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Rang Social Services emergency helpline and duty Social Worker has rang me back. I have given them salient information and made it clear (hopefully without being rude) that I expect to be involved based on being frozen out previously. Would appreciate further advice and think I will start a new thread as dont want to hijack this one.
TFF - how are u tonight - hows things with soon to be ex?? Hope you have a good nite and like with me - think there is light at the end of a long tunnel!!! :-)
like u having a terrible time.feel like a mug..i have this soon to b ex who pushes and shoves me when no ones looking then denies it...i question everything about him and his past...he swears at me infront of my kids and says i'm evil and nasty and all i care about is money...do i hate myself yes....its really really late...in tears....doubt myself.
I just want "normal" u knw. Anyway look enough about me i'm glad you got a little bit of luck in getting through to someone in s/services..you still have tomorrow with your daughter so give her lots and lots of cuddles and keep telling her u love her and she's your life...in the meantime chin up keep smiling and the world smiles with you....so they say.....
Hi TFF - why are u still with this guy?? None of my business I know and dont want to preach but unless u have extremely good reason then this should not be a soon to be ex but an ex - fullstop!! Pushes and shoves and denies it. This guy is devious. Unless u r a cougar (and in which case - fairplay! lol) then he must be about your age and whilst I could understand someone in their twenties behaving that way, it makes u realise why he was single in the first place!! lol For the sake of your sanity get out as soon as u practically can - thats my thghts anyway. I will also add that when similar happened with my ex wife - I stuck with her though thick and thin so I aint as sensible as what I portray!! lol - although in fairness that was a few years ago.
I dropped my dghter back off at her aunts - so she is there tonight. SS have provisionally placed her under her aunts/uncles care and thats fine by me. They were good enough to let me have her for today. Dont intend to see her 2moro am going to do the slowly method and hopefully rebuild that trust. I read what u said about trusting her sister and loyalty but certainly from what they have said it seems we are singing from the same hymn sheet. Ironically her husband said that he has been waiting to read something in the papers he has been that concerned. I knew exactly how he feels as I have been thinking the same and just hoping it wasnt fatal. Exs husband seems to have a penchant for knives!!! and reportedly 'chopped' someones ear off - hence why he is known as 'chopper' - charming eh!!!! Think dghter says he is banned from Australia? but may have misheard her
Good luck with the sandwich business BTW - those pple I see, seem to do well but I guess it is very competetive as so many seem to do it these days. No doubt u have done your research on possible areas to trade. How are you going to break in to the market?? BTW - started a new thread if u dont want to hijack this one
Hi all charlie, I have talked to you about this on the other thread (link here)
Allcharlie i know your right...at the moment if the ex goes i would be left with a couple of large utilitiy bills unpaid which will leave me completely skint...i knw i knw thats not a good enough reason for me to stay with him but i wabt to play catch up for a bit then let him go. Evry time i try and do catch upu something always comes up. He keeps an eye on everything even what i do on the laptop.Hopefully if i can run my sandwich business from my car until i can afford to buy a van that will be extrat money....thats the plan anyway...i knw its not a good enough reason to stay with him and i knw things wont improve but let him carry on paying a couple of bills and then i shall let him knw in my way his behaviour in not right...i know hes not the right person for me but time is all i need....How do you start a new thread i'm really rubbish at this????
Regarding the sandwich business there is competition out there and i work monday to thursday and i am going to do it on the friday when work isnt effected..i have rung round a few industrial places and they have said a lady does a sandwich delivery there but i am welcome to go along to...my thinking behind that is yep im going along and she has hogged the space for long enough and there's space for anyone . Going to try and do it from my car if i can
Right now your lil princess. I would hate to think whats going on in her head..is your ex mad....as for "chopper" or what his physcho names is biting someones ear off isnt intimidating its pathetic...we can all come up with names...mines would be ....mmm...let me think....mad messey manj....i made that up...i quite like that...be careful its nice for your daughters aunt and uncle to look after her but can you trust what they're saying 100 percent?...the main thing is your daughters in a safe place now and thats is a starting ground. so in that respect its a horrible place to start but its a start and now everyone knows or will know whats been happening with her and make sure it never happens again...i dont think you ex will be seeing her daughter for a very long time...shame on the legal system for not sending giving her some form of punishment for breaking her many orders...laws an ass...all the legal system have done is break a child...btw how old is your daughter.
Hi TFF - I thought your answer might be financially motivated. I am not hear to judge you and fully understand. In the circumstances I would probably do the same, but the things u are writing ie he monitors your computer use suggest he is a control freak and needs help. This is not normal behaviour. The only person 'we' can control is ourselves. However wont lecture u - u r aware and hopefully u will soon be able to move on. My new thread I think is under 'Announcements' on the discussions board. Cant remember what I titled it but the last person to comment was 'Louise' I think so that might help u find it?
MODERATOR, I have moved it to Parenting Support, and there is a link to it here (click)
My dghter is 12 - sorry for not saying that earlier. From what I saw y'day she has grwn up alot in the last 10 months. She said quite a bit a 12 yr old should not really know abt but sadly does. She has latched on to them 'disappearing' upstairs to 'use', these are her words. Cant remember everything she said as so much was discussed and must admit I was quite upset.
The sandwich business - I will resist the obvious joke of it being a 'filler'. Only time will tell and if u dont try u dont know. Also which millionaire started out selling coke/ice creams on the beach? Still plenty of scope if you are prepared and have the time to graft. My biggest enemy is procrastination. I quite like doing nothing but it means thats what you achieve!!! Will just wish you well and be good to keep in touch. Happy to be a new friend you can reach out to and there seem a lot of simlar pple on here. Take care and enjoy the day.
Hve you considered getting some counselling for your daughter. She probably needs to let a lot of what she has seen and done of her chest. Allcharlie are u trying to get rid of me?
No I hadnt thought of councelling for her - so thanks for suggesting that.
And no I am not trying to get rid of you - honest!! Not sure what you have read that makes you think that? Quite the opposite i guess I would like to stay in touch. sorry if I dont always phrase things well/correctly but I must admit my head is a bit muggy today and taking a while to wake up if u know what I mean?
Just thinking about councelling for my dghter. I know councillors are trained but y'day at times she was lucid and others it was 'im not sure' or 'i dunno' and these were simple questions. think they would have their work cut out, but guess its their job!!
Yes, counsellors who work with young people have lots of experience of that!!!!
lol!! Rather them than me!!! lol
Allcharlie.Of course i would like to stay in touch. I think part of the "i dunno" is alot to do with her age and dont forget through time she has been "brainwashed" into what she should say to people by her mum and "chopper"and other parts she has seen herself. She' s very confused dont forget she still feels her loyalities lie with her mum and she cant tell anyone...which i can kind of understand. Will look at your other thread.
Ok thanks for that TFF -- I am going to go out for a while - maybe a walk and clear my head. Or cloud it some more? I have that 'washing machine' head where everything is going round and around. Believe me I am trying to see it from my dghtrs perspective just find it bloody frustrating. I am doing everything I can to help and at times she seems apathetic. Bloody marvellous!!! lol 
Still I do sort of understand and where in the past I would be worrying manically I am actually quite calm compared. I slept well last night wheras as in the past i wouldnt have slept at all. Progress not perfection at the moment anyway!!!!
Hope you all have good days!!!
hi kiera you okay hows your day to day ?
hi tears for feras im single parenytwith 4 children well one at uni and as moved out, ive not long got out bad relationshipx
Hi tears for fears, with regards to your ex you said:
at the moment if the ex goes i would be left with a couple of large utilitiy bills unpaid which will leave me completely skint...i knw i knw thats not a good enough reason for me to stay with him but i wabt to play catch up for a bit then let him go. Evry time i try and do catch upu something always comes up.
I am pointing it out because, you say that you are staying with him to catch up with bills, but you are also saying that you can never catch up with them. (Unfortunately they keep on coming!)
You know that it he is 'soon to be ex' and you are worried about the financial implication, however you are really not happy. This is going to sound harsh, but you are not being fair on him either.
I am wondering if you are using the money thing, as you have not recognised how unhealthy this relationship is for you and you know how hard it will be to get out of?
Have a look at our Freedom Programme course, which hopefully enlighten you to some of your boyfriends behaviours.
allcharlie - counselling might be great for your daughter, but she has to want to do it, otherwise it will all be 'dunno', 'maybe' or 'whatever'. If she recognises that she could do with some support to sort it all out in her head and get a sense of calm, then she would be open to positive suggestion and it could be a great experience for her.
Hang in there, I think you are doing a great job.
Thanks Anna - have put this on the other thread but picking her up from school tonight - for the time being my dghtr is coming to live with me!!! Hurrah!!!!
I had thght about going to Police and asking but not had much time to do so - out all day - just got in and bloody tired and hungry. Also have u tried ringing the police? - not always that easy from previous experience - unless you are being murdered when understandably u get priority!! My other reason is really dont know best way forward and hence asking for advice - and thanks very much for yours. It seems as though the ex and her husband have a lot of history - I only know about half of it based on Social Services report from last year. It appears a lot has happened since. Oh forgot to say I actually know who the case worker is but dont know how to get in touch. I rang and left message on Friday but she didnt return call. I have been given another number which i might try and ring now.
will keep u posted. Thanks for help