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Hello there, I've just registered as I really need some advice on how I sort things out with my teenager.
I have Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis, and although my daughter doesn't do anything around the house to help with my disability, she has, until last Thursday, helped me walk our dogs when she got home from school (albeit grudgingly, and after nagging).
But last Thursday she told me I had to get rid of the dogs because we cant afford them and they bark. I said they were my only company as I dont really go out anywhere (cant walk very well and no money!), and that they only bark because they're not getting enough exercise.
She wont see my point of view at all - and the situation has worsened over the weekend, to a point where we're at loggerheads. No shouting, just both feeling like the other doesnt understand. Its like we've completely lost goodwill to each other.
It was my birthday Saturday, and I spent the day in my room with the dogs, working and reading. She didn't even make me a card.
I am going through a divorce, and I know she had a lengthy conversation with her dad over the phone at the end of last week = and we often have a rough time after.
Any ideas on how I manage this? Thanks loads, and sorry for sounding so pathetic, but its all getting on top of me a bit, this situation, the divorce, possible bankruptcy and my MS. Never rains but it pours eh? x
She'll be 15 in about a week, so she's not about to sit final exams, but i'm sure there is some pressure at school. To be honest she's not really talking to me at present in order to be able to organise anything - and really we only have one family that are friends of mine too, and they are people that she goes to help out rather than helping me so im disinclined to have mustch to do with them now. Its good advice though = to do something different = i'll see if I can come up with something. And thanks for responding, I just feel a bit like im vanishing. xx
You are under a lot of pressure at the moment ohmygoodness and 15yr old girls can be soo cruel! I have a 17yr old daughter so completely understand.
Just keep reminding yourself that You are the Parent here. You can tell her that you do not accept her behaviour, whilst she is under your roof, she respects your wishes.
I imagine you want her to understand the pain that you are in with the MS, but unfortunately children tend to feel insecure if their parent isn't coping, so try and play this down if you can.
Be bright and upbeat whenever possible. Are you at home when she gets in from school? Is there something you could be occupying your time with when she comes home, so that you can just look up and say 'Hi darling, hope you had a good day at school' and then carry on with what you are doing. Therefore showing that you are past the disagreement, but also that you don't want a full on conversation?
Are you and her father on speaking terms?
Hello ohmy goodness, you are not vanishing, we are here to talk to! 
I agree with what Anna has said but also wanted to check whether you are getting Disability Living Allowance, as some extra money could be used to do something like employ a helper to do some things in the house a couple of days a week.
Your daughter is just at THAT AGE. They can drive us to distraction with how self-focused they are, and that is why she has made that remark about the dogs, because it is from HER point of view. I was also wondering if there is a Young Carers group in your area? That is a group where they meet up with other youngsters who help another person in their family and it gives them treats and outings....it would make her feel extra special and get her to realise that LOTS of young people help their parents.
Talk to us, there is lots of companionship and support here
Aw thanks both :o) You've both come up with really helpful suggestions :o) And Louise, at the moment I get the care component of DLA at the low rate - but have applied to be reassessed now my mobility has got worse, it's my mobility that gives me the bulk of the problems now. There is a local young carers group, and we had a visit from a lovely woman a while back, but my daughter didnt want to know! So that was that :oS I tried to take Annas advice to get a dialoue going last night - and we are at least now talking, and i've put my point across about why the dogs are just a real mainstay to me during the day (I work from home, never go out and would go nuts without them! - oh and Anna, no, i'm afraid I don't talk to her father, long story - but my youngest still has contact and visits).
Anyway = thanks loads both - honestly it really has been a godsend to have someone 'hear' me xxxxx
You are very welcome. Hope you will stay with us. There is a great Chit Chat section where we exchange our day to day news and have a bit of a laugh, click here to see it
Thanks so much Louise :o) Yes = i'll certainly stay and hopefully I can be helpful to others when i've got my own 'house in order'! lol :o) Thanks so much for the friendship, Jx
Hi ohmygoodness
Fifteen is the age my oldest, I felt, started to change.
I'm disabled, and am quite lucky as my lot can be pretty good. Its silly things that don't get done that seem to get to me, but when I think of what they do, they're not too bad.
We have a dog, but my daughter and youngest are very good at taking her out.
There have been articles and an RSPCA ad about how people are giving up their pets due to costs. I just wonder if she has seen something like that.
If my oldest thought it would mean money in his pocket, I'm sure the dog would be gone.
I hope you are able to continue with the dialogue.
Bless you, thanks SprklingLime - yes, she might have seen something about the costs = but its a ruddy sauce isn't it? Cant remember when I last had to supply to the dogs with a state of the art mobile, or money for the cinema, new clothes, make up, constant lifts ... grrrr :o) They seem happy with a couple of old tennis balls! I hope you keep well, and your kids keep helping x
Hi ohmygoodness. I'm not at the stage you are at yet, with a teen (my son is only 9, though some days he acts like a teenager)
I wanted to pop in here anyway, to welcome you along to One Space. Your previous post made me giggle about the tennis balls for the dogs, and what children require. You're so right!!
Hope to chat some more, and get to know you better. Take care. x
Hi Hazeleyes! :) Thanks for your comment = ahh = you have it all to look forward to! lol. Thanks loads for saying hi = you've all made me feel so much better :o) xxx
Ah, Ohmygoodness (I think we're going to shorten you to OMG soon!), 15 is the worst age (have one of those, too, two done, then the current one and one to go after him) - they just seem to think the whole world revolves around themselves!
I am very impressed that you are still working with PPMS! Why is it that you don't go out at all though. I appreciate that your mobility might not be the best, and you may be very self-conscious when you do go out, but maybe in the company of a friend? Or at least have someone other than your daughter come to you? Unfortunately, a lot of the time when we really need someone, we have to really scream and shout.
Sending you a hug xx
I am still giggling at you possibly buying a state of the art mobile for the dogs and money for the cinema 
....I wonder what film they would go and see? The Hound of Music? (boom tish 
)
Ohmygoodness, yes, I have it all to come, buttttttttt me not silly, I'm taking notes from all you lovely people, so my son will be a model teenager
I wish hehe
(clears throat, as if for announcement):
There is no such thing as a model teenager.Of that I am very sure.
lmao :o) You've all really made me chuckle! :o) Hopefull = well it's not the most glamorous job these days = I used to work for a national charity, and travel all over the country = and now I read Tarot cards over the internet = because I can still do it on days when I cant walk (or days when I cant be bothered trying to get out of my PJs!). As for going out = its one of those awful Catch22s = there are loads of places to go where I live that would be free, or cheap (the beach, the tarka trail), but they require walking or cycling - which is a no no for me now. Everything else costs money = of which I have very little! :o) So the garden's about my limit. What did my grandad used to call it? A 'windowsill holiday' or something! Still, I feel like i've already gained some friends on here, so thanks for that :o) xxx
Maybe Louise can organise another party on here ohmygoodness.
Winks in Louise's direction 
Take a look here ohmygoodness, it was great fun.
Hazeleyes = Oh thats Amazing!!! :o) :o) :o) I've never seen anything like that before!! :o) (Mind you, I would have been after Louise's date! Ray Winstone = mmmmm :o) xx
I'll let you battle that out with Louise, hehe. x
Oh my!! How much fun is making your avatar?! Wish they had dogs and chickens on there too! :o)
It looks great ohmygoodness. Not sure who you can chat too about the dogs and chickens though, uhmmmmm. I'm just thankful there are no squirrels on the avatars!! Long story, but you'll find it in the chat section, about 3 weeks ago. And it seems like yesterday
Just realised I didn't wish you a Belated Happy Birthday for last Saturday. xx
lol = I shall look for the squirrel story :o) And thanks for the birthday wishes :o) xx
My son IS a model teenager. I think he's the master copy. Unfortunately, 'model' in this case is just 'normal' not extra good....
Ahh, the squirrel story! That was a nice one :-)
Teehee Hopeful, model teenagers!
Hazeleyes that was a good idea putting a link on for the Party.
I believe after the last one I suggested that there could be another and asked who would volunteer to be the co-ordinator so anyone who would like to do that, please step forward. It would basically entail committing to be online at a set time on a particular date, looking up a few party tunes beforehand and making sure all the guests feel included.
Oh my goodness, we were talking about dates (and Ray Winstone ) you might also like to have a look at our Crazy Crushes thread here and add your own?
Lol Louise :o) Nothing crazy bout Ray Winstone as a crush = he's mmmmmmm :o)! Have added my own the the crush thread :o) And someone volunteer to host the party!! I want to come!! :o) x
oh I agree Ray is the business! it just reminded me of that thread. How are you this morning?
D'you know feeling loads better :o) - and herself even came out and walked the dogs with me last night! I'd have gone NUTS without you lot for the last couple of days = honestly I was at my wits end when I put my first post on - and its been so lovely just having someone else to talk to and have a giggle with = you're stuck with me now! :o) x
I actually think that our dog would appreciate the phone...
HAHAHAHAHA = Sparklinglime :o) x
Yes, sparkling I can JUST imagine your doggy with the phone.
Oh my goodness, glad you are sticking around, you are a very welcome addition to the group
ohmygoodness, Sparkling's house must resemble something like a pet shop!! I don't do pets AT ALL. My son wanted a hamster, and I agreed, purely because I was worn down, had just had an operation that day, so was under the influence of drugs (so to speak). Anyhow, this creature arrived on the Tuesday, and it had gone by Friday evening!!! I'm such a bad person, I convinced C of all sorts, so it looked like it was HIS idea to find this thing another home. Had Sparkling lived nearer, I'm sure she'd have taken it. 
Glad you are feeling better today. Also pleased that we're stuck with you
Lol! Hazeleyes :o) well I have 8 ex-battery hens, an Irish Wolfhound x collie, and a little lurcher that came from Dogs Trust in January. I also have a 16hh Thorouhbred mare, but she's had to go out on line because of my MS :o) Couldnt be without my animals :o) so know how Sparkling feels! As to you and your hamster tale = you are a meany! lol = not true - you've just got more backbone than me! I could never get rid of anything once it had set foot in the house = with the exception of husbands ;o) xx
That should have said 'loan' not line!! Ive made her sound like a trapeze artist!
(shuts lid of sewing machine with a defeated sigh...having just made a little sparkly costume for omg's horse's high wire act)
lolololololol - Oh that is such a lovely image!!! Tiana would be very impressed :o) She is a real prima dona too = she would adore sparkles!
Have been catching up on the animal talk and can throw in a cat, two yellowbellied turtles, a snake and a madagascan hissing cockroach into the menagerie...
Glad you're feeling more cheerful, OMG! :-)
Hi Hopeful! Oh wow!! :o) That's impressive!! what sor tof snake do you have? and how big are your turtles?! That's so exotic!! :o) x
The snake is a corn snake, it's orange and about two foot long - only a year old, though, it will be 5 - 6 ft when it's fully grown. The turtles are about the size of my hand - they were half that when we inherited them from my eldest ex-girlfriend who went to Japan. The cockroach arrived without my consultation - I would have said no to that!
It's all good fun though. x
:o) Aw they sound amazing!! :o) wow, 5-6ft = and how thick? Im fascinated! x
I used to have a rescued battery hen. She actually fell of the back of the lorry on the way to be frozen...
I called her Henrietta (what else) and she lived in the garage. She would follow me around the garden, but didn't like the light. She didn't live long - which I was warned about - but she did have a very happy time and was totally spoilt.
Hopeful, my son's friend wants one of those, and wants to keep it here because his Mum won't have it in their house. I didn't realise it grew that big. I had told him that what ever it had to be in a good size tank. I hate animals being cooped up in a little anything - even though a big anything is still cooping them up. The 'new' fostered hamster here came in a very small cage. I've never seen such a big hamster. She now has a big cage and we bought a ball for her - one for a rat as the hamster size one we have wasn't big enough.
My lot are now saying they want another cat. Thirty one were recently rescued locally, and happen to be in a cattery that 'new' girl's husband helps in (friends of theirs) so 'new' girl is going to ask if they happen to have a laid-back cat who will get on with a dog.
I have to say that I couldn't tolerate a cockroach... 
Hopeful I had no idea you had so many exotic creatures in your house!
Sparkling: Henrietta, I love it
I have to come clean and say that I am with Hazeleyes on the pet front. We did have a budgie when the boys were little and then we got a goldfish, who became an extraordinary character called Bob. He lived for many years and defied all assumptions about goldfish, as he would come to the corner of the tank and "knock" repeatedly with his nose if he thought he was being ignored or he fancied a few fish flakes. Such a legend was he that he ended up with his own Facebook page He has now died but I would not want another pet of any description. I have said to the boys if you want an animal then you are very welcome to have one....in your own house heh heh
When my lot leave home I'll be having a fish tank - one of these with magnetic fish...
lol :o) Sparkling - one of my hens was bullied by the others, to the point of having almost pecked her to death one night. So now she lives in the potting shed and has the run of the garden while the others sleep in a big shed together and have about a quarter of the garden fenced ff with chicken wire. Her name is Little Red, and she's doing really well now :o) Potters around between my feet whenever im out there doing something! Only thing is I have to put her in when the dogs want to go out! The have to use the garden in rotation :o) The doogs both look through the back window as if to say "mmm, lunch" :o) x
Louise, you are funny, the goldfish having a facebook page!!! What are you like?
We had goldfish too, but I'm like you, have told C he can have as many animals as he likes, when he has moved out!
Ladies, you are very brave. Hopeful, I shivered when you said a snake. Wouldn't catch me anywhere near your house. Imagine, lying in bed, and having something slither up your legs! Keep those dirty thoughts to yourself ladies hehe.
Hazeleyes Actually the word "slithering" always reminds me of Harry Potter and Malfoy.
How are things with your daughter, omg?
Hi Louise :o) yes, ok at the moment! :o) She's just rung to say Rugbys cancelled and she's on her way home = which is all good cos im starving and want to get an early tea on! :o) But yes, talking, thanks, xx
That is sounding positive, omg,long may it continue!
Hi ohmygoodness, welcome to One Space, I am sorry to hear that you have PPMS.
How old is your daughter? Because it sounds as though you need to be reestablishing who is the parent in your house - it is not for her to tell you that you had to get rid of the dogs.
She is obviously under a lot of pressure at the moment, her mum is not well and she is worried about you (I know - teens do have a funny way of showing it!).
Her parents have split up and she may be feeling a little unsteady with all of this.
Does she have any schoolwork pressure? Exams, revision, lots of homework?
And to top all of this off, she is a teenager, so her hormones are playing havoc.
It sounds as though you have an awful lot going on too.
Is there any chance that you could do something together that doesn't involve the dogs, home, her dad or money?
Do you have any friends that live locally that you could go to for supper perhaps?