Hello candle aka Colin, you are welcome, I have posted you a message on the "Hi everyone I'm new" thread, so please do join in the chats :)
Thank you all for your replies they really have helped me. I am looking forward to counselling on tuesady as last time i was terrified hence me telling the counsellior how fine I was! This time I have kept a note of all the things i am bnothered by and the issues I need help with so feel like I at least have a starting point rather than juist sitting and bluring everything out.
Do you know, julesgee, the first time I ever saw a counsellor, I was exactly the same, I spent six sessions telling him how well I was coping :oops: In retrospect I was cross that he didn't "see through" me but actually now I realise it was my responsibility to really be honest with him and I am really glad that you have come to this decision.
Good Luck!
Thank you Anna - diolch!
Hi again everyone, i have been away last week training and seemed to have missed so much!
julesgee, well done you for taking the bull by the horns and calling up for support, I hope you find the counsellor useful. Thanks for sharing your experiences Ifyouseeher, I think it really helps us to share stuff, it means that we are not alone in awful times and others have got through it.
julesgee, when we have been through a horrendous experience (as Louise says) we try to normalise it, so that we can make sense of it and also because we have to keep on living. What you went through was a vicious attack. Please don't confuse this with the breakup of your relationship. It is quite separate, it might have pushed you to finish the relationship, but his behaviour is not an acceptable way of reacting.
Please join in on the Relationships and You online group where we can talk about this further.
Hi candle and welcome! 4 boys and raising them alone, I don't envy you!!! :lol: Do you enjoy it?? I bet you all have a great time?
mama i ddau, thanks for you message, I just googled diolch, so that I knew what you were saying! You are very welcome! :)
Hi, I am paulasgems. I have 3 children 15,13 & 9 all are challenging, 2 have Aspergers.
My husband left a week ago when I found out he was about to go on a trip to meet up with a woman he had met on the internet & been texting ever since. I am feeling so bad I dont know what to do with myself & wher to start! It is all such a shock, we were together constantly for 17 yrs!
Hello Paulasgems
Glad you have found us.
I am sorry to hear of what has been a devastating shock for you,. It is very early days and I guess you don't know how things will pan out but you need to think about a coping strategy to get you through the next few weeks. Firstly don't expect too much of yourself. The physical effects of such a shock are massive and it is a bit like a convalescence, slow and steady wins the race. Only do what you have to. Have a chat with your GP if you need some medical support at this time. Who have you got around you that can help? Family? Friends? Neighbours? ASK for help, people are only too willing, they just need to know what YOU need.
I would like to recommend a book to you. "Putting Children First" by Karen and Nick Woodall, available from play.com or Amazon. The first half of this book deals with the aftermath of a break up and is very helpful. Another thing I would like to say to you is that if you are feeling low in the night (often the hardest time) then do not hesitate to phone The Samaritans, whom I have always found to be incredibly supportive at difficult times in my life (08457 909090)
Turning to practical matters, you certainly have your hands full with your family and I am wondering what other support you may have with this, for example local support groups for families with children who have Asperger's, local facilities such as Barnardos which offer activities to you can have a break. If you tell me your nearest town then I will have a scout around and see what I can find.
Please keep posting and we can support you through this
best wishes
Louise
Hi paulasgems
What a huge wrench you are experiencing, welcome to a safe place where you can cry, moan, rant and laugh with others who have experienced similar situations and can empathise with you.
Things are going to feel pretty strange for a while, but time does heal and you will find that you have a huge amount of inner strength and very capable of carrying on a fulfilling life.
Are you able to stay in the house? How are the children? Have you seen him since? Sorry so many questions, just want to help you start unravelling it all.
Keep posting and let us know how you are and look after yourself, treat yourself and pamper yourself as much as you can, it might sound crazy, but look after yourself as you would a daughter.
Gingerbread have created a really good comprehensive factsheet on what you might need to do now you are a single parent, please find it here: http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/portal/pls/portal/!PORTAL.wwpob_page.show?_docname=366170.PDF
thanks Louise! yes I do have support from friends & some family. As re: the Aspergers, that too, plenty of other friends in the same boat with the Aspergers. yes it is about taking one day at a time I surpose & making plans for how to cope & make things easier on myself. I will get the book you mentioned thanks. And I'm sure I will feel better one day.
Paulasgems,
please keep posting, such a hard time for you. The shock is enormous.
The more you can say about your situation, the more help is available here.
I found a counsellor helpful. Your GP can help with this. If the wait is too long, private counsellors are available for a price.
If private, use an accredited counsellor, contact http://www.bacp.co.uk/ as each counsellor has a specialism and different style.
Big hug for you.
sy
(Lost my partner of 14 yrs and my children to her internet romance on World of Warcraft.)
thanks everyone, I am in the house with the children, luckily we dont have much to fight over as the house is housing association house in a lovely Dorset village. Basically he fled the house with nothing when I challenged him to give me his phone to look at, I'm sure you can guess the build up, no longer left phone laying around, always on long walks with Dog, up late watching films, any excuse to go & be on the phone.
Because of our difficult life with children we decided to give each other a break, he took kids away so I could have a break & said for his rest bite he would like to go to Scotland! ( turned out that was because he was planning to go & meet & stay with her) when challenged for the phone he tore up the sim card & threw phone at me, while I was locked in the toilet trying to get something out the phone he was getting together a small bag & fled the house! & off he went to her in Scotland, a woman he had not met but been texting & yes there were photos of her in his phone. I never thought he would ever do anything like this! He is a good Dad & actually a good person but he does suffer with depression & linked to depression he has a problem if he drinks, because it makes him more depressed obviously! I have not actually had an easy life with him because of his depression & he is a person whom is never happy with his lot! I will probably be better off without him I know that, but he isn't a bad person & I love him!
I have been texting him a bit to sort out money issues, I spent all day on the phone today doing benefit claims! Sounds like he is thinking of getting a place there in Scotland, so I cant imagine I am going to get much rest bite from kids! I just keep crying I cant stop, It has been 10 days since he walked out & I have shed buckets! The thought that he must have not loved me anymore & never told me, wondering what would have happened if he had gone to scotland & I not found out, would he of just not come back? & what had I done? to change his feelings for me. so many questions, but he is not here to answer, the least he could have done was come back & talk to me before he went.
thanks for listening
Sending loads of hugs and strength your way.
Hello again Paualsgems
Yes, so many unanswered questions....and the worst thing of all is that they may remain unanswered forever. Maybe a counsellor could help you come to terms with that eventually, as Sy says, although it is early days yet and if you have family and friends to support you then let them do so for now. Of course I do not know your partner but in years of supporting separated families and lone parents, I have to say that a high percentage of partners do try to reconcile their relationship after an episode like the one you describe........and so that is something else you need to have a think about, ie. whether you would want to do it and on what terms. Conversely, you have to move forward with your life as if this is permanent, as it may well be :(
There are a lot of practical things to sort out just now. Make sure that you're not so busy doing them that you don't give yourself time out and chance to just let it all out. It sounds as if you have been doing that, though, so that's good ;)
Keep posting, you will see by reading other threads that you can get that support day by day if that would help
Louise :)
thanks for your support everyone, I wil try & keep a balance & plod on & yes you are right Louise I should read some other threads, apart from anything else it makes you realise your not alone in your situation. Thanks all, I will keep you updated on how I'm doing.
Hi paulasgems
You know this might be a blessing in disguise.
The feeling of being deserted is horrible, knowing that he had other things on his mind while he was with you, the questioning of which things he said were lies and what was true. The despair of wondering what you could have done to change things. The trust that has been broken can have a devastating effect on us.
However from your post it sounds as if you were having quite a struggle with his drinking and depression. You now have the chance to straighten out your home life and make it as you wish. The rest bite breaks that you were getting from him were good, but you will find solutions to these. When we have total control over our home life with our children, then things do really get better and if he were to decide that he had made a HUGE mistake then I hope you will have moved on enough to consider whether it would be worth going back to the way things were.
http://www.cafamily.org.uk/inyourarea/index.html I was just looking at the Contact a Family website and they have parent support reps in your area, you could contact them and see if they can give you local support.
We are here for you, so share your how you feel here. :)
You know this might be a blessing in disguise.
.However from your post it sounds as if you were having quite a struggle with his drinking and depression. You now have the chance to straighten out your home life and make it as you wish.
Yes, I know this is true & keep thinking this, but I am thinking of what I would have done differntly to help him more, not that I didn't help him! I did, but it took it out of me & in the end I had to distance myself in order to be able to cope & stay strong for kids, but this is the outcome, he needed my attention more.
The rest bite breaks that you were getting from him were you will find solutions to these
.
I only got the one! but his Mum has them quite a bit when she can.
http://www.cafamily.org.uk/inyourarea/index.html I was just looking at the Contact a Family website and they have parent support reps in your area, you could contact them and see if they can give you local support
.
thanks for the link.
I am feeling so bad tonight! I started texting him!
I wanted to know why he didn't think enough of me to talk to me about it all. I told him I realise he does not want me & I know he is not coming back, but I cant move on. I told him the kids cant either & dont know if he is ever coming back to see them. To be fair he has sent a text saying tell then I love them & will see them soon & am sorry & he has said he is sorry the way it all happened & the pain he has caused to me too,& tonight he said he is in bits about it, but he has not even asked if I am coping or if the kids are ok & coping.THAT IS IT! it is not enough, not when one minute he is here & the next he has fled to Scotland & then only communication we are having is by text & I am sure it is only because I text him. I think he would leave it if I didn't text, I really do.
He is a coward that just wants to run away from everything he has done.He is actually making things worst for himself because I am in pain & I need to make sense of things, but if he is not going to help me do that I can see it will end up with me cutting him right out, yet again to protect myself & he will be left without a good relationship with kids! I can seee how it all happens to people now!
That is the hard thing. People will tell you it gets better, but what you're coping with today you can't always see beyond.
I've never had answers. I'm not sure now if they would have helped me get to this point quicker.
You're right. He is a coward, and running away is how he's decided works for him... Notice the 'works for him' part.
Thinking of you. I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. It is incredibly hard.
Oh Paulasgems,
please keep posting, so we know how you are.
You may not get all the answers you want to "why?".
I asked, and had to have an intermission, the list was so long! I was exhausted at the end of it and felt I had never known someone I had cared and supported for 14 years. Fortunately, I had a couple of people who were able to tell me "whaaat did she say!"
Try not to look too far ahead whilst you are in shock. A day at a time for a while.
big huuug for you
sy
Hello paulasgems
It seems you keep thinking you didnt give him enough attenttion etc......don't blame yourself, he is a grown man and if he was unsettled in his relationship then he could have talked to you about it, gone to counselling or done many other things , rather than run away. You are NOT responsible for him. It must be incredibly frustrating for you that he can just jump ship and has onl;y bothered to have contact by text and only that when you have texted first. I think one of the hardest things when a relationship splits up is feeling the sorrow and anger on behalf of your children ie. how CAN he just go away from these lovely little people who think the sun shines out of him?
Paula, you have to be strong now, for you and your kids. That's not to say don't mourn, it is to say that you are the one constant in their lives so give them lots of reassurance, try your best not to put him down in front of them (very difficult I know :shock: ) and look after yourself and them
Best wishes
thanks everyone!
I will not be texting him anymore I just had to have one last go at trying to get him to understand that I cant move on without these answers, but I think the anger/ sadness I feel at his actions are enough to move me on now. I know I have done what I can & now that I have seperated the money by sorting out my claim for benefit there is no need for me to contact him. I wont keep running after him, I just needed to let him know that what he is doing now is as bad, worst even than the deciet of this other woman. And I dont feel the need to put him down infront of the kids because he was a good Dad & this is what I keep telling them, although they want to know when he is coming to see them & I cant answer that, I just say I dont know Dad's not in a good place right now, maybe when he sorts himself out. Thanks all & my thoughts are with you too Sy, I,ve read some of your thread. I will have to read some others, it does help to know your not the only one!
Paulasgems,
you are doing so well.
You're able to give positive messages for your children, even though you are in such pain.
I really struggle with it.
Please be kind to yourself in these horrible early days.
big huuug for you
sy
I think the reason I am able to Sy is because I know he has always been a good Dad & that he loves them loads!
However having said that I am still not sure if he will come back to see them, although one of my daughters did text him tonight to say that she demands he tell her when he is coming to see them! & then she said that when he does she does not want to see him etc. she is very upset at the thought of him with another woman who has children & thinks that maybe this womans children will become more important than her, so she is very angry! but today was the first time she showed it, she had been quiet up until now, this is my 13 yr old daughter. My other daughter,15, is also angry. My son is not bothered, he is 9 & has Aspergers syndrom so it is all just facts to him, & not so emotional.
tomorrow I am going to pack up his things & remove his stuff from the wardrobe & drawers all except the top of his I have been sleeping with!!! oh how sad! I will try to put that away too, but I have to have something. I will bag it up & put it out of sight for when & if he comes to get it. I have not cried today, but then I havn't gone up to bed yet.
Paulasgems,
I can't believe how strong you are!
I am still not sure if he will come back to see them...
I think it will be a case of "when" he sees your children. He does love them.
He may not be accepted that readily by this woman's children though...
My son is 10 and aspergers, I thought he didn't feel too much, but I was wrong. He chooses not to talk about upset emotions he say. Fortunately, he's not too big for me to gather him up and give him a big cuddle on my lap. Anna or Louise might have suggestions for helping your daughters' natural anger. I'm glad they are able to talk to you about how they feel.
I found packing my ex partners things away quite therapeutic. I did dismantle the bed, as it had her scent and just reminded me of her gone.
Sleeping with the top is not so sad. You are a big hearted person who cares deeply and it will take time to let go. Especially as times have been tough and you have put so much into keeping going.
Hoping you have a peaceful sleep.
sy
Hello Paulasgems
There's nothing wrong with keeping his top to sleep with if it comforts you, and it may even act as a focal point for your tears ie save them till bedtime.
It's not surprising that your daughter is so angry, it is a normal reaction in a child her age. It is important that you acknowledge her feelings. I guess you will need to pick your words carefully to tread the line between showing that you understand and not putting her dad down. Something like " You are very angry with your dad. I am not surprised, you must feel very shocked about what has happened. It's Ok for you to be angry with dad about this. He will come and see you when he can but let me tell you something, no other children will ever be loved like you three. I don't know when he will come and see you but we will be Ok together, us four, and I will look after you like I always have done, give me a hug"
Your son may need his routine to be even more rigid for a while, to help him cope. As for your 15 year old, I do feel it is important to keep the lines of communication open. Often, young people of this age group can withdraw into themselves or, worse, pull away from the family and seek an alternative "family" amongst their peers. So keep her talking and think of some activities you can do together.
Oh, it's a hard job being a parent, isn't it? Big pat on the back for YOU
Hi paulasgems I am back from the weekend and read your posts, you have had a tough one, but it sounds as though you are coming to some conclusions.
he has not even asked if I am coping or if the kids are ok & coping
From your messages you have been his carer for many years, so it is unlikely that he will wonder how you are coping, he probably sees you as the stong independent woman that you are. :) You have spent many years trying to support him, as Louise says, he is a grown man and he should be looking after himself, you have 3 children to care for and YOU need support with that.
[url]I will not be texting him anymore I just had to have one last go at trying to get him to understand that I cant move on without these answers, but I think the anger/ sadness I feel at his actions are enough to move me on now.[/url]
That is great news, its hard, but you probably won't ever get the answers, you did more than enough trying to understand, support and help him, its time for you and your children need you now.
Your girls are probably feeling abandoned and they are at a very vulnerable age. Hopefully, in time, anger will come along, it is all part of the healing process and it is a good thing to feel angry that daddy deserted them and let their mum down. Louise's idea of spending as much family time together is a really good and important one, also, try and spend a bit of quality time with each of them.
One of the best things about being a single parent with daughters is that you can get really close, you don't have to hide all your emotions from them, in fact it may help them to see how this has affected you. You are not superwoman and they won't need to feel that they have to be either.
How are you feeling today?
thank you for your replys. I am feeling ok this morning & going to get on with getting this house in order as it has gone to pot a bit, I have been trying to get out with kids to see friends to keep them & me busy. He texted daughter back to say it ok that she angry with him & he loves her etc. so that was good, I'm glad he said that to her.
I agree, that is good, at least he can be thoughtful with them. I hope that quashed some of her fears/anger??
I'm glad he texted her.
Hope you're doing ok.
Yes that will make her feel better, I hope. One of the big things for children when their parents separate is to have their feelings validated, that's why I suggested you could say that you understood why she was angry and it was Ok for her to be angry. Sometimes children hide their feelings from us because they think we have enough to deal with, following the split, and because we are upset ourselves. It 's great that your daughter expresses herself!
yes I am a strong believer in talking about your feeling with the children & not hiding things from them. This is probably because there have been many times over the years that he was very depressed & out drinking somewhere & I had to bundle them in the car & go out looking for him. There came a time when I realised I had to be straight with them & tell it how it was! because then they could at least try to understand what was going on, & I can say that this has definatly helped them cope with what is happening now because in a way they are not shocked & they actually said that to me, the girls that is, my son is to young to understand, but I think he does a bit.
We had a nice day today the kids & me & when we got home we talked about how we all felt. We had been out & had a laugh together & we all noticed there was something very different! It was not at all stressful, they commented on it & so we talked about how he had an effect on every day life. It wasn't always like that, but maybe it was more than I thought.
I think he will come back & see them when he gets himself sorted, only trouble is if he thinks he can have a drink & be ok, then he wont get sorted, his tablets wont work, he will be more depressed etc etc. But I gave up being responsible for all that a long time ago & to be honest I think that is what lead to all this. He read that as I dont love him enough, I dont want to know, I dont understand, etc, & of course what better than a new model to start a fresh & get all that attentsion & fuss again. It makes sense doesn't it? that is why I said in an earlier post that I had not given enough support, or something to that effect I said,cant remember now, because I knew that I had withdrew from carrying him along time ago.
Paulasgems,
I think you are right to share with the children. I remember when my parents split and we never knew what had happened or why, my brother and I. I ended up thinking I was not good enough that dad would stay around and it must have been me. Children create their own reasons for things happening if there is no information.
Yes, I can empathise with how things are different without partner. When I have Luke on my own, we talk and he is relaxed. He is so helpful. When my partner was here, she shouted at him all the time and it was very stressful. Especially at bedtimes. I had to go downstairs it was awful at times.
Paulasgems, you are very perceptive, yes, a new model would give him a very intense amount of attention and fuss. I wonder where his need originates from? Did he have stormy childhood or abuse?
Also, you have set me wondering if I was carried too much in my relationship and it wore my partner out...
You are very emotionally intelligent Paulasgems. You have me thinking now.
big happy huuug for you
sy
Hello Paulasgems
You may have stopped "carrying him" but it sounds as if you knew that was the right thing to do? I am so glad that you had a lovely day with the kids and spending that time will be a wonderful investment in your relationship. As Anna says, try and spend a bit of time with each child indiviudally where you can. Hope you are getting some "you" time during the school day- do they break up on Friday?
Sy
it's always good to reflect on relationships and maybe what you have started to think about would be something to talk about with the counsellor?
hmmm,
what if the answer is that yes, I caused the separation and all the pain? I'm not sure if I'm ready for it.
sy
Oh Sy! whatever the reasons for our relationships splitting up the important thing is that we are trying to rebuild ourselves for the sake of ourself & our children. I am sure we will both realise many things along the way, more lessons in the game of life! It is interseting that you too find things more peacful with your son now she is not there. It always amazes me how the dynamics of people work!
Louise mentioned school days, ha!! we dont have them here as my middle daughter & son are home educated! My eldest goes to a centre because of her Asperger anxiety, she is doing well there & is growing into a perfectly normal girl, but still suffers from Anxiety, my younger daughter goes to school on the internet & my son I do what I can as he is totally school/work phobic! I am in the process of trying to get him a statment. Yes I have my hands full!!
Oh & yes Sy! he did have a tough childhood. His Mum walked out on his Dad & his brothers & him when he was about 12 & his Dad really nasty to her for it, would not let her see them I think. His Dad not at all nice to him always putting him down, going through his things, not let him do things, would not let him see his Mum. He left home at 16 cause of that.
Hi Paulasgems, my you DO have your hands full, hats off to you 8-)
We had a nice day today the kids & me & when we got home we talked about how we all felt. We had been out & had a laugh together & we all noticed there was something very different! It was not at all stressful, they commented on it & so we talked about how he had an effect on every day life. It wasn't always like that, but maybe it was more than I thought.
This made me so very happy! When you first started posting on One Space you were questioning yourself and feeling pretty miserable, but from this message I get the feeling that you all might get through this quicker than you initially thought. It will be hard, but it may also be a whole heap easier too! :)
My goodness Paulasgems,
what an extraordinary person you are!
You have and are coping with all these things! Home tuition, amazing.
We had a nice day today the kids & me & when we got home we talked about how we all felt. We had been out & had a laugh together & we all noticed there was something very different! It was not at all stressful, they commented on it & so we talked about how he had an effect on every day life. It wasn't always like that, but maybe it was more than I thought.
This is a great day, I feel it's the start of many great days for you and your children.
So happy for you.
Huuug
sy
hi there,im scott i have a boy an girl,10months an 21months :P
Hi Scott,
are you new to onespace? Your children are very young, are you looking after them or wife/partner?
Paula
Hi Scott,
nice to hear from you.
How are you doing?
sy
Hi Scott and welcome to One Space :D glad you have found us. As you will see if you read some of the threads we offer support to each other on various topics, including parenting, separation, work and general emotional support. Please do join in on everything.
So tell us a bit more about you. have you some family suport around you? Is the other parent involved at all? Your children are quite close together in age so I am sure you must have your hands full ;)
Look forward to getting to know you more
Louise
Hi Scott, welcome, great to have another male on board!
How is life treating you? Are you enjoying single parenthood? Look forward to getting to know you!
Hi everyone
I have a beautiful 7 month old little boy - I had a brief relationship last year, and 2 days after splitting up, i realised I was pregnant. At 37, it came as something of shock, particularly given I was so focused on my career. I wandered around in a daze but flipped into practical mode almost immediately, working out what I needed to do etc.
To say my friends and family were shocked was probably an understatement, but they were fabulous and kept me sane. I had a ceasarean in Nov and although it was planned for medical reasons, I was absolutely terrified of the epidural - so much so that I was at the solicitors 2 days before making a will!
Its not as hard as I was expecting - but I still have bad days from time to time (I would kill for an uninterrupted night's sleep or even a lie in!). Mind, I would nt change a thing. I'm now back at work and the little one has settled into nursery and I've even been out a couple of times (I thought my social life was over but one of the girls at nursery now babysits - its expensive but I know he's in safe hands with someone he's familiar with which is the most important thing!).
The baby's father does nt want any contact with him, which I've found really hard - he has nt seen him and we dont have any contact but he does provide financial support
Part of me feels guilty that he'll grow up not knowing his father and I worry what I'll tell him when the time comes. I dont really know anything about "boys" things but I guess I've got plenty of time to learn!
He amazes me every day and he's such a happy little boy that I cant imagine life without him now. At some point I'm sure I'll venture into relationship territory - have been on a couple of dates but found they struggled with the fact I had a baby.
I moved to Scotland a couple of years ago so dont know many people outside of work - have met some other new mums but they're all in couples.
If anyone knows of any networks in the Edinburgh area that would help me meet other single parents (can only seem to find dating sites when I look on the internet!) I'd really like to hear off you.
My little one is fast asleep and so enjoying a welcome glass of wine after a long week - he'll be up at 5am though so I wont be long out of bed!
hello karen,
you are very welcome here.
Thank goodness for your family and friends support. You've done so well with such a shock. Also, I found childbirth very scary, and I wasn't the one having the baby! Did the father say why he didn't want contact with his son? He might change his mind in time?
Anna or Louise will be able to help you. They are on in the morning and are much more sensible than me.
I was told, when little one sleeps, you sleep! Things are harder to cope with when you are tired too.
Enjoy your well deserved wine, your not alone, and there's lots of practical advice here. It just takes a little while for people to see you on the posts.
Big huug for you
sy
Hi Karen
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Hi Karen,
My! you have done so well with such a shock. It cant be easy being on your own with a baby.
you will find lots of support here I'm sure, keep posting.
Paula
Hi Karen and welcome to One Space, it is great to have you here :)
Gosh you must have some super-reserves of energy, with working and taking care of your lovely boy. Glad you are doing some grown-up things as well, that will keep you chugging along. Any man who meets/dates you will have to accept you come as part of a package now and there are honestly lots of lovely blokes who will be fine with that, you just haven't me them yet. But I know you were looking for other parents as friends just now. Have you tried netmums? http://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/ or the NCT http://www.nctpregnancyandbabycare.com/in-your-area. I agree that sometimes it can feel that everyone else is in a couple, but you can maybe still enjoy the social side of these groups. Another idea is to have a chat with your Health Visitor about any groups in your area.
I know what you mean about not knowing about "boys' things". I grew up in quite a sheltered family with just one little sister. I then went on to have two boys and brought them up more or less on my own after the first few years. You will read and hear a lot about boys needing positive male role models and that is certainly very valuable. At the moment, your boy just needs love and security and fun. As he becomes a toddler, he will "copy" adult behaviour so it is good for him to see a wide variety of people (TV can actually be handy in this instance) but he can enjoy a wide variety of play and it is not that different from girls in the end so don't worry too much about boys' games and toys. One "tip" I would give you as a mum of boys is to make sure, as he grows, that you talk about bodily things is an open and frank way. I thought to myself when my boys hit puberty they might not have a man to talk to so they will have to talk to me. It did work and now my eldest (nearly 20) will discuss his love life with me as if I am a friend and both boys have been fine about body things.
Hope you will join in on the threads Karen and we look forward to getting to know you
Louise :D
Hi Karen, glad to see you have found us!
We have a few grown up 'boys' on the online groups so they might be able to give you some pointers!
You are doing a fab job and don't you forget it, working with such a young child, what with early morning feeds etc. I am back in the office on Weds I will have a root around for organisations that we link with in Edinburgh.
I hope you have a lovely weekend, do you have anything planned?
welcome along everyone who is new :)