Hi all
I have come back from the school feeling really angry, and it isn't even about me!!! A little lad in my son's class is being bullied. Started back to school this week, and already it's started!!! The boy is the same one who made my son's life hell last year from September till earlier this year. The Mother has been in every morning and nothing has been done. Her son is crying and doesn't want to go to school, (Understandable).
The boy in question is just 6, and in my eyes knows he can get away with it, because nothing much is done.
I feel so sad for this mum because I know how she is feeling. I told her today not to leave it, to report it daily, and see the Head, (though she wasn't much good with my son). She intends to speak to the boys mum, but I had to laugh because she wont GET ANYWHERE. I went down the same road, but it was treated like a joke.
The boy went from child to child in the previous year, and still it carries on.
If my child was the bully, I would deal with it, and expect the school to back me.
My son (7) tells me he will look after his friend, but I told him this morning not to get involved because the bully will once again turn his attention back to him. Of course I told my son that if he sees something going on, then alert the teacher.
Surely at this young age, bullying should be dealt with.
Really seeing red right now. :evil:
Hi alisoncam, how frustrating for you.
sparklinglime has said all that I would have said, thanks sparkling, your wisdom is paramount.
There is also an excellent organisation called ACE, have a look at their website on the issue of bullying: http://www.ace-ed.org.uk/advice-about-education-for-parents/Bullying/tackling-bullying.htm
Anna, that's such a good link.
Hello alisoncam
Have just caught up with this after being away. What struck me about this post is that you say that this boy has been "from child to child" How about having a chat with the mum of the current victim and deciding between you that you will apporach the parent of every child that has suffered and write a joint letter/petition to the Head saying that you as a group of parents have seen your children bullied and are not prepared to tolerate the school's laissez faire attitude on bullying. Say that if the school will not discipline bullies then you will be contacting the local press to publicise this. Do a copy to the local Education Office at the same time, AND the County Council Education Authority. That'll shift them!
Hi Louise
Welcome back. :) Hope you had a good holiday.
I spoke to the Mum today, and we spoke about the very same thing. Her son, who is being bullied now, told her yesterday that he actually defended himself. She was a bit disappointed with him, (in case he got into trouble), but I said that maybe now the 'bully' will actually leave him alone.
My son told me that the boy in question had the teacher assistant banging her head against her hand because he wouldn't do as he was told. She threatened him with going to the head teacher, but he laughed at her, snatching books from her, and pulling faces at her. And no, she didn't send him anywhere, naughty spot, head teacher, nothing.
I guess it looks bad on the school, if children especially as young as this, are excluded from the school.
Exactly. Maybe the only thing that will motivate them will be fear of the publicity. Plus the local authority will ask them to report back :lol:
yes thanks, my hol was lovely and I didn't even need my wellies. I went to the lake District.
Glad you had a good holiday Louise. :)
It seems that the school isn't doing the right thing then in their duty of care for the children. The Primary school my children have (one still there) gone to have excluded children even in the nursery part if the child's behaviour doesn't behave. I think they've found it to be an effective way of the parents 'choosing' to be involved with the child's behaviour.
Hi all
War will take place on Monday!!!!!!!!! At the school this is. My son (7) tells me that the 'bully' was doing stuff to him today. The boy in question was told by the teacher, but still it carried on. Well, I'm not about to sit back and watch things escalate, so I shall be having a word with the teacher, and asking her what they are going to do about this child (monster). I tried to see the other mother today whose boy has been bullied all week, but my son told me he went home early feeling sick. I have tried calling her but no answer. Shall keep trying though.
Take care
Alison
x
I hope you have a good weekend, and good luck for Monday!
Sometimes going in a bit early means you can can talk to the teacher before there are too many children running around...
Good luck, alisoncam. Just a word of warning. You may feel tempted to approach the bully yourself (I certainly would feel that way :x especially if they had hurt or upset my child) Be careful as this can lead to allegations against YOU. So rally the support and do it all above board ;)
Hi Louise
I shall just be speaking to the teacher tomorrow, and see first of all what she comes up with, and then I shall decide what to do.
Hope you're having a good Saturday
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi
I spoke to the teacher today, and asked her to keep an eye on the boy. She said that she was aware of everything, and she would speak to the boy in question. I couldn't say an awful lot as the children were lining up. Hopefully, this will be the end of it.
Take care, enjoy the day
Alison
x
I really hope it is.
Not that I'm being negative, but sometimes when everyone relaxed and aren't quite as observant, things can start up again.
xx
Once again, I'm dealing with my son being kicked, punched, hit and pushed to the ground. It is another boy, (not the one from before).
I'm sure many of you reading this may be thinking, 'could it actually be Alison's son'.
To be honest, last year when it was happening, I did in fact go into the teacher and say, that even though I didn't think for one minute that it was my son, there was a 1 per cent chance he may be pulling faces, or something, and maybe that triggers the 'bully' off. I asked that he be kept an eye on, just in case. (I would have been mortified if it turned out to be true). The teacher assured me my son was doing nothing wrong, and the boy in question was jealous of my son because he is bright, and very popular.
Now, I have another boy who today started hitting on my lad. This particular boy was moved classes and put in my son's class. He was a bad kid in the previous class, and the Head assumed he would behave much better once moved!!!!!!!!!!
It makes me want to cry, hearing my son telling me these things. He informed the teacher and she had a word with the boy, but I know from experience, that won't stop the little bugger.
Right now, like before I feel so alone in dealing with this. I will of course have a word with the teacher in the morning, and might ask to speak to the boy too. I just feel that everytime I speak to the teachers, it is always about someone hurting my son. They must dread me coming in.
Sorry, still going.
My son is no angel, but believe me I have never had any trouble with him at school. I mean I haven't been called up because he doesn't do work, or anything. It is the opposite. I hear glowing things about him, (wish I could say the same for him at home). He is a good kid, but like others, he does play me up on occassions.
Ok finished now guys.
x
Hi Alison.
Your poor son, and poor you.
My heart goes out to you both.
I wouldn't give a thought of how those teachers feel, they should be taking care of him.
Your son must be dreading going to school...
I felt sick when I realised the reason my son insisted on going to school in muddy clothes (which he hates, by the way, he likes to be clean), because he knew the bullies would be chucking back in the mud again. Lucky for me my eldest saw it, saw the Head and it was dealt with. I went into school the next day with the view of taking my son out of school. He has special needs and would never tell me if here was a problem.
It's horrid.
I really hope that this can be sorted.
Loads of hugs.
Hi Sparkling
I've been awake through the night on and off. My son does want to go to school, it is me that wants to keep him at home. He says that he won't let the bully keep him away, because then he will win. (I kept telling him last year that if you show the bully you are frightened in anyway, then they will have won).
I have decided to speak to the teacher first, then I'm going to have a word with the head teacher. Last time, she said that until I had spoken to her, she was unaware of what was going on!
I've been lying in bed even contemplating approaching the boy, (with the teacher present)and having a word with him.
That was awful what happened to your son. God, kids can be so wicked, it makes my blood boil. Is he ok at school now? I have often been tempted to keep mine out of school, but my son doesn't want too. He loves it, and is so happy being with other kids, and soooooooo loves learning. I taught him to read, write, count before he started nursery, and even though I still do more advanced things with him, he says its best when the 'real' teacher does it!!!!!!!!
Got to go and wake my darling soon, so another coffee to wake me up. I hope your kids have a good day at school.
Take care, by the way, how is your bite? Will look at other posts later.
Alison
x :)
Hi all
I have spoken to the teacher and have also given a letter, so they have it verbally and written, (for the records). I explained to the teacher that as a parent, (she isn't one), it is very distressing to hear your child telling you stories of being punched etc. We spoke about the boy in question, plus the one who bullied my son last year. (At the moment, he is annoying my son by pretending to hit him). I have said that I want it dealt with immediately, and that I want the parents told of their children's behaviour. She seemed very understanding, and said it would be dealt with today. I am not prepared for it to go as long as it did last year, and I pointed out that these children should be excluded from the school, and that I won't let it lie.
My son was quite happy to go in today, knowing that I was dealing with it. I assured him again this morning that he did exactly the right thing by telling me straight away, and that I was very proud of him.
Hopefully, he will be full of the joys of spring when I pick him up.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Aw alisoncam, well done, it must have been agony to know what was happening to your boy. You're right, it is only you being really firm that will make the school do something and, as I said about the other boy, don't hesitate to take it further if you have to (hope you don't, and it has settled down).
That is fab that you prased your son for telling you, our children need to know what is the right thing to do and anyway I beleive in praising kids when they do ANYTHING right.
Hope you get a better night tonight!
That sounds really good Alison.
I hope you're son had a good day today, and I hope you're able to sleep tonight.
Have a great weekend too.
Three of my lot are canoeing and sailing tomorrow with the Scouts. Ten week course for £25 - bargain! Offer for the Scouts - would have been four times that otherwise, I think.
I've had a migraine today, so bad I was in bed until almost 5. Chucked on clothes, knowing I need a wash! :mrgreen: I'll have a wash and clean pyjamas before bed though - honest!
Really hope you're ok.
xxx
ok, i'm posting on the wrong group here. I have had a lousy day, and i contacted an ex. He was the worst one I could have gone too. He is the one that hit me, (why did I go to him. I am feeling like hell, and I turn to him. Now, I feel like hell, cos I've turned to him. Why did I do this???????
Hi Alison
Don't be so hard on yourself. Are there ever any answers to these questions?
You're not posting on the wrong section - doesn't matter where.
Loads and loads of hugs. I really hope you're ok now.
xxxx
Oh alisoncam,
Soooo sorry you had a rotten day and I know you are kicking yourself for contacting your ex but it is something we all do at some stage...... From your comments, am I right in saying that all you have got out of the encounter is to know why you split up with him in the first place? If so then it was worth it!
As lone parents we need someone else to share an interest in our child, especially when we are facing problems like you have been, through the school. So we reach out. So, no point beating yourself up about it, it happened, and it's over.
Fresh start today! And hoping you have a good weekend :D :D :D Don't forget we are all here to support you.
Louise, Sparkling, thankyou for your support. I hope the kids had a fab time Sparkling, am positive they did :)
Getting back to the school thing. The boy wasn't at school on Friday, but I spoke to the teacher, and she assured me that when he comes back, she will deal with it. I will check again on Monday. I won't let her forget!!!!!
I hope you are all enjoying the weekend. I have been lounging around in my nightie, should have done the ironing but really couldn't be bothered. Will do it all tomorrow ready again for the week.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi alisoncam, I am a great believer in jamas as weekend wear. If I am having an evening at home, I also love them. Thank heavens the nights are drawing in and I can shut the curtains! :oops:
Sorry to hear about your bad news (on the other thread), we are all here for you, and you can get over the blip with your ex!
I am copying a link below for you, as there was some discussion on the news yesterday about anti-bullying policies
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8264251.stm
Take care
Louise :)
Hi Louise
Thanks for the link on bullying. I saw it advertised, but for some reason didn't get to see it. (Can't remember what reason). I have checked it out, and listening to that mum was heartbreaking.
My son and I have talked over a few things, and he has told me not to worry!!! Bless.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi alisoncam, how stressful for you. I do hope today is better for him.
Have a look at this website: http://www.bullying.co.uk/ and click on parents, you might get some more inspiration from different stories, or suggested tactics there. There are some good templates for any necessary letters you need to send.
Hi Anna
I have just checked out that link, thankyou for that. It certainly will come in useful, if I have to go down the road of writing letters. I have of course written to the teacher last week, but I've got every thing crossed that things will stop. I didn't see the boy there again this morning. With a bit of luck, he's left the school!!!!
Thanks again.
Take care
Alison
x :)
My fingers are crossed that he's gone.
xx
...and if he hasn't, then you now have some strategies to tackle the situation from the link that Anna gave you so I hope you are feeling more positive about it all, alisoncam ;)
Glad you found the link useful alisoncam. :)
I hope your son is having a good week. If this boy has left and gone to another school that might be good for your boy, however I do feel that we have to feel sorry for this little bully, who is obviously having troubles of his own. If anything starts up again, hopefully with the resources on that website, you will have the tools to do more about it.
Hi all
Well, the bad news is, the boy was at school yesterday, the good news is, he didn't bother my son, yessssssss. Anna, I understand what you are saying about feeling sorry for the bully because he must have problems, but I find it hard to feel sorry when it is my son that is being attacked.
I hope you're all having a good day
Take care
Alison
x :)
Sure, I understand that alisoncam.
Good to hear that he is leaving your boy alone, what a relief. :)
I'm so glad your son was left in peace. Long may it last.
Your take care.
xxx
I am glad, too :D Interesting, though, isn't it? to wonder what has turned that little boy into such a bully; he has clearly learned in his short life that you get your own way by violence. I so wonder if we as a society could put strategies into place that dissipate the situation and enable him to STOP being a bully.
Hi all
Bad news, but i'm dealing with it. Same boy has last year started on my son yesterday. My son told the teacher and nothing was done!!!! What I really can't get, is that there were 2 teachers in the classroom, with a group of about 10, and neither of the adults saw. It is unbelievable. I have now started making notes regarding what is happening. My son is doing the right thing by telling, and he says that he won't let the bullies get to him.
I am not showing my anger in front of him, but he knows that I am dealing with it.
The boy yesterday is jealous of my son, (previous teacher told me that). He is a nightmare at school, yet his mother says he is an angel at home. He is adopted, and now lives with 3 older girls. Looking at it from my son's point of view, this kid has a hell of a lot more than my son. I'm not talking about material things.
Thankyou for your support, at least I know I can come on here and say how I feel. I can rant and rave too. Can I ?????? :o
Take care all
Alison
x :)
yes alisoncam, you can! ;)
You do right to keep a log of what happens, in the end I fear you may have to go to the Education Authority.
I'm so glad he's telling you Alison.
I'm sorry it's being ignored by the teacher.
Loads of hugs for you and your son.
And yes... I often come here to rant (as I'm sure you've noticed). More effective than talking to the wall :D
Bad luck alisoncam, please feel free to rant away here, get it off your chest and then when you approach the teachers you will appear calm, diplomatic and assertive! :)
I am glad your son feels able to tell you and you feel empowered enough to look into it further, it is going to be a pain to deal with, but so worth it, it is a shame more parents don't be as proactive as you are.
I heard a story yesterday about a boy who became a bully. The story was that his mum had raised him on her own and completely doted on him for 5 years. She then met a man who eventually moved in, about a year after that mum then became pregnant and eventually had twin girls. This little boy had gone from being the apple of her eye, with all attention on him, to then having to share his mum with an adult and he then got shifted even further down the pecking order with having 2 baby girls who everyones attention was on, including their paternal family. Poor little blighter, I really felt for him, no wonder he wanted to fight against the world.
How sad is that? Although it doesn't take away the awful things that he been inflicting on others. :|
Yes that is sad Anna, and yes it doesn't take away the pain that he had dealt others. I have tried to understand why the kids do these things, I honestly have. I even tried having one of them round to mine, but it seemed to make the bullying worse for my son.
One mother said that the child was probably seeing me play with my son and his mother worked part time and never seemed to have time for him. I did feel for this boy, and even approached the mum, who was a friend of mine at that time. She asked for my opinion on it, and I told her that maybe he wanted her to sit and spend time either by playing, painting, creating or whatever. Her response was that she was in the room with him, and he had to learn to play on his own. I remember her complimenting me on how well my son could read in nursery. I told her that I always read to him at bedtime. She gave her son a book with a tape. It really is sad because she spent years trying for a baby, and at last she had one, but sadly, she doesn't have a lot of time to give him, and it's not because of her job either.
Take care all
Alison
x :)
Hi alison cam
That is interesting that you had one of the boys round to play, I was going to ask you whether you thought it was worth inviting the perpetrator to tea so you and your boy could get to know him and therefore disarm him by charm. if there was indeed jealousy involved then I guess that makes sense that it aggravated the situation,though. I still say there should be some help available at this early stage to prevent much worse trouble later on. If a child learns that violence gets them their own way, will they still be doing that to their partners when they are adults?
Did something a little bit naughty today!!!! In the line up at school, my son spotted the kid, (this years one). I approached him and said, 'So, you're ........ are you? He looked me in the eye, and I said, 'So, you're the one that has kicked, punched etc to ....... (my son's name). The culprit nodded. 'Well, I said, what you are doing is bullying, and I don't like it, so it stops right now doesn't it?'. The culprit nodded. I carried on with 'because if I find out you have hurt my son again, I will get very cross, and I will speak to ....... (headmistress). With that, it was time for class.
I don't feel good about talking to him, but I do feel better inside.
I didn't shout or have a cross voice, I spoke to him gently.
Well I don't suppose for a moment that the school would approve, alisoncam (they like to do it all themselves....or NOT do it as the case may be) but I have to say that this may well do the trick...watch this space! ;)
Hi all
My morning has gone like this. Take my son into his classroom, march over to the teacher, where the children are all sitting on the carpet waiting for the register. Teacher smiles at me!! I hand her a letter and say 'I'm really angry'. I then look directly at the child, and say 'aren't I ....... (boys name). I tell the teacher I have a weeks list of what 2 children have done to my son. I also tell her that there is a letter with it stating how unfair all of this is on my son. In the letter I have written that I want the boys parents brought in and told of their childrens behaviour, and that several times this week, my son has come out very tearful from school because of what is going on. I also stated on my list, that even though my son has told some teachers of the bullying, NOTHING is being said to the bullies, so that is giving the impression that they can carry on hurting my son, and my son is now thinking that no one cares about him. Well I damn well care, and this is going to stop, whether they handle it or I handle it.
Good for you!
Have you given a copy of this letter to the Head too? If not, (please don't think I'm telling you what to do - I'm not, honest...) then it might be an idea to. When you give the letter to her you can tell her that if you hear of another incident against your son you will be writing to the Governors and the Education Authority. They HAVE to act on it. Every school has and anti-bullying policy.
If it's not, go and see your MP. They always take notice when they hear from an MP. You can phone the MP's office up straight away to discuss it, even if the MP is away.
This is an absolute disgrace.
Hi
Just in from school. Cannot believe the cheek of my son's teacher. She actually called me over. Asked if the matter had been dealt with, and she said she will be dealing with it!!! Then she said, 'in future when you come into the classroom, can you not speak directly to ...... (boy's name). I was furious, and said, 'I was absolutely livid, do you understand that'. All she kept saying was about me saying I was angry and that I'd said the boys name in front of the class. SO BL.... WHAT!!!! She has actually done the same in effect, because some of the class were standing around when she was 'telling me off'.
Where does she get off?
I didn't get a copy of the letter to give to the Head mistress, I should have I know, but I'm thinking of ringing her in a mo.
Will let you know.
x :)
Hi Sparkling
I don't for one moment think you are telling me what to do. I am soooooo grateful for any advice on this subject. (Forgot to say this in the previous post). I value your opinion, thankyou.
I rang the headmistress. Told her who I was, and straight away asked if she was aware of what has been going on. She said not until that morning. I quickly jumped in and told her what had happened, and then I pointed out that the teacher had done exactly the same thing with me in front of some of the kids. She agreed with me, and said she would speak to the teacher about this. I also pointed out that the boys haven't been dealt with, and what is the point of leaving it until next week. It should be dealt with when myself or my son has reported it. Again she agreed. I think it is shocking that my son reports being hit, and the teacher does nothing. The head agreed totally. Didn't give her much choice really did i? ;) ;)
I also said that I don't think the teacher truely understands the effect all of this has had on my son. With that, I told her to have a lovely weekend, and hung up.
I feel slightly better, but am hoping none of what has been said today will go against my son, with regard to the teacher I mean. Surely she wouldn't take it out on him?
Take care Sparkling.
Alison
x :)
On the contrary, alisoncam, I would be very surprised if she didn't make sure your son was Ok from now on ;) However, I am not at all surprised she told you off, teachers have their own domain and I have plenty of memories of going to parents' evenings and sittin on the baby chairs whilst they were on the teacher's chair :o
As sparkling says, it is the Education Authority next, every school has to have an anti-bullying policy by law.
Hi Louise, Sparkling
I have papers on anti bullying for the school. I picked them up last year. I shall dig them out, and re-read. I am going to be more than ready for the school on Monday, so think I need to do lots of homework this weekend!!! This is boiling away inside me, and when that happens, I tend to either break down in tears or say something I later regret.
Thanks again guys. Have a coffee, then start digging the papers out.
Take care
Alison
x :)
The school should have a policy regarding bullying. You can ask to see this.
If the head does not deal with this in a satisfactory manner then you write to teh Chair of Governors.
It has to be dealt with and while the child is in the school's care they have a duty of care for that child (sorry, that's just repeating myself).
If the parent still isn't happy then take the matter to the Education Authority.
My son with special needs was bullied in primary by a very nasty boy, but the school was able to deal with it, providing my son would mention it. He tends not to, and so it usually has to wait until it's spotted.
The same boy continued the bullying into High School. My son is now in the third year there. The school do act immediately. My son has been pushed down stairs (on a number of ocassions), tripped in the corridor, pushed into mud, has his bag chucked into mud... Same boy each time. I have told the school that I'll withdraw him from school if it gets out of control (which is why I was interested in Michael's thread). I even had help from the special needs school we have locally too. My eldest keeps an eye on him though and will go straight to the head if he spots anything, so in that respect I'm fortunate.
The mother of the boy in question reckons her son is an angel - but then they always do. He's vandalised the primary school a few times too -they live opposite.