older they get the more expensive it becomes because they start to want the latest gadgets and want to go out for a party!
However IDT you have a large brood, so I am sure some quality time with you would beat an expensive present. 
Do you know what she wants? Have you got her anything yet?
Yes it could of been good, at that te I felt venerable and she was too personal yes and she was a bit spiritual kinda close your eyes pretend your a tree .... Feel your roots rubbish
I think I need a re think on birthdays :-/ I'm going away scratching my head I'll be back with a plan
Thanks x
I always spend less on little ones at Christmas and birthdays
I buy what I think they need for their age
But the older ones it's tough I do £100 for birthdays for older ones she wants a laptop would be good for homework so she's took the money up to her dads he says he'll put rest to it with family.
It's the two years olds birthday may and I'm getting him a swing he's in love with them ;) when we go park that's all he goes on
X
Wow IDT no wonder you are skint when it is their birthdays. I work nowadays and I still limit birthday expenditure to much less than that. When I was shorter of money (when they were younger) I spent very, very little. I did a whole Christmas from jumble sales once. When they were juniors, they understood that if they wanted a party then this cost money so their present would be small. I do think that we can have a tendency to try to compensate our children for having missed out on other stuff, such as not being in a perfect Tv advert family with two cheesy parents, haha, anyway that is how I felt, don,t know if that rings a bell for you too? Anyway what helped me was to realise that TO THE KIDS it didn't matter what I spent, now it is a different matter as they get older and start to put more wordly values on things. However, it is then that they also understand money and that there is a budget. Hard, isn't it?
Yes it is hard
When together with him he set things very high it was just how it was and then when I left he used buying the children expensive items to draw the children to him knowing I couldn't keep up with him ( but I tried I left bills etc)
So now I'm just trying to look at it and set my own standards because the children know that freedom and fun are at my house and they know what he's like with his money they have learnt, does that make sense?
I did spend little on the smaller ones at Xmas with second hand toys I got some right bargains ;) I got some things in their boxes that looked brand new x
The other slight problem is that the daughter who lives with him gets spoilt more than the other six so on her birthday he bought a gaming laptop they are expensive so my other daughter wants one understandable so he said if I put money he'll get a laptop for her so the £100 is nothing compared to that is it.
It's really hard
hi hun well my 11 yr old wants laptop, he starts big school in sept so il get him laptop, my 15 yr old as laptop but my parents bought him dear one, i want swing set and trampoline for my little girl, she 2 half i already av big trampoline in gardenx
Hi I don't feel so bad now I know you are getting one for your son ;) it's hard I don't want them to miss out but also I don't want to give them too much.
Iv just looked out my window it's hailstonning ? Eh
X
Yes, we had hail here too! I think you have hit the nail on the head when you say that you have tried to keep things how they were when you were together, a lot of parents do that I think. And it IS harder when he is buying bigger gifts for the children who live with him. I remember once you were talking about your worry that the children were getting a bit keen on material things and I am wondering if this is a chance to start showing them a different way?
Thankyou I think it's slow decline if that makes sense.
Had a hard day today I know two year olds are demanding he won't leave my side for any time and his lack of talking is not helping as it leads to a tantrum that can lead to fit I ignore the tantrum so far but not fully.
That makes no sense carnt edit
Happy 12th birthday to your daughter IDT
What plans do you have? What did you get her in the end?
Hello IDT, I get what you mean, you are gradually reducing the money thing? eurgh it is hard work when you have a toddler permanently stuck to your leg, I can remember trying to get away by going to the loo and then there is still a little WAAAAH outside the door that lets you know they have followed you..Really hard work at that age. I am sure you are right when you say that he is frustrated with lack of talking. Will he sit quietly with you with a story book? or at least a TV programme, you could site down with him and talk about what he is seeing?
How was the birthday?
I don't get the pleasure of the toilet door being shut ha he's in there with me x
Hes not interested in much for long he hates sitting down hates pushchair carseat etc he likes climbing and swings ;) he will watch peppa pig but just the theme tune ;-) then he's off.
I need some advice on private renting my house please
First is landlady told me she was putting up the rent but iv had nothing in writing
And second she's asking for a deposit now so what do I need just a recipt to say iv paid her?
Thanks x
Hi IDT, somehow I completely missed this page, so my post looked really random in the middle of yours and Louise's conversation, apologies for that! I hope your daughter enjoyed her day and she got the laptop :)
I am not sure about the rent situation and our Housing expert is currently unavailable, however have a look at the Shelter website who have a helpline (free from landlines) 0808 800 444 (8am-8pm Mon-Fri & 8am-5pm Sat-Sun). Hopefully you can get some answers from there.
How was today with your youngest? I was wondering if he had any nursery rhyme CD's? He likes the theme tune to peppa pig, perhaps there are other tunes that he would happily listen to?
Hi oh no worries! She had a nice day thankyou and yes her dads ordered a laptop with all her money x
Thanks for the link I wouldn't of thought of looking there x
Hes been hard work the hard parts ( this is gonna sound mad) but he's really strong two year old honest he is and determined, I can not keep him strapped into anything he gets his arms out and stands up so I carnt enjoy a walk with him in his pushchair
I don't go shopping any more with him , dont mention shopping trolly's ahhhh I bought rains but he don't like me holding him
He's a good eater and sleeper he naps in the day.
Thanks for idea on cd's I think I will have a look I need theme tunes only! He sings songs before he could talk.
I did painting with him 40 mins tayra ing over wearing a apron 2 mins painting ;) I'm finding him harder than any of the others x
Yes it does sound hard work, IDT, my youngest used to do that "going rigid" thing too, so I couldn't put him in the buggy. He was very hard work and I dont know how I got through that time....but I did, and thank heavens they eventually grow up a bit. Make sure you take up any playgroup place that may be available, so that get a teeny break while it is all going on. Will he dance to the music as well? One thing that my boy liked is when I sang to him, action rhymes like This is the way the farmer rides or Row the Boat
Was just thinking how nice it is to be single :-)
New problems creep in but when I was sat in my garden thinking back to the problems I had when with him goodness I did not realise how much free of the burden I am and it feels like wow did I really deal with that? Yes I did.
Just now cooking tea I cooked for 11 6 days and shopped for it with his fussy demands just that in it's self is massive
I don't worry about my pets now x
It's all so welcoming my new problems cos there small in comparison x we forget were we were at before
Oh that's what you ment Anna by you'll look how far u have come?
There's always someone here to hold your hand, IDT. Glad you've posted again. Are you having a good weekend?