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I'm glad your daughter ate well at the carvery allcharlie
Hi allcharlie, it is good to hear that things are going well with your daughter. I hope she had a good time at her cousins.
I agree with Louise, I think it is good to tell her that she should not have to deal with the conflict, as presumably you can tell how much she loves her mum. She must be quite concerned about her and what is currently going on with them.
From what I have witnessed from my daughter and ex wifes family, my daughter is well aware of what has been going on so I havent had the need to say anything that might damage her image of her mum. Sadly that has already been done by her mum. I have tried to tell her more about my addiction and then to try and relate that to her mum. Saying that she needs to see her as being unwell and needing help. However the damage caused by the new husband (and that the ex wife is choosing him over our daughter) has really tainted her. I have tried to get her to pick up the phone to her mum but she is not ready at the moment - so i intend to let the dust settle. Daughter is just missing her little sister and brother at moment but has made it clear that she is very disappointed in her mum.
Had a chuckle over the amount your daughter ate allcharlie, my son polished of two lunches at my mums on Saturday then on the way home we stopped at the supermarket, where we also stopped to have a drink in the cafe, he then ate 2 jam scones and 2 of those big cookies and a piece of fruit, then ate dinner about an hour later 
Hi allcharlie, it sounds as though you are being sensitive to her needs and also giving her space to chat - good going!
Do keep us updated. Is she now going to a different school?
Hi Anna, thanks for that. Trying to be there for her. She is very head strong and I am trying to allow that up to a point and give 'constructive advice' if I think she is overstepping the mark. She has been very helpful in assisting me sort a few things out around the house to give her more of her own creature comforts and space. So I have praised her a lot but also tried to tell where I think she may improve in certain areas and tried to relate my own experiences regarding teachers etc to assist with what I am trying to convey. At the moment all is going well. I want her to know that I am not always right but am doing/saying things with her best interest at heart. She is welcome to challenge me - and is doing!!! lol From what i can gather the ex wifes husband used to 'tell' her what to do. I am going with the more softly approach of 'asking' her and getting good results.
She is still at her old school - she made it very clear she did not want to change schools and in a lot of respects it solves as many problems as it causes. She is very close to her aunt/uncle and cousins so I want to encourage that as they live near the school and can/will help when I might struggle to pick her up after school. As my work is sporadic and at the moment at a distance this is helping quite a bit.
Regards to all and will keep u updated when I get chance.
Hats off to you, all charlie and good luck with it all, your life suddenly feels very different!
Lol. Not arf!! Thanks Louise. Finding juggling things a bit of a struggle and work is taking a bit of a back burner but have burned the midnight oil on a few occasions to try and keep on top of. Been applying for other jobs and just had a phone call offering an interview next week, so thats a positive. My current work is a bit too sporadic, I am being messed around alot. For example was sent to a few jobs about 2 hours away and found that the work didnt need doing. This is getting more common and whilst I get some money ie expenses it isnt enough to keep paying the bills. Really I need something more stable and it would be a big help with current situation. Fingers crossed!! Have a good day.
allcharlie, it sounds as though things are turning around in your life, you have worked hard to achieve them and I have my fingers crossed for the job interview
Just a quick update - got a meeting with Social Services and relevant bodies on Thursday morning. Despite me trying to get across to them that I work and need to be consulted on available dates - Thursday it is!! SS rang me to say that they should really see me on Wednesday to go through report. Told them more than likely to be in Essex working (2 hrs drive away) but needed to confirm that. SS worker said she would ring me at 15:30 today to confirm if I could be available. No phone call from SS. The communication is very poor. I understand they are busy but by not giving me sufficient warning/time they are possibly putting my daughter more at risk, if she was to return to her mother/new husband again. Things need to change, to improve current situation and they seem to be oblivious to families needs. Which makes me wonder how good they are and how bad they must have been in the past?? Rant over!!!
That said daughter seems happy. Took her out shopping yesterday and went to TGI Fridays (only my 2nd time ever) for lunch. With hindsight we should have gone to Jamies Italian but she seemed gutted when she found out he wasnt going to be there!!
I don't blame you for ranting. That isn't good, is it.
Thanks Sparklinglime, I am never sure whether it is just me expecting too much. I know the world isnt perfect and alot worse happens in other countries etc but a system that has been shown to fail publicly so many times, you really do think they would have got their act together by now. I read so much in the papers about families who have had their children taken from them after inocuous accidents and then being flagged up as 'child abuse' yet when it is happening under their noses they do bugger all!!?? Madness. It does seem perhaps a bit of a postcode lottery again. I am really considering going to the national papers to try and highlight it, but dont really want the publicity if that makes sense?? What really makes me frustrated is that in January I wrote a very long comprehensive letter to Social Services highlighting all salient details and information and I got quite an arrogant one back saying they had investigated and they didnt feel my comments/suspicions were founded. 8 months later we are going through the same story. Never once in all the 9 years I have been trying to highlight this have they ever been to see me?? In fact contact has been minimal and usually led by me. Hmmmmm.
That does sound bad, allcharlie, I don't think you are overreacting at all.
Glad things are still going well with your daughter, allcharlie. I guess the main thing is to reassure her that you DO love her and have never stopped doing so (and I would suggest also saying to her you should not have to cope with conflict between me and your mum and I will do my best not to invovlve you in that...that is what is hard for her)
Older Mother, we miss hearing from you so I hope you are Ok.