How wonderful to have that reward of their warmth and pleasure at being home to make up for all the struggles and stresses!
Are you having a good week?
yes not to bad must say that i know i dont post much on this site but it has really helped me, when you have them moments of needing to talk (adult conversation) i find did find myself misssing my ex even more but now when i have them moments i just sit in front of pc and log on to this site, so thankyou all for being there and replying to me xxxxx
You're welcome 
. Adult conversation is something many of us crave and espeically if we are not at work, parenting alone can feel very lonely. It's important to have a good network of friends but this takes time to build up. You are doing really well. Have you had a look at our article Making New Friends?
Hi Anna, yes C is still, and always will be my 'baby'.
Hello trying hard. Glad the kids enjoyed their time with their dad. Hope you didn't clean for long, but managed to relax for a bit before they returned. What are you doing today? C is back to school on Monday, so making the most of time left.
hi hazeleyes yes my kids are back on monday as well, its a beautiful day here in s.wales too, but i have to stay in and wait for a plumber to call as i have a leak from one of the radiators just wish they would give a time!!! never mind just have to make the most of the garden and drying clothes. cant believe how quick the summer hols have gone my oldest (14) kept saying hols going to drag but even he cant believe its gone so quick.
Hi trying hard. Hope you're not waiting too long for the plumber. Like you say, make the most of the garden and washing. Everyone is saying the same thing, the holidays whizzing past. Then again, I think the whole year has gone by so quickly. Does your 14 year old enjoy school? How about the 6 year old?
I haven't ventured outside the door yet, but it looks nice here. Just having an early lunch, then like you I shall hang my washing out. Hope you have a good day. Take care. xx
hi hazeleyes just read your post on what you had for lunch sounds yummy!! My 14 yr old does like school he use to be bullied when he was younger had a few words with his teacher and he basically told me to put him on tablets as he is so miserable you can imagine my reaction needless to say i put my son in a different school and hes been like a different boy it took time but he is definately more confident now and hes grown taller 5'11 nobody dares to pick on him also hes joined more clubs at school so im really proud of him. My 6 yr old thinks school is fun loves being with her friends which is half the battle my heart goes out to parents who have a hard time taking their children to school. my youngest starts nursery on wednesday so fingers crossed he'l enjoy it too.
Hi trying hard, I always love hearing that we can be there for you in those moments of need! Somebody once said that these boards are like Parenting Alone Together! I really like that. It is always good that you can turn here rather than pick up the phone and contact the ex (if he is troublesome that is!)
It sounds as though your eldest has come out of his shell and is doing well, well done to him ....and you!
Will your youngest be in nursery full time? If so, are you looking forward to some time and space for yourself??
Hi Anna Yep this site has definately stopped them week moments of picking up the phone to speak to him, so a BIG THANK YOU to you all, Im feeling stronger each day i use to think (well dream) of the ex asking to come back but now the thoughts are no longer there and to be honest i couldnt go back to feeling miserable, i didnt realise how unhappy i was, i think i put up with things just to stay as a couple.
My youngest will only be in nursery for two and a half hrs so cant really look for work but as soon as he is in all day (another year) then i can get something back for myself and start to look for work. So for now im looking forward to a couple of hours peace a day (i dont think il even put the tv on lol!)
Oooh enjoy your free time, how lovely!
Just a though, while your son is still young would you consider doing some training, so that when you go back into the job market you would have upskilled?
Hi anna yes i have considered some training will have to look into it more, but i am waiting for the Genesis project for single mums to get back in touch with me when there is a computer course running, i think it will be basic but i need to keep up to date.
Hi trying hard. Hope your little one enjoys Nursery tomorrow. He's only there a short while, and it'll whizz by, but it's still hard isn't it, letting them go I mean. How are you going to spend those few hours? xx
Hi trying hard, computer course sounds like a fab idea, it is definitely worth using the next couple of years to get some training under your belt.
Good luck to your son today
What sort of things are you interested in? We have a great online course - Ways into Work - that could be a real eye opener for what job you might be interested in and give you food for thought on what training might be worth undertaking to get to where you want to be!
Hope your boy enjoyed his first nursery session and that you did too! Let us know how he got on :)
I've just enrolled into this, but the first part you have to fill in is how much do you know about this course...well I don't know anything except to enroll and it's going to be about a course/ courses...I just thought there might be a list of different on-line courses to do...and so now I'm a bit confused....
Hi Mich, sorry I directed you straight to the Ways into Work course!
The idea of the pre evaluation sheet is at the end of the course you will be asked the questions again and then we can show that (hopefully) you have learned something!
Stick with the course though, I promise you its good!
If you go to Your Learning you will see all the other courses.
Good luck
Oh ok, thanks for the explaination Anna..I just thought I was being thick....
I started the assertive course...but can't print out things, but it's good so far. i've done the first part...
Hi mich. I started the assertive course too in the holidays. Only done a bit so far, but hope to get back to it soon.
Oh good luck with your courses girls, thats great! We initially wrote the courses bearing in mind that some people wouldn't have printers, so hopefully you won't be missing out too much.
Just out of interest Mich, what were you interested in printing out (if you don't mind sharing??)
Hah no, not at all Anna...I can't even remember now...I think it was at one part that it said to print out the three tiered reminder of what the problem is, how it makes you feel, and how to resolve it, and then stick it on the fridge, and how to keep in mind of things that would make you feel more assertive.......something like that...
Just call me sieve head!
Oh well done too hazeleyes...
Hope you will both get a lot out of the course
thankyou all for the well wishes with my little one starting nursery , i didnt realise it was just a visit and chat today, we stayed there for an hour or so but he really didnt want to leave he really enjoyed had to bribe him by saying if he hurries he can see his sister playing in her yard , so fingers cossed he will be as good tomorrow when i do actually leave him there arrrggghhh, im going to miss him.
trying hard, that is fab for your son that he didn't want to leave the nursery. Fill your time when he is there tomorrow. He's going to love it, and once you get used to him being away from you, you'll appreciate some 'me' time. Take care. xxx
Thanks hazeleyes must admit although i am going to miss him loads i am looking forward to doing things around the house that i have been putting off like glossing the door frames cant do it with kids running round, shopping on my own without the tantrums for toys or magazines i think they start to expect it every week then they dont always appreciate what they have. I will definately be on here for a little chat and a cuppa cant wait!!!!
trying hard, don't forget to nip into the chat room, I hear Louise is getting the biscuits in 
It's very addictive isn't it this site, and it's fab for online company, which of course some of us do crave from time to time. I shall now be surfing the net for term time jobs, so I shall of course be here too. Catch you soon. xx
Hi Mich - oh! the course directs you to print out something and stick it on the fridge?? oops! 
Apologies. I will have a look into this, thanks for letting me know.
trying hard, I hope that your little one has had a good day at nursery and you have had your cuppa - the glossing can wait at least one day!!
Any plans to meet up and do some socialising whilst the children are at school/nursery?
hi anna im not blessed with many friends so no wont be doing much socialising , my oldest friend from school that i am quite close to works full time and lives about 15 miles away so its a bit awkward. She has fridays off so we catch up on the phone then or we meet up twice a month if we can. You are right though the glossing can wait!!
No worries Anna...
trying hard..that is tricky then, but at least you have us here to chat too.....
Glad your little one had a good day.
trying hard, maybe it is time to start widening your social circle?? Remember the article Louise mentioned Making New Friends? Have a look and see what you think. Maybe you could consider joining a group locally? See if there is anything near you in Your Local Support section of the site.
Last night I went to a Slimdance class! It was really really fun! It was an hour long, but the time past quickly, I had a giggle with the other women and felt great afterwards!
Glad you had a good time Anna...
i have just clicked on to the courses i have just done the life coach one do they let me know i have submitted it sorry its early and im not all that good with computers ?
Ooh I am not sure, but if you go onto the Online learning bit agian and click on Life Coaching then it will acknowledge where youare up to. How did you do with the course?
arrrgggghhhh what is happening to me i have been so proud of myself with regards to my ex he picked the kids up today and didnt get out of the car until he finished his text all the while me and the kids were standing like lemons waiting for him, i think hes got someone else its eating me up WHY do i feel like this i know i am better off without him but i know i still love him but i dont want him . OH sorry this post is pathetic!!
I didnt ask as he will only accuse me of keeping tabs on him, he hasnt got any friends as hes not from around here (moved here together to have a fresh start ). I might be reading to much into it but judging by the cheesy grin i think hes got someone, probarbly met in work!
...and so was he doing it on purpose?
Your post is not pathetic at all. feelings cannot be switched off at the touch of a button (more's the pity! )
Just keep telling yourself you deserve only to love someone who is good TO you and FOR you
Thanks louise i cant believe that moment of weekness i felt physically sick thats why i came on here and had a moan!!
You have a point he might have been doing it on purpose as he knows how nosey i am, but with all my strength i kept my mouth zipped and just kept the conversation about the kids. Im still wondering has he or hasnt he but the kids are home now and i know i can try and forget about him for another week. Its amazing how they can appear so calm and not bothered about what has been lost. I stuck by him when he went through very bad times ( drink ) and thats the thanks i get, when he found a job he stops drinking and didnt want me anymore, makes me think was i just for convenience??
Sometimes people have to move on "completely" to be able to change their lives, that is not to excuse him at ALL as you have been so loyal and been so hurt. Well done for not asking!!
Hi Trying Hard,
Sorry to hear you are finding it hard at the min, but it is perfectly natural to feel like that. Me and my ex have been split for two and a half years now, and I still find it really hurtful that he is with someone else. Well done for not asking, I can appreciate that must have been very difficult not to ask him! At least you can come on here and rant as we understand how you are feeling ! x
I hope you're feeling a bit better now. It is horrid though.
Well done for not asking.
xxx
thanks everyone ohhh it was hard i felt id let myself down if i did ask as i know i would have beaten myself up about it and felt a fool. I think his cheesy gin helped me though as i thought im not giving him the satisfaction of seeing me crumble.
cant believe how this web site is like a release for me its amazing how all your replys have a positive effect, i know my mum is always there for me but i feel that she hates talking about him as she has no time for him what so ever , over the years she has seen the hurt he has caused and as stupid as i was kept sticking by him. Well not any more im 38 and finally realised that we cant make each other happy:(
It is still tough though, I met my ex when I was 16 so we pretty much grew up together! I think you almost get to the stage when you think friends and family are fed up of hearing you moan to them which is why this site is fab! My Mum has also been good and she usually keeps her opinions about my ex to herself! She is on holiday at the minute so i am missing not having her to talk to and wish I still lived near her. It is strange how chatting to others online can make you feel better but it does!
Yes I agree, it does, mainly because out of the group of us on here, there will be others who have been through a similar thing and know EXACTLY what you mean.
Have a peaceful Saturday night, trying hard. Hope your son is Ok after his bruises
Hi trying hard, hope you're feeling better. Just want to say, he probably was winding you up with the mobile, and WELL DONE you for not asking him. I would have been very tempted too, so you're not on your own on that one. What are you up too this evening? xx
Well done for not asking trying hard. It occurs to me that it may be more than a wind up, he may well be feeling sad about losing his family and therefore as an attempt to see whether you still have feelings for him (to make himself feel better) he creates this display.
I have just been subjected to similar behaviour myself. My ex left me 8 months ago for a childhood sweetheart - it all went wrong and he then immediately ran into the arms of another lady in the same class at school. There is a great deal more to my story, but he was absolutely determined that the grass was greener. He introduced our 15 year old son on the second date and has completely replaced me with her. Taking her to the same restaurants, the same holiday destination and same family outings as we did this time last year. I have taken him back twice before after him leaving the family (not sure if anyone else was involved) and so he knows how deeply I feel for him. After a few weeks of little contact, he phoned yesterday to make peace, but in amongst the conversation he told me that he had heard I had been seeing somebody else. It was untrue so I declared my innocence and told him that I could not possibly move on until I had got him out of my head. I didn't occur to me until much later that day that this was just what he was hoping to hear! Did he still have the power over my emotions. Could he gain my friendship?
The catalyst for this behaviour I am sure was the posting of two group family photos on FB by my daughter that had him missing, which has really upset him and made him think about the Christmas period without his family. Then again I may be overthinking things.
hi merry berry we seem to be good at over thinking things im always trying to work out why and how and coming up with nothing ( know what i mean). I really dont know if he wants to know if i have feelings for him he knows that i have always taken him back and stuck by him through his worst moments! So he probarbly knows i still love him but what he doesnt know is that i am not in love with him, i think thats where its all gone wrong.
Sorry to hear you are going through a similar thing,i think they are very clever in being nice to us for us to open up to them, i never know how my ex is going to be with me one minute hes asking for me to help him out (find car insurance) the next hes all quiet and cant be bothered to talk, so i just keep conversation to the kids now if i can help i will as long as it doesnt put any of my family out. Hope you are ok and nice meeting you on this fab web site. love to chat again x
I really think that we need to be on our guard as the "being nice so we tell them things" is a common theme. If they have chosen to leave the family (or to have another partner) then they cannot expect you to just be there twiddling your thumbs. Perhaps if you are asked if you are seeing someone, the answer could be "That is my business". As for the Christmas business, well that is another of the consequences. he has managed to have the holidays and the day trips!!
Keeping the conversation to matters about the children does seem to be a good idea
What is it that makes us think of our ex's all the time, i was doing so well then all of a sudden i cant stop thinking about him, what hes doing has he got anyone, when did he fall out of love with me, am i that bad a person that im impossible to live with, grrrrrr i just want to forget about him but keep on asking question what? why? if and buts.
I stuck by him through all his troubles, even overcame my shame of his troubles because i love him so much, im even confused as to how i feel whether im just longing for company or i do still love him i just dont know!!!! All i do know is that i feel really down in the mouth at the moment, so sorry for the rant x
Hi tryinghard
It takes two to make a relationship work (or not) so please try not to torture yourself with these thoughts; after all, the answer may be that he realised he was not content (not your fault) or his needs were changing (not your fault). Sometimes when someone has had a lot of issues, once they come through that bad stage they reject the people that saw them at their worst.
Obviously it is hard for you to work out exactly what you are feeling. Have I suggeseted one of my favourite books to you yet? (here)
hi Anna yes the kids did enjoy their time with their dad thanks for asking, when he drops them off they are always glad to see me which is something that melts me and you know why you struggle and keep plodding on when you have the love your children give you its nothing you can compare with,all the money in the world wont give you that feeling! Hope everyone is ok?