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hi i av bin on and off with my ex 2 half years,e as seriously assaulted me on holiday, 2 months later i took him back,yep dumb,now its threats intimidation,stalkin, u name it e as done it,ad police involved few times,got 2 harrasment orders on my ex,kept goin back 2 him,hard 2 break free,we av 18 month old daughter together,sic mind games e plays,im so down cos of it,im goin seein a soliciter regarding residency order,cant go to police again they wil no im stupid,im stuck,ex wont let me go,
Hi Kiera. Sorry to hear you're going through such a bad time. Firstly, you know what you have to do. As hard as it is, you not only have to protect yourself, but also your 18 month old daughter. Has she witnessed any violence? Has she heard the shouting? The police are obviously aware of this man as you've reported him before. Please contact them again, they are not going to think you are stupid. They know how difficult it is to get out of a violent situation. Have you contacted Womens Aid? It's good that you are seeing a solicitor too. You say your ex won't let you go. You are the one that has to make the choice to leave him and this time for good. There is support out there if you need it.
hi Keira,
Nice to see you on here. Firstly you are not stupid he is, dont stop going to the police is he is threatening you etc. The police are familiar with the patterns of domestic abuse and wont judge you for going back. Also your ex is breaking the law and should be punished accordingly.
He sounds like a nightmare and I wish you well with all this. There is life after a bully like him so try to stay strong and focus on your daughter. I know just how hard it can be to escape someone who is hell bent on staying in your life at all costs but there is support out there like Women's Aid, who helped me and were quite good (although admittedly the hardest part has to come from yourself - gaining the strength to say goodbye to him forever).
Dont give up and go see a solicitor who will be able to give you some good advice.
Take care x
hi well my dad not well e ad brain hemorage and stroke and mum not well dont want to burden um u c,im dealin with ex on my own
Hello kiera
Welcome to One Space. You are going through some dreadful times right now and I am also sorry to hear about the health problems for your parents, making it harder for you to ask them for support.
Please do get in touch with Women's Aid, TODAY, as Hazeleyes suggests, she has posted a link to their websire or you can ring them on 0808 2000 247
I agree, it is hard to break free and they will give you the support you need, and we are always here to talk to as well. No-one will think you are stupid, everyone wants the best for you and your daughter. Do you have other children as well?
hi yes i av 18 yr old daughter who hates my ex cos of wot he did to me on holiday,when he assaulted me,i av 14 yr old son and 10 year old son,not my exs kids,just the 18 month old,just dragged down cos we are on and off all time,it is ewmotional abuse,mind games,some times i do think im going mad,ex calls my 18 year old all time,vile sum things e says,e is jealous of our relationship,i no in my heart that we are never gona work,yet e is on my mind al time,but i wish e would disapear and leave us alone,i av considered a refuge,when i look back on vile things ex as said and done it isnt normal,
No hun its not normal, its exactly like you said abuse. It is hard to escape from sometimes but at least now you recognise that the way he treats you and your children isnt right. Perhaps you should go to a refuge because there you and your children will get space to sort your heads out and try to heal from the damage he has caused. It will be harder for all of you to move on if he still has access to you all to harass you. Tell your daughter not to answer the phone when he rings her he is being very unfair to her and I am sure he has nothing to say that she needs to hear.
I understand how hard it is to make the decision to get away from him but once you do you will start to feel so much better and be able to see things more clearly. Plus in a refuge you will meet other women who have had similar experiences and can give you some support.
Good luck, please take action asap x
thanks for replyin,well my daughter at university,in my head ive bin trying to see if i was in an abusive relationship,e as assaulted me on holiday,e turned on me,degrading me for an hour,then punched me in face twice and spat on me,i ad to go hospital,this was in teneriefe,e got arrested 4 days in a cell,i ad go court,awful i ad to face my kids wiv busted up face,ad to av stiches,ex says it was the shots,wot crap it was him,but i took him back 2 months later,dumb i was,e as smashed 2 fones,e as followed me twice, e as called me names to my teenage son,e calls my dwter slag and fat,2 many things to say,e as threateded to petrol bomb mates huse with er kids inside,e makes threats e report me yo social, eas rang my boss to say im on drugs,thts just afew,e says e wants b afamily then in next breath turns nasty,confusin,e as lain in wait in my garden for me,threatened to av me dun in,says e will slit any mans throat who cums near me,now i want to no was i in an abusive relationship,ive ad locks changed,alarms fitted,i am on edge when i go out,but i cant concatc police as i av few times and then i txt my ex,so i will b seen as stupid which i am,why do i txt him,cos always goes back 2 how it was,i av alot of anger towards him i swear,my dawter moved er dads cos of him,she at uni now doin well,i hate him yet why is e on my mind al tym,confusin,please replyxx
Keira hun, it is normal to still care for someone who has hurt you and your family this way and even to hate them at the same time. I know you feel confused and probably scared of him but you must contact the police every time he threatens or stalks you. The feelings you have can be sorted out and worked through in the right place. Right now you are too close to him so he is able to keep getting back in your head and making you question yourself. Please contact Womens Aid to find out about a refuge just so you can get some space for you and your children to come to terms with everything this man has done.
Hello kiera
I promise you all the feelings you are having are normal.
PLEASE make today the day you phone Women's Aid 0808 2000 247
We are with you all the way 
hi thanks for replying,,i av rang womans aid few times before,im just confused at moment,me and my ex av bin on and off for 2 haif years,even police are fed up with me they must be,ad 2 harassment orders on my ex,longest we av ad no concatc is 1 and half years,so why hell do i txt him,why,thts why i cant contact police,they wil say wel hel did u txt him,god il b done wasting police time,i cant have it both ways,ex as said police are on his side and if i ring them they wil no that its me with the problem,and u no what he is probably right,i mean 1 and half months not years,
Dear kiera, I sent you a private email the other day, but unfortunately I was unable to respond to you online until now and my work email is broken so I am unable to receive or send any mail.
Keira, you ARE experiencing domestic abuse. A common tactic used by an abusive person is to confuse their 'victim', make them question themselves, their sanity and their basic human rights.
The Police may well feel frustrated with you, wouldn't you!! But when you need their help, it is their job to help you. Call them and find out about their Police Domestic Violence Unit officers, who should understand exactly where you are at. What you are experiencing is VERY normal after the experiences you have explained above.
You are NOT stupid, you mental and emotional wellbeing, your trust, your kindness have all been toyed with on a massive scale.
People will say, leave him because of the kids, leave him because he punched you in the face, leave him because he threatens you etc etc etc. Kiera you WILL leave him and you will get through this, there will be a moment when you realise that enough is enough and everyone's trigger is different.
Dealing with this is not something you can do on your own, you know in your heart that this isn't ok and you need help to work it out, so please reach out to all the services and resources you can.
I have been where you are now and it is very frightening, but you have to take this first step to fixing this and making your life better. At this moment it doesn't necessarily mean that you have to end the relationship right away, but you do need to keep you and your family safe and work out ways of doing this.
Click on this link to Womens Aid and find your local Domestic Violence service near you, call them and arrange for someone to come and visit you so that you can have a chat and find out what your options are.
Check out this article about the Freedom Programme and see if you can recognise any of the the behaviours.
kiera, your job tonight or tomorrow first thing is to contact either Womens Aid or the Domestic Abuse Unit, please do it and then come straight back to us here and tell us how it went.
hi thanks for reply,i think its emotional abuse,is it tho iav bought book living with dominater and why does he do that and carming men make dangerous lovers,all things ex as dun over 2 half years isnt ryt or normal,i wouldent even say we av been in a relationship,on and off,e as smashed 2 of my mobile fones up, always making out he was watching my house al time,so i would be on edge al tym which i was,he threatened for me to av a little accident when i was pregnant,he as called me slag to my 14 year old son,he as threatened to slit any mans throat who comes near me even if we wasnt together,theres loads more,2 many to say,i av bin asleep and bin woke up 2 him avin sex with me,burnt letters from my ex,e twists everythin,and deny what e as said,il think i did say tht,oh and i need help,his hero is raoul moet,remember him,ex said e would same, he hates police,scary really
Hi kiera
It is not just emotional abuse, it is BULLYING and threats of PHYSICAL violence. Please make the calls today, and use the great links that Anna has put up for you.
You are really scared kiera, what is your next step going to be?
My heart goes out to you
Oh Keira hun, I feel for you. i have been where you are now. My ex had me in exactly the same state. I was scared of my own shadow - I was even scared to call the police because I felt he could hear everything I said on the phone. I didnt think the police or anyone could help me because I thought he could take on the world. And also, even worse, I wasnt even sure he was abusing me. He told me I exaggerated it and I just liked attention and causing a fuss.
The truth is though, Keira... it was abuse! He couldnt hear what i was saying. He couldnt take on the police and I could and did escape! You can too. This man has wore you down so much by abusing you in every way. Your doubting everything and you feel no one can protect you. No man (or woman) has a right to hit you. Raol Moat is no hero, your ex is using this to intimidate you (my ex idolised the Washington Snipers and also despises the police). If you can find the strength and belief in yourself to take the steps to get help than you can rebuild yours and your children's life.
Good luck hun x
my real name is A ,my ex hates the police but he as a criminal recored so not surprisin,,he saying now that fell free to ring police they wil be on my side and think that i am the one with the problems,e wil be right as av ad 2 harassment orders out on him yet weeks later i txt him,why,ex says til death do us part and e willl slit any mans throat who is in my ouse even if we are not together,e obsessed with me being with sumone else,all he goes on bout,all my mates are cokehead slags,e wont let mwe go out on my own,so e makes out e is waiting nearby and e show me up if i attempt to go outand smash any car up that turns up,e as followed me twice,waited for me in my garden,yeah raoel moat was amurdering scum bag,ex agrees with what e did,e as rang my boss said im on drugs,threatened me with social,calls my 18 year old daughter says HER all time wont say er name,she hates hin since he assaulted me on holiday e put me in hospital,e blamed the drink,i tuk him back 2 months later,wot a dumb b*****,feel im stuck with him,e says e never let me go,or go live in a refuge like atramp wish i cud move miles away,ex lives miles away yet e controls me so im on edge in my own house
how did u escape
A, sweet, You sound like you have some anxiety. Why not go see your gp first so they can give you something to ease the pressure and then you may feel more able to manage your situation.
I got in my car for work and took my little girl to my mums and then I went straight to a solicitor and told them everything. They contacted the police and put a warning on the address I stayed at and then I had my solicitor tell him he is not to approach me. And like you he did, every day for about 3 months but it was too late I had snapped and I no longer cared what he did to me I just couldnt live on the edge any more.
Going to my GP helped because I was so anxious I couldnt think straight I never felt safe or secure no matter where I was. But when I started taking meds for anxiety things became so much easier.
hi im marac classed as high risk,got marker on my adress,got locks alarms,feel like i cant contact policew as i av few times,as i txt my ex 1st and my ex plays on tht esays go ahead ring um they wil c me as got the problems not him,and e b ryt u no
is everything my ex doing abusive not sure sumtymes ,when whe get on we get on great but never last long,when i feel im bein nice e messes up, then blames me,im paranoid or i need elp im not same woman, not hapi at all
Hi kiera, have you contacted any of the numbers above yet?
Well if marac are involved it is quite clear there is some abuse going on. There isnt much more we can do to convince you but i think a visit to the GP would help you hun.
hi im not ringin police,rang um 2 many times,dont no what to do,how does a refuge work,mean cant take kids out school not tht simple,would i stil b able to cum back to my ouse lata,its council house
i am ver yanxious tired al time thts cos my 18 month old dawter demandin, plus ex in my head true when i av no contcact i seem calmer,. mad that is tht how u felt
Hun i was a walking zombie! I weighed 6 1/2 stone (now wiegh 11). My daughter was very demanding but that is because children (all ages) sense the tension. Once I got away my little girl calmed right down.
Anxiety is very demanding in itself (i still have it) because you are on 'red alert' 24/7 so your body never gets chance to relax so you become totally exhausted but the anxiety wont let you sleep because you need to be on 'alert' and it just becomes a crazy cycle of sheer desperation. My employer was the one who helped me in the end because I collapsed in work from exhaustion about 3 months after I left him docs just got me fit (got my bp down) and discharged me but my boss was totally amazing because she had anxiety herself she dragged me to the doctor and I was given beta blockers originally. Within 20 mins of taking the first one my shoulders dropped for the first time in years and suddenly things felt manageable. I will always be thankful to my boss for helping me that day because I think I was bout to fall of the edge.
After a refuge, you normally make a new start somewhere else, but not always.
The priority here is your safety and that of your children. The only one who can break this cycle of abuse is YOU. Please do get the support from Women's Aid that can be given
hi at moment im just blanking him,no contact,afta few days e will turn up with big bunch roses and long letter begging to b ere,e leaves um on doorstep,ithrow um in bin,see what appens,mean is it possible go to refuge just for a bit then come back home,feel just need to get away
thts what i feel like,exhausted,dawtwr demanding and ex on my mind constantly,
Speak to womens aid hun and see what they say, but you cant really claim rent for two properties so if you in a refuge your housing benefit will go to them. If you pay your own rent you will have to pay two lots of rent etc. If its just a break you want could u not go stay with someone? You really need to think about how you want to get out of this situation hun because this will be quite stressful for the kids too.
just feel im stuck in this shit situation,i am stuck with my ex,thts how it feels
You are stuck in that situation hun, until you do something to change it. There are lots of suggestions on here for you to try but it wont change unless you are willing to seek help.
Little angel is right, kiera, only you can change this situation so do seek help
hi well im doing no contact at the moment,c how it goes,he wil turn up at some point then agin e myt not cos e on edge i mite ring police again u c,he hates police,he just always makes threats that he coming down just to make me on edge,thts what he does or makes out he watching m,y house,he as followed me twice bforex
Take care of yourself, kiera and hope you have a better day 
hi thank u,il try,doin nice dinner for me and kids,ex bin quiet so far which stil unerves mex
hi how r u,my ex quiet at the moment, unerves me a bit,happy mothers daysxav u bin in a refugex
Hi kiera
How did the dinner go? what are you doing today?
I have not been in a refuge, but i did have to leave and go to another city for a while to get away from an abusive partner. I have supported many women that have been in similair circumstances to yourself. You will be able to get support in a refuge for what you have been through, and they will be able to help you get the help and information you need to deal with this situation.
Everyone has given you some great suggestions, have you rang womens aid? they can help you to make an escape plan, does this sound like something that would help you?
There is a cycle of abuse, the period of calm or when everything is going well, then you will fill a tension and be on edge and know that something is coming or going to happen, then there will be an abusive incident, the name calling or hitting, they will then deny or minimise their behaviour, it's all your fault, it was the drink, stress from work etc then will come the hearts and flowers, the i'm sorry, it won't happen again or making you dinner and cups of tea then everything goes back to being calm.
Does this sound fimiliar to you keira?
kiera, I have been in a refuge and the help I got was really good I thought I could deal with my ex on my own, but this is serious stuff, dealing with an abusive man is not easy and it is really important that you get some professional help with all of this. It is not going to just go away I'm afraid.
Please call 0808 8000 247, just to hear what your options are. You are living in fear and it is unhealthy for you and your children. It does not mean you are weak, it means that you are taking control and protecting your children.
If you don't do anything, this situation is just going to continue, the sooner you get the ball rolling the sooner you can get on with your life.
hi i made nice dinner.thing is there ios alot worse than wot im going thru,ex dis assault me on holiday 2 half years age e punched me in face twice and spat on me,in tenerife,e got jealous and turned on me e blames the shots,e got arrested and in cells 4 days,i ad stitches,awful. mean we was on holiday,was his 1st time abroad,i ad c a judge and go police station in tenerife,i pressed charges,e wasnt allowed to fly home on same plane as me,eas a trial e didnt go,i tuk him bk 2 months later,wot was i thinkin,mean i ad 2 face my kids when i got bk my face was amess,was a shock to them,i said i ad bin in a bike accident, ex dont av a clue wot e really did to me,my 18 yr old daughter hates him,my 13 yr old son tolerates him, my 10 yr old son likes him,cos e younger,and we av 18 month old dawter together,ex asnt hit me sinse sumat e always goes on bout,sumtimes e says god i only gave u a crack,e punched me in face twice,i am always ending it,each time i say i av ad enuf,then i c him again,then e does sumat that dus my head in and end it again,e as smashed both my fones ,my mates are slags,e even accused me of goin with my mate,e as followed me twice,lain in wait for me in my garden,parked his car down road so i dont no es there,left roses on my doorstep and leaves love letters,threats to make me on edge,makes out e watchin my ouse so i wont go out,police are waste of time by experience,seems easier to stay with him,e calls my 18 year old daughter,e says HERall time dusnt say er name,e threatens ring ss,e as rang my boss say im on drugs,e threatened me av little accident when i was pregnant with his child,list is endless,tell me is it abuse, im not sure,some stories are alot worse than myn,e as ad sex with me when i was asleep twice is tht normal, not sure
kiera, if this was happening to your 18 year old daughter what would you say to her?
hi i just want to no that it is abuse ,as its not half as badn as the stories on womans aid forum,i no itsd not right but im so confused and unsure and if it was my dawter i would tell er to get rid,course i would but now i no its not easy to get out of joke of relationship im in
Kiera, I can honestly say from what you have told me, that yes it is abuse, without a doubt. Please get help and support now to improve life for you and the children. Phone Women's Aid and set things in motion 0808 2000 247
We will also be here to support you.
Hi Kiera YES IT IS ABUSE and it is not easy to leave this type of relationship, so please speak to a professional about it.
You know it is not right, please do something about it.
hi but its me as well, im always ending it and i keep him away alot of times,e wont cum nere in case i ring police,even tho i no alot of wot he as said and done is wrong,yey why do i keep contacting him then,why,i keep him away sometimes cos i av made plans c my friend who i hardly c the friend who e as never met yet as acussed me of going with er,and she is a slag e says,e never met er,so half time i keep him away cos of tht,stil always on edge in case he turns up and my mate car is ere cos dont no how e react,e always says wait til ur mate cums il embaras u or il smash er car up,awful,
Kiera, what I have said still stands. I wonder if other members would like to give their views on this thread?
sorry to be a painx
do you have any family you can turn to?