Definitely follow it up in writing. If you can, attach copies of all correspondence. Refer to the bits you have highlighted in your post above. Copy the page if need be and attach that too.
I'd suggest that rather than saying the boys concerned have gone unpunished, that something along the lines that: 'you feel the school has not dealt with the matter in a satisfactory way, as stated in their policy' might work a bit better as they may feel that they're being told what to do by you, which might make them a bit sensitive! While I think that they need to be flaming well told as they seem to be neglectful in their duty of care for your son, I just think sometimes they can get het up about things and not focus on the matter in hand.
Hi Sparkling
Thats a very good suggestion, thankyou. I shall definately word it how you say. Have been on the phone all morning, my ears are ringing!!! Spoke to my sister with colon cancer. I rang her Thursday evening, and she sounded very very low. Today, she seemed brighter. Got a few laughs out of her. Have asked if she is up for visitors next week. She seemed pleased, so arranged for Tuesday after dropping my son at school. Another sister told me that she is very frail, and sleeps a lot. I have prepared myself, so I won't let her see my shock. She herself told me she is hasn't any energy at the moment, but I said, that's because she isn't eating properly because of the pain in the stomach. She thanked me for ringing, and said I had given her something else to talk about other than the cancer. I had told her about losing keys, and the blinking bird in the kitchen. She said she thinks the robin was sent from Mum and Dad, to which I replied, 'well if it was them, they made a b.... mess'. So, we did have a bit of a laugh, which was lovely to hear.
Gabbling now, and getting bit teary. Can't do that, I've got loads to do before sleepover tonight. Thanks again Sparkling, you're a great help. Have a wonderful day.
Take care, hugs for you.
Alison
x :)
Hi Sparkling or anyone else
You've given me such good feed back, so was wondering if you could take a look at this, and add or take off some bits. Haven't finished it yet though.
Further to our telephone conversation on Friday afternoon, I have been reading up on the schools Anti bullying policy. If I could bring your attention to some of the points stated, which I have hi-lighted.
(will do that in letter later)
I feel that the school has not dealt with the matter in a satisfactory way, as outlined in the policy. (thanks Sparkling)
As you know, in year 1, ....... had a lot of problems with bullying, which were eventually resolved. I am aware that I am not the only parent who has made complaints but I am also aware that you cannot discuss this.
I didn't handle the situation very well on Friday morning with Mrs ....., and in front of some of the children, but it has to be said that I was and still am angry and upset that once again ..... is the target. It also has to be said, that Mrs ..... could have called me to one side Friday afternoon and spoken to me, rather than in front of some of the children. I guess we were both in the wrong.
Thanks for checking this, I want to do everything by the book, so need bit of help.
That's a very good letter, Alison.
Perhaps you could add that you would like an immediate reply to this letter, and if one isn't received to your satisfaction you will be taking the matter further.
It doesn't really concern them what 'taking the matter further' means, but they'll guess it's Chair of Governers, Education Authority etc...
It's a good idea not to mention the other brats, as they will know who you're referring to.
Hi Sparkling
Thats a very good suggestion, thankyou. I shall definately word it how you say. Have been on the phone all morning, my ears are ringing!!! Spoke to my sister with colon cancer. I rang her Thursday evening, and she sounded very very low. Today, she seemed brighter. Got a few laughs out of her. Have asked if she is up for visitors next week. She seemed pleased, so arranged for Tuesday after dropping my son at school. Another sister told me that she is very frail, and sleeps a lot. I have prepared myself, so I won't let her see my shock. She herself told me she is hasn't any energy at the moment, but I said, that's because she isn't eating properly because of the pain in the stomach. She thanked me for ringing, and said I had given her something else to talk about other than the cancer. I had told her about losing keys, and the blinking bird in the kitchen. She said she thinks the robin was sent from Mum and Dad, to which I replied, 'well if it was them, they made a b.... mess'. So, we did have a bit of a laugh, which was lovely to hear.
Gabbling now, and getting bit teary. Can't do that, I've got loads to do before sleepover tonight. Thanks again Sparkling, you're a great help. Have a wonderful day.
Take care, hugs for you.
Alison
x :)
I'm so sorry that you're facing this.
How ever much a shock it was that my parents and friend died so unexpectedly, I don't know how I would have coped with this
Loads of hugs and strength Alison. I hope you're sister is comfortable, at the very least...
xxxx
Hi Sparkling
Thankyou so much for support on both posts. I think which ever way someone is taken from us, it is terribly hard. When it is sudden there are no times to say goodbye, and to talk about things that are important. When it is a terminal illness, it is extremely hard watching someone in pain, and watching them go through so many different emotions. My Dad had 6 months from the time he was told, we went through good and bad times, had many laughs, but boy was it hard. My Mum had emphasema, so suffered for years. We had often talked about what would happen after she had gone. In the last 6 weeks before she went, it all happened so quickly, and so different from my Dad. A totally different illness, and so completely different. Heartwrenching.
After my Mum, my son was 2 1/2, and I used to think I was selfish to have brought a child into this cruel world, and know that one day he would have to face the pain of losing someone.
An emotional subject.
I hope you are not in any sort of pain today Sparkling. Have a lovely weekend with the children.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi Pansy
Thankyou for your kind words. Life certainly throws some stuff doesn't it? We are having a sleep over tonight, adult friend with her son. Half looking forward to it and half not. Hope that doesn't make me sound ungrateful, (i'm really not). It will actually do me good. Soooooooo, we shall put the world to rights tonight!!!!
Hope you are having a good weekend, and you're sorting the issues out with the ex mother in law.
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hello Pansy
All you have to do is press the "edit" button and one option from that is to delete :)
Hi sparkling lime, what fab support you have given to alisoncam on this matter, you really are a star (still looking for "halo" smiley!)
Hi alisoncam
I won't repeat what sparkling lime has suggested as I agree with what she has said. My only extra suggestion is that you don't put "I guess we were both in the wrong" Although I think that is a perfectly reasonable point of view, my experince of schools is that their staff do not like to be "wrong" (even when they clearly are! :lol: ) Good luck with this, remember to keep copies.....
Hope you enjoyed your sleepover and it wasn't too tiring....don't forget you can do the "jamas at 7pm trick" tonight.
Re your sister, gosh you are so wise to prepare yourself for the fact she may look different; I know that people with this type of cancer are likely to have had significant weight loss, for example. I guess you could just be guided by her to see if she wants to talk about the actual illness or other things, and by the way it is Ok to say to her "I am so glad to see you but I don't really know what to say, tell me what you would like to talk about" Remember to look after yourself in all this, too, it can be a dreadful strain, and also remember that we are all here for you :)
Hi alisoncam, considering all that you are going through, big pat on the back for you, for having the time to support and befriend the users of One Space.
I think the letter sounds good, I agree with Louise, try and keep it with the plain information, without your feelings added in. Then you are being assertive and they can't try and argue that you are being over emotional because you are the parent etc etc. Plain and simple facts.
Good luck, I hope you are keeping copies of all these letters??
Hi all, this is a letter I have given to Head this morning. Just read your comment Anna, thanks for it. Think I might have over done it, what do you think? I also sent one into my son's teacher. Will do that in the next post!!
Dear ......
Further to our telephone conversation on Friday afternoon, I have been reading up on the schools Anti bullying policy.
....... and I have reported incidents of kicking, punching, pinching, thumping, being swiped with a jumper etc. I feel that the school hasn’t dealt with the matter in a satisfactory way, as stated in the policy. This is why I have now brought it to your attention.
As you know, in year 1,...... had a lot of problems which were eventually resolved. I am aware that I am not the only parent this term that has made complaints, but I am also aware that you cannot discuss this.
I didn’t handle things very well on Friday morning with (teacher), and in front of some of the children, but it has to be said, I was, and still am angry and upset that once again ...... is the target. I took on board everything ..... said at the end of the day, but as I already pointed out to you, in effect, she did exactly what I had done. She also should have spoken to me away from the children.
From ...... point of view, and mine too, even though he has reported what has been happening, the boys concerned weren’t dealt with, and it is a sign for them that they can carry on. ....... told me on Friday afternoon that she will be dealing with it, but my question is, why wasn’t it dealt with that day?
I gave a letter to ..... regarding ..... behaviour toward ..... , and last Friday, a list of ..... behaviour. I assume these are now on record and I would be grateful if you could read them, and let me know in writing your comments, and how the matter is being dealt with. I have requested that ..... is moved away from ..... on the carpet, so hopefully this will be done today.
I fully understand the stress that teachers are under, but I am looking after the welfare of my son as any parent would do. It is very worrying picking up your tearful child. .... is a very bright, conscientious pupil, and I wouldn’t want anything to spoil that.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Sincerely
The pen kept flowing and I couldn't stop myself!!!! I've got the point across with both letters, don't think I've expressed my feelings too over the top have I? Now I'm panicking. OMG. Anna, I don't have a printer, and wasn't going to waste money photocopying, but I typed them on puter, so the letters are still saved ;)
Dear Mrs .....
With regards to Friday. I could have approached you differently, as you also should have done after school. Both matters should have been away from the children.
I cannot understand why the issues over the bullying haven’t been dealt with. As I’ve already mentioned, ...... was coming home very tearful, and it just shouldn’t be happening. It is really difficult explaining to him why nothing is being done, as I’m sure you understand.
As you know ..... loves school, and I wouldn’t want anything to spoil that for him.
I have informed ..... about everything that has been going on, as I’m sure you are aware of.
I assumed that as Head teacher, she would have already known, especially as .... has had problems with ..... in the past. As (headteacher) pointed out on Friday afternoon, she only knew about it in the morning. I understand (one of the bullies) wasn’t in school on Friday, but I still want ...... moved from him on the carpet.
Hopefully this will be a better week.
Yours Sincerely
Whoops, can I just say, in brackets, (one of the bullies), I obviously didn't write that in. I did put the childs name in. Thought I'd better clear that up. :o
Take care all.
Alison
x :)
Those letters are very clear, alisoncam. I do have to say to you that if you make sure you stay on the ball, although the school sounds to have been slow off the mark at the moment, once the penny drops then in future if they KNOW you will complain if things go wrong, they are likely to try harder, it is just human nature. That's awful: they should try with every child anyway, regardless of whether the parent is likely to take issue with them, but it seems to be the way the world works. :lol:
I hope your son had a good day today.
I hope the letters are effectivce and that you soon get a reply.
Hope you're doing ok.
:)
Hi
Son came out smiling today, :) Headteacher had a word with him and one of the boys. She kept him in at playtime, and was told to say sorry to my son. She also assured my son that the boys wouldn't bother him again!!! His teacher spoke to my son at the end of the day, and said the other boy did those things to him because he wanted to be his friend! She also said he wouldn't bother him again.
It is so wierd that the really bad one doesn't get to miss his play. I can't help wondering if they are a bit wary of the mother?? Anyhow, no reply to my letter yet. Will wait and see tomorrow.
Hopefully, this is the end. Was lovely to pick my son up, and see him glowing. He had a fantastic day. Thankyou to you all for your support. xxxxxx
I hope you are ok Sparkling. Is your leg totally cleared now? Any news from the social services? Hope they don't keep you hanging on for too long. Take care
No news this end.
I'm so glad he came out happy!
Loads of hugs and have a lovely, happy, de-stressed evening.
xxx
Glad your boy had a happier day, alisoncam.
Gosh they are taking their time re assessing you for help, sparkling lime, maybe you could give them a month's notice next time you anticipate having a mobility problem :?
Hi Sadsy
That was great, some very good points, thankyou for that. The printer thing, I think I need to get a scanner too !!!!!!!!!
Hi Pansy
I will definately be on the ball, no letter from the headteacher yet. (I requested one yesterday).
My son came out smiling today, yipeeeee. Had a lovely day. Everything is calm at home, I'm relaxed, he's happy, it's just great. Going to put pizza on. He wants that and salad tonight. (Do have habit of burning the edges though) I shall simply blame the oven. :lol:
Oh Sadsy, didn't I read that you burnt your finger? Hope it hasn't blistered too much. Use germoline, I'm a great believer in that.
Enjoy the rest of the afternoon you two.
Take care and thankyou
Alison
x :)
RESULT, (well, not entirely but I won't be doing anything about it).
My son brought home a letter for me from the headteacher. She starts by thanking me for my letters. Then goes on to say that my son's teacher had spoken to the two boys concerned when I had first mentioned it to her. She then said, that after I had again spoken to her last Friday morning, (when I got angry in the classroom), she had also spoken to the boys. (blatent lie, (a), one of the boys wasn't in school that day, and (b) she herself told me that same afternoon that she would be dealing with it.
The headteacher then goes on to write that she had spoken to my son with the two boys on Monday, (wrong, my son had already told me only one of the boys), and that she had also spoken to the boys parents on Monday, and written them a letter also.
What a blinking liar. Still so far, so good. The nastier boy was annoying my son at lunchtime today, by taking conkers and throwing them in bushes. I told my son to ignore him. Jesus, this kid really doesn't listen.
Not quite a result then if it's still going on...
I'm glad you've had a letter though. What a vile child that boy is.
I hope your son is doing ok.
xx
Hi
This has been playing on my mind since yesterday. I cannot get over the fact that the teacher and the head have actually told a lie. I don't want to approach them with it, but if the head asks me today if I've received the letter, i might actually bring it up. Do teachers actually think they can get away with things? I guess they do.
I'm tired.
Personally... Just my view point :roll:
Perhaps they felt that they needed to come up with this story so that it 'looks good' on paper. I don't believe they're going to put their hand's up an say they dealt with the matter incorrectly as it will go against their own policy.
I wonder if it's worth acknowledging the letter, thank them for taking action but stating that you can't agree with their sequence of events? That's not accusing them then, but pointing out that you have an idea of what they're up to...
I think that's appalling! I wonder if they have at least now reviewed their actions, know what they should have done and just might make sure they stick to it?
Hi Sparkling
You are brilliant! That is so good.
I wonder if it's worth acknowledging the letter, thank them for taking action but stating that you can't agree with their sequence of events? That's not accusing them then, but pointing out that you have an idea of what they're up to...
To be honest, I don't know whether if I follow it up, it might do more harm than good. This might sound weak on my part, but if I had a partner, I wouldn't think twice. I didn't come across the head today, and the teacher doesn't even acknowledge me!!!!(guilty as charged i think).
I will of course keep notes of any incidences that my son reports to me.
Thankyou again for all your input on this. You've been a great help. :)
Take care
Alison
x :)
Thank you Alison.
xx
Hi alisoncam
I agree with sparklinglime, I think you could respond saying thank you very much for her letter, however you understand from your son, that only one of the boys was in school last Friday and on Monday you have been told there was only one other boy at the meeting and you were wondering when the other boy will be spoken to.
You appreciate their time taken over this, however you would like to see a stop being put to the bullying as on Weds lunchtime you son was being bothered by one of them again.
I now that all this takes extra effort, but find it within yourself alisoncam as you have started the ball rolling and you don't want them to think you can be fobbed off with a letter that you obviously find full of untruths.
We are here to support you, it can't do more harm than good as you are showing a vested interest in the school and their way of dealing with bullies, which they obviously need help with and you feel passionately about.
Hi all
Things have been going great for my son at school. Last night, he anounced that he played with 'the bully' yesterday. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The boy asked if he could play with my son, and my lad told the dinner lady that he didn't want to play with him as he was the one who was mean to him. She then said, 'well, see how it goes for a few minutes'. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that if today, my son doesn't play with him, the boy will leave him alone, and not 'attack' because of the knockback. (we have found this happening in the past).
It gets me so frustrated, but I am leaving well alone, taking a back seat, and see how things go.
Have to say, during the 5 minutes play, another boy came over. There was a scuffle, and my son's tooth was knocked out. It was wobbly, but my son said it was very painful. (I'd like to nail the little monster on that, but I know it to be an accident) :evil:
Think I'll have to get my marching boots ready :lol: :lol:
Only another week to go, then a break, yipeeee
:)
Oh heck...
Definitely need to be prepared, unfortunately.
A week! I can do a week... I'm sure I can... :D
There's brave statemnt, sparkling lime> Sounds like you may be looking forward to a change of pace at half term?
Going to bash my head against a wall I think. I just knew that b....... brat would start again after yesterday. I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm just soooooooo mad.
I'm starting to think that they ignore what is going on because i'm on my own, and no man to go in on my behalf.
I will keep my cool, keep notes, and then blast them. Changing schools isn't an option, there will always be bullies wherever we go.
I want so much to go and speak to the Head tomorrow, but I'm going to my sisters (the one who has just come out of hospital).
The boy didn't lash out today, but his behaviour goes in a pattern. First the annoying, then the teasing, then the punching, pinching, kicking, etc. Do I wait, or deal with it.
Am really prattling on now. Going to take deep breaths, and then...........
Am I going to come across as a mother who over reacts, who maybe jumps in before the physical bullying begins, or would I be seen as a mother who reads the signs, and knows what is going to follow. Even my son said today, that it is going to start again.
I will sleep on this one I think.
Hi
Well, I have slept on it, and I also spoke again to my son. I am going to bide my time, as he has been reporting whatever has happened. I am sure there is one teacher who hasn't been told, and an incident happened in his class, so this morning I shall speak to him, as my son has a lesson with him today. (I just want him to be aware, and keep the boys apart). During our conversation last night, (I knew my son no longer sits next to the boy on the carpet) what I didn't know was that it was my son who was moved. I kind of think that the other boy should have been moved. It sort of looks as if it was my son who was causing the trouble!!!!
It appears the boy is getting away with all sorts in the classroom. He ran rings round the classroom assistant yesterday (the teacher had gone out of the room) It is appalling behaviour, and when told to leave the classroom, the kid just replies with a sharp 'NO'. How on earth can a 6 year old get away with it all?
As I'm typing, I can feel my stomach knotting at the thought of it all. This child is going through to the middle school next year, and already I'm dreading it. (Do I look ahead too much) I feel it is going to get so much worse, and I won't stand a chance.
One thing at a time eh. First, today I speak to the man teacher. If anything occurs (no matter what the incident) I will speak to the Head tomorrow. It is my son's play in the morning, so I will see her directly afterward. If nothing occurs, I shall bide my time.
Hi alisoncam
It is sooooo hard deciding what to do and I think it is harder if you are parenting on your own, as there is no-one to discuss it with. I don't know if you are continuing to keep a log but I think that sounds a really good idea, especially to back up any complaint you may have to make in the future. Good plan to speak to the man teacher!
I wonder why they are tolerating this behaviou from this boy, all this back-chat to teachers? I wonder if there is something going on in his family that they can't tell you because of confidentiality eg a bereavement, a divorce etc. and they are making allowances. If you are speaking to the Head, I think it would be worth asking (very politely) if indeed there is some special pastoral reason why the boy is treated differently to other children. Of course she won't tell you what it is but if she says yes then that might at least explain things.
Hope you find your sister in decent spirits
I'm sorry Alison.
It's up to the Head to have told the teacher.
Write to the Chair of Governors, c/o the school's address. I do think it's gone beyond now. Maybe base the letter similar to the one before? That you feel the school is failing in it's duty of care towards your son, and not implementing the anty-bullying policy.
While it seems unfair they're moving your son away from the lad, they probably know that your son with listen. It could be that they also know the parents of the lad and are aware of the reaction they'll get from his parents. Parents don't always support the school in their decisions and will always be convinced their son is wonderful (which I'm sure he, um, is).
Hi Louise and Sparkling
All ok today, although my son was very miserable after school. I couldn't raise a smile from him. A friend was driving down, stopped, and his face lit up. We got a lift, and he asked her if she would also come to his assembley in the morning. She has agreed, so he is delighted. For tonight, I am not going to press him about anything.( I have told him that he can tell me anything)
I spoke to the man teacher, he is lovely. My son used to go to gymnastics after school, but I pulled him because I couldnt afford it. He was very upset, but still gets to do gymnastics once a week during school time with the lovely man. The teacher keeps asking my son when he is going to go back to after school club. I really don't want him in it, so i've looked into something away from the school. As luck would have it, this man does do other clubs. It means 2 buses, and it costs quite a lot. My son is so eager to do it, and I know he was very good, so now I'm pondering about it.
I know I've had a rough few days, buttttttt,, I seem to have lost my posts. Now I know I'm not mad, because Claire Louise answered them, as we were the only ones able to get on One Space!!!! C-L can you help me out here, and back me up on this please :lol: :lol:
Alisoncam, I saw your posts but was unable to answer them. Please see "hello" on the Introduce Yourself topic ;)
Hi all
Just a brief outline as to what happened on Monday at son's school. The 'bully', hit, pulled hair, got my son on the ground and bounced on him! I immediately rang the school, the headmistress didn't seem that interested, and I was really angry about that. I wrote her a letter the following day, and she actually approached me in the playground, so we spoke about it. She seemed more understanding I have to say. I pointed out to her that I had been doing some background work via the net, to see how other schools care for children who are being bullied. I gave the Head a suggestion, and she told me that in the classrooms, there are boxes for children to put their concerns about, and the teacher would read and deal with it, without the bully knowing.
I had never heard of these boxes, and said that my son had never mentioned them. 'Oh yes, there are in all classrooms', she said. I asked my son later that day, and no, he didn't know what I was talking about.
Had open evening after school today, and I mentioned it to the teacher. SHE DIDN'T KNOW EITHER. To be honest, I wasn't surprised, as this Head has lied to me before, (remember in a letter). The teacher has made a note, and will get on to it!
I was given a glowing report about my son, so I came away delighted, and extremely proud of my son, and of course me. Can't not give myself credit eh!!
Hope all well with everyone
Take care
Alison
x :)
Hi alisoncam
I bet you are proud as Punch of your boy!!!!! That's so awful about the so-called boxes in the classsrooms, just goes to show you have to be on the ball. Glad you are staying close to what is going on.
I'm so pleased for you Alison. Your son is brilliant - and yes, you do deserve a big hug and 'pat on the back'. :D
I do hope this teacher does start to get on with a bit of observing now!
Hi Claire Louise
The other parents I have spoken to, although they have been in and complained, they haven't backed it up with a letter. When one child was going through the same thing as my son at the start of term, I rang her, and said I would support her all the way as I knew exactly what she and her son were going through. I thought out of the other Mums, she would take it further to the Head, but she didn't.
I honestly don't understand these parents. I wouldn't stop at anything to deal with what is happening where my son is concerned.
Wow, this was a bit spooky! As I was typing the post above, one of the mums rang me. My son isn't at school today, so she was ringing to see how he was. She thought he was off school because of the 'bully'. Her son is having problems again this week with the same boy. At her open evening, she too spoke to the teacher, (same as my son's). I told her to write to the Headteacher, so she is also aware of it happening. At least I won't be the only one to put it in writing.
Hopefully, this will now make the school sit up and take some sort of action.
Will let you all know after half-term!
Take care all, and enjoy the holiday.
Alison
x :)
Hi
Found the papers.
Some of it goes like this: Incidents of bullying will be dealt with promptly and effectively in accordance with anti bullying policy. (My son being bullied hasn't been dealt with at all despite me going in and also writing 2 letters now).
For the children, there is a whole list of things that they should do, ie, tell someone, tell the child to stop, tell someone they trust, teacher, parent etc. (My son has done all of these). Keep a diary of what happening and refer to it when you tell someone. (I did this yesterday)
Proceedures for reporting and responding to bullying incidents. Appropriate action will be taken quickly to end the bullying behaviour.
The following sanctions may be used; Apologise to the victim, verbally or in writing. Lose playtimes. Parents will be invited in to school. Be removed from class and work in isolation. Fixed term exclusion. Permanent exclusion.
The list goes on. It does say that it should be reported first to the teacher, if not satisfied, then go to the Head. (Done this)
So, I thought maybe I should follow my phone call yesterday with the Head with a letter referring to the call. Perhaps outlining what has happened to my son in the last few weeks, and commenting on the fact that the boys have gone unpunished etc. Any thoughts from you all would be very much appreciated.
Take care, Alison x