Hi AVELLANA4 and WELCOME to One Space!
I am glad you have found us! How are you enjoying single parenthood? Are you glad to be doing it alone or do you wish your ex was more supportive? Do your children see him at all? Do you have family close by and a support network of friends?
Dear doit
My heart goes out to you and your boys, please give yourself a huge pat on the back for doing all that you are doing, raising 4 boys on your own is a huge challenge in itself, let alone after such a devastating experience.
We won't judge you on here, I can assure you of that, all we will want to do is to support you with raising your boys and looking after yourself.
I am sorry to read about the breakdown of the relationship with both your family and the boys extended family. This must be difficult to deal with, I hope that your frustration with them doesn't affect your day to day life?
I am wondering if you are involved with any agencies who are supporting you? Do you have a good relationship with your son's school, do you have friends close by who understand and support you?
There are so many questions! Please feel free to join in any topics and discuss anything you want. I look forward to talking with you more.
Hello AVALENNA4
Nice to have you with us, look forward to you joining in with all the topics there is lots of support here!
take care :D
Hi doit
Welcome to you, you certainly have your hands full with the boys. What a shame that the two families have not supported you. Even if there was animosity when you first got together, for the sake of the boys it would be good to have an extended family now;. So...you will have to build a new network of friends and support. We can do that online here and hope that you will find some local support for you all as well, Anna has already asked you about this so I will just send my best wishes for now :)
Hi I'm Sarah, I'm 24, I have a son who is 15months. I left an unhealthy relationship which I was in for just under a year, I had a miscarriage 5months into the relationship, it went down hill from then. I finally left the relationship and then a month later found out I was pregnant. I was happy really coz it hurt losing a baby not long beforebut my ex and I couldnt be together, it wouldnt work, but then he decided to move into the same block of flats as we lived in with another woman who wrote bitch on my door when I woz 7months pregnant. Then when she was out my ex would come down and knock on my door to see if i woz ok, but i never let him in. It was horrible, the police finally supported a move away for the area before the baby was born because of the effect it was having on me. I got a house about 3 months after he was born, I've done it all alone until this point and his father has never seen him.
My baby is amazing, if I didnt have him I would be devestated. I dont trust men and I find being a single mam really hard sometimes. I get frustrated and tired. Its nice to know there is a site like this for support.
Hi Sarah44, welcome to One Space, glad you found us!
It is good to hear that you are free from an unhealthy relationship and from my own experience it is probably better for you and your son that his father is not in his life at the moment.
It is tough raising our children alone, but it can be sooo rewarding too, it is early days still for you, there is a whole new life to discover, there will be hard times, but hopefully we will help see you through them.
Have a look at this, to remind you that this life is better: http://groups.onespace.org.uk/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=23
Have you heard of the Freedom Programme? I am wondering if there is one in your area, it might be a really good place to start rebuilding your new life. Have a look in our Info Library and see if you can recognise any of the traits! Contact details are on the bottom of the article: http://www.onespace.org.uk/articles/abuse-and-violence/the-freedom-programme
Hi Sarah
Welcome. You have come such a long way already, coping with the pregnancy alone, the move and raising the baby. That alone says a lot about you. It is hard being a single parent, but we get so many rewards at the end of the day, it is well worth the struggle, (though some days it doesn't feel like it).
Take care, and I look forward to chatting.
Alison
x :)
Hello Sarah44
Great to see you! I am sorry to hear you have had such a tough time, I know it can be very tiring sometimes and each day can be a struggle. First of all, though, there are some wonderful things about being a parent that can help you through the difficult days and secondly HEY you have found this group, it is very friendly here and you will be able to get lots of online support.
Do you have a helpful Health Visitor? maybe she can point you in the direction of local toddler groups to meet other mums too?
Hi there, my name is Donna and I am a single mum to my 3 amazing kids. My eldest daughter is 13 in two weeks, my son is nearly 10 and my little one has just turned a year old. My eldest two see their dad nearly every day as he is the greatest dad (pants hubby though lol). The youngest one sees her dad every 3 or 4 weeks as he lives quite a distance (thank god for that!!).
The last couple of years have been really rough but finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Only thing I want to sort now is a part time job for me as I obviously have lots of spare time lol. I have always worked and although I love my children dearly I feel I need to work a little bit both for financial and mental health reasons. My little one could also do with time away from mummy with someone who can play and do things differently. She is a little clingon at present. Understable though as I am with her 24/7.
I joined this group as really could do with people to chat to, going a bit insane at home and there's only so many ducks to feed and dollies to play with.
Hopefully will chat soon xx
:P
Hi mummynun3
Welcome to One Space
I am single with a 7 year old boy. Its lovely to hear that your two older kids get to see their dad nearly every day, also good that the youngest sees her dad.
Got to get some lunch now, but am sure to catch you at some point here.
Have a good day, don't forget the bread for the ducks, lol
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi there, my name is Donna and I am a single mum to my 3 amazing kids. My eldest daughter is 13 in two weeks, my son is nearly 10 and my little one has just turned a year old. My eldest two see their dad nearly every day as he is the greatest dad (pants hubby though lol). The youngest one sees her dad every 3 or 4 weeks as he lives quite a distance (thank god for that!!).
The last couple of years have been really rough but finally starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Only thing I want to sort now is a part time job for me as I obviously have lots of spare time lol. I have always worked and although I love my children dearly I feel I need to work a little bit both for financial and mental health reasons. My little one could also do with time away from mummy with someone who can play and do things differently. She is a little clingon at present. Understable though as I am with her 24/7.
I joined this group as really could do with people to chat to, going a bit insane at home and there's only so many ducks to feed and dollies to play with.
Hopefully will chat soon xx
:P
Hi mummynun3
Welcome to One Space, good that you have found us :)
Good luck with finding some suitable work, sounds as if you are really wanting to spread your wings outside the home environment. I am glad that your ex partner is such a good dad to your oldest two (I have always said that being a good parent and being a good partner are two completely different things!)
Hope you will join in wherever and whever you fancy, there are lots of differernt things to contribute to and to share here.
Welcome mummynun3
Glad you have found us. I look forward to talking with you more on other topics, three children must feel like a handful sometimes, so no wonder you have had a rough few years, but hooray that life looks like it is on the up!
What kind of work do you want to get into?
Thank you for the warm welcome!
Not really fussed what sort of work although I have mostly done admin up until my youngest was born. Not that picky but need something that I can realistically do whilst caring for my 3. Being mum has always been and always will be number one priority.
Hi from me too.
Really looking forward to chatting. :)
thank you alison :) its good to know that theres still nice people out there lol.
As for my so called family i never wont to see them again not after what they put us thru
denver was born the day after my 16 birthday ashleys and me new what they would say so we whighted and told them that night ( i new i would get half of my inheritance when i turned 16 and that we would need it )ashleys family worked for my family . (my family was snobs ) when we told them they went balistic and that we were scum that we had shamed them and they thru us out and sad that they niver wonted to see us or that thing ever .
we sent pic,s of the boys every year but they sent them back not even open and when ash died i went back to tell them and they said that we were dead to them anyway and that we should of died as well.they even had me removed from the family portrait but what hurt the most was that not one came to her funeral
i dont send them anything and i never wont to see them again
we dont need them i have my own family and the best firends they have helped me so much but i dont like relaying on them all the time they have there own lives to live
it 4 years on the 5 of november we miss her so much ( this will sound stupid but me and ash would sing (stumblin in) by chris norman and suzi quitro to each other o miss it ) im takeing the boys on holidays jack is 4 so i wont it to be happy day for them
thank you its good to talk to someone hope your keeping well
doit :)
Hi doit
Welcome to One Space. I am so sorry for the loss of your partner. No one here is going to judge you, so please don't worry about that.
I take my hat off to you raising 4 boys at such a young age as yourself, and without any support whatsoever from the families.
You already sound like a great dad. I am single parent to my son 7. I have always tried to be a mum and dad to him. I have explained to my son that I have to be both hard and soft with him, because i have to be 'mum and dad'. I don't do anything different with him I don't think because the other parent isn't around. I think I would say just keep doing what you're doing, it sounds like you're doing ok.
Are you getting any support from any groups?
Its still very early days for you and the boys. I know you must be very bitter toward the families, but is there no way of building bridges there? Do you have anyone that helps you out, so maybe you can get a break from time to time, just for a couple of hours?
Keep posting on here, you will find lots of support. Like you say, you are proud of your boys, of course you are, and you should also be very proud of yourself.
Take care
Alison
x :)
thank you sparklinglime i hope they get beter soon
hope to hear from you soon
doit
It's good to see you here. I have three boys and a girl (who's harder work than the boys!!) They're quite grown up now though, and my eldest will be 18 next month. My youngest is 10 - and home ill today.
I'm so sorry that you've lost your partner. It must be so hard coping with your grief and the grief of your boys.
Looking forward to getting to know. :)
thank you anna
i have tons of help from friends and the boys are in an after schools club well all but jack hes 4 on the 5 so he not at school till next year but hes in preschool 3 hours 5 days a week ( gives me time to tidy up lol :lol: )
i never think of my family any more i have more importand things to do .
thank you again anna
Dear doitMy heart goes out to you and your boys, please give yourself a huge pat on the back for doing all that you are doing, raising 4 boys on your own is a huge challenge in itself, let alone after such a devastating experience.
We won't judge you on here, I can assure you of that, all we will want to do is to support you with raising your boys and looking after yourself.
I am sorry to read about the breakdown of the relationship with both your family and the boys extended family. This must be difficult to deal with, I hope that your frustration with them doesn't affect your day to day life?
I am wondering if you are involved with any agencies who are supporting you? Do you have a good relationship with your son's school, do you have friends close by who understand and support you?
There are so many questions! Please feel free to join in any topics and discuss anything you want. I look forward to talking with you more.
Hello again doit
Good to know more about you. I always think the first couple of post are the hardest, and hopefully now you will get chatting with everyone else. Have a look around the site to see what catches your attention.
What are you up to today?
Hi Sarah44,
as everyone else has said you have already come along way, which is great. And wonderful that you have found a network on here, I do think it helps alot! Hopefully you will now go & do the same in the outside world too. You will get there & things will improve in your life I'm sure. I always think that anyone who actively seeks out help of any kind (e.g coming on here)are the sort of person that is capable of personal growth, so just keep going!
Pansy
Hi Doit,
I am so glad you found onespace! You have done amazingly, what a hard start to your life. As I just said to Sarah44 I do think that everyone that actively seeks out help, like coming on here etc, are capable of much peronal growth in their lives & I am sure you will doit :lol: (I didn't realise what I was witing then until I''d written it!)
I am so sorry to hear about your family's turning their backs on you like that. It always amazes me to hear this sort of thing. I do know others that have had experience of not being in contact with their family for one reason or the other & I have to say they are better off for it, they have accepted it & built their own network of trusted, compasionate, caring friends. You will do the same I am sure you will, but it may mean some effort on your part if you don't get to go out much. I think the trick is finding like minded people to yourself.
I have a fantastic network of friends now in my life & all have come from me home educating or are people I met who have children with Aspergers (which two of mine have) I suppose because I met so many people going through similar things, they have a good understanding of me & we share alot of the same view points.
I hope this happens for you too. Keep going. I am sure that your partner is watching over you & very proud of you, her spirit will alaways be there to give you the strength & will to go on.
Take good care of you :) & keep posting to let us know how you are.
Pansy
Hi doit
Nice to see you back again, it is good to hear that you have some good friends around you. I think we all feel that we rely on our friends too much, but I think in your situation you need all the support you can get and I am sure your friends can see that too and are willing to help.
I imagine the 5th will be a difficult day a mixture of sadness at your loss and joy at your littlest boy growing! Where are you planning to go on holiday?
Hi Doit
How are you? Anniversaries are always hard, and it must be especially so for your boys. The families are losing out on so much, but you are doing a fabulous job with the children, and one day, they will probably regret their actions. As long as the children know they have you, then that is all that matters. I'm sure they are as proud of you, as you are of them. Your network of friends sound great, they wouldn't offer help if they minded. Of course they have their own lives, but you and the children are obviously part of it :)
Have yourselves a lovely holiday, where are you going? Can you fit one adult and one child in the case? Uhmmmmmmmm, that is if it's a hot country!!!! Have lots of fun.
Take care
Alison
x :)
hello anna :)
we are going on a cruise to the med for two weeks on the first :) ( the boys watch the suite life on deck and we,ve never been on one before so it a big surprise :o ) theres kids clubs so i can have a holiday as well :D :D it will take my mind off things. i just hope its warm .
jack is growing up so fast he is so like his mom some times i just pick him up and give him a big hug :) dylan is the spit of me hes 6 and is the one that would rush out of school give me big hug and tell me what he did in school that day the other two chris is 5 he would be shy but hes starting to make friends and of course denver is 8 he has way to many friends hes at a party nearly every week but it better to have to many than none .
thank you talk to you soon . doit :)
Hi doit
Nice to see you back again, it is good to hear that you have some good friends around you. I think we all feel that we rely on our friends too much, but I think in your situation you need all the support you can get and I am sure your friends can see that too and are willing to help.
I imagine the 5th will be a difficult day a mixture of sadness at your loss and joy at your littlest boy growing! Where are you planning to go on holiday?
hi alison
we are going ao a cruise in the med for two weeks on the first i cant weight the boys dont know that its a cruise . (they watch the suite life on deck and said they would love to go on one )
dont think there,d be room :lol: and it better be hot :lol:
thank you hope to hear from you soon doit
Hi Doit
How are you? Anniversaries are always hard, and it must be especially so for your boys. The families are losing out on so much, but you are doing a fabulous job with the children, and one day, they will probably regret their actions. As long as the children know they have you, then that is all that matters. I'm sure they are as proud of you, as you are of them. Your network of friends sound great, they wouldn't offer help if they minded. Of course they have their own lives, but you and the children are obviously part of it :)
Have yourselves a lovely holiday, where are you going? Can you fit one adult and one child in the case? Uhmmmmmmmm, that is if it's a hot country!!!! Have lots of fun.
Take care
Alison
x :)
thank you pansy
talk to you soon doit
Hi Doit,
I am so glad you found onespace! You have done amazingly, what a hard start to your life. As I just said to Sarah44 I do think that everyone that actively seeks out help, like coming on here etc, are capable of much peronal growth in their lives & I am sure you will doit :lol: (I didn't realise what I was witing then until I''d written it!)
I am so sorry to hear about your family's turning their backs on you like that. It always amazes me to hear this sort of thing. I do know others that have had experience of not being in contact with their family for one reason or the other & I have to say they are better off for it, they have accepted it & built their own network of trusted, compasionate, caring friends. You will do the same I am sure you will, but it may mean some effort on your part if you don't get to go out much. I think the trick is finding like minded people to yourself.
I have a fantastic network of friends now in my life & all have come from me home educating or are people I met who have children with Aspergers (which two of mine have) I suppose because I met so many people going through similar things, they have a good understanding of me & we share alot of the same view points.
I hope this happens for you too. Keep going. I am sure that your partner is watching over you & very proud of you, her spirit will alaways be there to give you the strength & will to go on.
Take good care of you :) & keep posting to let us know how you are.
Pansy
hi louise
tell me about it i didend know what to say so i just said what hapened
hopfuly it will get easyer to open up
the useual tidying up geting the boys ready for bed
you
haear from you soon doit
Hello again doit
Good to know more about you. I always think the first couple of post are the hardest, and hopefully now you will get chatting with everyone else. Have a look around the site to see what catches your attention.
What are you up to today?
Wow the cruise sounds a wonderful treat for you all and the kids clubs will be a boon, heh heh. I have never been on a cruise, we are relying on you for a full report.
Hope you have a good weekend. It's great that you are posting! we have lots of members who read the boards but perhaps haven't quite got round to posting yet so hopefully you will encourage others to say hello, too :)
Hi doit
The cruise sounds wonderful, although I'm glad you can't fit me in the case now. I'm not keen on water!!! The boys will be thrilled, bless em. Will chat some more before you go hopefully.
Have you anything planned for the weekend? Whatever you're doing, have a good one.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Doit, it will be so lovely for you all to have this time together.
Hi I'm Rebecca,I have one son aged 2 3/4 who resides wth me full time and have been single for just over 3 years
Hi rebecca
Welcome to One Space. I am single with a 7 year old. Can be very hard work but also very rewarding. How are you finding being a single mum? Look forward to getting to know you.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi my name is Abigail
I left my ex husband of 10yrs, in April this year of this year. I am relieved having my own independence as he was such a drain on me, I have three children with him.
I pleased to find some support in single parenting as I never anticipated finding myself in this position.
Hi Abigail
Welcome to One Space. I have a 7 year old and have been single from day 1.
I look forward to chatting with you.
Hope you have a lovely Sunday
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi from me too :)
Hi RebeccaMay
Welcome to One Space. I expect your days are pretty full with looking after your little boy, life may get easier as he has some time at nursery. Hope that you will join in with all the chat and support, have a look round the site and see what you think
best wishes
Hello Katrina123
Hope you are well. I am glad that you have found us and that you are feeling stronger for being a single parent. How old are your children? Look forward to chatting more to you
hi my name is gemma, i'm 22, i have not children but i found out i am pregnant and thought i would get myself on here and get prepared for whats to come as a single parent.x
Hi gemma
Congratulations. I guess you are going through lots of emotions right now. How many months are you? Do you have lots of support? Uhmmmm, where to start to prepare you? I love being a single mum. I was very lucky, as my son was a good un. It hasn't all been plain sailing of course. You go through different stages obviously, and somehow you cope. Yes, it is tiring, but gemma, it is so rewarding watching each and every little milestone. Their first smile, tooth, crawl etc. I couldn't wait for my son to talk, then when he did, blimey, I wished for peace!!!! (still do). He is great company though, and I wouldn't be without him for the world.
Look forward to reading your posts.
Take care
Alison
x :)
hi thankyou for for replying, i'm only one month , but i look about 3 ha, i'm lucky to have good family and friends to support me, i'm excited and scared and all sorts of feelings at once. aww he sounds such a cutie, was you scared at first, the ex doesn't want to be involved and wanted an abortion, but it never even ran through my mind and couldn't accept why i would want a baby, but i guess they just don't have the same feelings as women, have you got anymore children ? x
Hello gemmabridge87
Welcome to One Space! You certainly sound as if you're getting yourself prepared for what is to come. The main thing now is to look after yourself and to enjoy the help and support that surrounds you. That is a shame that the father does not want to be involved but you will be fine, we are all here to give you support and information. Do join in wherever you fancy, look forward to getting to know you
best wishes
thank you its nice to know there is other people in the sam situation it helps alot, my family says im more then welcome to stay at home but i feel i would like my own place just for me and baby, i could sleep fo england at the min , how hard is it financially, i work so im going to save as much money up as possible, but its just the living on my own part i want to give my child the best financial security i can but i know it probably will be challenging being a single parent x
Hi gemma
I only have the one! It is very challenging, you're right there. When the father told me he didn't want to be involved, to be honest, I wasn't fazed at all. I knew it would be a struggle financially and emotionally, but I was just sooooooo excited. I find single motherhood draining sometimes, especially as I'm with him 24/7 apart from when he is at school of course. Financially it is hard, I am on benefits, but I chose to stay at home with him, rather than childcare. I think as a single parent, you quickly learn to go without, to provide for the child. I wasn't one to be going out all the time at weekends or anything, so I didn't miss that.
You sound as if you're going to a brill mum, and I'm really pleased you've got so much support, (plenty of babysitters).
Take it easy, the fun bit is just beginning! Do you have morning sickness? I was lucky, didn't have any of that at the beginning, it was later on in the pregnancy that I felt a bit sicky in the evenings. It was the running to the loo as the bump really grew that drove me mad :lol: :lol: The whole pregnancy was a wonderful experience for me, though I don't think I ever looked 'blooming' as they say :lol:
Have a good day
Alison
x :)
Hallo all and Welcome to One Space!
RebeccaMay, I think being a single parent from the beginning can often be easier for us and our children as we have no pre conceived ideas. Are you enjoying life?
Katrina123
Well done you for making that bold step of leaving an unhappy relationship, although it must have been very hard, hopefully the children will learn from you that we are the creators of our destiny and we have to take life into our own hands! Are the children enjoying the new independent you? Does your ex have regular contact with the children?
Hi gemmabridge87, congratulations on your pregnancy, it sounds as if it was a lovely surprise, it is a shame that your partner was not as thrilled as you, but as I said to RebeccaMay, often it is easier to start out on your own, have a read of a young mums experience from our Info Library here:
http://www.onespace.org.uk/articles/parenting-alone/young-mums-experience
Look forward to talking with you all :D
Hi doit
Your boys sound great! I have never been on a cruise either, so I agree with Louise, full report needed! I hope you don't have to do too much shopping for new things for your holiday?
I bet the boys will be soo excited, where do you leave from? England or do you fly somewhere first?
hello
yea denver and jack needed new stuff (there growing so fast) then dylan wont,ed new so i just got them all new (least the shops are haveing a sale on summer wear i even got some :lol:
we fly from belfast city to london gatwick and the boat leaves from southampoton
yes i will give you,s a full report
Hi doitYour boys sound great! I have never been on a cruise either, so I agree with Louise, full report needed! I hope you don't have to do too much shopping for new things for your holiday?
I bet the boys will be soo excited, where do you leave from? England or do you fly somewhere first?
hi gemma
congrats :D :D its good your getting ready but when the time comes you,l know what to do but it dosent hurt to be propared
hope you make friends hear every one is so nice.
hope to hear from you soon
doit :)
hi my name is gemma, i'm 22, i have not children but i found out i am pregnant and thought i would get myself on here and get prepared for whats to come as a single parent.x
Hello doit
Glad you got all the stuff sorted for the hols. In theory you can hand down clothes from one boy to another but I always found with my two that stuff was worn out before it could be handed down (usually at the knees!)
The boys will be really exctited to go on a plane as well as a big ship! :D
hi everyone ...i'm back its nice to have lots of support and advice from you all , i have my first appointment with the midwife next week which i'm looking forward to :) , no morning sickeness yet fingers crossed. i was just wondering i'm a little confused as what to do first i really want to do my driving lessons so it will be easier to tgo places with baby, but i also want to find somewhere to live so i can get it ready for when junior comes along but also need to save money up , do you think the best idea would be to stay at home for a while save up and do driving lessons, or find somewhere and get that ready first ..thanks for your help xx
Ooh heck gemmabridge, lots of questions with no easy answers. I suppose it comes down to priorities. Will it be essential for you to live independently after the baby is born? If so, then that's what you could concentrate on. You could still live with family as long as possible beforehand in order to save money for things for your new home. What does everyone else think?
Good luck with your appointment with the midwife. Just a little tip: although the doctors are wonderful and medically qualified and all that, it is often the midwife who can give you the best advice.
Take care :D
Hi doit
It's good to see you here. I have three boys and a girl (who's harder work than the boys!!) They're quite grown up now though, and my eldest will be 18 next month. My youngest is 10 - and home ill today.
I'm so sorry that you've lost your partner. It must be so hard coping with your grief and the grief of your boys.
Looking forward to getting to know. :)