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Hi keira i'm sorry that your ex ruined your night out and has resurrected all your fears, how are you today? were you able to get hold of Womensaid in the end? let us know what your solicitor say's when you have called them?
hi i rang my solciter she as logged it down bout him tryin to intimidate me, it isnt breach tho she said, but ashe said if he does anythin else i must let er no, and she asnt even heard from his solciter regardin 3rd party bout indirect contact, she said its upto them leave them to itx
Well that's a relief about the 3rd party thing but I am sure you are feeling let down that there is little to be done about his behaviour at the weekend, at least she has logged it. We did suspect it did not breach the order.......
So that now leaves you in the situation where you need to think about the places you go, I guess, and that is unfair but actually the main thing is for you and the children to be safe and not to feel scared as you did on Saturday, I am thinking that this amounts to "until you would not feel scared when he walked towards you like that then it's best to avoid those clubs where he might be" I am not saying I agree with the fact he can intimidate you like this, what I am saying is that it's so great that you got the order and he has not got contact that actually the one who is the loser is HIM, kiera.
thank you for ur reply louise yes ur right he is the loser, and i suspect tho only thing he cud do sat was tryin to intimidate me, sad really, he look like crap, lol, i was stood with 6ft lad as well, tht wud dun his head in, i no he hates me, cos he asnt got his way, its his own fault not myn, i do no tht much, i want to protect my little girl from him, i rreally do, ope he fails in all the work he as to do, cod i dotn want him to see erx
and its my little girls birthday 12th october she wil b 3,my solciter said i must tell er if anythin else appens concernin my ex, x
and he meant b doin domestic violence course for 4 months yt tht look he gave proves he nevr change, he hates me, i never want to see him again,
I can understand why you would not want to have contact with your ex keira, do tell your solicitor if anything else happens.
Ah your little girl is turning three soon, have you any plans yet for her birthday?
hi well im avin party on the 12th in a pub, got entertainer booked and dj, i av to sort food out, got few mates cumin with their children,so b gud, it wil b my little girls 1st party lolx
i want to move away, i feel scared, av feelin tht my ex aint gona leave it, he wont, so far he as left me alone, but sat nyt and tht look he gave me, he aint nevr gona leave it, i dotn no wot to do ,im worryin bout itx
Your party plans for your daughters birthday sounds great keira, i'm sure she will love it.
I can see that your ex has got you worried after your encounter on Saturday night, in my experience it usually only goes as far as giving intimidating looks, sometimes the odd phone call he probably won't bother you because he knows you will call the police on him like you did before and that will cause him a lot of problems.
Do you still have the alarm fitted?
like im thinkin tht he just wont leave it, i no wot he is capable of, i stil av all my alarms yes, ive started put in them bk on. i av panik alarm x jsut worried, im seriously considerin movin away so he dotnm no where i live ic ant relax, today when out im lookin at every car jeep van etc tht goes past, i cant elp it
Hi kiera, I agree with Sally, it is pretty unlikely that anything else will happen but you will feel safer with the alarms on. Moving away is a big step, with your parents close by and your boys settled in school so it would be important not to rush into anything.
Try to concentrate on your daughter's birthday plans now, wow I can't believe she is three already!
hi louise yes 3 next sat, i cant believe it, u no if i dotn hear anythin bout indirect contact off my solicter u no thru 3rd party, wil it go against my ex, its er birthday 12th, so im waitin c if i hear anythin, so far my solciter asnt as reply off my ex solciter, x
Solicitor wheels can turn slowly sometimes keira your solicitor will have to write or call his solicitor they then have to get in contact with your ex, depending on how busy they are you could be looking at next week sometime before you get a response.
I'm glad you still have your alarms keira, that hopefully puts your mind at rest a bit, how are you doing today?
hi yes but they av ad since 8th august, my solciter said iys bin over a month since she spoke to my ex solciter she as heard nothin
I would not worry about that, let them get on with it, your solicitor has done her bit. He is not allowed direct contact so if you do hear anything from him re your daughter's birthday then report this to the solicitor.
Remember, when someone is abusive as your ex is, he will be starting his tricks on this new woman already, he will have portrayed himself as the innocent person, oh so lovely, and you as "the bad one who is stopping him seeing his daughter" This new woman may also already be frightened of him herself and all these things explain her horrible stare to you at the weekend. YOU KNOW you haven't done anything wrong and YOU KNOW that this woman is going to end up as a victim too. Rise above it, you have escaped!!
hi louise yes i av escaped, thank you x
And you are doing fantastically, kiera!
hi well shook up again, sick of it, gon onn my facebook and the lad name commenting on a lad i no, the same lad tht was brought up in court, but i said it was my ex with fake profile, even tho i ad blocked thtname, he was sayin ad great nyt, its mny ex i no it was, which means yet agian hes seen my comments etc, heart is pounding sick of it, ive blocked tht name for the 3rd time but deactivated my account, like hes stil controlin me, i cant go on facebook cos i aint riskin him seein my comments and picturea and cant go to tht club wot i love in case hes there,wot next, upset agian cant elp it, my heart pounding, this why wish i cud move so he sdoesnt no wheere i am, asnt he dun enuff damage, why dont he concentrate on his family and leave me alone, wot else is e gona do eh
im so fed up, i was fine til i saw tht name on fb commenting on lad i no, means yet again hes seen my comments, im better off cumin off it arnt i , he is stil controlijn me, i feel he wont leave it. he wont no1 understands
I understand hun
i do, I don't go on FB I get scared to post on here hes hakef my emails and another sight into a personal message facility and printed them out he was allows to use them in court.
do you feel effectted by him all the time even when he's not near you ?
i do feel very effected my anxiety cumin bk, like i saw him at club and now all of sudden tht name as cum up, i no its him, so yet again he see my comments etc idont want him knowin wot im doin at all, yet i cant get away from him even tho he miles away, like i feel he wont giv up, wot else wil he do
could i stil go to a refuge for a break even tho my relationship over with
You could go into a refuge yes,they would re house you
you need to think about it, there's a lot to it, your kids schools etc
if you really wanted to do it you could.
the way I see it is either
1 you have to put up with/ learn to deal with him doing what hes doing, list effecting you a lot I know, is it worth the strain on your health.
2 move away, loose the support of your friends/ family, would you still be able to relax?
Hed still find you on FB etc, would you always be looking over your shoulder?
do you know what I'm saying, it might be worse but I completely get what you means out wanting a break from him, iv said the same a bout refuge just to get a break theres no let up you feel.
How you feeling? Xx
My anxiety s sky high today, think it was being woke up by him
like hes put me thru court, isnt tht enuf, and everytin he as put me thru, a decent man wud leave it, i cant even prove anyhtin , in the club givin me evil stare yes itsd hsi ownm fault hes not allowed acces cos hesa liar, druggy, maniptiltive thug, hes obviouls ahigh risk to not be llowed see his little girl, but tht look he gave, he blames me and hates me, i dotn trust him one inch, im thinkin wot else is he gona do,ive got indefinate non mol order yet i stil feel unsafe,i wud go into refuge for a short break then cum bk ome, but wud i b alloweds as i dont see my ex do i, i no my 15 yr old wont cum with me he as said he wont or move away, so then i wont see my son, just b 12 yr old and 3 yr old
thank you for ur reply av u enquired bout a refuge, ive bin offered space in refuge but refused last yearx
I tried and tried when we were living together but got no place, was hard cos my son was 15 so they don't take boys that age but they have like flats
I wasn't offerd a place until I moved out with the help of my shine worker and the place was far away but I saw tthat as a good thing, it was a flat called a safe house I think,
I say do what you need to do you feel it would help you? If yes then do it do what's right for you
Only you know what's right
He has put you through more than enough and you should not of been put through any of it, can you delete your FB account ? I know you shouldn't have to and it still feels likehe controlling you but I think it's better than the stress your going through right now
i did delete it this mornin, as soon as i saw tht name commentin on this lad who i n o my heart started pounding, its is deleted, not goin bk on it,
Well done Hun
Id of done that x
Hello kiera, I agree with IDT, whilst it is infuriating that he should put you in the position that you are deleting your FB account, it is not worth the stress.
You say you want to move away, and that's understandable. But if one of the things that makes you angry is that his presence is keeping you away from the club you love, well moving away would keep you away from it permanently. I am not convinced that a break at a refuge would change things when you got back, it would be great to feel safe for a while, though you could not go on FB etc, but then you still have to face things when you return and what feels important to me is that you find a way to deal with this awful anxiety that is eating away at you.
The anxiety is something a counsellor could help with, can you ask your GP? In the meantime, have a look at this for one or two techniques that may help
hi thanks for reply louise, since seein him and now he was on facebook again its set me right bk, ive spoke to womans aid today ad gud chat and feel better,i can get elp to move away or to go in refuge if i want to,ye sit is anxiety which as cum bk,i dotn want my ex knowin anythin wot i am doin at all, when does all this anxiety end howe can 1 man cause all ths stress
Hi keira i'm glad that you were able to call womensaid and they were able to help talk you through how you are feeling and the options available to you.
I understand how you are feeling keira i'm not sure if the anxiety towards seeing the person that abused us ever goes fully, i have periodically ran into my ex and after 16 years i can still get wobbly, i think that Louise is right, it is learning how to deal with those feelings of anxiety, so that once we have had an encounter we can move on without letting them and how they make us feel take anymore of our time and energy.
cudnt wait get home, cant stop cryin, anxious and feelin am i protected properly from him, cant get rid of tht feeling,dont no what to do, ive spoke to woman from wave, im goin see er thur for chat and to do freedom programme as my little gril at nursery, cant believe im like this, i was fine til i saw him last sat and then fb thing,
Hello kiera, when I say it is NORMAL for it to come flooding back like this, that does not mean it is acceptable but please be assured that it can come back really strongly like this.
I don't think it will just "go away" on it's own, you do need to take some action, you have talked to Womens Aid and then you are going to talk to Wave. Do please look at that article I gave you a link to as it gives you some emergency strategies to help with the anxiety eg breathing techniques, ways of coping
I just saw on the other thread that the WA lady had suggested some Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (it is known as CBT) This is something a counsellor would do with you and teaches you to think about things in a different way....,but the article I have put the link to will give you some short-term strategies in the meantime
sat here cryin my eyes out, why i dont no, i ws doin so fine til i saw him last sat scared, sorry cant elp it, scared even leave my house,worried tht he wont leave it and he wil do summat, or send sumone to hurt me, he as threatened tht bfore to watch my back and tht idotn want to make enemy out of him, so it scares me,. i no wot he is capable of. cant believe im feelin like this, why did i meet thug liek tht why, when wil i feel happy again, when
Hi Keira i am sorry that you are feeling so sad and afraid right now, you have done the freedom programme so you know that the things that abusive people do and say are all done because of power and control, it can take a while to get over the tactics that have been used to keep us in that cycle of power and control.
Hopefully the wave lady can help you come up with a plan that will help you to feel safer, and do try those techniques Louise has suggested.
When do you start the Freedom Programme again?
hi sally i start freedom programme tomoz morning, and gona av chat with lady from wave,she suggested congitive therapy, so think try tht,
I tried CBT too i found it really helpful, hope your meeting goes well tomorrow.
Is it this week your son goes away for a few days?
hi he as gon today til friday,he cudnt wait, tis an activity trip and big disco at nyt, he wil enjoy it, i iroend his clothes and packed um, he ad hsi hair cut yest, aw i love him loadsx
Your so good to your children keira, i have to confess that i only iron ocassionally and i usual get my lot to pack their own stuff after i have checked they have all they need 
I'm sure your son is going to have a great time, have you planned to do anything with your other children whilst he is away?
Hope your boy has a fantastic time, kiera. Does it seem strange not having him there this week? As Sally says, maybe a chance to do something one to one with your other boy.
Hope the Freedom Programme will go well 
hi anna well i dotn like ironin lol but got b dun, my other son just revisin all time and stayin bhind at school, x
hi louise yes seems strange him not bein ere, i miss him,but i no he b avin great time,we ad long chat last nyt with my other son, bout school and his work, yes goin avin chat with lady from wave and discussin bout tht congitive therapy,not bin freedom for a while but il do it agin, do me good, ordered my little girl lovely pink ugg type boots for er birthday for sat,buy er new outfit today, and get er princess cake tomz,got er cards last week, stil avnt heard bout indirect contact, glad really xhopein ex asnt even bothered to do domestic violence course, twice a week for 4 months, doubt he wil do it, cos tht look he gave me proves he ainbt takin no responsibility tht he blames me, x
hi well dun freedom pro really enjoyed it, glad i went im goin again next thur, i cudnt stay til end cos ad to go and pick my little girl up,im takin book for one of the women who is stil in bad relationship, book called why does he do tht inside the minds of controllin men, its excellant book, ivbe ordered book after a abusive relationship, from amazon,i feel better, espec now im off facebook,i also av date sat nyt, my mate is babysitting, he ssems nice, we av bin chattin over fone and txtin, so see how tht goes, x
The gifts for your little girl sound lovely keira i hope you all have a great day, so glad you enjoyed the freedom programme today, there are some great and inspiring books out there about domestic abuse and the people that have overcome it.
You have a date on Saturday night, do take things slowly and try to remember the personas from the dominator so that you can try and recognise any abusive tactics early on.
its just tht evil look it gave me it as scared me, im scared hes gona do summat or get sumone do it for him, seriously, thst wot type man he is, im worried