That sounds positive, trying hard 
Wow the Christmas question sounds difficult.....don't know what to suggest, but don't spoil your OWN day by trying to please everyone else 
Thanks Louise it is hard trying to please everyone, my mum knows im only doing it for the little ones to have their presents, lets hope he doesnt expect to stay for dinner as he has no family and no friends so its going to be a very lonely xmas for him, (not that i care as he as brought it on himself)
Well yes that is his problem. Maybe your mum could agree to tolerate him there for a short time, as it is Christmas 
He he im being really wicked by thinking "tuff", My ex has had the kids this morning, my daughter has been quite naughty this week (another phase we all have to go through) but he just came back for her to change her jeans as she spilt pop over them, so while she was changing i spoke to him about xmas presents for the kids and he looked really fed up, when i asked what was wrong he just sighed and i said has she been playing up? he looked so stressed and said "just a bit, but im not keeping them out much longer we will be back in 3/4 of an hour". Well what can i say the truth just keeps unfolding, he cant handle being with the kids and that was one of the reasons he left, i can see it now when the kids use to be difficult he use to either put headphones on or go to sleep!!!!!
Ive had comments like theres no time for us, hes just all "me,me,me"
Cant believe it i can see things differently that book has really helped me to understand a lot so THANKYOU LOUISE xxxxx
Hi trying hard. Have been (at last) catching up with some posts. I would also be thinking 'tough' too. Wouldn't it be great if we could all put headphones on or sleep when the kids play up, sheer bliss I imagine lol. So, are the children back now? You can't please everyone over Christmas, and I think you're great letting him come round, but then again, you're doing it for the little ones. Do you know what you'll do if he mentions staying for dinner? Your eldest and your son, understandably, are probably concerned for you, but I'm sure your son will understand it's for his brother and sister's sake. Perhaps if the ex isn't staying too long, your eldest could go for a walk or something, or hang out peeling the potatoes in the kitchen, lol. You're doing so well.
Peeling potatoes, he wouldnt know where to start!!! I have spoke to my eldest and my mum they were ok in the end as long as they dont see him, I dont think he would ask out right to stay just drop massive hints that would pull on the heart strings, withit being christmas and him having no one ( but then again he has met people in his new job so who knows).
Not happy with him today my daughter came home and said he was grumpy and i noticed he was a bit snappy with her when they came back, there is no need for him to be like this especially as he only sees them once a week. He didnt even ask how parents evening went i just dont think he cares which is really sad!!!!!!
Awww trying hard, that is sad. You're right he only sees them for a few hours once a week, and it's a shame if he's been grumpy with your daughter. As for open evening, did you tell him how it went, or not bother? Personally I wouldn't have bothered, especially if he showed no interest, but then again, maybe I would have, to try and make him feel bad for simply not asking!!! Don't let it get you down though, it's not worth it.
I did tell him about parents evening just to try and make him feel guilty for not asking about his childrens progress but im just wasting my time i think as ive said time and time again hes just interested in himself. When he split up from his wife 10 yrs ago he fought really hard to be there for their children phoning them all the time seeing them every weekend even though they lived 30 miles away, and i thought what a devoted dad, how wrong was i.
At the end of the day though i know its hard work being a single parent but i know my children love me and thats what keeps us strong, at first i thought i couldnt live without his love but i really dont need it, i do miss him alot but i know after our chat last week that i couldnt be the same with him anymore i couldnt trust him to be there for me and the children and i dont want to go through all this hurt again. He does realise that he over reacted when he walked out but he cant just expect me to put up with his moods and walk in and out when it suits him. At least the children and me can depend on each other!!!!
Hi trying hard, Glad the book has helped you, I often recommend books but my favourite two are the teenage one and the relationship one I suggested to you.
As for Christmas dinner, one possible response could be we can't afford to feed anyone else, we are stretched as it is.
Funny isn't it, your ex sounds like what I always say....a parent who thinks they are being denied their "rights" will always demand them (his first family) whereas now you are saying Ok have them for the afternoon and he can't cope!
I had to smile when you posted about the headphones. YES! I had exactly the same problem. My boys' dad used to put enormous headphones on and just sit there with his back to the room whilst the boys ran riot, even if I was out....luckily they never came to any harm and the worst thing that happened was that the youngest (then aged 16 months) shinned up to the high windowsill and when I returned, there he was, plastered in chocolate, having eaten all the contents of eldest's Advent Calendar!
Yes as hazeleyes said wouldnt life be bliss if we could all wear headphones when they play up!!! Its strange how they dont see any wrong in turning away from their responsibilities, even though im the one laying down all the rules and correcting them when they are wrong i feel they have more espect for me than they do for their dad who tends to turn a blind eye to their tantrums.
Do your children have contact with their dad Louise?
Well, trying hard my boys are now 22 and 17. They do see him but the youngest one very rarely. This is entirely their choice. However when they were younger he saw them quite a lot. I used to have to "encourage" them rather a lot as they hit the teens.
As for the laying down the rules thing, one trusim is that children like boundaries,they make them feel safe. One image that we use on the parenting course I facilitate is of a little sheep: in one picture he is hemmed in so tightly by a fence that he can hardly move (like very very strict parenting), in another he has no fence at all and can get into all sorts of trouble (like very liberal parenting) and in the third he has a visible fence, with plenty of room to move but which he knows will keep him safe!
Thats very interesting Louise and spot on, its no good being too strict and then again you cant let them do as they wish either like that one.
I think my little girl is going to have to be encouraged to see her dad when she gets older, she was not impressed with him this weekend, she had hurt her wrist on the car door and he just said to stop winging and sit in her seat, he didnt even ask her was she ok. This didnt amuse her one bit she said "mum even if you are grumpy you still care about me" bless her, i know she can be a handful but she is very sensitive.m even starting to wonder if he has started drinking again as he use to very snappy with the kids the day after a good drink, so will have to keep an eye on that!!! I know he would never take them out if he was still drunk as hes only just got his driving licience back after being without it for 7 yrs.
I'm glad you know how you want things to be at Christmas. The Git came to us for two Christmas' - my expense, of course, and me who cooked AND washed up! When he moved close by I told him that he could have the children over at his for Christmas dinner. He did, to be fair, and I watched Christmas Top of the Pops! They only went for a couple of hours.
My lot are a lot older, I know. No idea what plans he and The Gittess have as yet.
Hope you're ok.
Hi all, I am just popping in to say hi! 
I have noticed that I haven't joined in this thread for ages, nothing deliberate, just doing more stuff behind the scenes!
I hope everyone is well and looking after themselves through the trials and tribulations of exes!!
Hi Sparkling, yes we are ok thankyou for asking, I have to be certain about christmas as im week when it comes to my ex, i know that if hes on his own im going to feel guilty as no one should be on their own for christmas, but at the end of the day i cant make my sons and my mums xmas miserable and they mean more to me, and its not the first time he has upset us. My son is 14 now and can remember things that i tend to have forgotten so my ex is so not in his good books and never will i think.
Sparkling how did you feel when your ex was there for christmas, did you want to be with him again or had all them feelings gone?
Hi Anna hope you are ok?
Hi all, Just saying 'hello' too, as haven't been here for a few days...
I must admit I wouldn't want my H coming here well it's till early days...I think he wanted to see my daughter but she said she is spending Christmas with me, as I think I've said...my sister in Law, neice and maybe one or two nephews are coming...my friend, then other friend and her daughter, so we will be busy at least and should be able to have some fun...( she has some time off school, so will then probably go and stay with her Grandmother a bit, then he will get to see her then at his Mother's house...
I think I have said before that I always used to have my boys Christmas morning and then they would go to their dad's for the rest of the day, there again I am someone who is Ok on their own. The first Christmas after I separated I got loads of invites (sort of sympathy invites, it felt horrid) and the only one I accepted was from a nice lady I used to clean for, and I joined them for an afternoon walk with their dog
Trying hard, the thing about the little sheep in the pen, you can actually use that with children themselves once they are eight or nine as it is a good way to explain why we have rules.
Yes Mich cant agree with you more, this place has been a haven for me to just come to and be part of some adult chat as it can be very lonely, it has even given me some of my self respect back i feel like i can go and join other mums in the school yard and chat now where as before id stand there on my own waiting for someone to talk to me.