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I can think of some people that get on my goat
Sparkling, I'm sure it was a brilliant idea, from such a perfect person
lrh, yes I can also think of people that get right on my goat
I'm taking a quick guess of one of your ones, hehe.
hee hee!
Did I get it right??
yep
Oohhh, at least I'm good at guessing games 
Hi everyone
Hope you have all had a good day. Louise, did you really buy a goat? I am asking because I bought a goat as a wedding gift for a couple last year. They didn't want presents just money to buy goats for a project in India. I gave them £35, enough to buy a whole goat, didn't see the point in buying half a goat.. lol...
I have done a dumb thing today, took a look at my daughters diary (desperate to find out how she feels) big mistake...She is unhappy and desperate to be part of a happy/ normal family. Also that she is anxious about going down to her dads for 2 weeks in the summer holidays. Not used to being alone with him. He lives 300 miles away, so not like I can pop back to pick her up if she not happy. I feel such a failure, and don't know what to do or say to her. Obviously can't tell her I have been reading her diary!!!
I bet you all think I am stupid, and you will be right. That was a stupid thing to do:(
Hi Christian - I am not sure that our opinions on whether you should have read your daughters diary would be helpful.
How old is your daughter? - are you able to talk to her directly and ask her how she is feeling?
What I do with my younger one (aged 11) is we have a little book and we write messages to each other so I might say something like - Hi I was very proud of your school report today - brilliant and she might write something back in return - then a few days will go by and I might say I was very cross today when you wouldn't do as you were asked - please could you try to listen and do as you are told - remember I love you very much.
Now that is not to say that I wouldn't have said all these things to her face but it is a way of getting her to open up when things are tricky - so if I spot her behaviour deteriorate I will write her a message and make a second guess about what is happening for her - especially since I split with her dad
I used to do this with 14 y/o a couple of years ago too but she won't do it now
So you could try something face to face like "Gosh 300 miles is a long way I know I am going to miss you - are you looking forward to it - it would be ok to feel a bit nervous about it - perhaps we can text every night to check on each other"
Great suggestions, lrh, I am loving the little book idea. I guess it is similar to what I did with my eldest when he was very uncommunicative...I would send him an email saying thing like that and he would reply!!!!!
Christian, I am also guilty of a bit of ferreting around, just when I thought there was something going on, not all the time. My youngest thinks I am psychic! I don't do it any more because he is almost 18 but when they are younger sometimes we just need to keep an eye out for them. LRH has given you some good ideas and don't forget that if she feels unsettled, a few sessions of counselling can be a great help, either through the school or Relateen
As for the goat, I bought it through Christian Aid. I suspect that all you do is give a donation of the specified amount and they are buying a load of goats anyway!! But they give you a certificate and card and you can give it to the person. Neighbour loved it. I wrote a funny speech and did it as an announcement at the party.
Hazeleyes, why won't C have second hand books? Nearly all of ours are second hand! Good that he has done his homework. Is it kitchen ahoy today?
Personally, I don't think its wrong to ferret around... You do need to know what you're dealing with, at the end of the day...
Aw Christian, don't beat yourself up about it. While I don't think it's ok to read other people's diaries, I am not sure I would be able not to, if I saw my children's just laying around.
I think the question is more what to do with what you know now? The book idea sounds good. All children seem to want a family together, even if it's not a happy one (I remember when my lot only wanted daddy back, even though he didn't talk to them, just shouted or locked himself away, AND they observed some abuse).
Could you not just ask her outright how she feels about this upcoming summer holiday? You can tell her you know that it's a tough time at the moment and you know that she just wants a big happy family, and your doing your best to make her happy, just some things are not possible at present.
Don't feel guilty, you are trying your very very best!
Hugs to you xxx
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I am still giggling at the goat thing. :-)
Hope everybody will have a fab day!
HI everyone
LRH , loving that idea of the book will definitely give that a go:) Not sure if she wil go for it, but worth a try. Do need to broach the subject of her going to her Dad's.
Thanks Sparkling , I still feel bad about reading but I guess I was desperate. Feel a total failure not giving J "happy family" that she is so desperate for:( No brothers or sisters, no Dad at home, which has been the case all of her life. This is really eating me up and I need to get over it. I am surrounded by happy families. I am trying to look on us as a "quirky family" but losing that thought. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to make J feel like part of a "family"..
Sorry everyone, I am feeling really negative at the moment. Need to get a grip...
Thanks for your support.
When I first split up, the children and I were playing frisbee on the beach when my eldest, then 12, broke down and said we're not family anymore. We are a family. There may be one parent, but we are a family, as are you and your daughter Christian. So long as you are a happy family unit, you have no reason to feel guilt. I know we all would like happy ever after - well I know I did - I've not worried that our happy ever after is different.
I'm hopeless trying to put things into words, but hope you get my drift...
Hope everyone has a good and peaceful Sunday.
Off to try and justify to the dog why she has two cats shut in her crate...
I would be very surprised Christian if the people you are surrounded by are all "happy families" it is a myth I am afraid - be happy with your little unit and you will be fine - I am still trying to come to terms with what happened in my own life but I certainly don't want to be with my ex (the idiot) anymore - I just need to learn to be happy again
Oh Christian! I am so sorry you feel that way. You are doing your very very best. Please try not to feel guilty! (I know that's easy to say, because, of course, we all do sometimes).
Sending you big big hugs xxx
P.S.: have found these:
Heb 4:12 & 2 Tim 1:7
Hi Christian
I know that it is not only about you feeling you have provided a family unit but how your daughter feels too. I would suggest that you spend some individual time with her doing some girly stuff and chat (casually) to her about different families you know, who have different component members. You are bound to know other single parents, people who have been widowed, families with one child, families with lots of children, people who have grandma living with them, people who live on their own.
Your daughter is probably just feeling a bit lonely right now so spend some time with her and have a think about whether she has a lot of involvement with group things like youth club.
Good luck!
Hello all. A pretty busy day here. Ironing, watched Harry Potter DVD, cut grass, more washing, baths, hairwashes, dinner. Now I'm ready to conk out!!!
Hope you're all okay, and have enjoyed your Sunday. Have a great week.
You've cut the grass??
**thud**
Mines too wet to cut so moved 400kg of manure instead.
Love it when Sparkling is funny Cut yours lovey?
well done pash. Most I've lifted today was the washing basket
Quick Question a friend has said one thing and i am thinking something else and i would like the opions of you ladies please:
Ex talks on the phone when it suits and if she clicks her fingers i would go running ( puppet on a string) but when it does not suit or she has had a telling off by the SW cos i have told them something that she has lied about i get the crap or arrested because she claims harrassment.
Yes i sometimes phone her a lot but she talks freely but if she is in a mood she puts the phone down or just lets me ring repeatedly and doesnt tell me anything then i end up in a cell again.
It seems to me that some of it is tit for tat but if she has an audence or can get away with it she claims i am giving her grieve. in the past one minute she has kissed me and huged me then her freind appeared and suddenly she claims i hassling her she knows how to play the game.
I am i guity of harrassment by phone?
The reason is she will have me done for it and the next week she will talk to me freely again and i fall for it again advice and help please.
SORYY if i have upset anyone by this post i do not mean to course any upset or hurt.
Thank you
Hi Hopeful, thank you for that. Love the 2 x verses you recommended, especially Tim 1:7 , have just read them both:)
Hi Pash. I thought the children were in care? Sorry if I have got this wrong. If the calls are causing problems, I feel you should back off from them, and communicate via e.mail or something that puts you in the clear, if you know what I mean. Your ex might very well be playing a game, and I honestly feel you shouldn't go down that road. If you are continuously ringing her, then yes I would say that is harrassment. Like I said, if you need to contact her regarding the children, then do so by e.mail, or by text.
Hi everyone. Hope you've all had a good day. Mine has been great, and all week should be the same as it is a fun week. So lucky.
Long day at the office - sorting website before coming home. Chap who does it comes after he finishes work.
Glad you had a good day hazeleyes. Is there a sports day?
Eldest cut grass here last week. Has been clearing the garden, and stopped as the green bin was full.
Pash02, I agree with hazeleyes. With things in an email, admittedly worded carefully, things can't be twisted. I'd step back too if she does try the hug thing...
We have actually had a reasonable day weatherwise here.
good day today (and a good day yesterday, ha! my 'boys' won again!) - am about to start finishing (that doesn't make sense, does it?!) the care plan I've been going on about....
Did finish the 600 word thing yesterday and got feedback today which means I can fix where I went wrong and then that's another piece of work out of they way.
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Glad you liked the verses, Christian! :-)
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Hope everyone is enjoying the same sort of sunshine I am! x
Sparkling, hope you get a relaxing evening after your long day. It's Enterprise week, where the children make different activities, then they sell what they have made on Thursday, or can buy their own. My lots activity is tag making tomorrow. Sweets another day, and so on. Not sure of all the stuff all week, but will be fun (I hope). The following week, it's stuff to do with the Olympics, and again, not sure if it's going to be sports day, or that might be later on in July.
Hopeful, well done on finishing the essay. You're going great guns.
Louise, how was your day off?
Anna, I see you didn't pop in for a cuppa and a biscuit.
Weather hasn't been too bad here. When the sun came out, it was lovely.
Thanks everyone yes two of the children are in care or as someone from the reviewing board thing said "being looked after"
Got a meeting with them tomorrow ugg but i now have a voice recorder so i am happy if they dont like it tough! from now on every thing is in writing so i have records No phone calls at all, guess what i got the next day after telling the SS.
How thick are these people.gggrrrrr
Everyone has told me not to contact the ex as she just pulls my strings and i end up being hurt time and time again. anyway thank you all very much
MODERATOR link edited out
we have the students one here...
Good morning one and all
Had sunshine for my day off YEY! Friend's sister is over from the USA with her four children so met up with them, I did a little buffet here then friend took them to the park here which has a brilliant playground. The kids are 16, 12, 7 and 3 so quite a wide age range, it was lovely to see them.
How are you all? Sounds quite positive the last day or so, am sure the weather helps. Hazleyes your week sounds fun. Sparkling have you come round from your mowing-induced faint? Pash02 good luck with your meeting. Hopeful well dne on your sterling efforts. Christian how are you feeling? Big hello to Looby and LRH
sunny here today cant wait to get my displine hearing over with at work then back to my garden to do some more digging before the meeting with the "independent reviewing officer" or just another jumped up civil servant i will let you know.
Just spoke to her on the phone and TOLD her the rules my little girl has Clarks shoes and nothing else!! she will agree to my demands/point of view.
I have untill 2 pm to get into my being nice mode at least it isnt that SW
or well off to the telling off at work bye for now
All well still on suspension pending further investigation but on Full pay and i get to do more gardening .
the dog is sun bathing outside.
and i get my phone back of the police too
Its a hard life isnt it
Hi Everyone
Just out with the dog, call this my dinner hour. Favourite part of the day!
What sort of dog have you got Pash02?
Louise, sounds like you are having a good day:) and what a difference a bit of sunshine will make on your day off.
Hazeleyes, sounds like you will be having fun what with your Enterprise thing this week and then Olympic initiative next week. I reckon you must be dead creative. Well I guess I am too, well in an Accountants sort of way (creative accountancy , boom boom!!) Anyway have fun.
Glad to see you got your essay done Hopeful:)
Sparkling, glad you got your garden done.
Not a bad week so far, productive in terms if work .
J came in last night from school absolutely beaming. Had a Geography assessment at school and she was told hers was the best in the year and even year 10 standard, she is currently in year 8. She did work really hard on it do I am really pleased for her:)
Well better get dog back home and back to work...
Hi Everyone
Just out with the dog, call this my dinner hour. Favourite part of the day!
What sort of dog have you got Pash02?
Louise, sounds like you are having a good day:) and what a difference a bit of sunshine will make on your day off.
Hazeleyes, sounds like you will be having fun what with your Enterprise thing this week and then Olympic initiative next week. I reckon you must be dead creative. Well I guess I am too, well in an Accountants sort of way (creative accountancy , boom boom!!) Anyway have fun.
Glad to see you got your essay done Hopeful:)
Sparkling, glad you got your garden done.
Not a bad week so far, productive in terms if work .
J came in last night from school absolutely beaming. Had a Geography assessment at school and she was told hers was the best in the year and even year 10 standard, she is currently in year 8. She did work really hard on it do I am really pleased for her:)
Well better get dog back home and back to work...
Hi Christian i used to have an alaskern malamute but due to my work hours it was not fair on him so i gave him back to The EX.
Now i just have Gromit my jack russel and a cat
Hi everyone. Am waving to you all
Christian, I had to laugh at being called creative. No way am I that hehe. I did have fun today though, helping to design with the kids. Absolutely shattered though! Well done to J, and you of course, who deserves some of that credit. You must be so proud of her.
Louise, your day sounded brilliant, relaxing and catching up with 'old' friends. Glad it all went well, and delighted the sun was out for you all. Yes, it certainly makes a difference.
Pash, why were you suspended from work? Might have missed that post. Can I just say something. Why are you telling the ex that it is clarke shoes and nothing else? Sorry Pash, but you can't tell her what shoes to buy surely. Don't understand that at all. Is this daughter living with her, or in care? If ex is the one going out and buying them, then it is her choice. If you however are taking your daughter out, then it is your choice to buy clarkes if you so wish.
Sparkling, how has your day been?
Hello Anna.
I am not telling the Ex but i think she would get clarks shoes i hope ,i dont want to speak to her.
i was tell the SS and the indpendent reviewing officer and she agree sort off but her boss agreed with me the children have always had Clarks shoes and it is NOT going to change now i have even offered to pay for them and i was nice to them today
Two of the children are "being looked after" one of them is my little girl and she has had clarks since she was three and the ex had a go at me for buying her clarks at that age, it is a daddy thing with me and my darling little girl what she wants she gets!!
Like the t shirt says "i have got my daddy wrapped round my little finger" how true!!
If anyone on here wants to tell me off or say something please do i will NOT be offended and i might start taking note on what people are telling me!
The work thing was a prank by someone else that back fired and we both got suspended except i get paid and he has proberly lost his job as he has to explain to his boss why he has been banned from site and they have lost the tyre fitting contract and that is a big ouch 100 units and 200 trailers.
Pash, supposing one day you cannot get what your daughter wants, then what? Yes, she is your little girl, but what do you think she is learning?
Good luck with the job, at least you're lucky in that you're still being paid. Your friend wasn't so fortunate. A big contract lost.
hazeleyes i dont do every wim or spoil her so much that it will give her the wrong ideas later on in life.
It is if i see a nice dress i will more than likely get it if she Wants that toy or sweets or i need then the answer is NO.
Most of her clothes i have chosen as i apparently have good taste for her clothes yes she did have a baby born doll when she was two but that was because it was in the staff shop at a real price i would never of paid stupid money for it.
If i was working on one of the cars she would help me i have a photo of her changing a wheel when she was three and cleaning the caravan. she was and is a true daddies girl.
Ahhhh, your post didn't read like that Pash. It said, 'my darling little girl, what she wants, she gets'. Had visions of her growing up expecting to always get whatever she requested, and being sorely disappointed! It's good that you're still buying some clothes for her too.
My day was great, very tiring to say the least. Am working everyday, all day this week. Won't make me rich, but money gratefully received Kids are having an absolutely brilliant time, which is an added bonus.
Just watching the dreaded footie. C is now interested in the game (help), so we've watched bits and pieces.
No i not buying clothes any more because the ex would make sure they got ruined or something before she had a chance to wear them.
There has been a few times i have seen something and nearly bought it.
Sorry still thinking about the IRO and her boss as when she scewed her nose up and she looked very cute and i am in love with her and she didnt have a BAND of gold on
Football UUGG the garden needs more digging
C's watching footy?? Oh my... I'm with Pash. I'd be digging the garden - if I could!!!!
My lot always had Clarks shoes. Until I left The Git. Then I couldn't afford them. Their feet are fine though, I'm pleased to say They had to get used to value clothes too. And they're fine, honest. What children need is a parent 100% for them. Two parents 100% for them better still.
Our lot got clothes from asda or matalan or even sports direct sime good stuff and cheap trainers but shoes are Clarks
I love this site everone has a name for the EX such as the idoit and the git, how about the lying evil twisting girl dog for her? or may be just the ex.
Still in love with the woman from the IRO she is a babe if a woman aged about 45 is allowed to be a babe.
sorry to be sexist
Well, for my four the bill would be £150, so no chance could I afford that on IS. The Git wasn't bothered, sadly.
C also had Clarks, but not last year. Being on benefits I just couldn't afford them. Like Sparkling's children, and others I imagine, C's feet are fine. Saying that his little toe does go inward.
HE My little toe goes inward and i had startrite shoes so i dont think it is anything to worry about, fingers crossed
I started to take them to steads & simpsons, and they measured their feet and made sure the shoes fitted ok. I felt like I'd let them down, and then I paid for them Needs must and all that...
Ebay's been good (and I'm sure the other auction sites are excellent too) and when eldest started to want designer stuff he didn't mind second hand. Had really lovely bargains over the last few years.
I got an ethical gift for my brother and sister-in-law a couple of years back. Well, I thought it was a good idea...