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I have been in a 8 year relationship - he had 3 affairs , left me when I was 6 months pregnant and I BEGGED him back and he has punished me ever since ! Too cut this story short, he never said sorry, made me insecure, broke the bond with our baby in many ways - made me stop breast feeding, sent me back to work 3 weeks after her birth, and gave up his job as he said I could earn more as I was self employed hairdresser. I never felt bonded with my baby who is now 5 years. He controlled all parenting, she called for him in the night and I was gradually "phased" out of her life. Coupled with this his affairs continued, he beat me , raped me many times, emotionally tortured me and controlled all the finances.
Things came to a head last year, and I discovered he was leading a double life ! To his 978 "friends" on facebook he made out he was a single parent and that I had left them ( including my 12 year old daughter who considered him her father since the age of3 when I met him- her biological father didn't want to know) I was paying the mortgage, paying for holidays etc - but he made out to all he was the provider and I didn't exist. He created a campaign of hatred against me on facebook amongst his " friends" - I had abandoned them, I was having affairs,I made his life hell etc etc Infact, the truth was the absolute reverse. His followers slagged me off and sneered at me in the street ( I live in a smallish town) .
The real truth is I loved him, was 100 % faithful, adored my family and I thought I delivered everything a committed parent should whilst working 70 hrs a week! I knew the dynamics were in reverse but I felt duty bound to do what he asked - work, work, work and provide.
As Imentioned before, his affairs were numerous, but I "forgave" him for the childrens benefit.The final nail in the coffin for the relationship was that he beat my 11 year old daughter last summer - dragged her around the room, bruised her arm and bottom where he slapped her and told her he was not her father - she didn't know! I stupidly did not report this to the police but told him he had to leave - it took 6 weeks to get him out and he only went because he made me promise that he could visit the children every day. So I kept this up for a few months, and he came almost every morning and evening. So in the end the kids didn't even realise he had moved out because he would come and go only when they were asleep.
I know it sounds crazy, but he continued to manipulate me and I still had sex with him on many occasions.I hated him but loved him. He is like a drug and I think I was/am to him. We are very toxic together but couldn't seem to stop it.Then I heard he had made another women pregnant, confronted him - I lost it and scratched his arm with a car key during a tussle - he had me on the floor, pulling my hair and emptied 4 pints of milk over my head! No medical treatment was needed for him but he went straight to the police. I was arrested in front of my children, , charged with assault and got a 6 month conditional discharge. Stupidly I didn't ask for a solicitor - I have never been in trouble and believed they would see the situation for what it was . i was so WRONG! PLEASE IF YOU EVER GET ARRESTED ! DO NOT TRUST THAT JUSTICE WILL PREVAIL - GET A SoliCITOR!
So let me get to the crux of the problem - I contacted the women who was "pregnant" - it was a lie. she told me she had been with him for 6 months and who the he'll was I?!! I told her the truth and forwarded copies of his emails and texts to "prove" I was still in a relationship.. I was rearrested and am now on bail for harassment . He has also been arrested as he burgled my house - but charges dropped yesterday as forensics were insufficient evidence! This women shouts and hollers at me in the street and I log the incidents - but the police have done nothing! I have to answer bail next week for harassment of her, but he now alleges that I have breached bail and contacted him - infact it was the other way round, he contacted me, we slept together and then he asked me to go to the police and lie and say he had my permission to take the items from my home. I wouldn't and he has made up a pack of lies and next week social services are wanting to come and interview me as I Domesticall abused "him"!!!
It's a mess, if you read this far - thank you. I feel discredited, ruined and totally broken - I can't go on.
Hello Snugglebum007
Welcome along. Poor you, what a dreadful saga of things to have to go through, it must just feel as if you are walking through treacle. WELL DONE for getting out of this relationship though!!
First things first.....get in touch with Women's Aid TODAY. They are the specialist support agency for women who have been abused. You need to get someone "on your side" Their number is 0808 2000 247
Secondly, stop blaming yourself for not having taken action earlier, not having got a solicitor, for continuing to sleep with him. It is all part of the pattern of an abusive relationship BUT now you have seen it for what it is, please stop sleeping with him/contacting him....I know exactly what you mean when you say he is like a drug. There are others on this site who have been through similar things to you, read their stories by clicking here and here.
Next, you have to conform to your bail conditions and play ball with social services. yes, it is BLOODY UNFAIR that this has happened to you but you need your wits about you now and being tearful and/or angry when you deal with the authorities will be counter-productive. You have written very well about your situation, write something similar for social services to read (about the background, not about social themsllves of course)
Please make the call to Women's Aid. Keep trying as the line is often busy. And we are here to talk to and to hold your hand.
Thank you so much for your encouraging replies. I am awaiting legal aid for prohibitive steps and contact order. My solicitor also wanted to do non molestation order but says its now on shaky ground because we have both breached bail and his new allegations of harrasment. I really cant begin to explain how this "stuff" is affecting me - I am on antidepressants, take diazapam daily and recently I drown myself in wine at weekends. I am still functioning - I have to , I privately educate my kids and this is the only stability they have. The school has been great but I am not the "normal" type of parent who has a fluffy lifestyle with a rich husband. In order to escape him, I moved from the house I owned ( not him) into rented and it has now been repossessed. But within 48 hrs he found me and was back in the sleeping/ abuse cycle. This has now stopped but when he was sucking up to me to try and get his burglary charge dropped , he "made"me sleep with him and penetrated me anally. I feel worthless and useless - my mum is staying with me during the week as I cant cope with the kids , house etc
Also I am starting to feel resentment towards my youngest - She is very like him and has a devious side that I cant accept . She is him all over and causes me lots of problems with her behaviour. I am seeing a psychotherapist but feel so trapped. I feel insanely jealous of this other women , and even though I know he would destroy our lives , a part of me wants him back. I am nuts!
A hand to hold from me x you've been through a lot
You are not nuts really you are not and I really urge you to do one thing today make that call to wa everything you describe is a completly normal and a result of the abuse you have suffered and womans are very good at understanding this they will listen and they won't judge you honey,
How do you feel about calling them?
X
Hi snugglebum007, welcome to One Space from me too, I am so very sad to read your story, however please know that you are at the beginning of the rest of your life and you are now in control of your future. At this moment things might seem bleak, however this time will pass.
You have been through some hideous ordeals so it is not surprising how this has affected you. Any one of the incidents you have described above would be very difficult to cope with, however you have been contending with one after another after another. So first things first, as Louise says, Give Yourself a Break.
I am glad that you have the support of your mum, she sounds great. Does your mum tell your youngest off if she is disrespectful?
You wanting him back is completely normal, he has broken you. He has treated you inhumanely and without compassion, after years of trying to understand him, you view the world through his eyes rather than your own. You want him to love, respect and nurture you.
Think of a pet dog, we tell it off, we shout at it and then when we want attention we feed it and love it, it becomes subservient and constantly desperate for our love. This is kind of what we, as victims of domestic abuse, become like. You are almost craving positive attention from the one who has hurt you most.
However at this point, I know you are envious of the woman who is now pregnant, but please believe me, she is only at the very start of the journey that you have just endured. If I told you that you could repeat the last 8 years again or you could own your own life, which would you choose?
Are you in touch with Womens Aid?
Hello, I passed through the same 7 years in a relationship of abuse and violence. I loved him too. We have three kids together and he try to make me far from them even from my daughter that is not his.When I got separate I thought that's it ! But no,one day he attacted me verbaly but very strong I had a crisis couldn't be able to drive off from his house I was just crying and shaking in the car, then I understanded abuse wasn't finished. Thanks to my GP, social service and my health visitor I start Women Freedom and believe me after 4 month in the programme I'm back to be me ! Don't doubt on doing this programme attending is very important you will listen the stories of other ladies going through the same but in a different stage. Already independent, separate and very far from their ex. My kids are not in contact with him at the moment.I have a solicitor to help me out sorting things for us. I do not responde his emails or text messages. I hope it goes fine for you and don't believe anything more he says. This kind of people are liars is all about manipulation and the don't care about kids.
Hi Pato71 and welcome along to One Space 
Sorry to hear what you have been through but it sounds like you are coming out the other end and are stronger now.
Tell us abit about yourself and your children?
Hi, thanks very much for the welcome ! :)
I have a teenager daughter close to be 16, a boy of 6, a girl of 4 and a little one of 3.
I'm a spanish translator working from home but still looking for some more work.
I'm so happy I done the programme Women Freedom and so thankful to all the people that pushed me to do it, even the police has been great and supportive !
Is true I'm getting stronger and stronger and one of the secrets is not being in contact with him anymore, I realize how bad even seeing him was for me. I will always do the best do keep my kids safe from him.
Hi snugglebum007 (I do like your name! 
) Are you in touch with any agency's?
Hi Pato71, welcome from me, it is great to hear of your experience of the Freedom Programme, I think it is brilliant too.
Please feel free to join in around the boards or start your own thread.
how old is your daughter snuggle?
sounds like a living nightmare
u must cut all contact with him
if he wants contact with children arrange it through a solicitor and a contact centre
dont speak to him, mail him or text him- he will use it against u.
best thing would be to move far away!!