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Morning. Sorry to waffle on but I'm having a bit of a wobble this morning. Though i know my desicion was the right one and i do remember why, i still can't help feeling like the most horrible person ever for just cutting him out of my life just like that. He had no warning it was coming to this, and i just ended it out of the blue. I can't quite believe i hurt him so much and left him in the state hes in by ripping his life apart, i feel so cruel and callous :-( I've had thoughts along the lines of did i really try hard enough? was i kind enough to him in our relationship? was i just angry? I guess i'm just mortified with myself for ending it just like that, 8 years and i just walk away, and thats it, the end. But then looking at it from the other way round, if it was me, i would rather someone just tell me, though maybe i would pefer someone lets me down gently or gives me warning. But if i was let down gently and i was still in love and wanted the relationship to work, then i would fight for it, try harder and not let go which would probably have the same effect as just being told straight. Sorry if i'm not making much sense, still know it was the right choice but boy do these feelings come and go and yes, it is all so very strange :-( x x
That all sounds really good midgeymoo
But you didn't just end it out of the blue really, you started to detach yourself from him from the time you decided to move to your own place and there have been incidents over the past months which have endorsed that decision. I know that you feel guilty, that's understandable, but the alternative was to carry on living a lie so you did the best you could and that is all anyone can ever ask of you. Tough but true.
Take care of yourself through all this
Thank you
I know i'm going to have wobbles here and there, i did make the right choice, i know that :-)
Okay, i feel afraid i may be judged with what i'm about to say.. But i've never hidden my feelings on here so here goes..
I'm not sure if i mentioned that a few weeks back I got asked out for a drink, by a guy who looks after my car at the garage. I've known him and chatted away to him, general banter (as i do with most people :-)) for just over a year now. he said that he knows hes not meant to and that he and his business partner risk losing a customer but 'i'd like to offer to take you out for a drink sometime'. I said it would be nice to do that sometime..
Later that day he messaged me on facebook (am down as a 'like' on their business) saying he hopes he didn't offend me, the offer stands and left his mobile number. I explained that things are a little complicated at the moment as i'm am going through a big decision in my life and that i need to get my head sorted and round things before i join him for a drink. I said that if he can be patient and wait then great, but if not then its been nice to chat.
Anyway. I sat there the other eve (weds) with my mum friends at the pub sipping my drink, thinking this is nice i'd like to get out to do a little more of this now and again. So i'm off out this weekend with a couple of friends and thought that maybe it would be nice to go out for that drink, no strings, just friends So i asked him when hes free and we're going for a drink on Tues eve 
Please be honest with me... Am i being stupid? I'd like to go, but it feels wrong to, like i'm betraying my ex partner (it still feels weird to say ex, like not quite right, everything is so weird) or betraying myself even. I am so much more aware of what i want/don't want nowadays, but i'm still scared/afraid. Doesn't make any sense does it?
x x
I say go for it, midgymoo, your head just takes a little whole to catch up with reality, that's all. Rather like after you have had a baby, you still don't attempt to get through narrow gaps for a while cos in your head you still have the pregnancy belly and couldn't get through the space, know what I mean?
You are a free agent!
Hi midgeymoo, I think you need to stop with the self flagellation, (beating yourself up). It doesn't help anyone and the only person it harms is yourself.
You are the only one in control of your life, you are the only one who knows if something is right or wrong for you, you are thoughtful and considerate, so whatever you decide, you have to take ownership for your decision, regardless of how it turns out.
I'm so sorry, i don't mean to go on and on.. my head is in a spin. One thought conflicts another, that sort of thing.. Right choice, but hurts all the same. I feel so crap because I turned a persons life upside down..
Sorry girls, know it will become easier as time passes and i get my head round things x x
I think you are taking too much responsibility for this situation. Your ex turned your life upside down too? Your ex didn't make you happy. He didn't make your boys happy.
You went to get the keys yesterday, how did it go? I am hoping that because you feel so responsible you spent ages listening to him about how hurt he is? You have done that once and you don't need to be swayed right now, you need to look after yourself, you have made a big decision that was difficult for you, don't let it all become undone because of a weak moment.
Your head will be in a spin, but we are here, I think it is great that you did what you needed to do 
Hi. I went back yesterday. I had alot of my stuff still at his which i needed to sort out as well as sorting the keys out. I was there most of the afternoon sorting, packing and boxing stuff, some i took home with me the rest i have put in his garage until i can move it elsewhere to store (have bunk beds and bikes etc too). The good thing is, he cut me a key for the garage so i can come and go as i please to pick stuff up and i know when hes not in (working - same pattern daily for 8 years). I have located other storage so plan to move stuff out of there swiftly. He treated it like an afternoon together, offering drinks and food and even offering to cook a meal i accepted the drinks and ate some sandwiches i'd taken along. Yes he did speak about himself and how hurt he was and wanted to know what he'd done and if i was dating etc. I told him that if i was seeing anyone/dating it would be none of his business and my choice. As for him wanting to know why i'd ended it, i told him now was not the time and there may never be a time to say. He said he'd have me back anytime even in a years time if i wanted it because he loves me so much. I told him that i don't know what the future holds, but there is no going back and my however painful it is my decision is made, this is the end.
We parted with a kiss on the cheek, though he attempted more but i backed away out of the door and said 'no more'. He asked if this was it, and am i just going to cut him out of my life and my boys life. I said that at this moment in time, yes, as then there is no false hope, time to heal and move on. I told him that if i saw him i would that i'm not rude and would acknowledge him but that i would not stop to engage in conversation. I said that the dust needs to settle, and he needs to acccept that this relationship is no more. I told him that i make no promises and i tell no lies, but being able to be friends may happen, but not for a while.
He did mention all the children. My two appear to be ok, i've had no tears or angry outbursts or anything and i have kept them informed throughout of what is/has happened. My ex has not yet tols his children as they are on hols with their mum. He did ask if his youngest could call me if shes really upset about it, i said SHE could (not him). Thing is i'm not really sure what i would say, i care about them and i appreciate they may not feel comfortable with the situation as to them it will be ouit of the blue, but i am sure given time, they will accept what has happenened.
Once i had finished at my ex's i drove to the pub down the road to meet a good friend, i had a few tears on route and then i felt ok. I spent an hour having a drink and a natter with my friend and then went to see another friend before i came home to offload my stuff and wait for my boys to come home from their dads. I had a natter with ex hubby (brief detail - not getting on, split ta da) as boys had mentioned i'd ended the relationship. Then i spent the rest of the eve with my boys.
Not been too bad today. Few tears this eve, but thats due to bedtime battles (ongoing) with my youngest and the fact that i've so much study and paperwork to catch up on.
Each time i've thought of something nice i did with my ex or things we used to do together etc, i've of the flip side to it and the not so nice parts which helps me to remember why i've ended the realtionship.
x x
You dealt with that so well. It was good that he got the key cut for the garage too...
Enjoy time with your children - it's amazing what they can help get us through.
It sounds as though you dealt with it really well midgeymoo. You will feel down, but as long as you remember that it is only momentary, you will move forward quickly.
It sounds as though you are busy at the moment, what are you studying?
Its not even been a month yet. I thought i would be on here with some good news. But oh my goodmess, i am so stupid, so very stupid indeed..
So i split with the ex partner. Right decision. Got my stuff etc, all ended amicably.
On my birthday, my ex partner sent me flowers declaring his love. I thanked him by text, nothing more. The day before my birthday i met up with a guy i'd been chatting on facebook to, hes the guy at the garage who has fixed my car for the last year and a half so i kind of knew him anyway. He'd asked me out for a drink and i said i'd love to. So there we are at pub him telling me he fancies me and has done for a while. I go home with a spring in my step.
So off i go on hols with my parents and my boys. During the hols, garage guy is texting and flirting/teasing and i'm doing the same back, its feels fun. But how sad am i waiting for my mobile to ping with his messages and i mean waiting as in longing it to ping. We arrange to meet again on my return from hols.
I met him for the second time, again at the pub for a drink. He then invites me back to his. We kiss, cuddle a fair while and i tell him i don't wish to go any further than this to which he is ok and says he respects that. It still felt really good though..
Over the next week there are less frquent txts and i seem to be initiating them plus most of the banter, he seems disinterested. This gets me down and it is at this point i think, i'm not too sure of this guy afterall. Anyway come the weekend (just gone) he comes to see me at the local club where i was with my boys and parents (i had mentioned i was going there for a few drinks). We had left for home before he arrived though. I then get a couple of phone calls from him that i miss (this is the first time he has actually rung at all) so i return the call. He is on his way to mine, walking. Stupidly i'm then feeling all excited, hes made the effort to come find me and to come visit me. I told him how i don't approve of being ignored, and how i think he is very grumpy. He agrees, saying hes a grumpy person, stressed tired most of the time and busy at work. I say that makes sense (re the texts) though i'm still unsure where i stand or what hes doing. We kiss, cuddle and then he goes home as my parents were round and my boys at home to, so i didn't invite him in. Says he'll text on Sunday.
Sunday arrives, text arrives. I'm home (he had taken his daughter out for the day). We meet up at the pub (my boys have gone on hols with their dad now - week to myself). We have a drink. We come back to mine. kiss, cuddle and then i sleep with him and he stays over... Now thats my stupidity - why did i do it? If my instints say hes not right for you bail out before i slept with him, then why did i ignore my own advice? He lives alone, he drinks most of the time and heavily when he goes out with his mates, he smokes (i hate smoking), he works full time, hes tired most of the time, hes a grumpy morning person and so on.. He won't change in the slightest whether he has someone in his life or not, he even tod me that he can't imagine changing his life, his routine. So i know damn well that i'm not going to fit in anywhere, and i know i've made a mistake. When i asked if he was still interested in me coz it sounded like he wasn't, he said 'this is the way i am and if its not for you then i understand' and that was before i slept with him.
I feel so very stupid.. I knew i was vulnerable, i knew i needed time alone just to be me, i saw and knew all the signs, yet i jumped in two feet.. Why??
So how does one get out when i'm now potentially set to hurt another person. But i guess this is hurting me too coz otherwise i wouldn't be posting on here.
So sorry, just needed to talk, am feeling so very silly right now x
HI midgeymoo, we all make mistakes. The thing to do is to learn from them. From your post it sounds as though you know this person isn't right for you. So although you were getting that excitement when the text message pings, you need to find that excitment from elsewhere.
If it were me, I would just stop seeing them. Send a message saying this isn't right for you and leave it at that. Don't draw it out, see what happens, worry about the hurt you may cause etc etc. Just do it and move on.
...and you have done nothing wrong! Personally I think it does our ego good to have a rebound flingafter the end of a long relationship. You have promised him nothing and only had a couple of dates, don't make this bigger in your head than it really is.
Onwards and upwards....
Glad you have some good plans. I do think you were wise not to agree to days out etc. As Anna said, it will be strange to a degree, but move forward now and embrace your new life
I am guessing there will be more from him in the days to come but hopefully you will feel secure in your decision...the hardest part is done now, and the world is your oyster.