I don't blame you for getting worked up.
I would ask to see the teacher, the TA and the headmaster and ask how this needs to be dealt with.
Yes, C is a very bright lad. And... How do they want this dealt with? What if they were to move him up a year - a solution, perhaps, to getting him away from this lad. They would have to meet up again though in Year 6 (this has happened in the primary school here, but the secondary school would not allow the child to move up a year in advance).
What are they going to do to stop this lad bullying C? Why is it that all of a sudden this is being turned around? Does the loss that C has had not count for a thing? If he is able to still behave, why isn't this other lad expected to?
C needs work to match his level of ability. The school needs to make sure that this is dealt with correctly. So, is the school now saying its their fault that C is being bullied?
With regards to what happened at school. I feel that should be dealt with by the school, and you need to let that one go.
I would certainly no include the TA in all discussions as she seems to have, in my opinion, a biased view point.
Nothing justifies bullying. If this lad has had a hard time, then the school should be providing and NSPCC counsillor to help him.
Sorry, but totally mad here for you.
Loads of hugs.
I am expecting a letter from the teacher tonight. I will have a read, and see what is in it, then if necessary I shall AGAIN ask to meet with her.
I was told in Reception, that children are not moved up a year, in Year 1 C was given different work to the others, the teacher even kindly sent him a folder home with various stuff. He still had to complete what the other kids were doing, but as he finished it in no time, he then took out another book. Year 1 teacher was the same as Reception, and even though she told me numerous times that C would be given different work, this never happened.
I know that C wouldn't want to leave his classmates. The incidents that take place are mostly in the playground to be honest, so even if he could move, it wouldn't totally solve the problem.
If this Mother wants to keep giving sob stories, (sorry, I'm not being sympathetic here), then I will also go down this road, perhaps by saying about the bereavements, having a father that doesn't give too hoots, about being sexually abused, and then I shall make a comment about me having to deal with all of this on my own, (I don't have a partner to offer support, my son doesn't have siblings, like the other child does), and then ask what the difference is.
Of course I probably won't say any of this, that's just me sitting here getting angrier and angrier.
I am fed up to the back teeth of the snide comments I get regarding C and his brightness. I have always played this down with him, and certainly knock him down to size if need be. I honestly feel criticised for everything I do with him. Spoiling him for playing with him, spoiling him for spending out on 2nd hand stuff (just so he doesn't feel left out). If he was a child that wasn't as smart, I'm sure I'd be criticised for being a single parent, living in a council flat, living on benefits, and having a child that wasn't as bright as others. You just can't win.
Friends, who I thought were friends, I don't say anything about their children. I don't tell them how spoilt they are for getting absolutely everything they want, for being able to have swimming lessons, and yet they think they have the right to say things to me.
I shall pick C up with a smile on my face, receive the letter, and then take things from there.
You're right.
Wish I had some answers...
Sorry.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hello alisoncam
You must feel as if you can't win. Unfortunately there still is some prejudice against lone parents (ridiculous when you consider how many of us there are!) and you are right when you say that you would still be blamed whether he was bright or struggling academically.
Did the TA have the permission of the teacher to discuss C with you? it sounds as if she did not. See what the teacher's letter says. I appreciate you are angry (and I would be if it were my child) but you will be more effective if you stay calm. Love yourself enough not to mind whether these people say C is spoilt; you know the truth, you can rise above that.
The issue of whether this other boy's behaviour is "excused" by his hard life is quite another matter. If his problems are such that he in unable to behave then he needs a lot of extra help and support and school should be playing their part in this. I would not imagine that includes just letting him be violent to all and sundry. It does sound as if he is jealous of C, and maybe you could explain this to C, not to excuse this boy but so C can understand why it is happening. You have already said to C that it is best to let the teachers sort out what table people are on, that's fair enough, but my personal view that is that C should not have to hide his talents. A child that is extra-bright has special needs, in different ways from those children who struggle with the academic work, and school should provide for them all.
Have you received a letter?
No letter, but the teacher approached me and said she would have a meeting with me, it's for next Thursday.
I have explained to C about this boys behaviour, and that maybe he is jealous of him, but like you say Louise, it doesn't excuse what is happening. I was a lot calmer when I went at 3.30, 
It's Friday tomorrow folks, so that's another thing to be happy about.
x
Thank goodness its Friday.
xx
Ditto!! Thank Crunchie its Friday!
I am not surprised you are feeling so angry about this alisoncam, why should your child have to 'understand' why he is being picked on.
I wonder whether the school is dealing with the mother of this boy, but they are unable to tell you because of confidentiality reasons?
Keep going, although it must feel like you are banging your head against a brick wall, I admire your perseverance. I do hope the school will stop burying their head in the sand.
Did you ever get in touch with ACE? At the bottom of the page I have linked to there is a Complaints procedure link. I think it is time to get the Governors involved, if this next meeting gets nowhere.
Hi Anna, yes I did contact ACE a few weeks ago, they were really helpful, and sent me some booklets too. I shall wait and see what the outcome is next week.
More trouble yesterday, but not to do with C. A Mum was extremely cross, as her son is also having bullying issues, with not just the one, but three boys. Hers has been constant too. Anyhow, she rang me, and said after speaking to the teacher, she then thought of something else, so went into the classroom after school, and this poor woman was in tears with the Headmaster, and two other teachers present. I feel the teacher is at the end of her tether, and not only dealing with the badly behaved children, but is constantly receiving complaints from the parents (quite rightly so). This teacher is just 23, and I do feel so sorry for her. Maybe now the Head has seen what state she got in, perhaps he himself will step in.
Yes, I do feel sorry for the teacher......but I feel much sorrier for the children who are being bullied. As you say, hopefully the Head will take some action now
I'm not sure I feel sorry for her. The Head should make sure she's not put in this situation without support. The Head knows the problems, and could spend time in her class, and should be observing playtimes.
Thanks Helen T.
x
Maybe she is already having one and has been recommended to "ignore" complaints and let the school deal with it.....which they weren't, but maybe now the Head is involved it will get better.
Fingers crossed for C
I assumed C could and would tell me anything. Today he tells me that a year 6 boy has been 'at' him since last week. One day he pulled his hair, the next day he smacked him round the head, next day he put arm round his neck and shoved him to the floor, and today it happened again. I am shocked to say the least, as C has no hesitation in telling me about the bully in his class, and yet an older boy is doing stuff, and C says nothing. I've been trying to figure it out in my head why he has kept silent. Is it because the boy is in a higher year? C is in year 3. Is C more frightened of this one than the one he has dealt with in his own class? Am at a loss really, but I find it upsetting that C didn't tell me until today.
Maybe he was not sure you could do so much about it, with it being a "big boy". Sometimes our children can keep things from us and it is worrying. All you can do is to stress that it is really important for him to tell you if someone is hurting him and you will not be cross with him. Has the other boy threatened him with more hurt if he "tells"?
I was also thinking this Louise, as when I told C that I shall speak to the year 6's teacher, C wasn't very keen at all. Perhaps he is thinking that it might cause more trouble for him, but then what am I supposed to do to stop it!!!
It is hard, I know. Children often "do not want a fuss", even when the other child has not threatened them further. However, in my book bullying is never right and it makes sense to speak to the Y6 teacher.
Have you writtent things down for the meeting tomorrow? Another to add.
Poor, poor C.
I sometimes think that they can cope with some and not with others. It's what I feel after youngest has gone up to high school and told me what he was glad to get away from...
xxx
Went and spoke to boys teacher. C pointed the boy out to me, and I went over and asked him if he was ?. Next I asked the teacher if I could have a private word with her outside the classroom. She was lovely, asked C if he wanted me to tell her, or him. He then told her what had been happening. Straight away she said, it is not acceptable, the older children have been told to stay away from the younger ones, and that the boy would miss 3 days of his play, write lines, and a call to his parents. I think this boy is another of the naughty ones, as she wasn't surprised that it was him. Anyhow, she told C that as a teacher she wouldn't be doing her job if the bullying carried on, and that it was the same for any teacher, they are not there just to teach, they are there if the child has any concerns whatsover. I tell C this time and time again, so it was great for C to hear this from a teacher. She is also speaking to the head of year, and together they will speak again with C. She assured him that it will stop.
Poor thing was frightened, I could see that when he backed away when I approached the boy, (not that he will admit it of course).
His teacher is away sick, so not sure if meeting will take place tomorrow now. Not to worry, I will be speaking to her at some point. I am also raising concerns over the fact that I was assured last week that C will be monitored in the playground. Obviously not, as other boy wouldn't have been given a chance to do what he has been doing to C!!!!!
Well done alisoncam , you handled that very well and how fantastic to get a proper response from the teacher.
Do still get writing your list for C's class teacher. if she is off sick again tomorrow then you will have to decide what to do next: maybe leave it till next Monday, provded there is no more trouble. I would not wait any longer and if she is still off you need to see the Head or at least the head of year saying that you had a meeting arranged that has not taken place. In the meantime it will be interesting to note whether the replacement supply teacher appears to handle things differently.
C's face fell to the floor when he saw the teacher in the classroom. He had her yesterday, and absolutely didn't like her. For him to say that, well!!!!
Wonder if she's gone off with stress...
C did say that she could hardly talk on Monday, but I was thinking of stress too. I wouldn't be surprised.
Is the headmaster involved with this meeting?
Don't think so.
Oh dear re new teacher.
I must admit I did think of stress with usual teacher.....
Hi alisoncam, glad that you have some info from ACE, I think they are brilliant. I wonder if it is worth taking the booklets with you.
Maybe the school could do with their number or website details as they don't seem to be handling these situations very well.
These teachers are good, I'll give them that!!!! Yes, I'm being sarcastic.
Year 6 boy, DID NOT miss any playtimes today. Head of that year DID NOT speak to C. In fact as far as I can see, nothing that was said this morning has happened. The boy did go over to C, off his own back I guess as a teacher wasn't present, and said sorry.
Boy am I mad.
My mind is completely blank, and i have no idea what questions to ask!!!
That is so disappointing that the Year 6 lad was out. That sounded so promising.
Why is it that no appropriate punishment is being dished out?
Why is it that the children who are bullied don't see any action being taken against those who have bullied them?
Where is the incentive in not carrying out action against the bullies, when it has been stated what action will be taken?
Why is that your child is scared and upset about going to school when all he wants to do is work hard and enjoy playtimes?
Been to in-laws for tea today. Mother-in-law is quite wonderful... Then came home and left again for a scout executive meeting. Just got in. There was a calor gas fire in this committee room that's left me with a headache...
Thankyou Sparkling, you're an angel. I hung around on here last night until nearly 9, as I saw some others here, and hoped they'd pop in, and help along the lines of questions! This morning, I logged on, and hey presto!
I found a letter from the previous Head regarding the bullying that took place in the Infant school. Doesn't say an awful lot, but it is proof that it was happening there. (considering this wasn't in C's records) Plus a letter from my GP also saying that C was being bullied, his complaints at the time of continuous headaches, tummy pains, tests being carried out etc. This letter was also not put in his records. In fact the GP at the time asked the Head to respond to her letter, and this wasn't even done!!!! I couldn't however find any of my copies of complaints, but I'm hoping these two letters will prove to the school that it has been going on for too long, and not something that has just started.
Hope the head wasn't too bad, the heat must have been very intense.
I think I am volunteering in there today, and last night I did think of something. I could maybe go to the year 6 teacher and say something like, 'I think you may be punishing the wrong lad, as ? was in the playground yesterday'.
Also turns out, the mother of the 'bully' in C's class, was ranting and raving yesterday, complaining that someone has been bullying her son!!! She had a letter to hand in. Funny, how it wasn't a b***** joke now it's happening to her own boy!
Oh my goodness, so the boot is on the other foot now!
Right, so you are not sure whether your meeting is on today or not but you are getting ready anyway, good plan. First of all, I don't think you need to be as subtle as that with the Y6 teacher, it would be sufficient to say "I feel concerned that although you assured me that X would be missing his playtimes in respect of bullying C, this did not happen. Please can you clarify what punishment the boy in question received?" I would bet my bottom dollar that he had a big talking to and was told to apologise.
You have some questions from sparkling lime to add to your list. I would also suggest a more general question: why is the school's anti-bullying policy not being enforced? Also, although this is an extremely emotive issue, it would be helpful not to get emotional at the meeting if at all possible. Take a notepad and pen and say that you will be sending them a written record of the meeting and any agreed actions (bit like minutes of a committee meeting).
Good luck!!!!
Thankyou Louise. Could do with Sparkling for the minutes,
Am gathering up my bits and pieces now, notebook ready with questions, ACE booklet, letters.
C and I had a real blow up yesterday. He was shouting all sorts at me, so full of anger. Have to say I got angry back, then took myself into the kitchen, telling him to stay in his bedroom until he'd calmed down so we could talk about it. Haven't seen him like that in a very long time.
It's horrid when they get angry, and sometimes we can't help being angry back at them. Good idea to do the time out thing. Another idea would have been the "When you can speak to me in a respectful voice then I will listen to you" thing, but if they are shouting then they might not hear you anyway!
Good luck although I suspect that the teacher will still be off......Re the minutes, just another little tool to help: as the teacher says something and you go to write it down, say it out loud eg "so you are going to consult with the head of year and you are going to advise me of the outcome within seven days...yep I've got that". This is very effective in letting them know what it is you are expecting and have recorded in writing, but it also stops them rabbiting on with the next thing before you have had chance to write down the point in question heh heh
Good luck with today Alison.
I hope you enjoy the volunteering part too.
Catch you all later.
xxxxxxxxx
PS I think calor gas heaters should be banned! Did I say that yesterday?!
Yes, good luck alisoncam
What is with the gas heaters, sparkling? Do you think there are fumes that give you a headache?
Hi all,
I have been reading through this thread and the first thing that struck me was there didn't seem to be any option suggested(in the early stages) by the school of some kind of mediation with the Teachers and all the Parents of the children involved,This should have been nipped in the bud at the start. I did note that Alison said the mother of one of the boys was unapproachable which does not help, but that said the option should have been given, instead Alison has had to persistently keep on at the school whilst others just didn't seem to take it all that seriously, Bullying is very disturbing for 'anyone' and its totally unacceptable and unfortunately it does seem to be rife amongst schools and society in general today.
Hi warmley-single. Yes you're right, bullying does seem to rife in schools, that's why it should be sorted out quickly at a young age. At least then, there is a chance of stopping or at least controlling it.
Mediation between parents, for me anyway, wouldn't have worked. I feel at the beginning especially when you know the parent, it is best to try and sort it out between ourselves, then if it doesn't work, then get the school involved. I went down the route of speaking to the Mum, who at first was shocked, but that soon disappeared. From then on, she turned it into a joke, and then it was my turn to be shocked!!! This woman has even pushed me in the back, simply because I wanted to speak to the teacher. If that can happen, then I'm not surprised her child is as he is.
Feel like I'm about to walk into the lion's Den. I'm very calm, which is good for this meeting, but I'm also anxious.
Really hope you feel you've got somewhere.
xxxxxxxxxxx
Survived it, hehe. Not sure who was more nervous, the teacher or me!!
Started off by saying that since last week, C hasn't had anymore trouble with the class bully. I thanked her too for sorting it, but pointed out, that with his pattern of things, it will die down for a while, and then normally starts back up. I asked if the boy was still being monitored in the playground, and she confirmed that he is. (I know that he is still doing stuff to other children, but didn't feel it my place to question her on this). Asked what stage action was taken, and she said, an action plan is underway where the boy is concerned. His parents are givien daily reports, and he is dealt with on everything that is reported, whether that be, saying sorry, missing playtimes. I immediately picked up on that one, by saying what had been told to me yesterday regarding the year 6 boy. Asked first what missing 3 playtimes meant. Again she confirmed that it meant just that, so I asked her why then was this boy in the playground yesterday??? She needs to speak to the teacher concerned and will get back to me!!! Gave letters from previous Head and Dr and said I wanted these on C's records, as well as the letters that I have already written to her. She said these had already been placed there. Is Head of year aware of all incidences? Only if the teacher thinks she needs to be, so C's hasn't been noted.
I spoke about the TA who approached me last week, and asked if she herself had asked this woman to speak to me. No. Told her I didn't appreciate being told that the boy had had a hard life, and I wasn't comfortable in discussing these things in front of C and other Mums. Going to speak to the TA regarding this, and other stuff.
She herself said that all of this should have been dealt with in the Infant school, and all the teachers are shocked that it has been allowed to carry on. I did get a few little odds and sods in, (naughty I know, but couldn't help it). Mentioned that I'd had dealings with the boy's Mum and she treats bullying as a joke, and to me this is appalling behaviour. Also commented that I am aware of others going through the same thing as me.
All in all, it was a good meeting, and I'm quite happy with her answers. If C was still going through it, maybe I wouldn't have been, but for now, it's ok. She told me that no matter what happens, should it start up again, then for me to go and speak to her. I did say that C doesn't always report things because I feel he has got to the stage that he feels nothing is being done. She reassured me again, that it is all being taken seriously, and the Head is also aware of everything.
Another Mum is going in tomorrow, she has asked for the Head to be there, and I know she really is up in arms about it all. Don't think for a minute that meeting will be as calm as mine was.
Well done alisoncam, big gold star for bravery today!
I don't think you were naughty at all. her sying it should have been dealt with at Infants may well be true but the fact remains that it is happening now and under her nose. That's a bit like a judge saying oh well if only the petty crime of X had been dealt with then he would not have done all these murders so we will not punish him!!!!!
I am sure you feel pleased that there is another parent on the case too.
It is still worth asking the year 6 teacher about the playtimes, if you get chance.
Hurray Alisoncam!
Well done for sticking to your guns and being so brave 
!
HelenT
Taking a bow here Thankyou. I so loathe these sort of things, but it has to be done doesn't it?
Hopefully Alisons persistence has paid off, I think I would have lost patience and pulled my son out of there but then then another part says no, why should you? I am mother of 2 boys and I have to say my eldest who is now 14 did have some problems like this at primary school but they were short lived thankfully. I hope this has put an end to your situation now.
Thankyou W-S, so do I. Lovely to see you joining in with the threads.
Hope you're having a good evening.
x
Today I was approached in a workshop thing by a TA. Originally she'd come over to tell me not to play a certain game with C as he could do something much harder, (like I didn't know). Anyhow, she then started to speak to me about what has been going on with the certain boy. To say i am angry is an understatement, and I shall be speaking to the teacher at some point. I was told that this boy has had a hard life!!! Wrong. I know the history of this child, as before all of this started, the Mother had been here, and we'd spoken over the phone. I have listened to all the excuses before, from, it's because C doesn't play with him, C is brighter, more popular, and is a happy boy, now this bit about having a hard life, and also a few weeks back, he has had a bereavement in the family. This morning, I swung round and told the TA that my son has also had bereavements in the family, plus friends, he has also had problems in his life, that i wasn't prepared to discuss this as C was sitting with us, as well as other children with their parents. I did point out, that if C behaved in the way this other child does, then I would be also dealing with it as his Mother.
I'm fed up to the back teeth of excuses for this child. Ok, if he has problems, then they should be working with the Mother to sort it.
TA then went on to say that C is clearly the brightest in the class, then said and 'he knows it'. I didn't like this comment, so I said, 'well, of course he knows it, he has been told from Nursery right through year 1, 2, now 3, so what do you all expect'. I have tried my best not to make a bloody issue out of it, but it has been drummed into him at school. According to the TA, C was at a desk with her, and another child joined them by mistake. C told the child that he was at the wrong desk, and that the child wouldn't be able to do that particular work. I hope it wasn't said maliciously, TA didn't say that, but now I'm really feeling quite hurt, I think that is the right word to describe it, hurt and embarrassed. Two other parents heard the TA telling me this, and one of the parents is the one that pulled C to bits the other week at home about bragging that he is clever.
I'm really upset over this, and to be honest don't know if I should be telling C off for what happened at school, or should I let it go as I wasn't there. I did speak to C after leaving the workshop and told him that he shouldn't have been the one to have told the boy about being at the table, that it was down to the teachers. I told him a few weeks ago that instead of saying he is one of the clever ones, to just say he is in the top group, and he has been doing it, but then the TA, in front of him, comes out with the fact that C is brighter than the rest of the class, and has totally bloody embarrassed me. Of course I'm proud, but .........
Sorry, I'm really worked up here, and probably for stupid reasons really. One of the Mums phoned me a while ago, and told me that wasn't the place for discussing things
She didn't say that to the TA though.