This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
This site is an archive of the OneSpace Forums. Return to forum index.
I know not everyone feels comfortable starting a topic or replying to someone else's.... so this is a section for you to just say hello and maybe where you're from and a bit about your situation.
To start off, I am Louise and live in Yorkshire. I have two sons. Now, over to you!
Hi every1
I am Tigerlily and I live in what I might describe as the North Midlands lol, I have got two lovely and very demanding teenagers who run me ragged!
Hi, I am Bryan and I have recently separated and taken responsibility for my six year old daughter. I am struggling being on my own and was hoping for some advice from parents here with a bit more experience. I also found out today that my ex has met someone else so I'm feeling rather down.
Thanks to everyone who has joined in so far, you are all welcome to this new board!
Bryan, I am sorry to hear you are feeeling down at the moment. It is enough to cope with separation and parenting alone, without additional hurt when the other parent finds a new partner. You could call this the differnce between physical separation and emoational separation. There are many parents on these boards who can offer advice and support and I may be able to flag up some helpful websites etc. Do you feel comfortable to start a new thread about your situation, so that you can receive that help and advice?
Good wishes to all
Louise
Hi I'm Lorna. I have three girls aged 16, 12 and 8. I left a second abusive marriage 3 months ago. I live near 7 miles outside of Bristol.
Welcome Lorna, and thanks for joining us!
Louise
I,m Ray from Essex.
I,ve been a single Dad for 8 years.
Hello Ray and welcome
With eight years of single dad-dom under your belt you may well be able to help other dads on the board
Louise :D
Hi i m shimmering shadow, never done anything like this before but here goes. I have seven wounderful children one grandson and another grandchild due in jan 09. Have been seperated for a number of years but have only been going through very tough divorce proceeding for seventeen months. Life is a daily challenage particuarly with my 15 yr old and 13 yr old. Restrictions have been placed on the children by the courts for supervised visits for their dad, which has not gone done to well with my 15 yr old and 13 yr old. My ex is uncompliant in every way, which is making all our lives difficult.We live in the lovely south east.
Hi shimmering shadow, thank you so much for being brave enough to join in. Sorry that there seem to be problems with your teenagers and their Dad. I am sure you know it is all about being strong for the kids and getting through the best you can. You have had a big family and lots of experience to draw on, do please post again if you wnat some specific support from me and the other parents.
Best wishes
Louise :)
Hello i'm Lyndsay
been through hell these last few months husband had a one night stand with my sister whilst i was in hospital giving birth to my 6 month old son, i actually forgave him so he started an affair with a work collegue and now lives with her in our flat in london, he often sees his daughter but wants nothing to do with his baby son, live has so good before then marriage was a happy, loving one we didn't fight and enjoyed each others company not sure where it all went wrong but know i did nothing wrong. Not found my feet here in Bristol yet but have started up my own lone parent support group in the area thanks to gingerbreads help. I find some days harder than others and have shed many tears its all so new to me and with 2 kids under 3 needing my love and affection i'm pulling myself together for them
Hello Lyndsay and welcome!
You certainly have had a hard time of it, you must pat yourself on the back for managing to cope with the two kids on your own and even having the guts to start up a local lone parent support group, I am sure that this will be greatly appreciated by the other members. There will indeed be some low days and times when you wonder how you cope, but you will get through and life will gradually become easier :) Glad you have joined us and hope you will find thee boards helpful and supportive
Take care
Louise ;)
Hi
I live in North Wales. I've been on my own with my four children since March 2004. With hindsight I should have left after two years of marriage, when my ex became good friends with another woman. He had a few friendships over the years, justified by saying that he never slept with them. That's ok then. :D
It's when he became involved with an online friend who introduced him to an extreme form of religion that things became difficult. With issues involving the children becoming clear, I feel I had no option but to leave.
I've never regretted it.
He has though given the children a hard time. Choosing the 'standard' contact time (one evening a week and every other weekend) which, over time and with each girlfriend has now dwindled to 24 hours notice of when he can spare two or three hours to see the children, which is usually once every two or three weeks. He's not had them overnight since August 2007.
I figure I must be doing an ok job with the children as they seem happy enough, don't resent their father for choosing a new life (he's married last month in America). They know he loves them (I tell them he does - personally, I have my doubts, as he does enough to make people think he's a doting dad).
Because of his debts we lost everything. The small inheritance I had after my parents was put into improvements to 'our' house. It was an awful shock when he brought out paper work at a Mediation session showing the debts! The ladies were very kind and got me a glass of water. I can laugh now. Having worked for over 22 years - in reasonable jobs - I ended up on income support. I think that's possibly been the hardest part.
I found a lovely house to rent with the children. We were very happy there, but sadly were declared officially homeless when the landlord sold up and I just couldn't find anywhere to rent. I have a son with special needs though, and thanks to my friend's husband who acted as my Advocate, he was able to get us on the Council waiting list, and after two months of a nightmare where, for a while, two of my children stayed with their grandparents, and my other two and me with a friend, we were allocated a house. Small, but home. We moved in here October 2005, and I'm finally pulling myself together and moving forward with plans for our future.
Sorry, I know that's very long! And I have tried to condense it!
Hello sparklinglime
Thank you for sharing your story with us. It is so very interesting to see what different things have brought us all to these boards. Being made homeless must have been truly awful for you and I am so glad to hear that you have now found a new home. You're doing a great job and I know it is hard to tell the kids their Dad loves them when you have been through so much but it is really valuable that you have done this. I notice that after the separation it meant changing a lot of your expectations (Income Support instead of well-paid job, rented house instead of the place you always thought of as home) and I do believe that one of the "coping skills" that can help us handle lone parenthood is an acceptance of, and adaptability to change. Well done, it's not easy! I hope you find support and cyber friends on these boards
Louise :)
hI I'M sarah and i live in cornwall with my three amazing children aged 17, 5 and 2. I'm on the brink of starting a new relationship (first one since seperating from the children's dad) and i'm terrified! any tips would be appreiated, it's a total mind field.
Nice to meet you all xx
Hello Sarah and welcome.
Yes, starting a new relationship can be stressful. We have a thread called New Relationships, which I have bumped up for you, as you may find it helpful, please leave any comments if you want to chat about your particular situation and get some advice and support from other parents
Louise :)
hi im adele i live in merseyside have four children aged 3, 12, 15, and 17 my husband left us two days after christmas for the third time. life is difficult for us all at the moment. he has had affairs ect.. and finally i know its run its course. however we have been married for 17 yrs and im 36 so nearly half my life feel like i will never adjust at the moment weekends are ddefinately the worst , has anyone any survival tips
Hi Adele
Thanks for posting, gosh you have had a rough time. Separating is never easy, but over Christmas it can be extra stressful.I see that you have teenagers and a little one as well so your parenting willbe stretched both ends. As you say, it is half your life you have been with their Dad and it must feel so strange to be on your own all of a sudden.
As for survival tips there are a few different sections on this board that may help you, in particular I would suggest that you have a read of "Your top tip" in the Separation and Divorce section and in the section Just for Fun there is a useful thread about the best things about being a single parent. In the general section there is a discussion about free time and loneliness....in fact there are lots of different things you can sample. On the One Space home page, click on Life After Separation for some more tips.
Good luck and keep posting
Louise :)
Hi Everyone,
Im new to this....
Im a single parent with a 6 year old son, and I left my abusive partner 2 months ago after 8 years of hell!!!
I joined this group to get support and hopefully give support,
Cheers RenSL
Hello RenSL
Good to hear from you. Sounds as if you have taken a really big step in managing to leave the abuse behind. I hope you are feeling a big difference in your life already ;) Glad you have joined us, do join in the threads or maybe start one of your own?
best wishes
Louise
Hi RenSL
Please join in with discussions in the Relationships and You Group, where there are discussions about abuse and violence that you m ight find supportive.
Congrats on finally leaving!! It is one of the toughest things I think we have to do, but it just goes to show who the strongest people are and the strongest survive! :D
Good Luck!
Hi,
Have been separated for nearly a year. I was kind of hoping that it would get sorted out, but it seems my ex is rather immature! Was finding out about all the stuff he'd been up to for weeks after he left. He's also done some VERY stupid things since then, while telling me that he wanted to sort it out.
I've come to the conclusion that he just can't be a decent husband or dad (he's had enough chances and plenty of support from friends and family!) Certainly don't want my son to copy his behaviour thinking that's how a real man should behave.
I hoping it won't have affected my son too much, as he left before my son was 1, and was only going for a few weeks to "sort things out" ... until I found out exactly what had been going on.
Still, nevermind things are alot less stressful now he's not here :D
Hello Andromeda and welcome! :)
Souns like a stressful time for you but that you feel happier to be on your own right now? Talking with a lot of lone parents of both sexes, one of the most ofeten expressed feelings is that they feel more comfortable that they are in control of the family set-up after separation.
Feel free to join in any of the threads or start one of your own
best wishes
Louise
Hi I'm mum,
I've been separated for 2 years divorced for 1 year.
Was getting into a good comfortable routine with my 7 year old daughter until November '08 when Daddy got himself a girlfriend. The girlfriend moved in before Christmas '08, without a mention of it to our daughter. So now trouble has started all over again, that's why I'm here.
My story is I was told that my ex was having an affair when I was pregnant with our daughter, he said it was not true. She was just a friend and someone he worked with. Guess what? this person that was "just a friend" in now his girlfriend. I just feel so stupid that I took his word and believed him for 5 years. That was until he tried it again with my foster sister. I asked her what went off my fears were true. So that plus money factors and just how we were living I ended it all. It was the best decision I've made in a long time.
Like I said all was going well. Had lots of problems with the split and that, but didn't have a computer or Internet then otherwise, I would have been here sooner. I'm glad that he's got a girlfriend don't care that its even with who he said was "just a friend" cause it now means he will leave me alone. I just want them both to remember he has a daughter and she should come first.
I am now 39 years old and was with my ex at 19 years old. Lived a quiet life not many friends. So I'm Grateful for the support I received from my family and one very close friend I do have. Thanks to them I'm where I am now. Happy!
Sorry if you found it a little long. :)
Hi i'mmum and welcome to the boards! I hope you get a lot out of the group and make some new friends.
A lot of parents say they have mixed feelings after the split- on the one hand you can be glad to be out of a damaging relationship and on the other hand you can be sad for your kids that they lose that daily contact and interraction with the other parent.
I*m glad you have a good friend and your family. Who knows: as you get used to your new single life you may want to spread your wings a bit more ;)
Take care of you and your daughter, and do join in the other threads or start one of your own
best wishes
Louise :)
Hi, I'm Simon.
I live in an old quarrymans terrace house in North Wales squashed between the sea and Snowdonia National park, my sister is my landlord, lady what ever. She was kind enough to buy a house for us as we were living an a realy run down, drugs, crime that sort of thing, poorly looked after council estate, it was bad, people knocking on my door asking for rizzla at one in the morning, worrying about the house being broken into if I went away for the weekend.
Anyway.. I live in the above mentioned house with my two kids, son who is 6 and daughter who is 4 and it's wonderful, when I think back to how it has been for us and how it is now I get a nice feeling sort of wash over my body : )
Hi.
Hello Simon
You certainly are in a beautiful part of the country. 8-) (that's me being cool so you can't see I am really green with envy!) I am glad that you now feel safer and more secure to bring your kids up. You are welcome to the boards and please join in any of the threads or start one of your own. You will see that this is a friendly and supportive place to compare notes with other parents!
Louise :)
Hi, I'm Simon.
I live in an old quarrymans terrace house in North Wales squashed between the sea and Snowdonia National park, my sister is my landlord, lady what ever. She was kind enough to buy a house for us as we were living an a realy run down, drugs, crime that sort of thing, poorly looked after council estate, it was bad, people knocking on my door asking for rizzla at one in the morning, worrying about the house being broken into if I went away for the weekend.
Anyway.. I live in the above mentioned house with my two kids, son who is 6 and daughter who is 4 and it's wonderful, when I think back to how it has been for us and how it is now I get a nice feeling sort of wash over my body : )
Hi
How lovely! Really glad that things are feeling good for you.
I could wave out my back door to you!! (very lucky, housing association house, with views across fields to Snowdon. Everything crossed they don't build behind me! haha)
(very lucky, housing association house, with views across fields to Snowdon. Everything crossed they don't build behind me! haha)
I regularly drag my kids up into the hills for walking and wild camping : ) we are so lucky to live next-door to open expanses of, as wild as it gets here in Wales, nature. It's good for children's development to be surrounded by the chaos of nature as opposed to the rigid boxes that man builds with angles and straight lines, experiencing all the elements, and natural light, it all keeps them rosy cheeked and healthy in both body and mind : )
I hope so at least : )
I'm sure it does.
My lot don't seem to long for a different life style - yet, anyway!
Picnic's on the beach or in the mountains. We're very fortunate.
Hi I'm Lorna. I have three girls aged 16, 12 and 8. I left a second abusive marriage 3 months ago. I live near 7 miles outside of Bristol.
hiya lorna,nice to meet ya am liz from liverpool bn separated since dec 07 2 daughters i have 5 and 1 and you know what they are the most beautiful little things ive ever seen.Now back to the point ,I had a very abusive marriage hes currently serving 12 months due to assaulting me but never mind am doing fine and ma daughters gives me the strength i need.speak soon bbbyyyeee.
Welcome Liz!
Good to have you with us. I am sad to hear you had such an abusive relationship and glad you are moving on.
Take care
Louise ;)
Hi balista
Please join us in the Relationships and You group, where discussions are going on about abusive relationships, they can have a lasting effect on us and our children, so please feel free to come along and join in :)
Hi,
Im Zoe and live in the north west I am a single mother to a lovely four year old boy. My husband left me 12 months ago and is blissfully happy with his young girlfriend he left me for. I'm finding it tough being alone whilst he lives a happy life many miles away.
Hello there Zoe, good to meet you. Yes life as a lone parent can be tough, although have a look at the "Best thing about being a lone parent" thread on the parenting section, you may feel a bit inspired. Feel free to join in the threads or start a topic of your own
Louise :D
Hi, I'm Andy, I live in lancashire and have shared custody of my wonderful almost 6yr old daughter. My divorce is almost through. Check out my other posts for the full story!
Hey Bryan, sorry to hear you are struggling on your own. Feel free to email anytime for a chat. I've been through a lot in the last year and am happy to share advice.
Hi Andy
nice to see you on this thread, I know you have joined us on other bits of the board. Hope things are progressing with you and you are enjoying the time with your daughter
best wishes
Louise :)
I am new to this - so srry if i am in wrong area of site.
I hope you all find a way forward and someone to share your lives with and love you.
My partner is leaving me, I still care for her and it is days 5 since she told me. I have cried every day.
I am torn apart and destroyed. She has met someone new a week ago, though she said she would have left me anyway.
It hurts so much now, and I am afraid - i don't know what is coming - but i will lose the home i tried so hard for.
I can't stop caring for her, and i know i will hate myself for it in the future.
I know people get through this, and it happens all the time - but it does not help me.
srry to be so down -
Hi sadsy
Like i said in your 'Introduce yourself' message, it is NORMAL to be feeling down, don't be so hard on yourself, you have been in this relationship for a long time and it sounds as though, her leaving is completely out of the blue, so take time out and be blue, we don't mind!
When you have spent years loving, caring and sharing another person's life, it is tough, you might wonder what else your life is about, but in time (and although it is a cliche, time does heal) your life will evolve and who knows what is round the corner.
If it helps you to come online and have a good moan, please feel free.
Hi sadsy
Welcome to One Space, you will find lots of support here from other parents. As the others have said it is normal for you to be feeling like this right now and although it may not seem like it right now, it is actually part of the healing process for you to feel like this. I could compare it to the dramatic feelings when a person goes cold turkey from drugs or alcohol...it hurts like crazy but it is the first step to recovery.
Take good care
Louise
Thank you so much for your kind words, they mean so much to me.
It is hard for me to be here on OneSpace, so many people have so many extraordinarily hard experiences, I'm not sure I qualify in a way. I am single parent "to be" - or a weekend dad "to be" more exactly.
My world is about to go supernova and i'm not sure what is to come. Little terraced house will go, bankruptcy? long-term debt.
I get confused in the site and not sure how to reply individually, and by time i do things have moved on.
I missed these posts, only just found them. sigh.
love to you all
sy
I think you're doing really well with your replies sadsy.
The main thing is not to worry about posting, as you have enough going on as it is.
A good place to pour your heart out as we do understand. Being a "weekend dad" still means you're a lone parent.
We had to sell the house to pay off ex's debts. Sad bit is within 12 months he'd built them up again. We were married for 20 years and my £16k inheritance had been put into the house - new windows, tarmac on the drive, deposit on a car etc. I came away with £2500.
Its only money, its only bricks and mortar.
When people say 'home is where the heart is' they're right. Love your children. When they're with you, fit as much fun into the time as you can. However, when they have homework, be as strict as their mother in ensuring they bring it with them and get it done, as things like that do matter too.
Day at a time. Best way to be. Even now, I still try not to look forward.
thank you sparklinglime,
i been desperately doing more things that will be gone soon. I've been a lazy dad, I put getting money in ahead of time with kids my (ex)partner is right. I was exhausted much of the time. I've done some new things now 'old times' are ending soon.
I took jumping lessons from my 4 year old on the trampoline tonight. I never did that before. i was too embarrassed to get on before.
I complained to the headmaster about luke getting heckled. I never did that before.
I took them into and picked up from school today. i would have been to nervous before.
I took them to the park on my own earlier in week. Never did these things before.
I've been reading stories and giving hug and kiss goodnight like i used to.
I'm sorry u lost so much money sparklinglime, I don't know what to say. You must have been so angry.
I will find out next week what level of financial disaster we will be facing when we go to a mediator. I'm not good with figures.
I know you are experienced post person sparklinglime,
but going to give you biiig huuuugs anyhow.
sy
WOW sy a lot of new experiences there. Good for you.
Hope you are feeling a bit brighter this morning. You mentioned a cyber cup of tea and a bourbon biccy on another thread....I think I will send you a cyber tea tray!
hmmmmm bourbons....
no!
eat it today wear it tomorrow
Glad I'm not too keen on bourbon biscuits... I've been trying to live of Slimfast for the last fortnight. 8-)
Yes i don't recommend bourbons for a figure. If i exhale strongly i can give a passing resemblance of flat tummy, briefly.
Very sorry everyone, but i have lapsed and didn't take the kids to the park today like i said. I am so tired.
I did bounce on the trampoline with little arwen again.
Only the top of the oven works and it's smoking now, despite me cleaning and scraping it.
I never cook, so am struggling with fixing this dinner problem. I have bacon, eggs and bread, so maybe i could fry these?
I discovered appointments for my partner to see anxiety person on nhs dated back to november last year whilst tidying.
I never knew, I am so sad i let her down so badly, we have struggled to talk last couple of months, to think i caused her so much pain without even noticing. the writing was on the wall so long ago. i never saw it.
i been really down today, and the kids are fighting, i'm struggling to keep them entertained on my own and do some chores.
I know louise wants me to leave the house. It is terrible being stuck together like this.
I can't wait till my sleeping tablet tonight. very down
Have you thought of writing a letter to Louise?
Even starting off with agreeing that the marriage is over (as she's met someone) and somehow trying to reach a bit of middle ground so that you can move on with the children.
Well done for getting on the trampoline.
Not a good afternoon here, but that's for another post.
Loads of hugs. Remember, little steps will get you there.
There will be steps back as well as forward, sy :( and sometimes you won't fulfil what you thought you might so in a day. A letter sounds a good idea and I hope the mediation will help. Remember tomorrow is another day and try and start afresh. Trampolining is good!
Take care
Hello,
bedtime story and lullaby sent me sobbing downstairs tonight. I made it to the end of the song.
Very fragile and panicky.
1 and a half hours till Louise gets back. Please god let her go straight to bed after her bath.
We never married, i always had doubts. But i persevered with my love and hoped so long for more love in return.
She won't talk with me, which is part of my distress. I'm sure i'm not so bad a person, though there are many better partners and dads.
We desperately need to physically separate, she has no where to go at the mo. I feel the pressure mounting on me to leave.
Arwen was very difficult all day and needed a sleep really. My limited parenting and cooking skills were stretched tonight. She wined for 2 hours, which she never does. I had to put the fishfinger back together as it was broken (where i'd checked to see if it was cooked through).
"hard times" was all i could choke out to luke.
I did get an estimate this morning for our broken window and ask a plasterer to come nxt week and look at our bare brick 1950s broken kitchen walls with a view to selling. So did achieve something. Might just have sleeping tablet and go to sleep on the floor now. What if the children call and i'm all doped up? Oh, I'll have to wait till she gets back.
I could write a letter, but it could be used against me i fear - she is not the person i knew 2 weeks ago.
Sparklinglime, let me know what happened to you this afternoon, when you feel steady enough.
I have to put cushions on floor and do dishes now. 35 mins till she back.
Big huuugs to you sparklinglime and Louise
Hiya Louise, I am wiseowl!
I have one beautiful daughter who is 13 and a half and is bright, amusing and full of fun! I live down south, miles away from Yorkshire!!
Nice to meet you :)